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Gabriele Zweifel Blog Entry |
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October 11, 2024, 12:01:17 AM 10/11/24: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's characters from my anthro WWII storyline are Gabriele "Gabby" Zweifel, and Lance Corporal White Rat. Gabby is the toddler daughter of Mirjam Zweifel and the two spend the entire story in hiding. White is from the old character list and not well developed yet but is rather a jerk. There'll be more about them later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding their design, Gabby mostly takes after her unknown father, though I gave her ears similar to Mirjam's. With White, I gave him hazel green eyes before realizing that, as a white rat who's not albino, he should be leucistic and have blue eyes. Oops. Well, maybe he has some different-colored patches not visible in this portrait, or I should tweak his design. Dunno. TUMBLR EDIT: Entry split in two here on out. Gabriele...is an uncomfortable character. Her very physical appearance, so different from her mother's, hints at this. This entry touches on controversial themes, I won't go into detail though I'll lay it out plainly, so in the tiny chance anyone is reading this you might want to skip the rest. ... Last warning. Okay, here goes. Gabriele is the product of a gang rape. Her mother Mirjam has no idea who her true father is; as she later explains it to Major Jan Delbrück, he could've been any of a large group of SS officers: "I lost count around eight." Even Delbrück, hardened as he is by providing the final shot that kills wounded prisoners in the labor camp, is horrified by her tale. Much of Mirjam's story is still murky; it seems she was one of an extended family group of Jews who for some reason were still hiding within the city, seeking a means of escape while moving between temporary homes. They seemed to have no contact with or assistance from the Diamond Network, if it was around. The Allgemeine-SS was tipped off to this and raided their current hiding spot; most of the group was killed immediately, Mirjam was not. After they were finished she was left for dead; she regained consciousness, however, and managed to once more flee and go into hiding. Some time later--switching to present tense here--a young woman employed at Frau Bitterlich's, a well-known brothel tolerated (i. e., intentionally overlooked because their own members so often visit it) by the Nazi Party, spies movement within a derelict building as she passes; peering within and calling out, she's surprised to spot a thin, disheveled woman--with a very big belly--hiding within. Mirjam's been surviving on her own since the loss of her family group, and is nearly feral by now, skittish and defensive, living off of discarded scraps, constantly moving from place to place. The woman finally coaxes her out with the promise of food, a hot bath, and a warm bed. She asks Mirjam how far along she is; Mirjam's lost track of time, though she's obviously due very soon. She's alarmed to learn the nature of the place she's been brought to, yet the woman reassures her that nothing will be requested of her right now, Frau Bitterlich will surely allow her to stay a while and recover. Frau Bitterlich, upon seeing Mirjam, contacts a private physician on call to the brothel; she promises Mirjam that she has no need to worry, he's discreet. Mirjam's features--dark hair, dark eyes, dark complexion--combined with her obvious terror make it clear she's Jewish, and Frau Bitterlich and her girls start to suspect that something truly awful happened to her. The doctor arrives and Mirjam reluctantly allows him to look her over; he tells Frau Bitterlich that she's malnourished, but aside from that, relatively healthy. He can't tell more without a more intimate examination, which he doesn't think would be wise to conduct right now, yet has no reason to believe there'll be any major issues with Mirjam's childbirth: He's fairly certain, based on feeling her belly and asking questions to narrow down the date of conception, that she's actually overdue. He's deliberately vague in informing Frau Bitterlich that Mirjam's options right now are quite limited--he can still terminate, though it's definitely not recommended so far along, he's willing to fetch the right instruments if she requests. At this, Mirjam, still sitting nearby, suddenly exclaims, "Nein!" The doctor and Frau Bitterlich glance at her; Mirjam wraps her arms around her belly as if to protect herself, and murmurs, "I...I want to keep it...I want one good little thing from this." Her eyes fill with tears and she starts trembling. "This is the only reason I'm still here," she says. Despite the violence of the child's conception, Mirjam had no choice to abort early on; once she realized this, she made the unborn child her reason to hold on, to stay alive. She won't ask them to terminate now. The doctor tells Frau Bitterlich to contact him when Mirjam goes into labor and he'll provide what help he can. Frau Bitterlich's girls set Mirjam up, give her the promised food and hot bath and warm bed, fawn over her and make sure she's safe and comfortable. When she goes into labor, it's painful but quick; Frau Bitterlich calls the doctor, yet Mirjam's already done all the work by the time he arrives. Frau Bitterlich's girls, assisting, catch sight of the newborn before Mirjam does, and share furtive, uneasy looks; Mirjam briefly worries that something is wrong with the child, yet she's reassured that it's a perfectly healthy baby girl. They hold the mewling infant up for Mirjam to see; she takes in a sharp breath and pales when she sees her fair hair and complexion, nothing whatsoever like her own. The baby blinks her eyes open just briefly--Mirjam actually flinches back a little at the light blue--yet the baby then starts to cry, and Mirjam's eyes fill with tears again. She holds out her shaking arms; the baby is placed in them and she cradles her close to let her nurse. She presses her face to the top of her new daughter's head and names her Gabriele, after the archangel. "My little messenger," she whispers. Gabriele's appearance tells Frau Bitterlich and her girls all they need to know about what must have happened; they don't ask any questions. Mirjam is allowed to stay at the brothel (though eventually, she begins working there for her room and board). Her feelings toward her daughter are complicated; she does love her dearly, and does everything she can to protect her, though as she later admits, every time she looks at her she's reminded of how exactly she came to be. When the rather antinatalist Delbrück (more on him in a moment) says if he had been in her situation, he would have aborted her, Mirjam admits that if this had been an option, she can't honestly say she wouldn't have terminated the pregnancy. Abortion is illegal for Aryan women--a group into which Mirjam does not fit--but given that she's Jewish and in hiding, it wasn't readily available to her, either. So the entire argument, ultimately, is moot. By the time she finally met the doctor, she'd decided she wished to keep the child, a decision Delbrück still doesn't understand, and even she can't really explain it. It's clear she would never judge any woman who chose otherwise, but she herself can't even imagine life without her daughter, now. Even if she has to struggle with the awful memories every day, she doesn't blame Gabriele. The relationship between Mirjam, Gabriele, and Delbrück is complicated, too. The adjutant (second-in-command) of the local labor camp and thus a member of the SS-Totenkopfverbände, he visits the brothel one day with a bizarre request that only Mirjam can fulfill. Frau Bitterlich does something that really seems like a d*ck move by not informing Mirjam of the nature of her new client (Delbrück, new to this sort of thing, shows up in uniform) before locking them both in the same room (a sort of safety measure Mirjam's never had any problem with until now); Mirjam and Delbrück end up stranded together and staring at each other in astonishment before Mirjam spends a moment or two frantically pounding on the door begging to be let out. Nobody responds so she turns back to Delbrück, who simply says, "I can be discreet, if you can," and Mirjam realizes that she's actually the one with the power in this situation: She has everyone else in the brothel at her back, and if anyone on the outside were to find out that Delbrück's visited with her, he'd be finished. Mirjam's in no danger whatsoever--Delbrück is. The two of them settle on a series of arranged meetings for his particular request--which doesn't involve sexual contact of any sort, but does involve a strict insistence that she not try to talk with him--until eventually, the visits seem to lose their effect for him. Mirjam can't help herself, various times curiosity gets the better of her and she tentatively tries to talk to him, though he always brusquely cuts her off with "No talking!" and on one occasion even complains to Frau Bitterlich. After her session with him fails to work, while pleading that she can try harder if he wishes, she accidentally mentions her daughter, which finally elicits a response--"You have a daughter?" But then the clock runs out, and Delbrück leaves. Mirjam's certain he's not coming back, yet he does, and spots Gabriele. Mirjam awkwardly introduces them to each other, calling him her friend "Herr Jan," and Delbrück says, "Hallo, Gabby," getting a small "Hallo" in return. Then, something Mirjam's never seen before--Delbrück smiles, just a bit, just fleetingly. The moment they're alone, Delbrück says, "Her father's SS, isn't he." Doesn't bother phrasing it as a question, it's so painfully obvious. By now Mirjam's learned that Delbrück isn't with the Allgemeine-SS, therefore he likely has no connection to what happened--in fact, the Allgemeine-SS ends up investigating him for his visits to the brothel--so she feels safe enough replying that yes, Gabriele's father is SS, and she tells him what happened. Although she avoids going into detail, Delbrück is still disturbed by the story. His comments that he would have sought an abortion, and he's not interested in fathering children (he took part in Lebensborn, but soon quit as he found it "weird"), puzzle her a little, with how in conflict they are with the Nazi ideal of having as many kids as possible; as an SS member, it's strongly encouraged that he get married and sire at least four children. Delbrück doesn't see the point, who in their right mind would want to bring a child into this mess--? Realizing then exactly what he said, he flushes and tries to excuse Mirjam from his observation, though she's not offended...she knows it's complicated and she can't really explain her decision, herself. After a few moments, she ventures to ask, "Are...are we talking?" Delbrück blinks, then relaxes and says, "I guess we are." The two continue their visits--talking to each other now--and as time goes on, they develop feelings for each other, with all that that entails. They both know they can never be in a true relationship, so they take what they can get. And despite his avowed aversion to children, Delbrück is excellent with Gabby, who seems to like him a lot in return, calling him Herr Jan and giving him a big hug whenever they meet. Noticing this, Mirjam decides to make another, much different request of him: She asks if he'll take Gabby outside. Gabby's entire world, her entire life, has consisted of living within the brothel; she's never seen the outside, never seen the sun or the clouds or trees or anything, other than the city alleyway and its mere sliver of sky visible from Mirjam's window. Just once, Mirjam would like her daughter to see the life she's missed. This is the one gift she longs to give her, but has never been able to. "She can pass as one of you," she tells Delbrück, "if you two were together, no one would ask any questions." Delbrück is surprised by the request, but promises to take Gabby out for a day and show her the world. The appointed day, Delbrück stops by and retrieves Gabby from Mirjam--who by now is having second thoughts, full of anxiety that somehow Delbrück will be outed as a client, or Gabby's identity will be detected--promises to have her back that evening, and leaves. He leads her out through the side exit so they aren't spotted out front. A big black limousine is parked on the back street; the chauffeur, leaning against it, hurries to snuff out his cigarette and open the door. "Your guest...?" he says as Delbrück places Gabby in the back seat before joining her; Delbrück just rolls his eyes. He tells her the other man is Herr Cranz and she can trust him. Herr Cranz gets in the car, starts the engine--Gabby gasps at the roar and claps her hands to her ears--and says, "Where to--?" Delbrück blinks--he hasn't even thought about where to take Gabby, he has no idea what a kid would like, and says as much. "Park, maybe?" Cranz suggests; it's as good as anything, so Delbrück says yes, city park please. As the big black limo pulls away from the curb and heads off for the park, Gabby stands on the seat, hands and face pressed to the glass, and stares at the passing scenery with huge eyes. Cranz drops them off at the city park; Delbrück instructs him to return in the evening, takes Gabby's hand, and asks where she'd like to go first. Gabby looks all across the park in open wonder before pointing at the pond, bouncing excitedly--"Bitte! Bitte!"--so he leads her there. Several large birds are drifting across the water, honking among themselves; "What are those?" Gabby asks; "Gänse," Delbrück says, "Geese." He advises they not get too close as geese can be mean; yet as the geese drift toward them expectantly, Gabby asks, "Can I feed a geese?" Delbrück, amused by the mistake, says, "Gans...one geese is a goose," and waves at a nearby food vendor--it's extremely frivolous in such times, yet he promised to let Gabby do as she wished. "Like Mutter Gans (Mother Goose)!" Gabby exclaims, pleased to at last see the fairytale figure's namesake, and she tosses bits of bread as Delbrück shows her to, clapping her hands as the birds gather to honk and nibble at the crumbs. "Herr Jan," Gabby asks after she takes a ride on a small carousel, "what are those?" She points up; he looks, uncertain what she's pointing at. She says, "Those fluffy things, I see them from the window sometimes, but not so many," to which Delbrück says, "Clouds...?" "Clouds," Gabby echoes. "What are they doing?" Delbrück has no idea how to answer that, so he says, "I don't know...cloud things, I suppose." "What do clouds do?" Gabby asks; "They bring rain sometimes," he says, at which Gabby tilts her head and says, "Rain...?" Delbrück blinks, feeling an odd sense of dismay; "It's like...water, that falls from the sky," he tries to explain; Gabby's face lights up--"Oh! I see it from the window, it makes the street all shiny. Rain," she sounds it out, and Delbrück lets out a breath. Gabby runs and skips along the paved path, singing to herself as Delbrück walks some distance behind. She suddenly stops, lets out a small shriek, and comes running to him in a panic--"Herr Jan! Herr Jan! Something touched me! What is it?" Delbrück drops to his knee and looks her over--"What is it, did something bite you?"--yet he can't see a thing on her. "Something played with my hair!" Gabby insists, confusing him all the more--then she shrieks again, and points at the path. "Look! Look! There it is, Herr Jan!" Delbrück looks. Doesn't see anything except some leaves scattering by. Then understanding dawns..."Wind?" he says, furrowing his brow. "You've never felt wind?" "Wind," Gabby echoes; she gasps when it ruffles her hair again. "Why can't I see it, Herr Jan?" "Nobody can see it," Delbrück says, "just what it does, like blowing on your hair." Gabby asks, "Is it like a ghost?" Delbrück has to ponder that briefly before replying, "Ja...I suppose it is. A nice ghost, though. Wind won't hurt you." A fresh breeze arises; this time Gabby doesn't cry out in fear, but holds out her arms, and laughs when her hair waves around. "It's tickling me, Herr Jan!" Delbrück forces a small smile at her but inside, he's wincing at the thought of a child who's never felt rain or wind before. They continue walking along the paths. Gabby collects leaves, makes little pictures with them, lets out a dismayed sound when they blow away--"Naughty wind!"--she gathers colorful pebbles instead, makes more pictures, leaves them behind as she skips into the grass. She pets the ground as if it's a cat: "Soft!" She spots a puddle and runs toward it, yet Delbrück hurries to grab her up and pull off her shoes first; she splashes around happily, exclaiming, "I'm walking on rain, Herr Jan!"--and "Honk, honk!--I'm eine Gans"--she flaps her arms. "Ohhh!" a smartly dressed woman coos as they walk along once more, Delbrück carrying Gabby's shoes until her feet can dry off, "what an adorable little child!" She bends down to look Gabby in the eyes. "Hallo, little girl! Are you having fun...?" Gabby clutches Delbrück's hand, peers up at him, and murmurs, "Is she your friend too, Herr Jan...?" Delbrück blushes furiously--him being Mirjam's "friend" has distinct connotations different from most uses of the word, something Gabby can't possibly know--yet a more pressing issue arises. "'Herr Jan'...?" the woman echoes, perplexed; "Ah...she means me," Delbrück says, at which the woman gets a very odd look and says, "She calls you Herr Jan?" Delbrück realizes that Mirjam's hope--that Gabby could pass as Aryan--has proven TOO true--this woman has assumed they're father and daughter. "She...ah...she's the daughter of a distant cousin," he hastens to say as he picks Gabby up, "we don't talk much." The woman seems to accept the explanation; she apologizes for the assumption, says she'll stop bothering them now, waves goodbye to Gabby--"Tschüss!"--and strolls off. Delbrück lets out another breath. "Do you have a lot of friends, Herr Jan?" Gabby asks as they continue on their way; Delbrück thinks a moment, then admits, "Nein...not really." Truth to tell, he has acquaintances, but he can't really say he has anyone he would call a friend. Gabby says, "I have a lot of friends!"--perplexing him at first--before adding, "Mama, and Frau Bitterlich, and the women we live with, they're all my friends"--his heart hurts realizing that Gabby's "friends" are a bunch of prostitutes. She's probably never even seen another child. He's relieved that she doesn't follow that up with any more awkward questions...this entire outing by now has him thinking and feeling a lot of things he always preferred to let be. By now, it's starting to get late, the sky beginning to purple, the shadows growing long. "A little bit longer...?" Gabby pleads. She waves goodbye to the geese, her skipping slows, she starts yawning. "I don't want to go home yet," she pouts, only to yawn even wider and murmur, "I miss Mama." Delbrück puts her on his shoulders and heads for the edge of the park. "Look, Herr Jan," she says, and points upward; "someone poked a bunch of holes in the sky." Delbrück feels a pang again; "Sterne," he says, "those are stars." "Like the ones Mama and me are supposed to wear?" Gabby asks, and it takes everything Delbrück has to mumble, "Ja...just like those." Gabby has dozed off by the time they reach the limo waiting at the edge of the park; Cranz takes them back to Frau Bitterlich's. Mirjam is beside herself by now; Delbrück apologizes for taking so long as she takes back her sleepy daughter and hugs her tight. Everything went well, Gabby enjoyed her day, he reassures her; she's a bit too emotional to respond much just yet, but does murmur, "Danke, danke," repeatedly as she takes Gabby back up to their room, and Delbrück heads back to the labor camp. Delbrück lies on his bunk most of the night staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Thinks about the woman assuming that Gabby was his daughter. Realizes that the thought of having a child isn't as bad as he'd claimed, especially seeing the happiness on her face as she played in the park, and the relief and love on Mirjam's face once she returned. He thinks maybe now he understands what Mirjam meant when she said it's complicated and can't really be explained. Delbrück's long felt that life has no real meaning...it's just never really bothered him before now. And seeing how life has so much meaning for someone who's been through such awful things, someone who his own people have deemed unworthy of life, well...he wonders now what exactly he's been missing, and if it's too late for him to have it. While watching the camp yard the next day, sharing cigarettes with the kapo, Schindel, Delbrück asks him if he has any kids. Schindel gets quite an awkward look as if unsure whether he's actually meant to respond, so Delbrück gestures to tell him he can talk freely. "My...my wife was with child when I was...brought here," Schindel says, choosing his words carefully, apparently still wondering if this is some sort of trap; "Boy or girl?" Delbrück asks, at which Schindel looks REALLY uncomfortable and says, "Ahm...I don't know...I don't know where my wife is, or for sure if she's still alive." Delbrück's gotten so used to Schindel's company that he forgot he's just another Jew, another prisoner, nothing like him--he nods hastily to acknowledge how stupid his question was, and doesn't protest when Schindel excuses himself to go patrol the yard. Here's the thing, though...even a lowly kapo has a wife and child and a lot more purpose in life than he has. Delbrück feels like his blinkers have been removed; he has far too many thoughts and feelings to deal with now, and no idea how to handle them. All because Mirjam wanted Gabby to experience one good day. Has anyone else ever had an existential crisis triggered by a toddler...? Mirjam goes a long period without seeing Delbrück when he's drafted to head to the Eastern Front late in the war; Frau Bitterlich's other girls watch uneasily as the freshly assembled SS units march past, and one of them recognizes "Herr Jan" as he goes by. Mirjam knows the reputation of the Red Army troops, as well as just how Germany has been faring in battle, and agonizes over Delbrück's possible fate. Rumor has it that this is just the beginning of the end. Some time later the troops return in a grand parade, but Delbrück privately confides in Mirjam that it's merely for show: His unit and others were called back before they could achieve any decisive victory, he believes to stage the parade and boost the citizens' flagging morale. Germany's defeat is looking more and more imminent. Even as he returns to his job at the camp, Delbrück tells Mirjam to be ready to flee or fight if she has to. To which Mirjam replies, "Flee where? I don't have anyone or anywhere to go." This isn't entirely true, as some questioning reveals: Mirjam has an uncle and a cousin. Both lapsed Jews, they've managed to escape notice so far as they live far out in the countryside. Thing is, Mirjam has no way to get in contact with them, and isn't even sure if they're alive. She figures Delbrück is too wrapped up in his own issues to remember this particular detail, yet he does. As Allied troops are reported to be on their way toward the city, and the SS starts cracking down on citizens trying to flee, Delbrück decides to get out while the getting's good. The story of what happens next is detailed in the following entries: Jan Delbrück, Mirjam Zweifel, Hermine Cranz. Delbrück manages to locate the old farm Mirjam's relatives live on and leaves Mirjam and Gabriele there, then departs, despite their calls of "Herr Jan--?" Her cousin, who had confronted Delbrück with a rifle when he appeared, takes them in to be tended to; they haven't seen each other since before this all started, so she's surprised by Gabby's existence, and even asks, after Mirjam hints at what happened, if the SS officer who left her here is Gabby's father. Mirjam says no...Herr Jan's never hurt her. She would be dead now if not for him. Her cousin and uncle can't understand why a Nazi would go to such lengths to save a Jew and her Mischling daughter who isn't even his...Mirjam can't explain it for them. It's complicated. Gabby asks her mother, as she's being tucked in bed later that night, where Herr Jan is, if he's all right. Mirjam can't answer this, either. She figures he's likely to be captured and executed, whether by his own people as a deserter, or by the Allies as an enemy, it hardly matters. Indeed, quite a while passes as the Allies capture the city, subdue the German troops, and start the process of denazification. The one silver lining is that the American troops reach the city first, so it's largely spared the wrath of the Red Army. After some time, avenues of both communication and transport begin to open up again, and Herr and Fräulein Zweifel tentatively resume trading farm goods with people in the city. It's an especially difficult time full of food shortages and inflation, so their business, however limited, is greatly appreciated. Mirjam accompanies her uncle into the city one day while Gabby stays with her cousin, and spots a familiar face: Delbrück, though he's in civilian clothes now, and has stubble on his face. It's clear he recognizes her too when she hails him, yet he insists that he's not Herr Jan, he's Bruno Lehmbruck. Mirjam immediately understands, though at her uncle's prompting--he's rather nearsighted, and never got a good look at Delbrück when he left Mirjam and Gabby at the farm, so he doesn't recognize him now--offers him a job on the farm. Gabby, too, hasn't forgotten "Herr Jan," who her mother introduces as her friend, Herr Bruno. Although a bit puzzled about why his name is different, she's used to unusual "games"--such as the "keep-quiet" game she always played with her mother while hiding under the stairs at Frau Bitterlich's--so she figures Herr Jan is playing a game now, too. "Hallo, Gabby," he says, just like old times, and "Hallo," Gabby returns the greeting. Delbrück...Lehmbruck...smiles. I haven't yet explored the remainder of Gabriele's life, what sort of person she grows up to be. Does she ever meet Hanna Schindel, or the Cranzes again...? Does she ever gain any half-siblings...? Because although it's awkward at first (Fräulein Zweifel DOES recognize Delbrück when he comes to the farm, and privately warns him that she'll be keeping a hawk's eye on him), Delbrück remains on the Zweifel farm, and his and Mirjam's feelings haven't changed. The situation is complicated, yet Delbrück rather feels he understands it, now...and every time Gabby happily greets him--"Hallo, Herr Bruno!"--he forgets what it ever felt like to not like children. [Gabriele Zweifel 2024 [Friday, October 11, 2024, 12:01:17 AM]] |