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Vischer Blog Entry |
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July 28, 2023, 2:00:54 AM 7/28/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Vischer (no first name ever given). He's a character from the first attempted reboot, whom I almost phased out for this reboot, but his character has started to develop again. He works solo for the resistance and has some odd connections to various other characters. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding his design, I originally pictured him as gray with blue eyes, but decided to make him a red-eyed (non-albino) rat instead. He's not hairless, he just has orangish-cream fur. TUMBLR EDIT: Vischer (he's never been given a first name) is the subject of at least one adult-themed WIP also featuring Reseda Rat; it was never finished, and at this point likely never will be, due to its outdatedness, though the basic plot point behind it still stands so it could end up redone at some future point. His character was never developed beyond being a device to help Reseda realize his attraction to LC Silver Rat. Result, I didn't really know anything about him as a person, didn't care to, and at the outset of this latest reboot, was not interested in further developing him; although I have yet to technically can any of my older characters from the old character list, there are a handful who remain in development limbo (a few because I remember absolutely nothing about them and never even wrote a summary--Dietrich and Berit Brenner, for example?--who TF are these people??), and until like ten minutes ago, Vischer was going to remain there along with them. I realized he could still be a useful development tool for Reseda's and Silver's relationship, however, plus needed a relatively minor character to draw in hopes of writing up some shorter blog entries to TRY to get caught up, but I may have defeated myself with the latter intention. Vischer returning to the plot means he needs history. I've been gently poking at him, and I think at last he's offering some up to me. It's still HIGHLY under development (as I'm typing this, it was literally late last night that he began to open up), and...le sigh...he's brought another new character or two (or three), so far unnamed but certain to obtain names soon, along with him. So, a lot of this is still rather hazy and fudgy and subject to massive change, but here we go with some general groundwork. Through means that I haven't ironed out yet, Vischer is responsible for, or at least feels himself to be responsible for, the death of another person, originally intended to be his lover though I suppose it could be anyone, maybe even a child. Consumed by guilt, and suicidal, he decides instead to at least make a bit of use of his own likely death by enlisting in the army to fight in the Great War. Vischer is not a fighter--he's in fact rather a pacifist, peaceful and reclusive by nature--so he reasons that, despite a crash course of training, he's unlikely to survive combat in the trenches. He can serve his country and probably end his own life at the same time. Perhaps it'll help a little to repay the debt he feels he owes for causing someone else's death. Well...Vischer's best efforts often don't pan out, and this is one instance. Despite his assumption that he'll quickly be killed, turns out he's a halfway decent soldier after all. He goes out of his way to avoid killing, but does so when necessary, and while he could always lay down his gun and let whatever happen, he finds he just can't give up like that, he feels a compulsion to make his death a noble one--preferably, giving his own life to save someone else's. And one day near the end of the war, he finally gets the chance. He throws himself at a captain he doesn't even know and shields him from a shell blast with his own body, suffering severe injuries himself, though sparing the captain from the brunt of the blast. The mud and dirt clods land in spatters around them and they lie on the ground for a few moments gasping in pain; Vischer's ears are ringing terribly, and the pain of the percussion and shrapnel leaves him dizzy and breathless and unable to react at first. The captain lets out a small pained sound at last and Vischer pushes himself up a bit to let him breathe a little better. He's rather surprised to still be alive. Captain: "You...you saved me." Vischer: "Are you all right?" Captain: "Just a..." *winces* "Just a little shrapnel in my side. I owe you my life." Vischer: "You don't owe me anything." *medics arrive with stretchers & clamber down toward them* Captain: "I do. Your name? What's your name?" Vischer: *reluctantly* "...Vischer. Feldwebel (Sergeant First Class) Vischer." Captain: "Altermann. Hauptmann Harald Altermann. Feldwebel Vischer. I won't forget." *medics start bundling them up onto the stretchers* "I owe you! I'll pay you back, I promise." Vischer: "You owe me nothing!" *medics start carrying them both away* Altermann: "I do." *shouting back at him* "Someday I'll pay you back! I won't forget!" Vischer passes out from the pain. He groggily comes to in a medical ward, battered and bandaged and in a hundred kinds of agony, yet still alive. He groans to himself--he'd hoped he might die in the trench, as planned--yet here he is. He thinks, well, it's not a complete loss; at least he saved someone else's life, first. Nurses and a doctor come to tend to him, and he says, "There was a Hauptmann with me, where is he...?" The doctor gets an uncertain look which gives Vischer pause. Doctor: "Herr Hauptmann Altermann...? This is the one?" Vischer: "Ja, Harald Altermann...where is he?" Doctor: "I'm sorry...he didn't make it." Vischer: *blinks* "...What? But--we were just talking, he said he was barely wounded..." Doctor: "A piece of shrapnel to his liver...he lost too much blood." *Vischer puts his hands to his face & moans* "You were friends...?" *Vischer starts crying* "I'm sorry for your loss." *awkwardly* "Would...would you know where we can reach his family?" Vischer: *head pops up* "Family--?" Doctor: "We found this in his pocket." *shows Vischer a photograph of Altermann along with a woman & a boy, all smiling at the camera* Vischer: *moans again & covers his face, starting to sob* The doctor, assuming Vischer and Altermann were good friends, ushers the nurses away to give him his space. It feels like Gott or the universe is playing some cruel joke. All Vischer had hoped to do was right a wrong, pay back the debt he owed, a life for a life. Now, not only is he still alive, but he has TWO deaths on his conscience--although technically Altermann's death isn't his fault, still, the fact that he didn't save him after all, despite his efforts, hurts just the same. Plus, Altermann has a family...Vischer doesn't, and due to his own romantic preferences, never plans to. He's entirely expendable, has no one to miss him when he's gone, has no apparent use on this earth...yet here he is, still alive. It's unfair, it's pointless, and Vischer finds he has to conclude that either Gott is the nastiest, cruelest Being to ever exist, or else He just doesn't exist at all. He decides the best course of action now is to simply remove himself from society and disappear. He has no will to live, yet neither does he have the will to actively kill himself; he'll just stay by himself and with hope he'll at least harm no one else. He's developed a form of shell shock as it is--shaking terribly and unable to stop, waking up from frequent nightmares--so he's easily declared unfit for further military duty. Not that he was likely to serve anyway--Germany surrenders, bringing the war to an end, and the military is greatly reduced, most soldiers losing their positions. Vischer is lucky, given aid from the state for his medical condition as well as some old family savings, to be able to retreat to a country house and recuperate on his own, without needing to work. He receives no visitors aside from a nurse once in a while to check on his recovery, a delivery man who brings goods and supplies ordered from the city, and, very very rarely, a distant neighbor offering some of their own goods or services for trade. Vischer is known mostly for his reclusiveness--all anyone really knows of him is he fought in the war and took it rather hard--yet he seems harmless as well, and is polite, if distant, to anyone who visits with honest intentions. Once or twice, someone with not-so-good intentions shows up, and is greeted with the business end of Vischer's rifle--despite his seclusion and pacifist attitude, he knows how to take care of himself. So aside from the occasional trade visits, everyone leaves him alone. Time passes like this. The National Socialists come to power. The second war starts. Vischer escapes military duty thanks to his shell shock, and watches events unfold from afar. He doesn't like the turn his homeland has taken, so much so that, when he catches an escaped prisoner trespassing on his land, he steps back and lowers his gun, waving him through. He avoids getting involved with the more established resistance networks, but he never turns anyone in, either. His property is recognized as a sort of neutral ground that it's safe to pass through, though not to shelter upon, as nobody is quite sure of Vischer's political ideology. He doesn't want to be responsible either for trying to save anyone's life or for getting anyone killed, so he engages in neither. A military truck makes the long drive up to his house one day and someone gets out to knock at his door. Vischer refuses to answer; whatever it is, it can't be good, so he ignores them and after a few moments they leave. They make a couple more efforts over the following days and Vischer never answers, feeling vaguely disgruntled to be so bothered. He falls ill not long after, and ends up falling and knocking himself out; he could very well end up just dying there, as he often goes weeks without contact with anyone, yet he wakes again in a hospital bed, and lies there blinking and confused for a while. How did he get there? A nurse passes his bed, sees him, and calls out, "Ah, he's awake," and gestures. Someone pulls the dividing curtain back a bit and peers in. Hauptmann Altermann smiles from ear to ear and exclaims, "I'm glad I found you when I did, you're a hard person to get a hold of!" Vischer of course just gapes, unable to speak. He starts shaking even harder. Hauptmann Altermann steps up to his bed--he's dressed in a Wehrmacht uniform now, not the uniform of the Imperial German Army--and holds out his hand, but Vischer is too rattled to take it. He introduces himself: Herr Hauptmann Harald Altermann...the Second. This is Hauptmann Altermann's son, whom Vischer saw in the photograph with his parents so long ago. Vischer lets out a breath and his shaking abates just a little though he's still spooked, saying, "I thought...I thought for a moment you were your father." "I've been told we look much alike," Hauptmann Altermann says, and apologizes for frightening him. He's the one who brought Vischer here, after peering in his window and spotting him lying on the floor. "You are the one who's been stopping by my house?" Vischer asks; yes, he is. He's been trying to get a hold of Vischer, but "You don't answer your door." "I assumed if it's the military, it's bad news," Vischer murmurs, to which Altermann smiles again and says, "Ha! Ja, always seems that way, doesn't it...?" The nurse returns to explain that Vischer has an infection they're treating with penicillin, as well as a mild concussion from his fall, and they'd like to keep him overnight just to be sure he's all right before he returns home; right now he needs his rest. The captain promises to get in touch with him later, wishes Vischer well, and leaves. Vischer realizes he didn't get the chance to ask WHY Altermann has been trying to contact him; he'll have to do so later. The next day a doctor checks Vischer out, deems him good to go, and they wheel him through the hospital after calling a taxi to transport him, since he has no car. The closer he gets to the exit, however, the harder Vischer's heart starts to pound and the harder he shakes, his breath catching in his throat. He grabs onto a post and halts the chair, refusing to let go. He feels like if he goes out the doors, his heart may very well stop--it makes no sense, he knows it, but still, he can't go a step further. He's effectively stuck in the hospital. As the staff start discussing how to get him out, their voices are gradually drowned out by the sound of shells exploding, and Vischer slides out of his chair and huddles on the floor, ducking his head under his arms and shaking so hard his bones hurt, holding on to the pillar--tree stump?--for dear life. He can feel the hospital tiles smooth under his legs, yet he can smell the smoke and the blood and has no idea WTF's going on. It feels like an eternity that he's stuck in this weird no man's land between trench and hospital, hyperventilating and shaking, before something touches his shoulder and he very dimly hears a voice in the midst of all the shelling. Hauptmann Altermann is calling his name. Vischer manages to lift his head a bit and open his eyes; Altermann is crouching beside him, looking just as he did on the battlefield, except not wounded; "Herr Vischer...?" he says, concern on his face, while shells keep exploding in the muddy earth just behind him. Then, oddly--"It's all right, you're safe now," he says, and Vischer blinks--his uniform is slowly fading, changing, his Stahlhelm becoming a peaked officer's cap, the mudstains vanishing, the devastated barbed-wire wasteland behind him shifting into an aseptic hallway. "You're in hospital," Altermann says, and the last sights and smells of the trenches disappear and Vischer's tensed muscles relax, his arms loosening their grasp on the pillar. "It's all right," Altermann says, this time to the hovering hospital staff, "I can handle it." He stays by Vischer for a while as he calms down, his heart and breath slowing and his bone-rattling shaking shifting into a tremble. As he comes back to reality he starts to feel immensely foolish. "H...how did you know...?" he murmurs, to which Altermann replies, "Battle fatigue...I've seen plenty of it myself." He doesn't even question Vischer's terror of going outside, though they do need to figure out how to get him back home, where Vischer is sure he'll feel better. Altermann says he will drive him, if he can make it out to his car. Vischer trembles harder and stares at the doors: "I'm not sure I can do it." After a moment Altermann says, "Here...take my coat," removes his greatcoat, and holds it out to him; Vischer furrows his brow but takes it, and slowly stands up when Altermann does the same. "Drape it over your shoulders and head, and shut your eyes," Altermann instructs; "How do I know where I'm going?" Vischer asks, to which Altermann replies, "Hold on to my arm and I'll guide you." Vischer is skeptical, but obeys. He covers his head with Altermann's coat, grasps at the air, finds the captain's arm and locks his elbow around his, shutting his eyes tight. Altermann starts walking and he follows; when he hears the doors open and the sound of traffic, his heart starts beating hard again and his breathing picks up, but--"Breathe slow," Altermann says, "focus on your heartbeat, try to make it slow"--Vischer does so, and with tentative steps he makes it to a car parked at the curb; Altermann opens the door and Vischer climbs into what he realizes is the backseat. "You can lie down and keep your eyes shut if it helps," Altermann says, "and I'll let you know when we get there." Vischer lies down on the seat and draws the coat around himself tighter; Altermann shuts the door, gets in the driver's seat, and they depart from the hospital. Just as he'd suspected, when they arrive at Vischer's property, he calms down considerably, and can even return Altermann's coat; Altermann accompanies him inside to make sure he's all right, then rummages around to make some tea. They sit in Vischer's parlor in silence for a while. Vischer: "I'm sorry to put you out so." Altermann: "It's all right, I don't mind. Like I said though, I'm glad I found you when I did. It's so empty out here, what do you do when you need something?" Vischer: "I don't need much. I've done fine for myself." Altermann: "Well...seems we've found the one thing you can't do well for yourself. You have a telephone line at least, I hope...?" Vischer: "I have a telephone. Danke for your help, but you needn't worry yourself about me." Altermann: "Sorry, Herr Vischer, but you're on my mind now, I'm not the sort who just forgets someone. I'll check on you if it's all right. At least until you're all better." Vischer: "I'm fine." *fidgets* "It reminds me though, you said you've been trying to get in touch with me...why are you here?" Altermann: "I owe you a debt." Vischer is both startled to hear those words again, and confused--how and why does he owe him a debt? Altermann explains that the debt is his father's, which he's come to pay in his place. How does he know about that? Hauptmann Altermann was alive long enough to tell his doctors and nurses about the "Feldwebel Vischer" who had helped him on the battlefield, asking them to in turn tell his family; after the doctor managed to track them down, he passed along the word. His son never forgot the information, and after rising through the ranks in the Wehrmacht, decided it was finally time to locate Vischer and pay him back. But what's the debt? "You saved his life," Altermann says; Vischer furrows his brow and says, "No I didn't. He died in spite of me. Or maybe even because of me." Altermann replies, "You tried, and you gained him a little time more. Enough time to ask the doctors to tell us he loved us. It might not seem like much to you, Herr Vischer, but to my mother and me, it was everything. I'm here to pay you back like he promised." Lots of conversations between these two have been running through my head. The long story short, Vischer keeps trying to put Altermann off, insisting there's no debt to repay, and even if there was, it was his father's debt, not his. Altermann confidently counters every argument he comes up with, however, and no matter how short tempered Vischer gets about it, remains undeterred. And believe me when I say Vischer gets short tempered; all he wants is to be left alone, to owe no one and have no one owe him, so Altermann's insistence on paying him back for some (to him) imaginary debt wears on him greatly. Nothing he says or does, no matter how ill tempered, puts the captain off; even when he loses his temper and snaps at him, Altermann simply sits and takes it, letting him vent it out of his system before responding calmly that it doesn't matter what he thinks, a debt is a debt, and he's going to find some way to pay him back. When Vischer gets angry one day, something in his comments finally sparks a different response from Altermann: The young captain frowns slightly, remaining silent as always while Vischer goes off, though afterward, he says something that gives Vischer pause: "Not everything is about you, you know. Do you stop to think maybe I have my own reason for wanting to repay a debt?" Vischer pauses, then asks, "Is that what this is?--you have a debt of your own that you owe?" Altermann confirms this...yet won't tell Vischer what that debt is. The only thing he needs to know is that Altermann owes someone, he's chosen Vischer to repay (largely due to his father already owing him), and he won't let it be until the debt is repaid. Various times after Altermann does favors for him, of varying complexity, Vischer asks if now, finally, they're even; yet it never seems like they are. He knows Altermann's not just being contrary--he can sense his sincerity, that he genuinely feels he hasn't fully paid him back yet, which convinces him that Altermann owes a heavy debt indeed--possibly far heavier even than his father owing Vischer an hour or so of his life. He also suggests, more than once, that Altermann name something he can do that would make them even, or set up some scenario that would make it so, but to these ideas Altermann just throws up his hands: "It doesn't work that way, Herr Vischer; I can't just tell ahead of time what will or won't settle things. It's something I need to feel in my gut. Only then will I know for sure." Out of ideas, Vischer asks, will Altermann accept it then, and move on, when his debt is paid in full...? If that's what he wants, Altermann replies, then yes. Then he'll move on. I don't yet know what Altermann's debt actually is, though it's obviously a big/serious one. This is Vischer's entry, so I won't brainstorm what it is just yet; that can wait for Altermann's entry, if and when I should get to it. The long story short for now is that Hauptmann Altermann effectively becomes Vischer's shadow throughout much of the storyline, helping him out in various ways--one of the biggest and most lasting being to help him overcome most of his agoraphobia, to the point that he's able to finally leave his property and go out in public without suffering a panic attack, as long as Altermann is nearby. They become quite close, though it always remains more of a helper/helpee relationship rather than equal friends (and the two are never romantically interested in each other--Vischer never tells Altermann about his preferences, since he serves alongside the Nazis, after all). Neither one of them ever loses sight of the fact that Altermann's main reason for even being in touch with Vischer is to pay him back, and that once this is accomplished--if ever--it's simply assumed that they'll part ways. At some point an American Trench Rats unit must pass by Vischer's property--they've likely been informed it's safe to pass through--and somehow, PFC/Lance Corporal Reseda Rat (I think he gets promoted at some point during the story) ends up injured and stuck on the property; he abruptly finds himself confronted by Vischer with his rifle. The Rats know Vischer as the landowner, yet that's all they know of him, and they've never established contact. Reseda passes out before he can try to defend himself. He comes to inside a house, bundled up on a couch with his injuries tended to; he's terribly confused and groggy at first, until Vischer shows up. An unwelcoming look on his face, he addresses Reseda, seeming to be asking something. "I can't speak German," Reseda says, to which Vischer replies, "Good thing for you I speak English, then." Vischer is obviously suspicious and vaguely hostile toward Reseda at first, though it gradually becomes clear he has no malicious intent and is really just a private citizen who wishes to be left alone. He has no apparent ties to the Nazis even though a Wehrmacht officer (Altermann) has been observed visiting his property; the Rats do their typical digging and find out that Altermann, despite his necessary connections to the Party, isn't a member himself, though they can't be sure whether he's a fellow traveler or not. Vischer refuses to divulge further information on Altermann and the Rats get the feeling he's protecting him as a friend. He promises not to notify authorities about the Rats, although this is merely his standard procedure and has nothing to do with any Allied sympathies; when they make tentative overtures at requesting the usage of his land, he refuses this as well, vowing that if he finds out they've gone against his wishes and done so anyway, he'll make liberal use of his gun. The Rats take a step back from attempting to negotiate with him even as they continue trying to determine his loyalties; most private parties who disavow any relationship with the Nazis have been receptive so far to cooperation, so Vischer's neutrality is perplexing and makes them suspicious. One thing, though, seems clear: Vischer has shown a willingness to communicate with Reseda, plus he didn't shoot him--he actually helped him. The Rats decide to use Reseda to try to collect information on him. This request doesn't sit well with Reseda at all, so he does something that, if the Rats, and especially his company commander Lance Corporal Silver, caught wind of it, would likely get him in hot water: He outright informs Vischer this is why he's been sent back to talk to him. Vischer just stands and listens, an odd expression on his face, as Reseda explains the situation; when he finishes, Vischer is silent a moment, then says, "Why are you telling me this?" Reseda admits he doesn't know; "It just doesn't feel right asking you for a favor using a ruse." Something about this answer makes the look on Vischer's face shift slightly; Reseda wonders if he's going to be asked to leave, when Vischer finally says, "Since you've been honest with me, then I'll be honest with you." The Trench Rats aren't the first ones to request the use of Vischer's property for their own purposes. Nazi officials make the same request, promising that they intend only to have troops occasionally rest and make plans there. Hauptmann Altermann, who brought the officers along with him, stands aside and remains silent as they talk; Vischer asks for a bit of time to think it over, and they leave. He privately asks Altermann what he thinks. Altermann doesn't answer for a moment, seeming indecisive; he finally appears to mentally settle something, and replies, "I think you shouldn't believe them. They're lying to you." He explains that they'd been openly discussing their true plans for Vischer and his property on the way there, assuming that Altermann sympathized; they in fact intend to make full use of his land as both lodgings for troops and an observation base, with the intent to hunt down, capture, and kill any enemies they find upon it, and not only that, but if Vischer opposes this or raises a fuss, it must mean he's not loyal to the Reich, and he'll be put down as well: "They have a file on you already," Altermann says, "all the private details the SS could dig up on your life now and during and before the Great War. They say there are rumors about you from back then. I won't go into detail. But it's enough to give them an excuse to put you in a camp or to kill you." Vischer feels his insides knotting up, his skin going cold and his trembling growing, as Altermann talks; he knows exactly what "rumors" the file must be referring to, and he's heard stories about what the Nazis do to people like him. Just as with Reseda later on, "Why are you telling me this...?" he asks numbly, to which Altermann replies, "I know you value honesty, and I owe you. And I hope I'm right in trusting you to know that I don't agree with this. It's not my place to indulge in such rumors. But mere rumors shouldn't be enough to get someone killed, anyway." So, there it is: Altermann's aware of Vischer's secret, and neither approves nor disapproves--he finds it's none of his business. He has no interest in outing him. And he's taking a big risk in merely telling Vischer this, since he's unsure of Vischer's loyalty to the Reich, himself. In effect, he's just shown Vischer his hand, and opened himself up to prosecution if Vischer decides to turn him in. Vischer is pretty sure he could guarantee his own continued safety from the Nazis if he were to hand them a far bigger fish such as Altermann--Altermann had absolutely everything to lose, and nothing to gain, from sharing the information he just shared. After a few tense moments of silence, Vischer ventures, "And you're sure that telling me this doesn't fulfill your debt...?" There's a brief pause before the corner of Altermann's mouth twitches. "Not by a long shot, I'm afraid," he replies. Vischer doesn't give Reseda all the details of his relationship with Altermann, but says he's nobody to worry about. He won't grant the Rats permission to use his land without knowing what exactly they intend to do with it. Reseda calls Silver to speak with Vischer about their plans, figuring his word will carry more weight; Silver is perhaps the best known of the Rats, deeply despised by the Nazis. Vischer recognizes him by name when he arrives and clarifies that the Rats won't use his land for anything but observational purposes; he seems perplexed when Vischer insists that, should the Rats encounter any Nazis on his property, they won't attempt to capture or kill them, and will maintain neutrality. "You have to admit it doesn't sound terribly neutral," Silver says, to which Vischer coldly replies, "If you don't like my terms, you're free to take your business off my property." Communication briefly threatens to break down when Reseda steps back in to try to calm them both down. Silver grudgingly backs off and accepts Vischer's terms; Vischer seems vaguely bemused at first by his change in attitude, yet then appears to notice or realize something, and also backs off, and grants the Trench Rats the permission they were seeking. As they prepare to leave, Silver instructs Reseda that, since he seems to have established some sort of rapport with Vischer, he's to act as an intermediary; he tells him to remain behind until they return with supplies to set up an outpost. Reseda is nonplussed--he hadn't expected this--yet reluctantly accepts when Vischer offers to get him a drink while he waits. As Vischer hands him a mug of tea, he says, "I could say the same of Herr Silver." "Say what...?" Reseda asks, puzzled. Vischer replies, "That you seem to have established a rapport with him," at which Reseda nearly drops his drink. He shoots Vischer a look that's startled, hostile, guarded, and confused all at once, and Vischer knows he read him correctly: Reseda has romantic feelings for Silver. Over time, as the two grow familiar with each other, Vischer subtly makes it clear Reseda's own secret is safe with him, and hints at the reason why. Neither of them ever goes into a great amount of detail--it isn't necessary--though they share enough for Vischer to learn that Reseda's feelings are so far unrequited, and he has no plans to make it otherwise. He briefly outlines how, recently, Silver was captured by the Nazis and tortured before escaping, and the torture included an incident with a particularly brutal Nazi sergeant; again, he doesn't give details, though the pained look that flits across his face makes it clear it was something especially dreadful. Although Silver's always been an exceptionally critical company leader, frequently targeting Reseda for a tongue lashing, Reseda insists the criticism is justified, and has been attempting to cover for Silver's occasional lapses in focus since the capture. Sensing his guilt, Vischer says, "You realize none of this is on you, ja?--he's not your responsibility." Reseda just stares at his mug before murmuring, "And what if some of it is on me...? He shouldn't end up punished on my account. I'm expendable, he's not." Vischer understands everything Reseda's feeling, since he's dealt with all the same feelings himself. He finds himself perplexed by his desire to convince the Trench Rat that he's not to blame for the situation, when he's never managed to convince himself of the same thing. As he tries to work through these conflicting feelings he requests confirmation of Reseda's story from Altermann. Altermann, who doesn't know about Vischer's agreement with the Trench Rats--Vischer doesn't want to compromise him by clueing him in--verifies that "Der Silbergeist" was briefly captured by the Nazis while breaking into the headquarters of a medical project. He's heard of the doctor in charge of the project, and yes, he makes use of the guards to rough up his prisoners now and then. Unprompted, Altermann disdainfully mentions one particularly thuggish guard the doctor likes to use, named Lange; even the other Nazis hate him. "He...has a quite repulsive way of dealing with his captives," he says, curtly. Vischer understands exactly what he means by this and doesn't need to ask for clarification. Silver hadn't made a very good impression on him, though he muses that the Trench Rat is likely dealing with trauma similar to his own, and he knows how difficult he himself is to deal with; that Reseda is still willing to deal with Silver says a lot about how much he must care for him. Vischer decides not to bring Silver up again unless Reseda does so first, to avoid making him uncomfortable. It takes a bit for the Rats to set up at his place--Vischer offers them his dining room to place some communication equipment, watching with detached curiosity--so he and Reseda maintain contact, and Reseda even confides in him a little, not much, though more than Vischer senses he's had the chance to tell anyone else before. He admits something one day that surprises Vischer--that he wasn't entirely honest in his earlier description of the situation. Silver had actually kissed him, just once, not so long ago. Vischer expects to feel resentment at being lied to...yet he doesn't. Instead, he furrows his brow and says, "Why did you feel you had to conceal this from me?" Reseda looks both guilty and confused; "I don't know," he admits, "maybe because I don't want to put too much thought into it...in case it means nothing." Vischer asks, "And why would you think it means nothing?" to which Reseda replies, head lowered, "Because it has to. I can't help thinking all of it is my fault. I was angry...I wanted something to humiliate him the way he humiliated me...and look what happened." Feeling a pang, Vischer says, "Herr Reseda, I know nothing I say can convince you, because nobody's ever convinced me, but that isn't how it works. You don't make something happen by thinking about it." As soon as he says this--an odd reaction. Reseda stiffens slightly, then looks at him, seeming confused again, as if he can't believe Vischer said that. Vischer briefly wonders whether he should apologize--for what, he isn't sure--when Reseda kisses him. His eyes go wide and he blinks; his first instinct is to shove Reseda away and punch him for good measure, yet...the brief little surge of anger immediately dies when he suddenly realizes how lonely he is, and has been, all these years of self-imposed isolation. He hasn't had any meaningful contact or communication with anyone but Altermann ever since his last relationship, and Altermann's friendship does only so much. Although he isn't entirely sure it's a good idea to get so closely involved with anyone else, he finds himself returning the kiss. For a short while, he and Reseda privately meet; it isn't difficult to conceal the relationship, given Reseda's ready-made explanation for being there, though Vischer easily senses the Trench Rat's embarrassment--not quite strong enough to be shame, so he knows that, similar to him, he's probably been fortunate enough to never deal with the sort of hatred and hostility their sort often faces. It's more likely Reseda's discomfort is self-inflicted, like his own. So he makes a point to never discuss the situation, or try to pinpoint where exactly they stand; he just assumes he's a temporary distraction while Reseda tries to figure out his feelings. And that's a bit saddening, but otherwise fine by him; he knows that, given his personal situation, it's highly unlikely he'll ever fall in love with anyone again or carry on a proper relationship, so a temporary reprieve from the loneliness will do. It's a bit more complicated for him to hide all this from Altermann, though he manages. Result, he's a bit surprised, but not offended, when Reseda accidentally calls him "Silbergeist." He finally brings up the subject again--pointing out Reseda's obvious fixation on Silver, as well as asking why he hasn't acted on it. Reseda initially insists that Silver would never be interested in him like that--here is their exchange--but pauses to recall the signs he's already seen, and Vischer knows a seed of uncertainty has taken root at last. He says, "I won't tell you to stop coming by...but what it is you really want, really need, I don't believe you'll find it here. And you won't be happy until you do find it." Vischer is vaguely saddened and wistful when Reseda takes the step and moves on, but knows it's necessary, and the two of them were never going to be anything other than distractions for each other. They end their physical relationship but do maintain contact related to the Trench Rats' operations on Vischer's property. In passing one day (this is a developing plot point that needs ironing out) Reseda makes mention of a Luftwaffe soldier the Rats had captured, who managed to escape their custody--an unusual occurrence, given how careful the Rats usually are. He shows Vischer a photo they took of him for their records, along with the info that he's a Junker, but Vischer claims he's never seen him and knows nothing about him, and even if he did, he wouldn't turn him back over to them. It's a minor incident, soon forgotten, until much later on. By then, Altermann's helped Vischer to manage his agoraphobia enough that he can leave his property as long as Altermann accompanies him; the Germans know of Vischer's difficulty adjusting after the Great War, so Altermann assisting him isn't questionable. Altermann informs him he's been invited to a visit with a Nazi official and despite not wishing to go, he has to, or else risk arousing suspicion about his loyalty to the Reich; he adds that Vischer's loyalty has been similarly questioned, and suggests he come along. When Vischer learns exactly where they've been invited--to a labor camp--he nearly refuses out of disgust, but reluctantly agrees, as who knows what other options the Nazis will offer. So one day Altermann drives him to the camp and they're welcomed inside by the commandant who's invited them. He has all the prisoners called out to stand in formation and brags about how obedient they are despite their obvious limitations. Altermann is better at feigning appreciation for this than Vischer is; he and the commandant get to chatting while Vischer steps away briefly to shake off his revulsion. He finds himself eyeing the rows of inmates standing at attention, perfectly silent in their striped outfits; he turns away from them and starts walking in Altermann's direction before slowing to a stop, frowning and peering back. For some reason a prisoner in one of the front rows catches his notice; although there are a handful of others with blue eyes and Aryan features, most of them have colored badges that identify them as Jews or Roma or criminals. This one is wearing a red triangle. Vischer isn't familiar with this badge. What really caught his eye, however, was how familiar the prisoner looks; he's sure he's seen him before, which is nearly impossible, as he almost never goes out. He starts feeling suspicious, though, and approaches him, careful to avoid the notice of the commandant or guards. Vischer: "Excuse me." *stops before & a bit to the side of the prisoner, looking at him; prisoner's eyes shift toward him, toward the prisoner to his other side, back to Vischer, then forward again* "Ja, you, with the red badge. Could you tell me your name...?" Prisoner: *stiff rehearsed voice* "We do not use our names in the camp, Mein Herr." Vischer: "Yet you do have a name." Prisoner: "We leave our names at the gate, Mein Herr." Vischer: *vaguely impatient* "You were surely given a name by your mother and father before you came here, ja...?" Prisoner: *swallows* "My identification number is--" *rattles off a letter & a bunch of numbers* Vischer: *changing tack* "Your badge then, can you tell me what it means--? Why you're here?" Prisoner: "It is the badge of a traitor and a deserter, Mein Herr." Vischer: "I notice you don't say you actually are either of these things, Freund." Prisoner: *eyes shift toward Vischer, toward the commandant, then forward again; he looks anxious now & bites his lip a little* Vischer: *noticing his look, moves a bit closer to block the commandant's view* *whispering* "There's something you need to say...?" Prisoner: *long pause* *lowers head toward Vischer just a little so Vischer follows suit* *whispering* "My..." *loses nerve & trails off* Vischer: "Your name...?" Prisoner: *pause* "Adalard von Staden." Vischer: "Von Staden?" Prisoner: "I am neither a traitor nor a deserter, Mein Herr. I've served the Fatherland faithfully." Vischer: "You are a soldier?" Prisoner: "Airman. Tell my family--" *cuts himself off & stands at attention again; Vischer looks to see the commandant approaching, Altermann following* Vischer turns away from the prisoner; Altermann has an expression that shows he noticed Vischer's conversation with the prisoner and attempted to distract the commandant as long as he could, while the commandant himself looks suspicious. "Why are you talking to that prisoner?" he asks. "I was curious about his badge, I've never seen it before," Vischer says, to which the commandant curtly replies, "It's the badge of a political prisoner. If you wished to know, you had merely to ask me or a guard, the prisoners aren't allowed to converse. Now if you and Herr Hauptmann Altermann are done here..." Their awkward visit concluded--"Atrocious place," Altermann mutters on the way out the gate--they head back to Vischer's home, unsure if the trip helped much to preserve the appearance of loyalty to the Reich. "Why were you so interested in that prisoner...?" Altermann asks on the way in, puzzled. Vischer says he swears he's seen him before. As expected, Altermann expresses skepticism over this--where would Vischer have the opportunity to meet someone of the prisoner's age?--he's too young to have served in the Great War. Vischer pauses before deciding to take the plunge. Vischer: "You say you owe me a debt...you swear you'll tell no one what I tell you?" Altermann: "Of course." Vischer: "On your father's name." Altermann: *furrows brow at Vischer's seriousness* "I swear on it, Herr Vischer. What is this about?" Vischer: "That prisoner claims his name is Adalard von Staden." Altermann: *frowning* "Von Staden...? A Junker name?" Vischer: "He claims he was wrongly accused." Altermann: "As vile as the whole practice is, Herr Vischer, I'm sure many prisoners claim this. And it may be odd to find a Junker in a camp but it makes sense, if he's a political prisoner. What makes this one special?" Vischer: "I've heard his name and seen his face before." Altermann: *confused* "How? When?" Vischer: *pause* "You insist you owe me a debt. If I ask something of you, you'll do it...?" Altermann: "Of course I will, if it's in my power." Vischer: "I need to know I can trust you." Altermann: "Herr Vischer..." *shrugs* "I'm not sure how much clearer I can make it. Whatever you need me to do, if I can, I will. And if I can't, then I still owe you. I swear you'll have nothing to regret from merely asking." Vischer: *long pause* "I've been in communication with Allied forces. For some months now." Even as he finally admits this, Vischer does indeed regret it: He sees the way Altermann's eyes widen and all the blood drains from his face. Of course there are limits to debts, there always are. Even as he mentally berates himself for being so foolish, Altermann exclaims, "Why would you even joke about something so serious--?" Vischer starts to protest that he isn't joking; Altermann raises his voice and interrupts, "Of course you're joking with me, and I don't find it amusing," yet even as he says this, he's hurriedly pulling a little notepad and a pencil stub out of his pocket and jotting something down, then holding it up; Vischer opens his mouth to defend himself, then sees what Altermann's written: Vorsicht bei Gesprächen, Feind hört mit! (Be careful when talking, the enemy is listening!)--and immediately shuts up, his skin going cold. "You're not being yourself," Altermann says aloud, "why would you even tell such a joke?" Vischer swallows, gathers himself a bit, and shakily replies, "I just needed to be sure you were trustworthy...and that's the biggest thing I could think of. I apologize." "Ja, well..." Altermann says, putting away the notepad and gesturing for Vischer to follow him, "You already know this, you needn't lie about such ridiculous things. Let's fetch a drink to settle you down." Altermann points Vischer out to the patio and brings out the drinks; Vischer's not big on drinking but he needs one now, downing half of his glass in one go. "I can't be sure," Altermann says quietly as he joins him, "but I can't help but think maybe they wanted me out of your house for a bigger reason than they hinted. It's why I asked you to come with me even though I knew you'd hate it. Thing is, they could've taken advantage of your absence, as well." He pours the visibly rattled Vischer another drink. "Should be safe to talk out here," he adds, and Vischer lets out a breath. Vischer: "I...I didn't even think." Altermann: "Of course you wouldn't, what reason would you have?" Vischer: "You're sure you haven't just repaid your debt to me...?" Altermann: "Not yet I haven't. Now...what was this you were saying? About Allies?" *furrows brow* "Did I hear you right? When would you possibly have had the chance...? And why? I have so many questions." Vischer: "I haven't much to say. While you were gone, obviously. They wanted use of my land. Same as our men. I allowed them only if they limited themselves to observations and regrouping. I told them if they attempted using my land as an outpost to attack our men, they would have to leave. The same rule I would have given our men if I granted them access, but remember, you said they wouldn't abide by it. I haven't offered or given them any information on our troops or on you. Although I know this makes little difference should you choose to report me." Altermann: "I have no interest. They've abided by their end of the deal?" Vischer: "So far. They ask for a little information now and then but I don't give it. I think they know where they stand." Altermann: "How long has this been going on? You said months?" Vischer: "A while now." *peers anxiously back at his house* Altermann: "I have no reason to suspect they planted anything prior to today, and they would have had next-to-no opportunity, anyway. I'm not even sure if they did so today, yet I urge you to caution just in case, especially since I think I might have thwarted their original plan. If they had planted anything before, I think we would've found out by now." Vischer: "You really believe they would have killed me...?" Altermann: "I've told you already, given what they already know, they could take any opportunity to be rid of you. I think I'm probably the reason they haven't tried anything, though I could always be overestimating my own importance. Either way, better to be safe. What does any of this have to do with that prisoner, though...?" Vischer: "One of them told me of an airman they captured a while back, who escaped their custody. They don't lose many prisoners. They seemed to think he might compromise them but I told them that even if I knew what became of him, I wouldn't help them track him back down, and they dropped it. They had a photo, though, and said he was a young Junker named von Staden. The same man I saw in the camp." Altermann: "You're absolutely certain of this." Vischer: "I remember his face clearly, Herr Altermann. The type of face they put on recruiting posters, not stick in a camp. Yet for some reason they believe he's a traitor? He insists he's loyal to the Fatherland." Altermann: "They likely think he aided these people he escaped from. Especially if escapes are indeed as rare as you yourself say they claimed?" Vischer: "He was very clear that he aided no one. Do not tell me they put a loyal German citizen in a camp for absolutely nothing...?" Altermann: *uneasy look* "As much as it pains me to say, as I said before, sometimes all it takes is a rumor." Vischer: "He wanted me to tell his family about him. He has people on the outside, Herr Altermann, who might not have any idea what's become of him. The people I'm in contact with have no information on his whereabouts so I doubt his family knows, either. It's possible I'm the only one, aside from the authorities." Altermann: "And why is it that you tell me all this...?" Vischer: "You said you would do what you can to repay your debt. You still mean it?" Altermann: "If I'm able. What would you have me do?" Vischer: "You knew about the SS file on me. You must have connections. Try to find out if this man is who he says he is and if the intel is correct. My heart and my gut tell me he's innocent. His family deserves to know. And, if it's at all possible, to get him out of that place." *pause* "I realize I'm putting you in a difficult position, Herr Altermann, and may be overstepping my bounds in what I ask. So I understand if you refuse, and considering what you did today, I'll still consider the debt paid..." Altermann: *shaking head* "Nein...I told you I'd do what's in my power. I'm just not sure if it is. I'll do what I can, though. And actually, as foolish as it may be, now you've piqued my curiosity about this man, as well." Altermann heads off, promising to let Vischer know anything he's learned, and warning him to watch what he says in the meantime, in case his house is bugged. Vischer returns to his house and peers around uneasily. His beloved refuge suddenly seems just as frightening and unwelcoming as the outside world, and he's unsure how to handle it. He looks around a little bit, but has no idea where he'd hide a bug were he the one trying to eavesdrop, so stops. Silver Rat and part of his company arrive the next day for a standard visit. At the door, Silver opens his mouth to talk, when Vischer cuts him off with a shushing motion, then cups a hand to his ear and glances about. Silver presses his mouth shut, gives him a suspicious look, yet then starts gesturing silently at the Rats behind him, pointing them toward different areas of Vischer's house; they quickly disperse. Vischer stands in a hallway and watches anxiously as they feel and peer under furniture, wall art, cupboards. Eventually they start returning and whisper in Silver's ear; he frowns, nods, makes a "wait" gesture at a questioning look, and then gestures at Vischer, motioning at mouth, ear, shaking his head. Vischer signals for him to follow him back to the patio. Vischer: "You found something?" Silver: "Four listening devices." *Vischer shudders a little* "How did you know they were there?" Vischer: "My friend suspected." Silver: "Your friend in the Wehrmacht?" Vischer: "He's none of your concern." *Silver stares at him* "Ja, him. That's all you need to know." Silver: "How long have these been there?" Vischer: "I believe they were placed just yesterday." Silver: "And why would they have interest in spying on you?" Vischer: *piqued* "Apparently I'm not loyal enough to the Reich. I didn't have to tell you about them, but I did. What are you going to do with them? Destroy them?" Silver: "I think they'd actually be more useful left intact." Vischer: "Intact--?" Silver: "Now that we know where they are, they can be used to disseminate false information." Vischer: "False--? I already told you. I'm not getting involved in your business, and you're not running missions from my house. If you think I'll start lying to the authorities--" Silver: "You know full well you're already involved AND you've already lied to the authorities. As for these things, the moment we destroy them or remove them, it tips them off that you know, and they'll come for you. Is that what you want...?" Vischer falls silent, steaming yet knowing it's true. Feeling rather tricked, he asks what exactly they want him to do. Reseda suggests--since Silver and Vischer look ready to deck each other--that the next time Vischer talks within range of the eavesdropping devices, he start by giving an erroneous bit of info, then seeing where it tracks back to. Perhaps someone specific is behind this. Tensions simmer down a little bit and Reseda takes Vischer aside to ask if he knows the real reason why the Nazis are so interested in him; Vischer replies that as far as he's aware, his loyalty is the real reason, though "I imagine they're going to be far more interested in me, now"--he describes the visit to the camp, the run-in with the prisoner, the reaction of the commandant. (He doesn't mention telling Altermann.) Reseda's surprise proves the Rats were indeed unaware of von Staden's fate after he escaped their custody; additionally, he verifies that, while von Staden was polite and didn't cause trouble, he never cooperated with them or fed them information. It's exactly as he said--he's neither a traitor nor a deserter. "Then they really did stick one of their own in a camp for nothing," Vischer says. The next day when Altermann returns and Vischer brings up the bugs--without mentioning the Trench Rats' involvement--he makes a face: "I can't believe I didn't think of it, of course destroying or removing the devices would tip them off." He suggests trying to trace them back to whoever ordered them placed, by planting false info; as Reseda said the exact same thing, Vischer decides it must be a decent idea, and he and Altermann accordingly stage a brief conversation with false leads in it. Altermann then gestures for Vischer to follow him back outside, where he outlines what he's learned so far. The commandant wasn't very forthcoming with info on the prisoner, but finally relented when Altermann made a few vague threats ("Ugh, I hate trying to pull rank--on someone higher up than I am, no less!"), and located his ID number and name in their records: Adalard von Staden. Seeming genuinely confused and dismayed ("He could always have been acting, I suppose"), he offered to help get Altermann in touch with SS-Totenkopfverbände authorities, but Altermann said he would follow up on his own. The officials at SS-TV headquarters gave him a pretty chilly reception once he made his mission clear, but a vow to go speak with von Staden's family ("I'm sure, should they find some information's been withheld from them, they'll request an audience with der Führer") made them waver. At last he was left waiting for a few hours ("I think they were hoping I'd just up and leave, unfortunately for them, I'm used to sitting and waiting") before an official returned to fill him in on what they'd found. "You should have heard them then," Altermann says with obvious disgust, "that obsequious bureaucratic language! Such an egregious mistake and all that nonsense! If true then they have no idea how it happened and it'll never happen again! The nerve of hinting I was making it all up, Herr Vischer, I've dealt with plenty of government nonsense but I don't think I've ever been so angry." He adds that the SS promised to investigate further and, if a wrong had actually been committed, set it right. Altermann renewed his vow to contact von Staden's family if they dragged their feet--"Perhaps I'll reach out to der Reichsführer as well"--and left before he could wear out his welcome, and that was where things now stood. "I guess now we wait," he sighs, "and pray that Herr von Staden can hold on till then, as well." Things start happening within days. Vischer and Altermann aren't sure whether it's the threat of contacting higher-ups, or genuine guilt that motivates the SS-TV to act--or maybe a warning nudge from the Allgemeine-SS to get a move on--but they locate the proper documentation that indeed shows von Staden was sent to the camp without a proper trial, and no one can even locate a witness or complainant against him; his superiors in the Wehrmacht questioned him yet never alleged any improper behavior. If anything, it looks like the allegations started with the SS itself, though of course nobody comes right out and admits anything. The commandant orders von Staden sent from work to the medical infirmary to be examined and treated for any health issues, then to the showers to wash up, then put back in uniform and shuttled out of the camp and to his parents, who embrace and cry over him before taking him home, utterly bewildered. And then the incident is pretty much swept back under the rug as if it never happened. Vischer and Altermann are both steamed over this, but Altermann admits that it was always basically ensured there would never be any punishment: "They're the SS, who's going to hold them responsible?--themselves?" He says they should try to be content that a wrong has been righted and von Staden is back where he belongs. As for his debt, "This may have been a lot of work, Herr Vischer, yet at the end of the day I was hardly in any danger, the lack of evidence was so overwhelming I hardly had to lift a finger to show this imprisonment was a sham. I'm afraid you're still stuck with me for now." Time passes, Altermann still visiting Vischer every couple of days or so. The two of them are perplexed one evening when a soft knock comes at the back door. Vischer tells Altermann to wait while he checks, though he feels uneasy--visitors usually come to the front door. And indeed, he nearly starts when he opens it to peer out and finds Silver and several others from his company waiting there. "What are you doing here--?" he demands under his breath, "--I'm not alone!" Altermann's car is parked out front, and the Rats have never dropped in while he's there. He assumes they've just missed seeing the car and this is some kind of monumental mistake, though the look on Silver's face shows he had every intention of coming today no matter what. Before he can speak, his eyes shift to look at something behind Vischer--neck prickling, Vischer turns to look as well, and there's Altermann, staring back at them. "Herr Vischer...?" he says in obvious confusion; Vischer finds that he's lost his voice. "I figured you'd already told him about us," Silver says without the least hint of surprise, and gestures; Vischer has to step aside as the Rats enter, shutting the door behind them. "Hauptmann Altermann--? Sprechen Sie Englisch?" Silver says; Altermann furrows his brow but nods--"Can you read it?"--another nod--and Silver pulls out an envelope and holds it out to him. Altermann and Vischer share a look, then Altermann takes the envelope and opens it. Silver turns to Vischer. Silver: "While you've been busy with other things we've had our ear to the ground. I take it from your reactions you haven't gotten the news yet." Vischer: "What news? And why do you insist on endangering me like this?" Silver: "I doubt you're in much danger just yet. We traced back the false information you gave out." Vischer: *furrowing brow* "You--? How did you get hold of it?" Silver: "I said we've been listening around. Rumors spread. We have yet to pinpoint a specific name but so far, the information's passing around among higher-ups in the Wehrmacht." Vischer: "The Wehrmacht? Not the SS?" Silver: "They're involved, but they aren't the primary parties." Vischer: "But I've never been in the Wehrmacht. The SS are the ones who have a file on me. And surely I've just angered them even further with this von Staden business." Silver: "Trust me, the SS already has far more than enough intel to put you in a camp if they really wished. They don't need any further justification. It's not you they're interested in." Vischer: *confused* "Not me--? If not me, then who--?" Altermann: "Me." *Vischer looks at him* "I'm the one they're interested in." Altermann is still reading the papers Silver gave him, and looks utterly dismayed. "You...?" Vischer says, to which he replies, "I actually convinced myself I wasn't nearly important enough to catch their interest...but it's me they've been after all along. They put those devices in your house to listen in on me, not you. They just used you to get to me." "Then..." says Vischer, feeling his heart sucking in, "...then that means I led them right to you." Altermann immediately tries to put him at ease--"Herr Vischer, don't think for even one moment that you're to blame for this," yet to Vischer it's pretty obvious he is. Now, as for WHY the Wehrmacht, and by extension the SS, are interested in Altermann...this is a plot point that needs tweaking yet. I'm pretty sure it relates to Altermann's secret, the real reason he feels so much that he owes Vischer (more accurately, probably anybody) a debt; seeing as Altermann hasn't shared with me what this secret is just yet, I thus don't know why the authorities are so interested in collecting info on him that they're willing, so far, to let Vischer slide. The revelation about von Staden definitely helps draw even further scrutiny, yet it isn't the primary target of the Wehrmacht's focus. Altermann is the "big fish" they want. Silver vows that the Rats will keep listening for further info. Vischer is crushed; no amount of reassurance from Altermann that he's not to blame helps. There's little they can do about it yet, though, so for the most part they have to just sit tight while keeping their ears open for further word. They receive another visitor one day--surprisingly, von Staden--who very quietly and tentatively addresses Vischer with, "You are the one who got me out of that place." Vischer clarifies that Altermann did most of the work; "Danke sehr to you both, then," von Staden says; "I feel I owe you a debt," at which Altermann and Vischer protest vehemently that this isn't necessary. Vischer notices how tightly he clutches his garrison cap in his hands, his very slight tremor, the way he keeps his head somewhat down, and especially the glassy look in his eyes, and feels an uncomfortable pang on recognizing himself; he invites the corporal inside. Von Staden politely refuses, though he does seem to relax just a little bit when Altermann retreats; Vischer guesses that interacting with superiors in uniform makes him anxious now. After they talk a little, he hesitantly asks, "Does it ever go away...?" Even without asking what "it" is, Vischer knows exactly what he's asking. Vischer: *pause* "I'll be honest...it might fade, but it never really goes away. There's a reason I stay here in this house and still don't go out much." Von Staden: *haltingly* "It just...I can't stop feeling this..." *trails off* Vischer: *waits* "...Fear?" Von Staden: "...Rage." *clutches cap tighter* "I don't like being this person. I don't know what to do with so much anger. Is this normal?" Vischer: "I believe what you're feeling is normal, considering what they put you through. Anyone would be angry." Von Staden: *takes in & lets out a breath, loosens his grasp a little* "And you say it gets a little bit easier over time?...I won't always be this person?" Vischer: "I'm not going to give you false hope, Herr von Staden. You'll always be this person. It might get easier, it might not. But you can learn how to cope with it. You can choose what you do with it. They can't take that away from you anymore." Von Staden thanks Vischer again--"You didn't fix my problem...but it helps, a little bit"--and starts to leave, though Altermann reappears and requests a word in private; Vischer retreats this time, and after Altermann and von Staden exchange a few words, the corporal nods and departs. Toward the end of the story, things come to a head, and I'm assuming officials decide to make their move not just on Altermann but on Vischer as well. Altermann is tipped off to something about to happen and shows up at Vischer's place to warn him, though the warning comes too late for them to escape, and officials arrive with the intent not to take them into custody but to finish them off--with the country descending into chaos, nobody in a position to do anything about it will much notice a couple more extrajudicial killings. Altermann puts himself between Vischer and the advancing soldiers, insisting that he still owes his debt and "I'm the reason you're in this mess, anyway," despite Vischer's own insistence that he's the one who helped get Altermann in trouble. Result, as soon as the soldiers hired to kill them break into where they've barricaded themselves, Altermann is hit, though he does shoot their attackers first. He manages to spare Vischer from getting killed but is too badly wounded to fend off the next soldier who rushes in; all he gets to do is shout for Vischer to get running as well. Vischer hesitates--he knows if he runs, Altermann will be killed instead--yet just as the gunman enters, spots them, and raises his weapon--something slams into him, knocking him to the floor. Vischer watches dumbfounded as von Staden grasps the other soldier by the collar and bangs his head against the floor repeatedly, snarling the entire time and not letting up until he's no longer moving. Once they've ascertained that nobody else is in the house yet surely more are on their way, Vischer takes a moment to gather a few items, hurry outside to the patio, fire a flare into the sky, then hurry back in. He and von Staden half-drag, half-carry the badly wounded Altermann into another room where they barricade themselves in again; von Staden stations himself nearest the doors, saying, "I can try to hold them off, but I'm only one." Still, he insists on trying his best. Vischer is left tending to Altermann's wound with the few medical supplies he grabbed. He asks what von Staden is doing there and what is going on. Altermann says that as soon as he was sure the officials were going to make their move, he headed to Vischer's house to try to protect him, but not before calling von Staden's home and requesting him to come out, too. The last time they met, he spoke privately to von Staden, telling him that if he truly felt he owed them a debt--"I do," von Staden had confirmed--then he could make himself available when Altermann might have need of a favor: "I don't have anything in mind just yet, but there might come a time when I need your help, and need to know how to most quickly contact you." Von Staden had replied that during the day he could contact his supervising officer--though still going on occasional missions, he'd been mostly working at a desk since returning to the Wehrmacht--whereas after hours he could be reached at his parents' house. He promised to come, no matter why Altermann might call him. And now here they all are. Von Staden reports that he can hear others coming: "I'm pretty sure I can handle a few, but not all of them." Altermann suggests they go out the window and leave him, yet Vischer and von Staden both refuse; likewise, when von Staden suggests Vischer try to get Altermann out of there while he fends off the others, they refuse. Vischer protests most loudly when the other two say he should go. It's obvious that whatever happens, they're all going down together. Vischer fetches his rifle and stations himself beside Altermann while von Staden crouches near the door. A moment later, the door starts shaking as somebody starts ramming against it. "Get ready," von Staden says--when the window behind the other two shatters just as the door bursts in as well. Von Staden promptly starts shooting into the hall; Vischer manages to fire at the soldier coming in the window, but his rifle jams before he can get the next one. "My gun! My gun!" Altermann shouts; Vischer makes a grab for his pistol when Altermann lets out a startled yell and recoils--Vischer looks back up in time to see the soldier who'd just climbed in jerk back, gargling, head twisting at an impossible angle. He topples forward and hits the floor, hard. Vischer blinks--Silver is in the window now instead, and he drops in, pulls his own pistol and fires. Von Staden flinches a little but then apparently shrugs off his confusion when a handful of Trench Rats rather than German soldiers drop through the window and start fighting off those coming through the door--right in time, as von Staden's run out of rounds and was about to use his bare hands. Vischer, unprompted, grabs Altermann and starts trying to pull him to his feet when one of the soldiers who'd been shot pushes himself up, wheezing, and lifts his gun--only for von Staden to fall upon him and slam his head into the floor just like before, screaming with rage. Altermann yelps--Reseda pulls him up, and Vischer hurries to help--they struggle to get back out the window, where more of the Rats are waiting to receive them. "Von Staden!" Vischer shouts, and von Staden drops the limp soldier and hurries after them. He and Altermann seem perplexed by the Trench Rats' presence but there's no time to explain; they rush off together while the other Rats continue firing on the remaining soldiers. They take shelter in the nearby woods, where Vischer knew the Rats were most likely to be concealed when he set off the flare. As everyone regroups, he breathlessly explains that he's the one who signaled for them. Altermann and especially von Staden are uneasy about this, though Altermann says he's already on the Nazis' hit list, and as for von Staden, "What real difference does it make?--they think I'm a traitor already anyway!" he says sourly. It's now Altermann's and Vischer's turn to be surprised when they learn that, following his release, von Staden was recruited by his own sister--to quietly fight back against the Nazis. He's been sabotaging their efforts ever since: "I love my Fatherland, but I hate this garbage that's taken it over. They want to punish me for something I never did, I may as well go through with it." Witnessing conditions in the camps firsthand, and contrasting that with the sanitized stories passed along to the outside, only strengthened his decision to turn on the Reich: "I didn't do anything to belong in there," he says, "and neither did anyone else." Despite this, both he and Altermann still consider themselves faithful to Germany, and are reluctant to go with the Trench Rats; Silver suggests they be treated as prisoners of war. Von Staden bristles at the idea but Vischer calms him down with the guarantee that the Americans will definitely treat them better than the SS did. Although still skeptical, Altermann and von Staden take Vischer at his word, and the three accompany the Rats back to their Headquarters. Vischer, Altermann, and von Staden are kept relatively safe in Trench Rat custody; Altermann is taken to the medical ward for treatment, and while there, von Staden volunteers to help out, saying he has basic medical training and wishes to be useful. Nurse Lyndsey Skye replies that they're short a set of hands (Indigo Rat), so, scrub in, and von Staden does so and starts assisting with the other wounded. Burgundy Rat tends to Altermann's wound; he's weak and has lost a lot of blood but should make it. Vischer is allowed to see him afterward and, relieved, says, "I believe our debt is settled now." They determine that von Staden's debt is settled as well, as Altermann saved Vischer, and von Staden saved them both. "It feels a little bit odd now that it's over," Altermann muses groggily, "rather saddening, really, and...anticlimactic?" He adds that he still feels like he owes Vischer, and when he returns from his duties, von Staden says the same. "Maybe we'll just always feel like we owe," he suggests, "like nothing we do will ever be enough." It's a sobering realization, yet one they figure they have to accept. "Well, it's not like it's the end of everything," Altermann says; "we'll still keep in touch, of course, ja?" Vischer and von Staden both agree...as odd as it is, the three of them consider themselves good friends by now, and the fall of the Reich shouldn't spell the end of that as well. Von Staden is informed by the Rats that they have his sister in custody; a group of resistance members has been brought in for questioning in case any Nazis are attempting to hide among them, and Mahogany Rat recognized the name von Staden--the sullen young woman lit up immediately when Adalard was mentioned, and asked to see him. Brother and sister are reunited at Trench Rat Headquarters, hugging and kissing foreheads repeatedly. Von Staden admonishes his sister for having taken shelter among the other resistance members--"Have you any idea the danger you put yourself in?"--which she throws right back in his face--"Take a look at you, you're a prisoner of war! Again!" Still, they're tearful and obviously relieved to see each other still alive; Mahogany tells them, when they ask, that they don't know the fate of their parents just yet, but will let them know if they're found. "We have each other till then," von Staden says. His sister asks the Rats if she can stay with him and is allowed to do so. Vischer decides to stay with Altermann until he recovers, becoming his shadow the way Altermann was once his (granted, he kind of has to stick around the captain, as he risks suffering a panic attack should he leave his company for too long). The Trench Rats keep them in custody as everything is settled following the war's end; it's bittersweet to the three to be on the losing side, yet each had disapproved of the regime in his own way, so the collapse of the Third Reich itself is no real loss. What is to become of them afterwards is more of a concern; Vischer's freedom is pretty much guaranteed (he wasn't in military service, and remained largely neutral), though the fate of Altermann and von Staden, being former members of the Wehrmacht, is rather up in the air. The Wehrmacht is dissolved and Germany is stripped of its military, leaving both of them without any position; von Staden is quickly cleared of the need for denazification due to his resistance efforts, and has no interest in further military service, so returns to the family estate with his sister. (Their parents are another issue.) This leaves Altermann, who, while he did help both Vischer and von Staden, didn't technically assist in the resistance, and essentially remained faithful to the Heer until the end. He resigns himself to having to face a military tribunal and possible prison sentence. Vischer and von Staden both vehemently speak up on his behalf, however; and questioning other prisoners and rescuees, including the labor camp commandant and several of Altermann's former coworkers, just confirms that while he was loyal to the army, he can't be proven to have participated in any overtly criminal activities, plus he gave plenty of signs of undermining the Reich whenever possible: "Were it up to me, meine Herren, I'd've had him hanged the moment he left my camp," mutters the commandant, facing a death sentence himself. The Trench Rats provide their own documentation verifying all this, and the Allies decide to focus their attention on bigger fish, so Altermann is let go without a trial. He's surprised to escape any consequences, though Vischer isn't: "Is it really so difficult for you to believe you're a decent man?" "Ja, well..." Altermann replies with a shrug, "...so are you, though I know it'll take far more than me telling you for you to believe it." I'm not sure if Altermann joins the Bundeswehr when it forms later on, though I think he does, as unlike the other two, he likes the daily grind of bureaucracy. Vischer returns home and Altermann keeps his promise of visiting often. Von Staden stops by to speak with Vischer as well, asking if it would be all right for him to visit every so often just to talk; he explains that Vischer's words have helped him somewhat, and he would like for them to remain in touch: "Maybe I presume, but I like to hope we are friends." Touched, Vischer replies that von Staden is welcome to visit whenever he wishes; he'll always have time to talk to him. Reseda says goodbye, heartbroken by Silver's disappearance at the end of the war; Vischer gives him a brief embrace and tells him to look after himself: "I hope you find peace with yourself someday," he murmurs before the Trench Rat departs for the United States. Vischer watches from afar as Germany is divided among the Allies; eventually Altermann convinces him to accompany him west, as the Soviets are taking over this area and Altermann suspects they'll be safer elsewhere, especially since he hopes to return to the military. Vischer hates to leave his beloved home, but, knowing the land is likely to be seized and divided as well--it helps that the von Stadens have also decided to head out--he takes his friend's advice, and relocates to a country home in the west. Although it's far from perfect and isn't quite the outcome he'd hoped for, he remains in touch with the people who matter, and is relatively content. [Vischer 2023 [Friday, July 28, 2023, 2:00:54 AM]] |