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Reseda Rat Blog Entry |
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May 26, 2023, 3:00:13 AM 5/26/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is PFC/Lance Corporal Reseda Rat. He plays a big role in Silver Rat's character development, though it's a side plot I haven't worked on in a long while. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding his design, he seems a bit too young and naive here, may need to tweak him sometime. TUMBLR EDIT: Well...I've had a really, really rough couple of months (I'm typing this in mid/late-July) and haven't had time to catch up on my blog or other things. So I'm not in a very good place to be my typical longwinded self just now, though I guess I'll manage. I have to admit I don't have as much to say for Reseda as I should, though. He hasn't opened up to me yet. I can say that Reseda, and Silver along with him, were the main driving force behind the circa-2000 reboot. I had plans, and I think maybe I did start, to write a novella "extracted" from the main plot of The Trench Rats, focusing solely on these two's subplot, and entitled "Tough Love." And...huh, I only just now realize, a year and a half after the series has rebooted for a second time, that the circumstances of this newest reboot are eerily similar. Although I still don't understand why a plethora of new and revamped characters, as well as gluts of new plot, have suddenly sprung to the surface this time, I do recall the single circumstance that led to it. Again, I don't know why, but I started thinking about a character I'd never been very interested in or spent much time on, either Papillon or Drake--I think it was Papillon. He just randomly popped into my head; don't know why. I then for some reason pondered the possibility of him getting into a relationship...with another male character. I paired up Papillon and Drake, started writing a scene...then another, unfamiliar character crawled out of the woodwork, requesting a scene: Otto Himmel. And then the floodgates opened. Well...circa 2000, a similar scenario emerged, only thus time featuring Silver and newer character Reseda, and somewhat more ambiguous in nature. While Drake and Papillon are certainly gay, it's a lot murkier with Reseda and especially Silver. I think Reseda is actually bisexual yet much prefers men; there's a scene where he spends the night with a couple of female prostitutes, but it's mostly to distract himself from his thoughts about Silver, he has to get really drunk to go through with it, and he doesn't end up enjoying himself at all. I imagine it isn't the only time he's been with women, he just really doesn't prefer it. So either he's "kinda" bisexual, with a distinct preference for men, or he's simply in denial. Silver...I'm not sure how to even describe him. His orientation is an anomaly to someone like me who prefers labels to make things clear. I'm pretty sure Reseda is the only male he's ever been with or wanted to be with--if the two of them were to break things off, he'd never start a relationship with any other man, because as I think he tells Reseda at some point, it's just not what he's interested in. He's apparently never had any longterm relationships, though he's been with women before. For all intents and purposes, he's straight. Just not when it comes to Reseda. Reseda is the one exception. Thing is, if they were to break things off, I don't think he'd start a relationship with any other women, either. Once he and Reseda grow close, he simply has no interest in anyone else, period. So I'm not sure what exactly you'd call a situation like this, where somebody is arrow-straight until they meet just this one person they'd not only switch teams for, but quit the game entirely except for this one. Silver doesn't neatly fit any label I know of. There are lots of newer labels I'm unfamiliar with, though, so maybe he fits one of them. Anyway...moving back to Reseda. I sadly don't know anything about his past before joining the Trench Rats, except that he's rather naive and idealistic. He's one of the newer, "second wave" of Rats who come over to replace those killed in the German attack on Headquarters, which eradicates about a quarter or a third of their number; many of the older/original Rats are either still dealing with the trauma or are outright hostile to the newcomers despite being on the same side, so the newer Rats have a lot of navigating to do to earn the others' respect. Silver is one of those holding a grudge, though he has extra reason to feel resentful: He was a member of the tiny exploratory unit that was trapped in enemy territory before the US even entered the war, whose members were absorbed into the newly formed Trench Rats First Battalion when they arrived to rescue them. He and Indigo were the unit members with the most time in and experience; therefore, they expected some sort of leadership positions in the battalion. These places were already taken by Sergeant Camo and Corporal Drake, however. While both Indigo and Silver were placed in charge of their own companies, and Indigo was additionally placated with a position in the medical unit, Silver never got over his grudge at being passed over for a more expansive leadership role. Result, he has an extra pissy attitude and often takes out his spite on his own company. He never does anything that crosses the line, but he's definitely earned a reputation as an a-hole, especially among his own men. It's a good thing he's skilled at what he does--sneaking into enemy territory to steal documents and kill Nazis by snapping their necks before vanishing unnoticed, a talent which earns him the nickname "Der Silbergeist" along with a top spot on the Reich's most wanted list--because most of his fellow Rats can hardly stand being around him for long. He's Aryan and comes from a higher-class background, so that combined with his already haughty and hostile demeanor makes him very difficult to get along with--and it's not like he makes any effort to be more approachable on his end, either. If anything, he's just fine antagonizing everyone else to keep them at arm's length. This is the environment Reseda sets foot in when he joins the Trench Rats. He's assigned to Echo Company--under Silver's command--and quickly learns why Silver is both highly respected yet highly despised. Most of his fellow company members are easy to get along with, commiserating over their shared nasty treatment at Silver's hands, though Reseda does manage to cross somebody here and there. Citrine Rat is one such; jaded, cynical, and poor tempered, he picks up on Reseda's inexperience and idealism and targets him accordingly, making him the frequent butt of spiteful jokes. There's a "snitches get stitches" mentality in the trenches, so while most of Echo Company don't actively participate in Citrine's a-holery, they don't really push back against it, either. Reseda also quickly learns that when it comes to being targeted for pranks or outright attacks, he's pretty much on his own and just has to deal with it. One odd circumstance is that Silver, whenever he witnesses such things firsthand, is quick to punish such behavior--there's room for only one a-hole in his company, I guess, and that's him. This isn't terribly helpful for Reseda, though; every time Citrine gets caught and punished, he gets even more spiteful, and it isn't long before he outright hates Reseda's guts. His formerly mostly harmless pranks start taking a decidedly vicious turn; Reseda suffers more than a few scrapes and bumps dealing with him, even though he's physically bigger and stronger than Citrine is; he doesn't believe in turning on a fellow Trench Rat, and keeps hoping Citrine will lose interest in him, though as the days go by Citrine's hostility just seems to grow. Reseda can't even figure out WTF about him has pissed Citrine off so much; just typical inexplicable bully behavior, I guess. One day events finally come to a head and in the middle of an argument, Citrine physically attacks Reseda; at first Reseda attempts to merely stave off his blows, but after a few minutes is forced to fight back. He's not as skilled a fighter as Citrine is, but like I said he's bigger, plus he has a lot of pent-up anger over all the weeks/months of poor treatment at Citrine's hands--it isn't long before he starts giving as good as he gets. Citrine is nearly overpowered for a moment, surprised by the normally mild Reseda's sudden burst of rage, but he too recovers quickly, and the fight is basically an even one. The two of them have pummeled each other black and blue by the time someone shoves them apart, yelling at the top of his lungs; Reseda tries to take a step forward to get at Citrine again, only to see that it's Silver who's pushed them apart. He looks even more pissed off than Citrine--and seeing as Citrine doesn't make any effort to get past him, Reseda decides he better not, either. Silver: "WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON HERE!" *glares first at Citrine, no response, then at Reseda* "SOMEBODY better answer! What is this!" Reseda: *pause* "Personal disagreement." Silver: *glares at him a moment, then back at Citrine* Citrine: "Personal disagreement." Silver: "That's how it is, then...?" *waits, no further response* "Fine. You two like blood and guts so much, report to the medical ward. Now!" Reseda and Citrine head back to Headquarters. Both of them are confused--Reseda by his refusal to blame Citrine, Citrine by Reseda's refusal to blame him, both of them by Silver's choice of punishment. Nurse Lyndsey Skye is equally perplexed when they arrive--at first assuming they're there to receive medical attention themselves--until Reseda admits, "I think we were sent here to be punished," then she fetches the chief surgeon, Burgundy. Burgundy reacts the same way as Skye, who then says, "They believe they're here to be punished," at which point he gets an odd look and merely says, "Oh." Reseda and Citrine spend the rest of the day scrubbing and wiping up blood and other unpleasant substances spilled in the medical ward. They even witness Burgundy get to work on a badly wounded comrade who spurts blood all over the place (making Burgundy pause just briefly to take a breath), standing at the side of the room and staring silently until he's stabilized and taken away to a bed. As they start cleaning up the new mess, pale and shaken, Citrine mutters, "Better get used to it, kid. You'll be seeing a lot worse." After their stint in the medical ward is over, they're directed to Charlie Company, led by Copper Rat--"Looks like I'm stuck with you two for a little while. At least TRY to behave yourselves...?"--and spend some time patrolling the trenches at the edge of the woods where HQ is located. Reseda is disgruntled when he sits down not far from Turquoise and Turquoise responds by getting up and moving some distance away before sitting down again. ("It's nothing personal, kid," Copper says when he notices Reseda's reaction, though all Reseda can think is why does everyone keep calling him "kid.") This goes pretty uneventfully until they're released back to Echo Company. Citrine pretty much leaves Reseda alone after that (weirdly, Reseda finds that he almost misses these interactions, he's become so used to them, and hasn't really connected with anyone else); Silver is another story. He apparently takes to watching Citrine and Reseda like a hawk; Citrine's been around long enough to know how to keep his head down (now that he's no longer targeting Reseda), yet Reseda's still pretty green. (Uh...heh...heheh. No pun intended, heh.) Result, EVERY little mistake he makes, Silver is right on top of it to give him a public tongue-lashing. This is so wearisome and humiliating that Reseda finds he preferred Citrine's attacks since at least those came from an equal; to keep getting lambasted by his company commander wears on him. It isn't long before he starts to carry a grudge against Silver and rather wishes something nasty would happen to him. Just to take him down a notch. At the same time, though, he learns the ropes himself, learns how to better interact with his fellows to make himself useful, and witnesses Silver's own skills in action enough to at least respect him for that, if not for him as a decent person. He also gets a better look at what exactly Citrine meant with his warning. His company is on hand along with Charlie and Delta Companies one day when the Rats get wind of a small Nazi camp and set out to try to liberate it. Before they've reached the clearing where the camp is supposedly located, Reseda and several of the others notice Turquoise, walking toward the front, slow down and then crumple to the ground, clutching at the dirt and gasping for breath. Thinking he's having a heart attack, Reseda reaches for him but Copper pushes him back with a sharp shake of his head; he silently gestures at the others to have their guns ready for whatever they might find, before carefully hooking his elbow under Turquoise's and helping him to his feet. Turquoise halts again just outside the gate and Reseda hears him say, "There's nothing," before they head in. They find that the Nazis evidently got word of a potential Allied approach ahead of time and acted accordingly. All of the prisoners have been killed, and what few guards remained behind committed suicide. Most, though, simply fled. The Rats silently peer at the scores of skeletal bodies left behind, alone and in piles; there's nobody left for them to rescue. Turquoise, who's managed to pull himself together, heads toward the main guard post and here they find a lone survivor--one of the SS guards--though he's badly wounded from a half-botched shot to the head, and obviously doesn't have long to live. Even Indigo and the other medics in Delta Company see no point in trying to save him, even if they wanted to. Reseda learns later on that this guard's dying emotions were what Turquoise had picked up on as they approached the camp. The Rats gather around him and stare as he bleeds out and pants weakly, blinking back up at them. "What was the point of this, mate?" Indigo asks; nobody really expects an answer, and the guard's breath rattles and then stops. The Rats determine they can't handle the situation alone; they're going to need assistance dealing with the bodies. Copper leads a handful of them further into the woods until they come across a tree with an eye painted on it; a few armed partisans appear, and after a brief consultation the group continues. Reseda gets his first glimpse of Didrika's encampment. Didrika is the Roma leader and lone female of the sprawling group of mixed German and Soviet partisans; she comes out to speak with Copper, who seems to be on good terms with her, though Didrika's companion, a hulking Russian named Boris, makes Reseda nervous; he doesn't seem to like the Trench Rats at all. Didrika offers what men of hers aren't too superstitious to deal with the dead in the camp, and sends a runner to contact another network of partisans led by "Major" Champere (note, he seems to have originally been a sergeant major in my character list, though I lean toward him carrying the self-appointed rank of major) and ask for further assistance from him. Champere's men, while more reclusive, aren't nearly as squeamish as Didrika's, and a large group of them accompany the runner back to Didrika's camp and then they all head to the Nazi camp. They start the somber business of bundling up the bodies and helping to transport them to Trench Rats Headquarters for possible identification. Silver, meanwhile, has the members of Echo Company go through the sparsely furnished buildings on the property, seeking any papers, records, or documentation the SS left behind. Reseda feels skeezy digging through the goods the Nazis took from their prisoners--spectacles, shoes, clothes, even teeth. When he gets to the small personal items such as pendants, rings, watches, he falters, especially when Silver tells them to hurry and finish up. On hearing that these things are to be left behind again, he feels a twinge of spite, and asks another Rat to help him gather the items in a sack; without Silver's knowledge he heads back outside the camp and seeks out Didrika. She crosses herself when he shows her what he found and says he'd like to make sure the items end up in the right hands, whether it's with surviving family or buried with the dead or what; she then calls one of Champere's men over. Didrika instructs the newcomer, Papillon, to help Reseda out. Papillon doesn't react the way Didrika did when looking over the sack's contents. Upon learning that Reseda is the one who rescued the items, he says, "This was very kind of you," and agrees to help return the items where they best belong. Silver is too busy dealing with the documents left behind to notice Reseda's preoccupation elsewhere. Reseda gets some help from Mahogany, who manages most of the prisoner records; they and Papillon question some refugees in Trench Rat custody, managing to figure out how best to dispose of the items. Most are left to be placed with the dead, though a few items are returned to surviving family members. "Most people wouldn't go to this trouble," Papillon tells Reseda before they part ways. Reseda: "I figured I'd get a bunch of questions why, to be honest." Papillon: "No point asking why someone wishes to be kind. I figure you have your reasons." Reseda: "What about you?" Papillon: *pause* "There was someone I cared about. Once. Someone like those people." Reseda: "What happened...?" Papillon: *long pause* "I'm not sure what happened to him." *forces a smile & wave* "Adieu, and look after yourself, oui?" Papillon spreads his wings and flies off (something that always catches the landbound Trench Rats off guard) before the words completely register in Reseda's brain. He's not entirely sure why, yet they stick with and niggle at him, how casually Papillon let something like that slip. In the original version of events, some neglectful action of Reseda's helped lead to Silver getting captured by the Nazis. I was still going to go with this, but if I do I'm not sure how it pans out. In the current version, the primary catalyst behind Silver's capture, when he slips behind enemy lines as he has dozens of times before and gets inside Project Doomsday headquarters, is Teal Rat. Teal, one of Silver's former co-members of the original reconnaissance unit which was absorbed into the Trench Rats, was captured when Doomsday Rat was freed, and has been subjected to various kinds of torture and experimentation ever since, despite his status as a special prisoner. A complicated series of events leads to trouble for Silver on what should be a routine mission. The doctor in charge of the experiment, Kammler, has been pushing against the SS's restrictions on what treatment he can subject Teal to; just prior to Silver's arrival, he utilized an especially nasty punishment for the Trench Rat's resistance, granting a Nazi sergeant named Lange access to his cell. Lange is well known (and despised) for his brutal treatment of his unwilling male partners, and Teal is no exception. This is the event that finally breaks Teal, and he promises to do whatever Kammler wants. When Silver abruptly appears and runs into him, they're both stunned--the Rats had been just about certain Teal is dead by now, and Teal has been convinced by Kammler that they're never going to come for him. Indeed, Silver isn't there to rescue Teal, yet he promptly changes his plan, and starts trying to think of a way to get them both out of there--when Teal suddenly starts screaming, "Der Silbergeist! DER SILBERGEIST!!" Silver commits his first actual mistake, hesitating briefly, he's so confused by Teal's behavior. He belatedly gets the idea to get TF out of there. Unfortunately, the nearby Nazi guards hear Teal's screaming and come running immediately--Silver, used to taking advantage of sneaking in secretly, has no such advantage anymore, and is quickly captured, Teal pointing at him and yelling the entire time. He's easily taken into custody, Kammler is called, and it's a very big development, somebody as highly wanted as Der Silbergeist finally being apprehended. As he's restrained and taken away, Silver hears Teal babbling to Kammler, "I got him, Der Silbergeist, I got him for you," like a child desperately seeking approval for a good deed, and Kammler actually coos at him that he indeed did well. Silver is brought to a strange medical room--there's a barred cell taking up one wall, a Jewish prisoner inside staring at what's going on--and restrained to a table. He refuses to answer any questions despite being cuffed, then punched, then beaten. Dr. Kammler then calls Sgt. Lange, and he and the others leave them alone. Things take an especially dreadful turn. Some time later, Lange departs, fists bloody, fuming and believing Silver to be dead. In reality, he's merely unconscious; as soon as he awakes, he starts trying to free himself despite his immense pain. The Jewish prisoner, Jakob Wolfstein, tosses him a shiv he's been working on, and Silver cuts his restraints before working to get Wolfstein's cell open. With Wolfstein's help, since he can barely walk, Silver escapes, and the two manage to make their way into the countryside surrounding the city and disappear into the woods. Almost before they've even gotten news of Silver's capture, the Rats learn of his escape, and that he's been taken in by Didrika's band of partisans. Plans are immediately made to go negotiate for his release, since Didrika rarely offers any kindnesses for free. Among those chosen to meet with the partisans are Burgundy Rat, Lyndsey Skye, and a handful of other Rats including Reseda. Reseda is absolutely agonized over this turn of events, partly because he blames himself. Even if none of his actions led directly to Silver's capture (need to work this part out), there are still the bad feelings he had about Silver, as well as the now-searing memory of a brief interaction he had previously with Didrika. She'd noticed, on the last interaction between her group and Echo Company, the vague hostile attitude between him and Silver, and half-jokingly warned him against using the evil eye so casually. When Reseda scoffed that there were no such things as curses, Didrika replied, "Careful, gadjo. Just because you don't believe in a curse doesn't mean it doesn't believe in you." Well, Reseda remembers his earlier vague, spiteful wishes for something to happen to take Silver down a peg...and now Didrika's warning takes on a lot more significance. He finds himself increasingly convinced that he's the reason Silver went through what he did, and the guilt is nearly overwhelming. There's a bit of drama when the Rats reach the partisan encampment (Skye doesn't appreciate a joke Didrika makes at Burgundy's expense, and smacks her across the face), though as soon as Burgundy belatedly arrives they get down to business. Didrika reports that Silver is alive and in one piece, but in quite poor shape--she and the camp's doctor have been tending to him, and he needs a bit more rest before she'll let him go. Wolfstein, the only direct witness, is available to fill in more details that Didrika refuses to; the way she keeps the story vague unsettles Reseda and the others, so they can assume that something really awful must have happened. Reseda doesn't get to hear what Wolfstein tells Burgundy, though he does see how Wolfstein's eyes well up and he puts his hands over his face at one point. Burgundy haggles with Didrika and agrees to provide the partisans with penicillin and various medical supplies in exchange for Silver's release and some crates of oranges, then goes to check on him for himself. The others are invited to stay for supper, during which Didrika stops by Reseda's spot for a bit and chats with him. Getting the distinct impression she's sussing him out, he tries to keep his answers guarded, though it soon becomes clear she's picking up on a lot more than he's saying--including his guilt over Silver's fate. "You seem quite close, to care about him so much, gadjo," she says, which completely catches him off guard--"Close? I can't stand him!" Reseda blurts out, at which Didrika's mouth twitches and she says, "You have an odd way of showing it, then." The Rats spend a couple of days in Didrika's camp--during which she appears to be flirting with Reseda at times, and he learns about the odd relationship she has with her men--before Silver decides he wants to return to Headquarters. He insists on walking out on his own, though the going is quite slow, with him limping along and having to stop often to catch his breath. Wolfstein appears and insists on walking alongside him, although he refrains from touching him. The other Rats are struck silent when they get their first look at him; his eyes are both black and still somewhat swollen, bruises litter his ribs and arms and legs, his wrists and ankles have ligature marks, and he shuffles in obvious pain. He speaks softly--not at all his usual snapping tone--though when both Didrika and Burgundy suggest he stay in the camp and rest a bit longer, a familiar bite enters his voice and he says he's going back to HQ. Even Burgundy, who far outranks him, knows better than to argue. The Trench Rats and Wolfstein depart back for Headquarters. Silver is given a bed in the medical ward to recover in, and spends quite a bit of time heavily drugged and sleeping. Wolfstein submits to a physical exam; while in unusually good health (he'd been fed better while in Kammler's custody than he had while prisoner in a camp), he's still quite thin, and has obviously been subjected to experimentation and torture--Burgundy is especially livid to see the vivisection scars he bears. Echo Company is temporarily left without leadership and so "merges" with Copper's Charlie Company in the meantime. And Reseda finds himself left with a lot of thoughts. Thoughts primarily about Silver. The longer he thinks about him the more he starts to realize he seems to have feelings for him...and not the feelings he'd thought he had. He finds himself worrying about Silver's welfare constantly, asking for updates on his recovery whenever someone has reason to return to HQ or the medical ward. He even ignores the looks he gets from Citrine and the others. He spends his days with his insides in knots, especially when furtive rumor starts to spread about exactly what it was that happened to Silver during his brief time in Nazi custody. Reseda isn't sure whether to believe the rumor or not; he tries to question Wolfstein about it when he gets the chance, but Wolfstein refuses to go into any detail about what he saw, saying instead, "All this is between Herr Silbergeist and Herr Doktor and Herr Gott, it's not for me to spread to the wind. If you care, just pray for him to get better soon, ja?" Reseda knows at least two other people are in a position to know if the rumor is true: Didrika and the partisan camp doctor. When he gets the chance to speak with Didrika again, again he asks. She pauses before saying, "If you want truth, why don't you ask him yourself. I figure whatever he wants anyone to know, he'll tell." Reseda says, "I don't think that's the kind of thing he'd want to talk about," to which she replies, "You have your answer then, gadjo," and leaves. Reseda is startled when Boris halts beside him and leans down close to say quietly, "Best let some things go unknown, droog. Save yourself trouble. He want to say, he say. Otherwise, let go," and follows her. Reseda belatedly recalls the dark look that flitted across his face as he asked the question, but he can't think of why Boris would care at all. (See Lange's entry, HERE, for the most up-to-date version why Boris cares at all.) Eventually, Silver returns to Echo Company and things return to normal...well...sort of. Everyone tries to act like everything is the way it was but they find themselves unintentionally walking on eggshells around him, and it's obvious this irritates Silver. He isn't quite as snappish as previously, however; much of the time he seems distracted or inattentive. The rest of the company responds by basically figuring things out on their own, having to deal with minimum input from him, though of course this isn't a feasible course of action in all circumstances, and they endure a few close scrapes due to Silver's lack of attention. Reseda steps up, keeping rather close to him while trying to not be obvious about it; whenever Silver's attention is needed he does vague little things to catch it again. It's a tedious, constant job always keeping an eye on him while trying to look like he's not, but it's all he can think of to keep Silver out of trouble; he still blames himself for his capture, and wants to make up for it. If Silver's attention wanders too much, he could end up losing his command--or getting someone killed. Silver isn't completely stupid, though, and catches on to how Reseda always seems to be around now; he finally calls him out on it, getting fed up with his constant presence. Reseda's forced to explain his actions, and that includes mentioning his own guilt. Silver frowns, an odd combination of irritation and confusion, and says, "You didn't have anything to do with that." Then when Reseda admits to hoping something bad would happen to him, Silver's frown just grows and he says, "You don't make something happen by thinking about it. Now knock it off and quit harassing me." Reseda backs off, but just enough to look like he's not fixating on Silver anymore; he still does what he can to cover for his negligence. Which, BTW, just seems to worsen. Silver's temper becomes erratic, and every once in a while he zones out or engages in irrational behavior that's nothing like his usual self. There's even an occasion when he almost gets shot and killed by a German sniper, Ratdog, yet Ratdog refrains from taking the easy shot at the last minute, and even prevents the young Wehrmacht private with him from following through instead; after a brief argument, Ratdog yells out something in German at the Rats, then the two depart. One of the Rats translates the message: "He said he won't take an unfair shot. He'll wait until you're better, and then he'll kill you." (This just peeves Silver, who insists he's fine.) Reseda tries to find ways to distract or dissuade himself from his growing feelings; one of these attempts involves hiring a couple of prostitutes. (He doesn't go looking for them, though they manage to coax him into it.) He figures passing the night with a pair of beautiful and attentive women should jar him out of his thoughts, and it does help for a little while, until one of the women picks up a hint that he might be more into men; she makes a furtive joke to her companion and they laugh, at which Reseda, humiliated, slaps her. The women apologize, though Reseda is more dismayed by his own actions; he leaves them and decides never to try that again, since obviously it didn't work. They were right--his heart wasn't really in it, and he wasn't really into them. There isn't much point denying it now, although he does futilely attempt to shove down his feelings for Silver in particular. He figures Silver can hardly stand him as it is. Back in Echo Company, one irrational behavior of Silver's that Reseda witnesses is him compulsively rubbing at and washing his wrists, where slight scars from the leather restraints are still slightly visible yet the bruises are gone; when he notices that Silver is starting to rub his wrists raw again, he asks him to stop, then orders him, then grabs his arm to make him stop. And gets punched in the face in return. He's too startled to be upset, just presses his hand to his eye at the pain; he blinks a few times and notices Silver staring at him with an expression he imagines is exactly like that he must've had after slapping the prostitute. Like he can't believe he did such a thing. Reseda takes a few breaths to steady himself before saying, "There's nothing there anymore. It's gone. The only thing still here is you." Silver stares at him a moment more. Then, out of nowhere, kisses him, hard. Reseda blinks again and makes a noise, surprised and confused, yet after a few seconds relaxes. As abruptly as it started it's over and he's left standing there still blinking and gasping; Silver has a very odd look he can't describe, though he imagines he doesn't look much different. Then Silver turns and quickly walks away. Reseda returns to the company and everything resumes as before, as if nothing happened; he even finds himself wondering whether he dreamed it, though he knows he didn't. He's pretty sure how he feels by now, but Silver's reaction to his own actions mystifies him, and he has no idea what, if anything, to do about it; suddenly Boris's advice to just let things be seems prudent. He does try again to distract himself, this time with an older German resistance sympathizer with whom the Rats come into contact, named Vischer. Like the prostitutes, he notices the hints Reseda tries so hard to keep secret, and offers him a temporary diversion. Reseda visits with him for a while, though it's obvious his mind is elsewhere, and Vischer finally broaches the subject, after Reseda unthinkingly calls him "Silbergeist." Reseda is of course mortified, but Vischer isn't upset; he knows he's not the one Reseda wants. "This just brings up the question, why are you here with me?" he says. "When it's plain you long to be with someone else." Reseda admits that he doesn't believe Silver would be interested. Vischer: "You know this for sure?" Reseda: "I've never asked him, but it's obvious." Vischer: "How is it obvious?" Reseda: "I mean...you know who I'm talking about, right?" Vischer: "Everyone knows der Silbergeist. But how do you know what he thinks of you until you ask?" Reseda: "Some people make it pretty damn clear." Vischer: "And how exactly has he made it clear what he thinks of you?" Reseda starts to answer, thinking of all the times Silver's berated and upbraided him in front of anyone else...and then he recalls their last, very confusing interaction. He'd actually mentally downplayed it and tried to forget, yet there it is, still stuck in his head. Vischer notes the look on his face and says, "I'll assume it's not so clear then after all, is it." He adds, "I won't tell you to stop coming by...but what it is you really want, really need, I don't believe you'll find it here. And you won't be happy until you do find it." Reseda finally gets the hint; there are no distractions that will get him over his feelings for Silver. He refrains from directly dealing with the issue for a time, though one day when he spots Silver rubbing his wrists without noticing it brings the emotions back. When he says, "Sir...?" Silver mumbles, "It feels like they're still there." Reseda instantly understands--the physical wounds may be long gone, but the mental ones are still quite fresh. No wonder he keeps trying to wipe them off. Reseda hesitates a moment before crouching in front of Silver and gently but firmly grasping both of his wrists, covering up the scars. Silver instantly tenses up and looks at him, a hostile but weirdly glassy and detached glint in his eyes--he looks about ready to punch him again. "They're gone and you're here," Reseda says again; Silver blinks, and his eyes clear--like somebody waking from a dream. After another moment he kisses Reseda again and Reseda returns the gesture. The next day Reseda is the one with all kinds of confused emotions. Company life goes on the same as always, so he keeps his thoughts to himself; he knows he's been an unfortunately open book in the past, so worries a little that this will again be an issue, but nobody seems to notice much or care. Only once, when his mind wanders, Citrine snaps, "Back to earth, kid," and he keeps better track of his thoughts. He does notice, on the other hand, that Silver doesn't seem as distracted himself as before, and he doesn't see him rubbing at his wrists so much or staring off into space. It's as if he needed something to jar him out of it. Reseda doesn't mind taking on some of his scattered thoughts in return, though he wonders what, if anything, this change will entail between them. When he finally (and awkwardly) gets the chance to ask, Silver tersely replies that he doesn't know, either. He's a lot better at hiding it, yet is just as perplexed as Reseda is. Unlike Reseda, Silver's not really into examining his emotions; it makes him painfully uncomfortable. (I imagine having a profession in which you snap people's necks like you're opening a soda bottle can make one less prone to introspection.) He prefers to compartmentalize and keep things from getting messy. So Reseda's early insistence on them figuring out where they stand with each other wears on him, and he's rather short tempered at first. He does start trying to respond more rationally, but still has no answers; this is the first and only time something like this has happened for him, so he can't explain it. Reseda, too, forces himself to not be so pushy and just try to accept it. They're careful to keep things discreet (a few parties suspect something is up, yet never act on it), though they effectively become a couple throughout the series. (One thing I forgot to mention, Reseda learns that Silver actually hates being called Silbergeist--as that's what Lange kept calling him during his ordeal.) Skipping ahead, as much of Silver's and Reseda's relationship isn't mapped out yet. This part, too, is still highly under development and so may change. Toward the end of the penultimate story arc, Silver goes missing and is presumed captured and killed by the Nazis--he was the one most wanted, after all. Reseda is devastated--he tries what he can to find out what became of Silver, yet at the same time, can't reveal WHY he's so invested in what became of him or why he cares so much. Gold, now sergeant of the Trench Rats, insists they're doing all they can to try to locate him, but adds not to expect miracles--the final days of the war are chaotic and messy and at one point, even the body of Indigo, the leader of Delta Company, goes missing. "You have to face that it might be that we never find him (Silver)," Gold says; when Reseda retorts, "No man left behind! Isn't that what we always say?" Gold looks wounded and replies, "We say it, and we mean it. But this is reality. It's different here." Reseda lingers in Germany for a time and enlists LC Mahogany's help in questioning anyone who might have any knowledge of Silver's whereabouts. Former members of the Axis seem most in a position to know, although there are few who are willing to assist. Two who bother to speak with them are SS members Major Konstantin Klaus, the former commandant of the local labor/extermination camp, and Captain Otto Himmel, who once oversaw Dr. Kammler's work. (Kammler himself was killed by Teal.) Both had survived capture at the war's end (though Klaus was beaten and nearly killed by his own inmates) and stood trial for their crimes; Klaus was found guilty of more serious charges yet granted a deal for his cooperation so is serving a prison sentence, whereas Himmel was found guilty of a lesser charge, also cooperated, and was let go. Reseda and Mahogany visit the castle prison where Klaus is being kept; yet, "I can tell you Herr Silbergeist was never placed in my camp, Herr Reseda," Klaus informs him, "I'd remember if so." That leaves Himmel, who following his release returned to the farm where his son Kolten, formerly one of Kammler's test subjects, was previously sent to live; Reseda sets out to see him. The trip there is a long one and along the way they meet an unexpected party: Ratdog, the same sniper who once relinquished his easy shot at Silver. Although he'd had several other chances, he never followed through on his vow to kill Silver. They pass not far from Ratdog's home while on their way and he comes out to confront them, rifle at the ready; Mahogany talks him down, as Ratdog doesn't speak English and Reseda doesn't speak German. He still seems vaguely hostile until Mahogany explains their reason for passing through; when Mahogany mentions "Herr Silbergeist" Ratdog looks directly at Reseda with an odd frown. Upon learning of Silver's disappearance his demeanor shifts; he offers to accompany them out of the woods along the way to the Albrecht farm where Himmel is. He says something to Mahogany before taking the lead; Mahogany murmurs to Reseda, "He says he's sorry to hear what happened. He always respected Silver and hoped they might meet and talk someday. As equals." As they walk, Ratdog eventually falls back into step alongside Reseda; Reseda, preoccupied with his own thoughts, tries to ignore the way he peers at him sideways. After a while Ratdog speaks quietly in German; Reseda of course doesn't reply. A brief pause, then Ratdog says, "Du hast ihn geliebt?" "I don't speak German, sorry," Reseda says with mild annoyance; there's another, longer pause, Ratdog appearing to rack his brain, before he says in halting English, "You loved...?" Reseda has to force himself not to shiver at the icy prickle that runs up his neck; he recognizes it now, the odd look Ratdog had been giving him--the same look the prostitutes, and Vischer, and Didrika once gave him. Somehow, he can tell. And he realizes he doesn't even have to ask how he knows--he'd noticed another look in Ratdog's eyes when they met. Grief. Reseda doesn't know the details, but he can tell Ratdog's lost someone, too. He doesn't respond to the question, but Ratdog appears to understand his reluctance; he says something else as he turns back to mind his own business, and they continue walking. He parts ways with them when they reach the edge of the field land upon which the Albrecht property is located. At the Albrechts', they meet Himmel. Mahogany again explains the situation, though when Himmel replies he speaks accented yet flawless English. Like Ratdog, he's dismayed to learn of Silver's disappearance, though he has no answers to offer. "Many things and people went missing in those last days," he says, including lots of SS documents related to Project Doomsday, and his own employer, Major Jäger. He suspects this was deliberate, but that's all he knows. He starts to suggest, "Do you think it's at all possible Herr Silver went missing intentionally...?" but when Reseda quickly shoots this down, he just as quickly backs off. He promises to let them know if he hears of anything else, but there's nothing he can offer right now. As the Rats prepare to leave, he adds, "I'm sorry about your friend, Herr Mahogany, Herr Reseda. Herr Silver was...is...very brave and resourceful...if he's in any sort of trouble, I know he'll do all he can to get out of it." Upon return to the new Trench Rat Headquarters--the previous Project Doomsday headquarters--Mahogany asks Reseda what, if anything, he'd like to try next. Reseda, demoralized, is out of ideas, plus, it's time for him to go home; he doesn't have any connections left holding him in Germany. Mahogany offers to get in touch with him if any other info comes to light, and Reseda finally heads back to the United States, dejected. Reseda has no family (that I'm aware of); he takes a job, moves into an apartment, lives alone. The thought of moving on and finding someone else, even as a temporary diversion, doesn't cross his mind; he'd rather just be on his own. He's gotten used to his solitary life, and the hole in his heart, after a year or two has passed, when one evening a quiet knock comes at his door. He almost never gets visitors, so this jars him a bit; perplexed, he goes to unlock the door and peer out. For a few seconds all he can do is stare, dumbfounded, at the face staring back--he can't believe it's Silver, yet it is--older, gaunt, yet the same Silver he last saw so long ago. He seems just as surprised to see Reseda although he knocked on his door. After a confused moment Reseda opens his door wider and steps aside; Silver silently enters and he closes the door again. Silver sits on the sofa and doesn't talk as Reseda fetches something to eat and drink, unsure what else to do; his thoughts are racing now and he has to force himself to not bombard the other Rat with questions as he brings him a plate and mug. Silver shows no interest in the food but does sip his drink when Reseda urges him to, then grasping it in his hands and staring into space a moment or so. "What happened...?" Reseda at last prompts him, unable to hold it in any longer; Silver looks at him glassy eyed yet says nothing, so Reseda adds, "Where did you go?" Silver just stares at him another moment, then they both gasp and jerk back--the mug has shattered in his hands, liquid spattering them both, shards flying. He'd been gripping it so tight it broke. He blinks at the sight of blood on his hands; Reseda hurries to fetch a towel, sitting down beside him and carefully pulling a few slivers of ceramic free before wrapping up his hands. Silver blinks a few more times, takes and lets out a breath, and relaxes as if finally pulled back down to earth. Hesitating here and there, he starts to explain, though it's obvious his thoughts are muddled. He's only just returned from Germany. It's too soon for word to have reached Reseda yet about all that recently happened; Silver lays it out the best he can. He heard rumor in the final days of the war, during one of his solo excursions, that the SS was making plans to abandon project headquarters yet not Project Doomsday itself--they had a contingency plan to keep the experiment going from a new location, somewhere far to the south in the Alps. The destruction of Project Doomsday has long been the Trench Rats' primary goal; for it to continue even after the then-impending fall of the Third Reich is unthinkable. Silver had no reasonable time to notify the rest of the battalion, knowing they would need to make detailed plans of attack that would take far too long to enact; taking a calculated risk, he did the only thing he could think of, and let himself be captured. Reseda: *sharply* "What--?" *Silver flinches, Reseda takes a breath & lowers his voice* "How could you do that--? After what--after what already happened? They could've killed you." Silver: "They never wanted me dead." Reseda: "Still. That wouldn't have stopped them from doing anything else." Silver: "Kammler and that a**hole were dead. Also they weren't the SS." Reseda: "What are you talking about?" Silver: "We read the files. The SS didn't sanction any of that. They weren't even interested in me. The only thing they were interested in was Projekt Weltuntergang--Project Doomsday. Everything else Kammler did, he did on his own." Reseda: "I don't understand what you were thinking." Silver: "The only use I had to them was for intel or for experimenting. And by then they didn't need any more intel." Reseda is stunned to find out that Silver basically offered himself up to be part of the believed-defunct Project Doomsday, which had in fact been resurrected at the last minute as Project Ultima Thule. Silver outlines how after his capture by the fleeing SS forces, he was transported south, into the mountains, where he was brought before an officer he took to be in charge of the whole thing. Calling himself Ludolf Jäger, he was oddly courteous to Silver, appearing to see through his plan to allow himself to be captured this time: "The last time was an unfortunate fluke; I find it strains credulity that you'd unwittingly be caught a second time. In other words, Herr Silbergeist, you're not that stupid." He explained that Silver could either consent to become a test subject, or have it forced on him; "Not much of a choice," Silver said, though the reaction he got from Jäger was unexpected. Jäger: *smiles* "It's not quite the punishment you think. In fact it's no longer a punishment at all. Things have changed since you were last with us. We've put a lot of work into this, into perfecting it, and we're very close. This isn't the old serum you've heard of." Silver: "I've heard of the side effects, is what I've heard of. And the numerous failures." Jäger: "That was then, Herr Silbergeist, this is now! I promise you, things have changed. It's like alchemy, you know alchemy? Refining a base substance into gold. This has always been the goal, to take the Untermensch and refine him into an Übermensch." Silver: "I know full well what you people do to an Untermensch and it sure doesn't involve 'refining' anything!" Jäger: "It's as I told you, Herr Silbergeist, things have changed. That was the Third Reich which has fallen. The Fourth Reich arises in its ashes like the phoenix! Glorious and new like the dawn! It's true my views are different from the base views of my former comrades. That's why I'm here now, and they're not! Darwin was right! Just not in the way everyone else thought. You can only winnow out so much chaff! What if chaff is all there is? You're left with nothing! The others had it all wrong with their gas chambers and their firing squads. I'm rational enough to admit I'm not perfect, Herr Silbergeist. Herr Gott or whatever divine power created us created none of us perfect. This is where they got it wrong. No one is born an Übermensch. There is no Herrenvolk. Not yet! It needs a hand in coming to fruition, in evolving. It needs refining! Not throwing the lead away, but turning it into gold! So much waste and destruction the Third Reich stood for, yet this time around it'll be different. No more Weltuntergang. A new world! A better world. Perfection needed a hand in achieving, and Ultima Thule is it. The TRUE Final Solution! The Magnum Opus!" Reseda listens to all this with a blank look. "What the f**k," he says simply when Silver falls silent, to which Silver replies, "Exactly. He was a batsh*t lunatic." Jäger explained that the experimental serum had finally, successfully been tweaked enough--in a lab other than the one run by Kammler, where Himmel had constantly sabotaged the project--and so its effect on subjects was different now. Whereas previously it had often been excruciatingly painful, especially on those for whom it was unsuccessful--which was almost everyone, considering it was effective on only one very rare blood type mutation--now it could be administered with minimal difficulty, and had proven to be beneficial to everyone who took it so far, although to differing extents. "It still needs a bit more perfecting before we have our Philosopher's Stone," Jäger had said, "but with every subject, we get a little closer to achieving godhood." He urged Silver to take the serum willingly--"It won't hurt, Herr Silbergeist, nothing but the prick of the needle, and I know you can handle that." When Silver asked him how he could possibly know this, Jäger beamed and replied, "Simple, Herr Silbergeist, you're seeing the results. I've already taken the serum myself." It's true--not just Jäger, but the other remaining SS members who fled to the Alpine Fortress with him, took the Doomsday serum and now not only had varying increases in strength and stamina, but were essentially immortal--almost nothing could kill them. Jäger proved this after a fashion by taking his Ehrendolch and slitting into the side of his neck--Silver couldn't help letting out a distressed sound as blood from the severed jugular and carotid started spitting and pouring down his uniform. Other than a brief moment to take a shaky breath and apparently get used to the shock, though, Jäger seemed unaffected, even continuing to talk: "See, Herr Silbergeist...? Anyone else would be dead within moments. You'll see it isn't so with us, and it can be the same for you. Imagine...being one large step that much closer to godhood. As strong as an oak, as strong as Donar, able to withstand all pain and adversity. This can be you." He then took his hand away from the pulsing wound and to Silver's astonishment, the cut in the skin had largely closed already and the blood flow was diminishing. "What do you say, Herr Silbergeist...?" Jäger asked. "Join us on your knees, or standing on your feet...?" Silver says he took the only real choice available--willingly subjecting himself to the serum. After all, he'd let himself be caught; of course it wouldn't be easy. Surprisingly, just as Jäger said, the first infusion didn't hurt aside from placing the IV; afterward Jäger informed him that it would take more infusions, and some time, to notice the full effects, but he should start to experience some soon. He invited Silver to dinner with him to discuss future plans and further explain what he was to expect in his role in "this wondrous new Reich." Part of this involved him outlining the purpose and preparedness of the Alpine Fortress, starting to refer to Silver as "Kamerad" (marking him as an equal), and fitting him for a strange new version of the traditional Allgemeine-SS uniform, except white rather than black. It wasn't long before Silver was convinced none of this was an act--Jäger genuinely believed in his plan, and fully intended to implement it or die trying. He was a bona fide fanatic. Silver originally intended to try to kill Jäger, and with hope the budding new Reich would die with him, but this idea was promptly scuttled when Jäger introduced him to some other residents of the Alpine Fortress: His wife, Magdalena, and their nine young children: the eldest, Leopoldine (actually Jäger's adopted daughter, her father being another SS officer Magda had a brief relationship with before moving into the Lebensborn home where Jäger met her), Lisbeth, Liesl, twins Lars and Lara, Lothar, twins Lilli and Lotti, and the youngest, Liane. As Magda warmly welcomed Silver he noticed she was pregnant--"Our tenth, yet just as loved as our first," she said, blushing, "I'm going to have to think of a name soon!" The thought of killing an entire family, all of whom but one were innocent, turned his stomach, and he decided he'd need to take some further time to become familiar with the Fortress and try to figure out another plan of attack. (During this time, he started noticing the effects of the serum kicking in, including increased strength and lack of sensitivity to pain--effects he displayed when he broke Reseda's mug by merely holding it.) Silver outlines events as he witnessed them in the Ultima Thule story arc, which takes place shortly before his return to Reseda. (Let me slip back into present tense here.) He opts to remain in a largely background role, ostensibly to observe for Jäger, in reality to work on his own plot to bring down Jäger's Fourth Reich. Jäger lets him, and Silver watches events play out. This includes the "resurrection" of Silver's former comrade Indigo, whose body was retrieved from the trench where shrapnel felled him in the war's chaotic final days; Jäger explains the serum has this miraculous ability as well, to restore life--of a sort--to those who have recently died and been preserved, so long as their brain is intact. Silver takes note of this latter detail as a potential weakness as he observes the process. Unlike with those who are alive at the time of administration, subjects like Indigo react more like zombies, unspeaking and mindlessly following orders. Silver also notices the hazy bluish tint all serum subjects get to their eyes, himself included. When a small party of intruders arrives--composed of an uneasy alliance of Allies and former Axis members, including several Trench Rats, Wolfstein, Ratdog, and Himmel and his son Kolten--Jäger sets his forces in motion to protect the Alpine Fortress. Turns out that Himmel's theory regarding Silver's disappearance, and Jäger's hand in things, wasn't so far off the mark; Jäger confiscated what Project Doomsday documentation he could get hold of and made off with it, his family, and the remaining SS officers to restart the project from the safety of the Fortress. He attempts to recruit Himmel once he meets his trusted old secretary again--the only reason he hadn't let him in on the plot previously being Himmel's capture by Allied forces--yet Himmel, who never truly believed in SS principles and joined only to protect his son, is appalled by this turn of events--he'd long suspected Jäger was a zealot, just not how much of one. He refuses to join, instead trying to appeal to Jäger about the insanity of his plan. Jäger's just as steadfast in his beliefs, though, and regretfully informs Himmel and Ratdog that they're his enemies now, so the next time they meet, it'll be anything goes. He proves this by unleashing Indigo on them, and the Trench Rats are stunned and confused to come face to face again with their friend whom they'd thought was dead. Silver remains hidden and unknown to the Allies throughout most of this, though he does engage in whatever acts of sabotage he can manage, including killing off at least one of the SS guards who attack the others; upon seeing the guard's snapped neck--Silver's preferred method--the Rats are even more perplexed and uneasy, but it isn't until much later that he reveals himself to them, or rather Jäger reveals him as his own secret weapon. This is another stunning blow to the Rats, until Silver defects from Jäger's side after causing as much damage as he can, including revealing to the others several locations of explosives stored within the Fortress; the Allies spend the story attempting to wire these for detonation in hopes of destroying the project once and for all. Jäger and his remaining guards prove quite formidable--especially now that Jäger is infuriated and willing to do absolutely anything to achieve his vision--yet the Allies very gradually gain the advantage, even managing to subdue Indigo long enough to administer an antiserum that counters the worst effects of his condition, effectively bringing him out of his zombielike state while keeping his increased strength and pain resistance intact. Silver also informs them that damaging/destroying the brain is the only way to permanently incapacitate the enemy, which helps them pick off Jäger's guards. Details of this part of the plot are still hazy, but in a final confrontation Jäger ends up buried and presumably killed by ice and rubble, and the Allies start to head out, determined to escape the Fortress before the explosives go off. On their way out, they encounter an awful scene that only proves the depths of Jäger's fanaticism. Ratdog and a Soviet ally (so far unnamed), walking point, crest a rise and spot something on the other side that makes them recoil; Ratdog quickly warns the others they may want to find another way out. He says they won't want to see what's on the other side, and when a few of the others draw closer anyway, he urges Himmel, especially, not to go any further. Himmel ignores the warning and climbs to the top of the slope, peering over; he promptly stifles a cry and stares for a moment before slowly making his way down into the cavern ahead. The others follow. Within is a row of bodies, arranged from oldest to youngest: Magda Jäger and the nine Jäger children. The children, the youngest of them not even a toddler yet, have cloths draped over their upper bodies to hide them from view, yet Magda is uncovered; her death was obviously caused by a gunshot to the head, and there are still tears on her face. It soon becomes clear, based on evidence at the scene, that she, likely with Leopoldine's help, drugged each of the children, laid them out, and after they fell asleep, Leopoldine included, shot each of them one by one, covering them up afterward; as the last to go, there was no one left to cover her. From the looks of it, Magda was crying throughout the entire gruesome process, yet went through with it anyway. It's revealed that Jäger had long ago successfully recruited Magda into his worldview and although she never outwardly displayed the signs (even Himmel never had any idea), she was as much a fanatic devoted to the cause as he was; the two had a murder/suicide pact in place in case of Jäger's untimely death and the failure of the project, and this included annihilating their entire family. Ever the devoted wife, Magda hadn't let Jäger down. Himmel, who had always wanted a large family and had been especially close to the Jäger children, is hit hardest by this development; "Why? What was the point?" he laments, "I would have taken them in." "I think that was the point," Ratdog replies, and they reluctantly leave the bodies behind, unable to bring them along in time to escape the Fortress. The Alps become the Jägers' tomb as the Allies flee back to safety and the explosives go off, at last ending Project Ultima Thule for good. Reseda listens to Silver finish his tale before falling silent. "I know I shouldn't have just left everyone not knowing," Silver says quietly, when Reseda cuts in. Reseda: "Yet you'd do it again. In a heartbeat." Silver: *pause* "I would." Reseda: "Because there was nobody else to do it." Silver: "There wasn't." Reseda: "That's always been your reason for acting. Because nobody else would do it." Silver: *long pause* "It's not the only reason I do anything." Reseda: "But it is the main one. You can't deny it." Silver: "I never tried to. You can't say you didn't know that." Reseda: "And I'm not." Silver: "If this is something that bothers you, you should've said so a long time ago, and saved us both the trouble." Reseda: *long pause* "So while you're here lecturing me on what I should know about you, it turns out you don't know me at all." Silver: *frowns & looks at him* Reseda: "I figured out why you do what you do a long time ago. If I'd had a problem with it, I would've moved on. I didn't. I stayed because I understood. And you're saying you didn't know that...?" Silver: *long silence* "No...I didn't know. I never understood why you did anything you did." Reseda: "I suppose it kills you, admitting that." Silver stares at Reseda for a moment or so more, before his eyes go glassy and he swallows and looks away. He absently rubs at his wrist. Reseda hesitates a few seconds before moving to sit beside him; he grasps Silver's hand and Silver reflexively grasps his back. Silver takes in and lets out a breath, eyes still wet but clearing. When he turns his head back, Reseda presses their foreheads together. "You're still here," he murmurs, "and that's why I'm here," and Silver closes his eyes. [Reseda Rat 2023 [Friday, May 26, 2023, 3:00:13 AM]] |