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Information
Name/Nickname: Otto Aloysius Himmel
Gender: Cisgender male
Birthdate/Age/Sign: NA; thirties/forties; Capricorn
Orientation: Heteroromantic heterosexual
Relationship Status: Widowed
Race/Ethnicity/Nationality: Caucasian; Germanic descent; German
Class: Lower (white-collar poor)
Religion: Roman Catholic (semi-practicing)
Profession: Secretary in the Allgemeine-SS; overseer of Project Doomsday
Birthplace/Residence: Germany/WWII Germany
Personality/Characteristics
Himmel appears gloomy, aloof/unapproachable, and rather unpleasant as a first impression; he does little to disabuse others of this impression, generally keeping to himself and seeming to frown upon socializing. This is merely a result of struggling with lifelong clinical depression combined with negative social experiences that have left him wary of emotional attachment. He warms to others slowly, if at all, but is a loyal and devoted friend once he does. Those who get to know him know that he's compassionate and selfless, a good listener, and willing to go to the ends of the earth for those he loves.
Himmel frequently struggles with suicidal thoughts, having inherited the condition from his mother, who took her life when he was fourteen. He often views himself as carrying a sort of metaphorical "curse" which he doesn't wish to inflict on others; he knows he is not literally cursed, but deals with the cognitive dissonance anyway. Despite his experiences, his attitude regarding suicide is rather detached and non-judgemental; he feels no anger toward his mother for leaving him on his own, as he understands how much she struggled, herself. Although baptized as Catholic and having attended church when he was young, he fell out of practice after joining the military; he publicly broke from the church after the rise of the Third Reich, when it clashed with his SS service, though he never abandoned his faith. His practice and belief is more spiritual than bound by strict ritual, though he does keep a small altar and various religious items in his home. He has a strong belief in prayer and personal mystical experiences, which for him includes visions of deceased loved ones such as his mother, and then his wife, Dagmar; he knows they are not ghosts and they aren't literally there, yet considers these to be spiritual experiences. Although his involvement in Anna Julian's death was to protect his son and he would do it again if he had to, he suffers intense guilt over it, and experiences repeated visions of her as well.
Although he dislikes violence, Himmel is not one to be crossed when it comes to protecting his loved ones, especially his son Kolten; he will fight tooth and nail to keep them safe, at the expense of his own health and safety. He fought all throughout the Great War (serving as a child soldier), is a skilled swordsman, and often informally serves as Major Jäger's bodyguard when out in the field; he thinks nothing of getting dirty or battered, and as one of the older, more experienced SS members in Jäger's employ, he often takes on jobs that the others won't. The majority of his service since the end of the Great War has taken place behind a desk, however; he serves as a secretary typing up and sorting records in Jäger's office, a job that earns him quite a bit of ridicule for doing "women's work." It doesn't help that he's the only male secretary in Jäger's office, working surrounded by young attractive SS-Helferinnen (female auxiliaries); in addition, as an eligible widower, he constantly has to fend off the Helferinnen's unwanted advances, as they think nothing of flirting or even grabbing at him inappropriately. He spends a lot of time trying to avoid the Helferinnen, though he does befriend one, Rosina Kestler, as she shows no interest in assaulting him. Due to this, and to an incredibly humiliating and painful first experience with women while on his way to the front in the Great War, he's tentative and rather ill at ease around women, and tries to avoid being alone with them.
Himmel is highly intelligent, and largely self-taught; his deceased wife imparted on him a love of books and reading, and he owns a decent collection of texts in different languages, including some books banned by the SS. He's fluent in English, French, Russian, and Polish, and can speak a passing amount of Romani and Yiddish. He tries to keep an open mind in many circumstances, which of course sometimes gets him in trouble with the SS, so Jäger often has to remind him to keep in line. (Jäger is aware of his banned books, which he finds scandalous, yet grudgingly tolerates.)
Himmel adores children, having been an only child and having wanted to have a large family with his wife Dagmar; they had only one son, as she died in childbirth. Despite prevailing attitudes against the disabled, Himmel loves his son Kolten fiercely, attempting to raise him on his own although he can barely afford it. He's devastated when the state takes custody of Kolten and forces him into an institution where Himmel isn't allowed to visit him, and spends years fighting to get him back; this, as well as the realization that the government has started targeting the disabled for euthanasia, are his motivation for leaving his longtime military position to join the SS, as he reasons they won't target the family of a member. He turns out to be incorrect, but his SS position does secure him access to his son, and he uses it to intimidate the staff into assuring him of Kolten's safety (an act he finds unsavory yet necessary). He's immensely proud of and unconditionally supportive of Kolten, refusing to use words such as "slow" or "stupid" to describe him, and praises and encourages him every chance he gets; he understands Kolten's moods, and is one of the very few people who can calm him down from his destructive rages. Although he acts weary and put upon every time Jäger's numerous children accost him, calling him Uncle Otto, he loves the attention and secretly gives them candies, of which he's also fond; the fate the Jäger children meet late in the story breaks his heart, as he insists he would have gladly taken them in as his own. He acts as an informal uncle or father figure to many of the children and also to Godfrey Klemper, writing him letters and sending him the occasional package of sweets once he learns that Klemper, having no family, is the only one in his unit who never gets mail. He continues with this behavior following the war, adopting a handful of war orphans whom he considers as much his family as Kolten, and he becomes godfather to Ratdog's/Adel's grandson Hans. Out of the many different roles he plays, he's most suited to, and skilled at, the role of father.
Appearance
Himmel is of average height; with a fit/athletic body type bordering on slender/thin; has blue eyes; and has medium cold gray fur.
Himmel has a large jagged scar across his throat from an attempt on his life; he almost always keeps this concealed with his uniform collar tightly buttoned up, although it damaged his vocal cords, leaving his voice soft and hoarse so he's unable to yell or scream, and often simply whispers instead. After injuries in the Great War and again after WWII (following events in Ultima Thule), he walks with a distinct limp in his right leg and uses a cane. During the Great War he wears the traditional uniform of the Imperial German Army (transitioning from the Pickelhaube to the Stahlhelm); in peacetime he wears the uniform of the Reichswehr and very briefly the Wehrmacht; and during WWII he wears the traditional black Allgemeine-SS uniform while in the office or at work and a gray SS uniform when in the field. He wears his SS-Degen (dress sword) on his right hip, as he's lefthanded. After the war he tends to wear a cap and greatcoat. Although he never serves in the Waffen-SS or fights in the second war, he possesses an SS blood group tattoo under his left arm, due to a time when he was injured shortly after entering the Allgemeine-SS. He usually has a gloomy or unpleasant facial expression and tends to carry his ears somewhat lowered. Most distinctive are his eyes, which are usually described as sad; in fact, his late wife's nickname for him was mein traurigäugiger Soldat, my sad-eyed soldier.
Family & Relationships
Kolten Himmel (Father)
Himmel's father is a sea merchant who is reported lost at sea when Himmel is very young. Himmel's son is named after him.
Anna Maria Himmel (Mother)
Himmel's mother, who does various jobs such as record keeping, secretarial work, and sewing, suffers from melancholia (major depressive disorder) most of her life; Himmel explains that this is likely hereditary, as he inherits it himself. She never fully recovers from her husband's disappearance, and despite being a deeply religious woman, commits suicide when Himmel is fourteen.
Dagmar Himmel-Kammler (Wife)
Himmel's wife, an artist, is upper class, and her brother Dietmar frowns upon the short-lived marriage. They're very happy together despite Himmel's relative poverty and plan to start a family, though Dagmar first miscarries, then dies of blood loss bearing their son Kolten. Despite her offering a compromise to the two men by taking both their names, her death only deepens the rift between them.
Kolten Himmel (Son)
Himmel's and Dagmar's only child; Himmel raises him alone for a time following Dagmar's death, though as it becomes clear he suffers from some sort of developmental disability (unspecified, though possibly a form of moderate autism) which impairs his ability to learn and socialize, he's taken away to be raised by the state in an institution, and Himmel is barred from visiting him. Himmel joins the SS and reclaims his rights over Kolten when he's a teenager, though Kolten is then forcibly entered into Projekt Weltuntergang against Himmel's will, by his own uncle, Dietmar Kammler. Himmel continues overseeing him throughout his time in the project and doesn't attempt to stop the Trench Rats from liberating him; after the war he moves into an abandoned house near the Albrecht farmstead where Kolten has been brought to live. Himmel understands Kolten's moods and difficulties, and knows how to deal with him and calm him down; all of his actions have been in the best interests of his son.
Unborn Daughter
What would have been Himmel's and Dagmar's first child. Dagmar miscarries early in the pregnancy and slips into a deep depression; Himmel's own experience with such things helps him support her through it.
Dietmar Kammler (Brother-In-Law)
Dagmar Himmel-Kammler's twin brother and Himmel's brother-in-law; despite Dagmar's hopes that the two will get along, they deeply despise each other, with Dietmar frowning upon Himmel's lower-class upbringing. Dietmar blaming Himmel for her death, and then ordering Himmel's murder so he can kidnap his son Kolten for Projekt Weltuntergang, only deepens their hatred for each other. They just barely manage to tolerate each other as they work together on the project.
Johanna Wolfstein (Romantic Partner)
Himmel becomes acquainted with Johanna after the war when her brother, Jakob, brings him supplies; the two bond over Himmel's son Kolten, whom Johanna, formerly a teacher, brings picture books. Johanna's cousin Noah Kirchheimer objects to the relationship at first, which leads to conflict.
(Adopted Children--Names TBA)
Himmel and Johanna adopt at least seven war orphans and raise them together as their own; the adult Kolten acts as older brother. Simon, a Jewish boy, is the oldest of the adopted children.
Hans von Adel (Godson)
The son of Ratdog's/Adel von NN's and Didrika's daughter, Tatiana von Adel. Tatiana names him after her father's deceased son Hans von NN; Adel commits suicide before she can ask him to be the godfather. She asks Himmel instead, as he comforted her following her father's death, and he accepts.
History
Otto Himmel is born in 1900 in northern Germany, the only child of Kolten and Anna Maria Himmel. Although the Himmels are poor, they're also hard working, and provide their son with the best upbringing they can afford, including decent schooling. Kolten Himmel, a merchant marine, is away from home for long periods so Otto never gets to know him well, though he's loving and devoted to his son the few times they meet. When Otto is still quite young, his father's ship, Das Licht Des Meeres, fails to arrive on schedule; Anna Maria, who'd had an ominous vision before its departure, visits the docks frequently in the following weeks, hoping for some word of its arrival. When the papers finally report the ship missing following a squall, and presumed downed with all hands aboard, Anna Maria is inconsolable. Although she had already been a religious woman, her daily devotions grow even stronger and more frequent; her own supernatural visions fade, yet when Otto suffers a brief but intense illness and describes a delirious dream in which he saw his father, she latches on to this. Anna Maria insists that Otto has inherited the same connection to the spirit world that she possesses, and urges him never to ignore it, to let his visions help guide his life and actions going forward.
Anna Maria continues to work hard at various small jobs to fund her young son's education, which includes fencing lessons, at which he excels. She never manages to fully work through her grief over the loss of her husband; having always been prone to dark moods, she lapses even further into melancholia. She holds on as long as she's able for her son. At age fourteen, Otto returns home from a job to find his mother cold and unresponsive in her bed; he locates a bottle of laudanum nearby, as well as a short letter with an apology. Otto is grief stricken, clasping his mother's hand and weeping, but doesn't remain long; he takes the letter as well as his mother's earrings and his father's sailor's tally, hides the bottle, and packs a bag. He goes to the neighbors and requests their help. While checking on Anna Maria, they locate the bottle and realize what happened; the wife stops her husband from reporting the death as a suicide, as she knows the Himmels are Catholic, and Anna Maria won't be buried in consecrated ground. They realize that Otto is missing; a search of the house reveals only that he seems to have taken some belongings and slipped away unnoticed.
Germany has just entered what will become known as the Great War. Otto, now without any family, leaves home to try to enter the army despite being only fourteen years old. He goes to a recruiting office and manages to convince a doubtful official that he's the proper age; he passes his physical fitness test, makes it through a crash course of training, and enlists in the Imperial German Army. Now a child soldier, he sets out with his fellow infantrymen for the Western Front.
Himmel's comrades tease him a little about his smaller stature and obvious younger age, though the teasing never turns into bullying, so he brushes it off. What does bother him is their insistence on him gaining some experience with women, which is a rite of passage for young soldiers heading off to war. On a stop at a tavern along the way, the older men goad him on, and despite being painfully ill at ease, he reluctantly lets two barmaids lead him up to their room. Although he goes along with some of it, he finds the experience humiliating and even physically painful, with the women laughing and teasing and ignoring his requests for them to ease up or stop. He slips from the room after they doze off, having to pass by a few drunk comrades who make crude jokes on his way outside to find a place to sleep. In the morning he endures some further joking and suggestive remarks ("Lucky kid, two for the price of one!") before they lose interest and head out. At every other stop, he avoids the women as much as he can, finding himself embarrassed and anxious the more assertive they are. Eventually the others stop commenting on this, assuming he's merely old fashioned.
Himmel does well in military service; he never goes out of his way to attract attention or praise, yet doesn't avoid duty either. In 1917, while on solitary patrol, he has an unusual face-to-face encounter with a lone American soldier; the two stare at each other briefly in surprise before something tells Himmel to run, and he does, the American shouting and pursuing him. Himmel ducks into a ditch; he remains concealed as the American searches overhead, and creeps out only well after he gives up in frustration. He can't explain it, but something tells him the encounter is significant for some reason and he shouldn't attempt to engage the other soldier, as they are both meant to live. He has a feeling they'll see each other again, though he doesn't know why or how; he doesn't report the incident to his superiors.
He has a similar experience with a French soldier, coming across him burned and badly wounded, looking as if he's near death; he attempts to shoot him to end his suffering, but is unable, so digs out his rosary instead. Seeing the response this elicits from the French soldier, he kneels by him and prays--first in German, then in French, which he's taught himself--while the soldier weakly clasps the crucifix. When he finishes praying the soldier lets go, asking his name; perplexed, yet seeing no harm in it, Himmel replies, "Otto...Otto Aloysius Himmel," and departs.
Himmel reaches the rank of sergeant major. While near the trenches one day, he steps away from a conversation with his commanding officer and a nurse; the other two finish talking and his CO takes a step in his direction when there's a massive explosion which blows Himmel back. He comes to a moment later, dizzy and in pain, ears ringing, spattered with mud and blood; his CO triggered a landmine, and all that's left of him and the nurse is gore and a few body parts. Seeing this, Himmel tries to get up, but is unable to stand; a glance down shows him that his right tibia is snapped and protruding from the skin. Himmel panics and crawls away as fast as he can, miraculously avoiding any other mines; he drags himself into a nearby stand of trees and slumps behind one, gasping and out of his head. He lapses into a near-catatonic state and is unresponsive when German soldiers finally locate him; they transport him to a military hospital, where his broken leg is set and he's diagnosed with shell shock. He remains in this state for a while, though he slowly starts to come to his senses as one of his superiors visits and talks to him repeatedly. He's still badly injured and needs to remain in the hospital to recover; it looks as if his service on the battlefield is over for good.
One evening, Himmel awakes, sweating, shivering, and gasping. He hails a nurse and asks why it's so hot; she feels his forehead, then hurries off to fetch a doctor. Himmel lapses into a deep, disturbed sleep full of swirling fever dreams. Repeatedly, he dreams he's drowning in the ocean--hearing his mother's voice telling him to keep swimming, keep his head above the waves, he cries out to her not to leave him. He swirls back into consciousness for a few seconds here and there, but spends most of his time treading water, trying to breathe, and yelling for his mother and also his father who long ago went under the waves. At last, after what feels like an eternity, he slowly drags himself awake. His breathing is still labored and his lungs crack when he inhales, but it's tolerable now, and he's still sweating and shivering, though not nearly as much as before. He glances around and sees that most of the beds around him are vacant; the doctor who arrives to check him over explains that most of the others in the ward died of a terrible flu that has been ravaging the Continent, killing people in the thousands. Himmel barely survived the infection himself, and still needs to recuperate from his pneumonia.
Himmel's superior officer visits again, promoting him to Hauptmann (captain). Himmel asks if he can be granted a desk position rather than be discharged from the army; his superior is surprised, but consents. Not long after, Germany submits to an armistice, and is forced to slash most of its military; Himmel manages to hold on to his position. He slowly recovers from his pneumonia as well as his broken leg and, still limping and utilizing a walking stick, is discharged from hospital. Although quite poor, he's also frugal; he has enough savings and military pay to rent a tiny flat located above a kosher deli in the nearby city. Upon hearing that he's a veteran, the deli owner/landlord offers him a reduced rate, but Himmel refuses, insisting he deserves no reward for fighting in a war. He also puts his Iron Cross away in a drawer and never wears it.
Himmel begins taking long walks through the city park, usually when it's raining; this way, he finds he has less chance of running into anyone who may wish to talk. There's a small green area full of poppies, which remind him of the poppies that quickly grew over the dead at Ypres. He sits in the park in the rain for long periods, lost in his increasingly gloomy thoughts, and occasionally even takes out his pistol and mulls over it. Despite his faith, he sees little point left in life, which seems murky and dark; he imagines that, like his mother, he'll soon find no more reason to hold on, and the world will move on without him.
One afternoon as he's thus engaged, he hears a faint cry for help. He goes looking for the source of the sound and reaches the river; peering over the edge, he spots a woman clinging to a tree root, half submerged in the rushing water, sputtering and calling out. Himmel slides down the bank and shouts to catch her attention, holding out his walking stick; she manages to grab hold, and he slowly pulls her from the water, finally grabbing on to her yet losing his walking stick in the river. He helps her up the slope and to safety, where she thanks him and he asks why she was so near to the river while the weather is so bad. She replies that she was trying to sketch a tree, and he fetches her art supplies from under a nearby bush. She in turn wonders why he's out in the rain, then apologizes for the loss of his walking stick. He makes sure she's all right, but declines her offer to call a taxi for him--he could never afford it--and leaves without learning her name or telling her his. On his walk home, he feels a vague resignation that today was not meant to be his last day, though perhaps it'll be soon.
Some time later, again while he's sitting in the park lost in his thoughts, he's startled when the young woman appears and greets him. He offers to vacate the bench for her, but she says she came looking for him. She introduces herself--Dagmar Kammler--and he introduces himself, Otto Himmel. They chat for a short while, Himmel increasingly perplexed by her interest in him; when they finally part ways, she expresses some hope in seeing him again. He returns home, a little frustrated to be distracted from his plans, but soon forgets the meeting and continues going about his small solitary life.
Dagmar appears in the park again; although vaguely irritated to have his time interrupted, Himmel obliges her with some stilted conversation. Their meetings become more regular, and gradually, he feels his annoyance fading, and begins talking a bit more, telling her a little about himself. She tells him she's an amateur artist and lives with her twin brother, Dietmar, an aspiring doctor. Oddly, he finds himself starting to look forward to seeing her, and their talks and walks become the high point of his days. He doesn't get lost in his dark thoughts so much anymore; Dagmar brings a tiny spark of light into his otherwise gloomy existence.
Then, one day, Dagmar kisses him. Himmel immediately freezes up--all he can think of is the two women in the tavern so long ago--and when Dagmar pulls away, he stammers that he has to go, turns, and walks away as quickly as he can. He hears her calling out after him but it takes him a moment to fight down his panic and slow to a stop, trying to calm down his racing heart; he reluctantly turns and walks back. Dagmar apologizes profusely for making him uncomfortable; Himmel replies that his reaction isn't her fault, he's simply not good with people. She suggests that they simply continue with their walks and talks for now, to which he agrees. He can't get to sleep for quite a while that night, however; while the kiss triggered unpleasant memories, in itself it wasn't that awful. He realizes how much he looks forward to seeing Dagmar, yet can't imagine what she sees in him. He decides not to think about it too hard, and just enjoy their time together.
Dagmar eventually suggests visiting his place. Himmel isn't only panicked at this implication, he's also full of shame that she should see just how poor he is. She seems to notice the way he promptly withdraws, and offers for him to come visit her instead; he can meet her brother Dietmar. This makes it clear that she doesn't plan to make any romantic overtures, so Himmel reluctantly agrees. He refuses her offer of a taxi, so they walk there. Himmel grows more and more ill at ease as they enter her neighborhood; her house itself makes it quite clear how well off she must be, compared to him. The stark difference in their social status suddenly strikes him, and feels foolish for coming, yet is obligated to continue with the visit. In her house they're greeted by her twin brother Dietmar, with whom she lives; he seems perplexed by Himmel's presence, and Himmel senses that Dagmar never told him about him. Dietmar protests a bit when Dagmar suggests that Himmel follow her, until she makes it clear they're only visiting her studio. He's awed once he sees Dagmar's art, then is surprised to spot a portrait of himself. Dagmar, rather embarrassed, admits that she painted him after their first meeting, from memory--she never forgets a face. She offers to let Himmel stay for dinner, which Dietmar protests, though Himmel declines and excuses himself. He notices how Dietmar bristles when Dagmar says she looks forward to seeing him again.
He brings this up the next time he and Dagmar meet; yet Dagmar insists the matter isn't too serious, and Dietmar is merely overly protective. She again suggests they visit his place. Despite his claims that he doesn't have much to show her, Dagmar still insists, so he reluctantly agrees. When they arrive he stands at the door, head down and face burning with shame, as Dagmar explores his tiny flat. She's surprised to find his Iron Cross hidden away; he says it doesn't matter much as they were given to everybody. She asks to speak frankly, which request Himmel grants. She notices how ashamed he seems, as if he feels he can never be good enough; he isn't sure how to explain, so uses the metaphor of paint: When mixing black and white to make gray, you start with white and add a bit of black, because if you do it the other way around, the black paint overwhelms the white. He likens Dagmar to the white paint, and himself to the black: "My mother was the same way.... She took her life when I was fourteen. I know it sounds odd but I've never been angry with her for leaving me behind. I know she tried. Held on as long as she could. But it consumed her, too. And when I was born she passed it on to me. Like a curse. I know not a literal curse...just...something wrong in the head, some bad gene or something...I'm not sure if you know about genes. Just some error in your makeup that you pass on to the next generation. Like a curse.... You and I...you're the white paint, and I'm the black. You bring light wherever you go...I take the light away. Make everything I touch gray. It's not something I will to happen. It's better to just keep to myself."
Dagmar replies to tell him that there is no black or white, merely shades of gray, and he doesn't darken everything he touches. She pauses and then kisses him again; although still anxious, this time he doesn't pull away or ask her to leave. Dagmar ends up spending the night.
Himmel wakes her the next morning and gives her some privacy while he gets ready to head to work; he notices a piece of paper tucked partly under the bedcovers, and retrieves it while Dagmar isn't looking. He's surprised to see it's a small letter she just wrote to him. He agrees to wait for her outside as she stops in the deli. As he's standing on the sidewalk, jotting down a brief response to the letter, someone shouts, and he turns to see Dietmar storming toward him. He immediately launches into a tirade as Himmel tries to back away. It takes him a moment to figure out that Dietmar is accusing him of all sorts of inappropriate behavior with Dagmar; Himmel tries to retort and defend himself, but Dietmar won't let him get a word in edgewise. He at last loses his temper and takes a swing at Himmel; Himmel easily dodges the blow so Dietmar loses his balance and stumbles, but he quickly launches himself at Himmel again, so Himmel swings back, and punches him. Dietmar stops attacking when someone exclaims, "Back off!" and another voice calls, "Herr Otto--?" Himmel looks over his shoulder to see the deli owner hurrying toward them with a broom, followed by Dagmar. Before Himmel can respond, Dietmar points at him and insists Himmel attacked him unprovoked. Himmel is shocked by this accusation, but when Dagmar looks to him for an explanation he decides not to bother defending himself, seeing how it went the first time.
The deli owner, his landlord, comes to his defense instead, vouching for his decent character and describing how from inside the shop he saw Dietmar start the argument and take a swing first. He says Himmel's actions were in self-defense. Dietmar unsuccessfully attempts to lie again when Dagmar asks for confirmation. Dagmar tells the deli owner she has things under control, and rebukes Dietmar for his behavior, requesting that he leave and she'll speak with him later; he reluctantly departs, shooting Himmel a dark look as he goes. Dagmar asks after Himmel's well being, then asks why he didn't defend himself; Himmel in turn asks why she should believe him over her own brother. He leaves, determining that it would be best for everyone involved if he avoids further contact, though at work he takes a moment to seal the letter he wrote earlier.
Himmel avoids going out for his walks for some time, leaving his apartment only to work and buy necessities. When Dagmar stops by to ask after him, he tries to put her off, yet she insists on speaking with him. He again describes the generational "curse" that seems to follow him and how he feels the two of them were not meant to be together, but Dagmar replies that it's her choice to make whether she'll let that deter her. Himmel reluctantly agrees to meet her again. As she prepares to leave, he remembers the letter he wrote in response to her own, and gives it to her.
He returns to the park; Dagmar arrives, hands him a letter, and they go for a walk. Every time they meet they exchange letters, and he finds it easier to open up to her in this way. He explains the other reason he's been so ill at ease dealing with her, his experience with the two barmaids near the front. When she replies that what the women did to him was wrong, and it doesn't change her opinion of him, he feels a weight lift from his shoulders; for once he doesn't flinch away when she grasps his hands. The two of them grow close, with Dagmar joining him on all his walks, and often returning with him to his apartment; he visits her home again as well, attempting to shake hands with Dietmar and make amends, yet Dietmar refuses, and doesn't join them for dinner. He's too busy earning his medical degree to be very bothered by Himmel's continued presence, however.
Himmel gathers most of his savings and goes to a jeweler. He requests to see the selection of rings, and names a price. The jeweler shows him what he has; Himmel selects a simple band without a stone, as he can't afford anything more. He meekly presents it to Dagmar the next day in the park, expecting her to scoff at the plain little thing, yet her eyes light up as if he's just offered her a diamond, and she lets him put it on her finger, telling him, "Ja."
Arranging what comes next is a challenge, given their difference in social standing: Himmel, the expected breadwinner, barely makes enough money to cover himself and his tiny apartment, whereas Dagmar has enough money that she doesn't need to work for a living, and lives in a large house. It would make more sense for Himmel to move into her place, especially since they both express a longing for a large family, yet Dietmar's presence obstructs this, as he vehemently opposes even the marriage itself. As there's no hope of Himmel and Dietmar living under the same roof peacefully, Dagmar decides she'll move in with Himmel. They have a brief, simple wedding--the two of them, a priest, and a witness--and Dagmar assumes the surname Himmel-Kammler, an attempt at extending an olive branch between Himmel and her brother. When she expresses concern about how they'll raise a family in such a small space, Himmel, suddenly filled with certainty, tells her, "We'll make it work."
Dagmar passes her days visiting between her old home and the new. Himmel tries to bear no ill will toward Dietmar, though it's obvious Dietmar doesn't feel the same, and the situation saddens Dagmar. For the most part, they're too preoccupied with their own lives to worry about it much; Dietmar has his new medical practice, while Himmel and Dagmar resume their visits to the park, Himmel watching Dagmar paint, Dagmar introducing him to fiction books, she bringing a radio home so they can dance and laugh together. The pastime they enjoy the most is continuing to write letters to each other. Himmel insists on keeping all the letters in a box which he carefully stores away.
Himmel returns home from work one evening to find Dagmar curled up in the bed, weeping. It takes him a while to coax out of her what's happened; she mentions being overcome by painful cramps, and then bleeding. Himmel hurries to call a doctor. The doctor examines Dagmar and confirms that Dagmar lost a pregnancy. He advises bed rest for a few weeks. Himmel takes sick leave to stay by her side, and after it runs out and he returns to work, he asks the deli owner's wife to look after her during the day, while he takes over at night. After some time has passed with her numb and listless, he convinces her to resume walking with him in the park; when she asks why her heart isn't in it, he tells her such a process takes time, and it can feel like she's drowning, though she'll swim to the surface eventually. One day when it starts to rain, the dam breaks, and Himmel holds Dagmar while she sobs. She becomes pregnant a second time, and the two wait with anxiety and hope as it progresses. They discuss names; their mothers both shared the same name, Anna Maria, so they decide on this if it's a girl; Dagmar's father was named Dietmar, so for a boy, they decide to name it after Himmel's father, Kolten. Dagmar expresses hope that someday Dietmar will come to love his niece or nephew.
Dagmar goes into labor. At the hospital, Himmel watches the nurses take Dagmar away, and sits alone to wait. A long while later a doctor arrives, and tells him he has a son; however, Dagmar didn't make it. Himmel is too stunned to react as he's led to her bedside and a nurse hands him his son. The nurse asks him if they had intended to name the boy Otto, after him--it turns out that Dagmar had murmured Himmel's name just before she passed away. It's all Himmel can do to reply that the baby is to be named Kolten, and to advise them to contact Dagmar's brother, before he breaks down crying. Some time later, Dietmar arrives, exclaiming in grief, clasping Dagmar's hand and weeping over her; he turns on Himmel, blaming him for Dagmar's death. Himmel is too grief stricken at first to defend himself, yet as soon as Dietmar starts blaming Kolten, he lashes back, his temper flaring. The nurse has to intervene, advising them to visit Dagmar separately, though Himmel is her recognized next of kin so the important decisions are left up to him. Himmel leaves, both to give Dietmar some peace, as well as to care for Kolten and begin planning Dagmar's funeral.
Himmel is overwhelmed, having no idea how to care for a baby on his own. Another nurse accompanies him home, giving him some supplies and instructing him on the basics; Himmel takes it all in the best he can, on the verge of tears the entire time. She promises to check on them until he can manage on his own. The the deli owner's wife appears as the nurse is on her way out, having noticed that Dagmar didn't return with Himmel, and offers to look after Kolten while Himmel works so he doesn't have to spend money he can't afford on a nanny. She brings up her daughter's old cradle for Himmel to use. Once Himmel is left alone with the baby, he notices something tucked under his pillow; it's one last letter, which Dagmar must have written and placed just before they left for the hospital. Himmel begins to sob.
Despite his grief, Himmel does the best he can to care for Kolten. Kolten is a rather fussy infant, difficult to satisfy, often upset about something; Himmel pushes down his frustration, reasoning that this is just the way babies are, though he sleeps little due to Kolten's frequent tearless crying. He often cries himself as he holds the baby, murmuring, "Your Mutter should be here." He begins to pick up on tiny traits Kolten displays as he grows a little older--he refuses to interact with most toys, doesn't cuddle or ask for hugs, seems rather oddly detached from everything around him--yet he's fascinated by photographs and artwork, and is entranced the moment Himmel introduces building blocks, the one toy he does show interest in. Himmel finds that the building blocks are the one effective means to stop Kolten's fussing, and he can preoccupy himself with them for hours when Himmel is busy. The downside is that Kolten can erupt in shrill squalling the moment he and the blocks are separated from each other. The one thing that resolves this is for Himmel to calmly explain to Kolten the need to put the blocks away and that he'll get to play with them again later. He's just about certain that the baby can't really understand him, yet perhaps the tone of his voice is what works to stem Kolten's whimpering; however, only he himself is capable of calming Kolten down.
A nurse visits occasionally to check on Kolten's welfare; as time goes on she expresses concern that he doesn't seem to be meeting the developmental milestones that are standard for most infants. He doesn't play or engage with others as he should, his interest in his surroundings is minimal, and his temper tantrums, while controllable by Himmel, are worrisome. Most concerning however is that he still hasn't spoken his first words. Himmel isn't too bothered by any of this--he's familiar enough with Kolten and his moods to know that his son is doing fine at his own pace--yet a while later, he receives a visit from a employee of the state. She seems rather disapproving of Himmel's tiny apartment, wondering aloud when and how Kolten gets to play in the fresh air or with other children; Himmel feels a twinge of the old shame returning, but explains that he brings Kolten to play in the park, and he's shown no interest in playing with other children. His answers appear not to satisfy the state worker's concerns, and she curtly replies that they'll be back in touch. Himmel is requested to bring Kolten to a specialist who will examine him; frustrated by the lack of answers to his own questions, Himmel nonetheless obeys, taking a day off from his job to do so. He feels a growing sense of dread as he brings Kolten back home.
A few days later, the state worker returns with a couple of men in white uniforms, and tells Himmel that Kolten is to be taken to a state-run institution. Himmel protests and tries to prevent them, but the men hold him back while the state worker forcibly carries away a squalling Kolten. The noise attracts the attention of the deli owner and his wife, both of whom also protest, yet none of it does any good. Himmel hurries in the direction of the nearest state-run psychiatric facility. No amount of pleading, protesting, or demanding convinces the nurse at the front desk to let him past, and she soon calls a doctor. The chief psychiatrist speaks with Himmel; he explains that the assessment given earlier showed significant developmental delay for Kolten, and that he's been declared Blöd, or stupid--a designation that rankles Himmel. He adds that Himmel's ability to care properly for his own son has been deemed insufficient; Kolten is to be raised by the state, for his own good. They refuse to let Himmel visit his son, declaring that contact with him will only confuse the child and impair his potential progress. The psychiatrist warns Himmel that if he doesn't leave willingly, they'll drag him out. Himmel leaves only reluctantly, alone and in tears. Once alone in his apartment, catching sight of Kolten's small cot and abandoned blocks, he finally breaks down sobbing again.
Himmel seriously contemplates suicide for the first time since Dagmar found him in the park with his gun in his lap. He'd had such thoughts following her death, but, knowing that Kolten had no one left to care for him, pushed through his grief; now that Kolten has been taken from him, he sees no more point in living. When he sees Dagmar sitting on the other side of the room staring at him sadly, it doesn't even alarm him; he'd had similar visions of his father following his disappearance, then of his mother following her suicide. She offers no advice when he tells her what happened, only reminds him that without him, Kolten has no one. "Just because you can't see each other doesn't mean you aren't both still there," she says, but when he asks her what he should do and looks at her again, she's gone.
Himmel forces himself to return to work the next day, but as soon as he's done, goes to the psychiatric facility; they still refuse to let him see Kolten. Every day he returns to the clinic with the same result. He considers entreating Dietmar to help him, but remembering how he blamed Kolten for Dagmar's death, decides against this. (He and Dietmar visit Dagmar's grave at different times to avoid confrontation, yet every time Himmel arrives, he finds the red poppies he left previously have always been knocked aside and replaced with forget-me-nots. Dietmar's bad feelings have obviously not diminished since the last time they met.) The employees at the clinic get used to "Hauptmann Himmel" showing up every day insisting on seeing his son, yet he's always forced to return home emptyhanded. His discouragement grows almost overwhelming but he simply keeps at it, not knowing what else to do.
Elections are held--Himmel is too preoccupied with his own woes to pay much attention to politics--and a new party, the National Socialists, come to power. Men in odd uniforms appear on the streets, giving fiery speeches to crowds that grow larger every time Himmel passes. He's caught off guard one day when one of the men in a brown shirt and kepi accosts him, yet all he does is appeal to Himmel as a fellow soldier--"I can tell from your limp and the way you carry yourself, Bruder, that you served with honor yet they've done you wrong"--and gives him a brochure. Himmel casts it the smallest glance once he returns home and, disgusted by the hateful language within, tosses it in the waste bin. The deli owner visits him not long after with the news that he and his family are leaving the country; the current atmosphere has grown too uncertain, so they're going to stay with relatives in another country for now. He adds that they're handing control of the building over to a trusted friend, and reassures Himmel that his living situation will not change, he can continue residing over the deli for the same rent. Himmel sadly wishes them farewell, though he understands their unease, especially after what he saw in the brochure.
He begins seeing small things that spark his own unease, including construction of a large building apparently related to the same group that attempted to recruit him (their logo, twin lightning bolts, soon becomes ubiquitous throughout the city along with the swastika), as well as the presence of odd gray vans and buses, some with the words Kaiser's Kaffee Geschäft (Kaiser's Coffee Shop) on the side. There is no such shop that he's aware of in the city, so this perplexes him. His supervising officer at the military base is the one to offer an ominous explanation. When Himmel arrives to work one morning he takes him aside to ask after his son, whom he knows is in an institution. He mentions the gray vehicles, and shares a rumor he's heard, that they're associated with the psychiatric clinics; according to the rumor, the vehicles take patients away from the clinics to another, mysterious clinic, and the patients never come back, though nasty black smoke rises from the numerous chimneys constantly. He's heard that several relatives of patients have been sent death certificates whose details are inaccurate. Himmel pales; surely it can't be what it sounds like, how would such a thing be allowed? His supervising officer replies that he's heard comments from National Socialist authorities about "mental defectives" being an unnecessary drain on the economy, though he adds that the language they use is quite different: They refer to the mentally ill as Unnütze Esser, "useless eaters." He suggests that Himmel look into removing his son from the clinic and sending him elsewhere, perhaps out of the country, for the time being. Himmel explains how he's not even allowed to visit Kolten, and even if he could, he has nowhere to go. Noticing his distress, his supervising officer tries to reassure him, saying it's just rumors, and so far the rumors relate to very young children; Kolten is likely old enough that they aren't interested in him. Still, Himmel returns home that night nearly overwhelmed by dread. He knows he has to act fast or Kolten may disappear for good, but he has no idea what he can do, when the clinic authorities won't even honor the request of an army captain to see his own son.
As he lies sleepless, an idea creeps up on him; he finds it abhorrent, yet it's all he has. He fishes the brochure out of the trash and reads through it. The group that had tried to recruit him is a paramilitary organization called the Schutzstaffel; they've already almost finished construction of a massive building complex in the heart of the city, and their lightning-bolt banners decorate many smaller businesses they've built or bought. Based on the reactions he's seen of others such as the deli owner and his superior officer, they're regarded with quite a bit of fear and respect. They appear to have a complex hierarchy based on a military model. Himmel suspects they've organized as a way to work around the country's near-ban on rebuilding a functioning army; indeed, they seem to have a combat branch, and a noncombatant branch. They're also closely associated with the National Socialists. Himmel wonders if, to protect Kolten from the metaphorical wolf, he needs to join forces with the wolf himself--will the National Socialists target the family of one of their own? By morning, he's made up his mind; he heads off to the address listed on the brochure, a small office in a city building, and hesitantly asks to speak with whoever is in charge. He's interested in joining, if they'll have him.
The same man who gave him the brochure welcomes him enthusiastically. He invites Himmel to attend one of their meetings so he can see what to expect, and he'll fill Himmel in on the requirements. Himmel sits through the meeting of a small crowd of members and potential recruits; the ideas they espouse make his skin crawl. He has to bite his tongue when one of them even mentions the kosher deli owner's family being "driven out of town," and the others cheer. The leader takes Himmel aside after the meeting--"We look forward to you joining us, Bruder! Only together can we defeat this menace!"--and tells him what he needs to do: Firstly, he has to join the NSDAP, then apply for SS membership, which includes answering questions regarding his political convictions, submitting to a physical examination, providing genealogical records dating back several generations to prove he has no impure blood, and showing that neither physical nor mental degeneracy runs in his family. While the leader is confident Himmel will meet all these requirements, the last one makes his blood run cold. He believes he can explain away his mother's suicide and conceal his own similar thoughts, but has no idea how he's going to explain Kolten. He decides to bank on the SS not knowing of his son's existence yet--not many people are aware Kolten even exists, he's been institutionalized for so long--so Himmel agrees to follow through with the application procedure. He specifies that he's interested in a noncombatant position; the leader says that, due to his previous service and injuries, his request will likely be granted.
Himmel signs up to join the NSDAP, fudges his answers to their political screening, requests his genealogical records from his old home city, and submits to a physical exam. He sends all of this information with his letter of application to SS headquarters, then waits. One afternoon, the new deli owner hands him an envelope with a return address including the name L. JÄGER; he opens it in his quarters, unfolding a letter on official SS letterhead. His application information has been reviewed, and he's being requested to appear in person at SS headquarters to speak with one Sturmbannführer Ludolf Jäger. The leader at the local chapter hadn't mentioned a one-on-one meeting, so Himmel is extremely anxious about this turn of events, yet takes his next day off to walk to SS headquarters. As soon as he presents his letter to the guards he's allowed inside and escorted to an office. A female auxiliary greets him; somebody calls them to come in, and Himmel is led into a large private office suite, the secretary exiting behind him.
An SS officer in a prim black uniform introduces himself as Major Ludolf Jäger, and explains that he's the one in charge of the Allgemeine-SS headquarters' administrative offices. The Allgemeine-SS is the noncombatant branch which deals largely with investigations and record keeping; given his request for a desk job, Himmel's application was forwarded to them. Jäger personally reviews all the applications which pass the initial qualifying review, meaning Himmel meets the basic requirements; yet Jäger summons only "special cases" to speak with personally. He asks why Himmel failed to mention his son in his application. Himmel pales, and murmurs, "You...you know of him?" Jäger replies that they're the SS, of course they know; they maintain a huge--and growing--collection of personal files on most German citizens. Himmel has a file, and Kolten, and even Himmel's parents. Given Himmel's previous record of a complete lack of political activity, Jäger asks if his application to join has anything to do with Kolten. Himmel is too numb with fear to respond, when Jäger says, "There's a reason your application caught my eye, Hauptmann Himmel; I don't normally request a private interview. So far, I'm the only one in any position to act who knows about your son. Could you answer me honestly? Or do you wish to end this interview? You won't be punished either way. Know, however, that I can confirm or disprove anything you tell me."
Himmel admits that Kolten is his reason for applying, as he's family and he wants to keep him safe. Jäger inquires, "Even though he's confined to an institution and has been declared stupid?" at which Himmel bristles and retorts, "He is not stupid. But ja, even though this. He's my son. Above all, a father protects his child." Jäger stares at him for so long that Himmel starts to lose his nerve. Then: "Ja," Jäger muses, "a father protects his child." He offers a proposition: "Come to work for my office--your duties will primarily be deskwork, ja, though I may require active services from you now and then, your physical exam indicates you're fit for most such activity--and in return, I'll do all that's within my ability to ensure the safety of your son."
Himmel hesitates briefly--he doesn't know what Jäger gets out of this, and can't help but feel like he's signing a deal with the Devil--yet Jäger offers him exactly what he's looking for, plus, knowing that Kolten's file exists, he fears what could happen if anyone else finds it. He agrees to Jäger's proposal, and Jäger in turn promises to smooth out the joining process, enabling Himmel to maintain his approximate rank rather than go through a series of training and promotions. He asks Himmel if the address he gave, above a previously kosher deli, is accurate, and Himmel confirms this; Jäger says, "That won't do," and tells him he'll be moved into an SS-run apartment building much nearer to headquarters. When Himmel protests that he can't afford another apartment, Jäger replies that everything is paid for by the SS: "Don't worry for now about fees, Herr Himmel, we'll help until you get on your feet. The SS looks after its own." He then asks why Himmel doesn't wear his Iron Cross; Himmel gives his usual excuse, that he lost it, and Jäger excuses him.
Himmel is told to expect a visit soon. He returns to the military post to resign; his superior officer seems surprised and dismayed to learn the reason, but wishes him well. The landlord wakes him the next day to say he has a visitor; Jäger's secretary introduces herself this time--Katja Haring--and they take an SS limousine to a huge building downtown. Himmel is shown to his new apartment suite (he asks how many people he's going to live with, and is told the suite is his alone), where Katja says his belongings will be brought in and his contract with the deli owner canceled, then a tailor arrives to take his measurements. Katja gives him forms to fill out to make the process official and tells him a messenger will arrive soon with his uniforms and accessories. She assures him everything will be taken care of--then gooses and winks at him on her way out.
Himmel's uniforms arrive, along with a dress sword--a note from Jäger mentions that he'll receive a similar dagger in an initiation ceremony--and, surprisingly, an Iron Cross First Class, with a swastika on it. Jäger's note instructs him to wear it to work with the black uniform. Himmel tries on the uniform; as he looks at himself in the mirror, he has to fight down his disappointment in himself. With great reluctance he places the swastika band on his arm; he can't bear to look at himself anymore, yet his ominously altered physical appearance sparks an idea. He heads for the psychiatric clinic. The guards let him in unchallenged, and he confronts the secretary at the front desk--she obviously recognizes him, as her eyes grow wide. Himmel demands to speak with the head psychiatrist; the doctor arrives, looking ready to start rebuking him, until he notices Himmel's uniform and cuts himself off. With as forbidding an expression as he can muster, Himmel demands to see his son. The psychiatrist hastily consents, gesturing for him to follow.
The psychiatrist tells Himmel that he'll still have to refrain from referring to himself as Kolten's father, as that may confuse the boy too much. They reach a large common room and the doctor tells Himmel his son is within; he looks, and sees many of the clinic's patients within, doing various things. It's been years since Himmel has seen his son, and the psychiatrist doesn't specify which one is Kolten, so he stands for a moment, looking at the patients in growing distress. At last, though, he spots one in the back corner, carefully placing wooden blocks in an elaborate construction; he's much bigger and taller than Himmel expected, but the look of intense focus on his face is unmistakable. Himmel makes a beeline for him, though his resolve falters as he draws close, and he's silent for a moment before murmuring, "H...hallo, Kolten." The adolescent doesn't respond, so Himmel sits across from him; after another moment, he picks up a block and places it. He can hear the psychiatrist and the nurse take a breath; the teenager halts what he's doing and stiffens, as if getting ready to start screaming. He finally peers up at Himmel, stares at him, then says in an unexpectedly deep voice, "I waited, but you never came to see me."
Himmel has to blink the blur from his eyes; "I know," he says; "I wanted to come see you, so much, but..." He casts a dark look at the head psychiatrist, then back. "I wasn't allowed. But I'm here, now, Kolten. I'm glad to see you." Kolten just continues staring at him sullenly for a brief while, before asking, "You want to play with my blocks...?" Knowing how much this means, Himmel nods--"I'd like that very much, danke"--and joins him.
Himmel and Kolten play with the blocks for a while and get to know one another. Himmel is relieved to hear that he's well cared for and the staff, while strict and rather cold, aren't cruel and don't mistreat their patients. Still, it's obvious that not only does Kolten remember Himmel, but he wants to go home with him. He doesn't refer to Himmel as Vater or Papa, indicating that he may not understand the concept of family, yet he does recall having lived with him in the past. Himmel tells him that he can't leave with him, and insists it's not because of anything Kolten did, when he promises he'll be good if Himmel brings him home. He vows to visit Kolten every day he's able, and when he can't, he'll let him know. Kolten seems saddened, but accepts this. Himmel wishes him goodbye and goes to speak with the head psychiatrist. He threatens him not to mistreat Kolten in any way, and to continue allowing him to visit. The psychiatrist agrees, but seems perplexed; he hints that he expected Himmel to come to them with a different request. Upon being pressed he mentions the rumors of patients being taken away and family members being sent inaccurate death certificates; he adds that SS men are often the ones behind these activities. He tells Himmel that so far, no one has requested this of his own clinic; Himmel tells him that if anyone makes such a request, to contact Jäger's office before acting. The psychiatrist agrees. He tells Himmel that Kolten has never forgotten about him, and shows him some drawings Kolten made; his artwork is extremely childish and poor, except for when he draws something from memory, and Himmel is stunned by his lifelike art of Himmel himself. The doctor explains that Kolten has an eidetic memory, near-perfect recall of things he's observed for at least several moments. He shows Himmel another drawing, of a woman; Himmel can barely believe it when he sees a portrait of Dagmar. Somehow, Kolten even remembers his own mother, from the one time he saw her following his own birth.
Himmel reluctantly leaves Kolten behind, and starts his new job at Jäger's office. As expected, it's mostly secretarial work; he's surprised to find he's the only male in the office aside from Jäger. Jäger has an army of SS-Helferinnen, or female auxiliaries, in his employ, and they're all young and pretty--and quite a few of them, upon learning that Himmel is a widower, express interest in him. He deflects their advances for a time, though they eventually grow bolder, and he starts to find their attention bothersome. He meets Jäger's perpetually pregnant wife, Magdalena, and finds her sweet and polite, though she too seems bothered by Jäger's secretaries; more than once she asks Himmel if her husband is having an affair. Himmel never sees any evidence of this; Jäger is devoted to his wife and his large family, whereas the Helferinnen show interest only in Himmel. He also gets to meet Jäger's and Magda's children, who take to calling him "Uncle Otto" as they swarm him, demanding candy whenever he has it; he pretends to be disgruntled by their attention, but the truth is he adores them, envying that Jäger has the sort of family he always longed for. Jäger's oldest child, Leopoldine, is especially bright and earnest, and he can tell she's her adoptive father's favorite.
The Helferinnen's pushiness wears more on Himmel the longer he works there, finally escalating to them making inappropriate grabs at him and pinning him in corners when alone. Jäger's lead secretary, Katja Haring, is especially persistent. Their behavior reminds Himmel too much of the two women he encountered on his way to the front in the Great War, so he seeks ways to avoid being alone with them. He discovers an unused greenhouse atrium in the SS complex and starts taking his meals there; when he one day finds one of the Helferinnen there, he offers to leave, yet she promises she won't pester him like the others. Rosina Kestler expresses sympathy for him, and as they grow more comfortable taking their meals with each other, she admits why she doesn't pursue him in the same way: She's not interested in men. She has to pretend she is in order to safely keep her job and placate her family. Himmel suggests that they pretend to be romantically interested in each other to try to minimize trouble from both the Helferinnen and the SS; this tactic works better for her than for him, though a partial success, in his opinion, is better than nothing at all.
Jäger occasionally asks Himmel to accompany him out in the field. Despite his rather middling rank, and his own insistence that he is "merely a small cog in the great war machine," Jäger appears to wield quite a bit of power and influence, especially when it comes to securing funding for various projects, and he relies on Himmel's combat experience--and discretion--to provide him with a decent bodyguard. He comes to trust Himmel implicitly, often confiding in him and asking for his opinions, though his ideas fill Himmel with unease; while apparently disagreeing with the SS's focus on euthanasia and inferior/superior races, he does still cling to the concept of an "Übermensch," and entertains thoughts of receiving signs from the god Donar, whom he considers his patron. Himmel can't help but suspect that Jäger's humble, modest demeanor in the office is only for show, and that in reality he's a budding fanatic for the Reich. Jäger does admit that this, and his hold on SS purse strings, often make him a target, and Himmel finally experiences this one day when a hired thug lobs an explosive device at Jäger. Himmel spots him in time to shove Jäger out of harm's way, though he fails to avoid the blast himself, ending up injured severely enough to require emergency aid.
Himmel comes to on an SS field hospital cot, bandages on his head, arm, and body. Jäger is genuinely relieved; he tells him the doctor who treated him says he should make a full recovery. Himmel is perplexed to find that he now bears a small letter A tattooed under his left arm; Jäger explains that all members of the Waffen-SS receive blood group tattoos, and due to him being treated in an SS hospital, Himmel received such a tattoo along with a blood transfusion. Himmel is allowed ample time to recover before returning to the office, staying behind a desk until he's well enough to accompany Jäger out again.
One day Jäger calls him into his office and asks if he knows someone named Dietmar Kammler. Himmel pales--aside from always rearranging the flowers on Dagmar's grave, he hasn't thought of Dietmar in ages--but manages to reply that Dietmar is his brother-in-law. He asks why Jäger is mentioning him. Jäger explains that the doctor who was nearest and available to treat Himmel following the explosion was named Dietmar Kammler, and he remembers from Himmel's file that his wife was named Dagmar Himmel-Kammler. This wasn't his first run-in with Dr. Kammler, either; Dietmar has a history of appealing to the SS, and Jäger's office in particular, for sponsorship for a project of his, involving the development of some sort of serum he claims should be of interest to the SS. Jäger has put him off numerous times, suspecting that he's a quack, yet his quick and capable treatment of Himmel has made Jäger reconsider. He asks Himmel if he thinks Dr. Kammler's project may have merit after all. Himmel says he doesn't know enough about Kammler's work to say; they aren't close, and he has no idea what sort of medicine he specializes in. Jäger thinks this over a bit, then says he believes he'll hear Kammler out and see what he has to offer. Himmel is suddenly ill at ease, yet can't think of any argument that might dissuade Jäger, so bites his tongue.
Himmel and Kammler are both summoned to Jäger's office and meet in person for the first time since Dagmar's death. Kammler appears caught completely off guard upon seeing Himmel in an SS uniform; although he hides it, Himmel is just as surprised to see Kammler in a Nazi Party outfit. He'd had no idea his brother-in-law had such leanings, though it makes sense. Jäger offers no information, just asks Kammler to outline his project, so Kammler obliges, stumbling a bit over his own words in his eagerness to present his case. Science and genetics aren't Himmel's strong suit, so he has some difficulty following, but the gist of it is that Kammler has created a serum which interacts with a subject's blood to enhance their strength, stamina, and intelligence; Kammler suggests that this could be used to effectively create a super soldier for the Third Reich. He's nicknamed his project Weltuntergang, literally World Downfall, or Doomsday. He desires Jäger's help with funding the project as the serum still needs perfecting; he hasn't achieved success with human subjects yet, and he suspects it's because the serum's effectiveness is limited to blood type. Jäger's office funds medical and science-related projects, thus why Kammler has appealed to him personally. He believes Weltuntergang may boost his prospects in the Party, as well as Jäger's. Jäger listens patiently, mulls it over, then tells Kammler he'll grant him the chance to further develop his serum under the SS's auspices; he'll even be assigned his own laboratory and staff. Kammler's growing excitement is promptly dampened the moment Jäger adds that, in order to continue receiving funding, he'll need to regularly report to an oversight officer--and that officer will be Himmel. Both Kammler and Himmel protest this decision, yet Jäger is unmoved; he orders them to put their differences aside and figure it out, before summarily dismissing them.
Himmel and Kammler briefly confront each other in the hallway, getting progressively more hostile until they nearly come to blows; only when Kammler cringes back from Himmel's raised fist does Himmel force himself to calm down, knowing he's remembering the last time Himmel struck him. Despite the passage of time, their hatred for each other is as strong as ever, and Himmel finally realizes there will never be any true peace between them. He suggests that they do as Jäger said, tamp down their emotions, and try to work together while in the office, while continuing to avoid each other the rest of the time. Kammler reluctantly agrees, although he's skeptical that Himmel won't sabotage his chances with Jäger by filing false reports about his progress. In a rare burst of spite, Himmel says, "That's your sort of petty behavior, not mine! And speaking of petty, what do you think Dagmar would say if she could see you now?--seeing what you truly believe and represent?" Kammler retorts, "Take a look at yourself--you're wearing the swastika, just the same as I am!" That actually hits home; Himmel has to gather himself before replying, "At least I'm doing this for a reason. Something you would never understand." To which Kammler sneers, "Go ahead and keep telling yourself that, whatever helps you sleep at night." Himmel can't get away from him fast enough.
A laboratory is set up in a building complex near SS headquarters. Several Wehrmacht units are assigned to guard the complex, and Himmel tours the place while Kammler explains the facilities; he deliberately uses oversimplified language to make Himmel feel like an idiot, he's sure, yet he refuses to take the bait. He forces himself to try to remain neutral and report back to Jäger honestly, if only to keep hold of his job; he suspects Jäger will cut ties with him just as willingly as he would cut ties with Kammler, if he gets on his bad side. He looks for signs that Kammler's science is bad, yet can't find any, aside from Kammler's reluctant admission regarding his lack of success so far in finding a subject with a compatible blood type. He insists that recent progress in the understanding of blood typing will bring some success, and says he periodically requests blood samples from the inmates of a local labor camp for potential experimental use. When Jäger requests an update from Himmel, he considers lying to him about the soundness of the project, yet tells the truth, that Kammler seems to know what he's doing. He expresses distaste over Kammler's use of camp inmates as test subjects, but Jäger simply shrugs and replies that this is a legitimate use for them, as upsetting as it may be.
Himmel is summoned by Major Konstantin Klaus, commandant of the camp in question, to accompany an inmate transfer. He gets his first look at a camp; the smoke rising from the crematoria reminds him too much of the rumors he heard of the mysterious psychiatric clinic where patients disappeared, and the emaciated state of the imprisoned laborers fills him with unease. Major Klaus, for his part, seems even more skeptical of Kammler's project than Himmel is, yet tells him he's found an inmate who matches Kammler's criteria: "Some nonsense about blood, who the f**k knows." He has a prisoner in striped clothes with a yellow star brought out, introduces him--"Name don't matter, but apparently it's Wolfstein"--and Himmel takes custody of him, and leaves.
He'd prefer not to be further involved, yet has to occasionally appear to observe Kammler's tests. He doesn't ask what about Herr Wolfstein makes him a decent subject, and Kammler doesn't explain. He watches as Kammler restrains Wolfstein to a table and injects him with the serum; nothing seems to happen, and Kammler informs the unimpressed Himmel that it takes a series of injections. Himmel refrains from attending more such sessions, preferring to spend his time working and visiting Kolten, yet has to oblige when Jäger requests his accompaniment on a visit to project headquarters. Kammler has announced success in his test subject and wishes for them to come observe. He excitedly explains that Wolfstein has exhibited signs of increased strength and endurance, and takes Jäger and Himmel to see him for themselves...yet Wolfstein responds to none of Kammler's demands for him to show off his abilities. Jäger grows more annoyed as Kammler grows more desperate to get a response, and finally sighs and tells Kammler to let him know when he actually has something to show off, before leaving. Himmel gasps when Kammler loses his temper--"F**king Jew!"--and strikes Wolfstein across the face, knocking him down. Kammler promptly begins beating his test subject, yelling obscenities. None of the Wehrmacht guards show any interest in getting involved, so Himmel hurries forward and pulls Kammler off of Wolfstein, shouting angrily for him to stop. He convinces Kammler to stop beating Wolfstein by suggesting it could affect the outcome of his experiment; after Kammler storms out, he gives Wolfstein a cloth to dab at the blood, the prisoner murmuring, "Danke." Himmel reports the beating to Jäger; Jäger expresses distaste, yet declines to take any action: "He procured his subject from Kamerad Klaus, so he belongs to him now, as vulgar as it may sound." Himmel is repelled at the thought that one can own another person.
He and Jäger, along with a handful of other officials, are soon after summoned to the lab a second time. Jäger's growing impatience is evident as he tells Kammler, "You'd best have something concrete you can show us today, Herr Doktor"; Kammler replies that he does, if they'll only watch. Wolfstein is again strapped to a table; as the others look on, Kammler retrieves a scalpel. Before anyone can speak, he starts cutting Wolfstein's chest. Himmel gasps and even Jäger and the others flinch back a little, as if expecting a reaction--yet Wolfstein doesn't scream or try to free himself, just grimaces and shuts his eyes. Kammler slices open his breast and midsection as if performing an autopsy and actually peels back the skin; Himmel has to turn away. Kammler explains to his audience that one of the effects of the serum is an increased endurance for pain, which can be a massive advantage in a soldier. Despite seeming a bit put off by the manner in which Kammler proved his point, Jäger consults with his fellows, then grants further funding for Weltuntergang. After they leave, Himmel confronts Kammler about the gruesome experiment, and is shocked when Kammler replies that he got his idea from Himmel himself: "You said physical action could affect the experiment. I thought, what better way to prove my serum works?" Himmel can't find his voice for a moment before saying softly, "You are a ghoul." Kammler's eyes darken and he replies, "And yet here you are, helping me get my funding. Which of us has more to lose?" Realizing that Kammler suspects he's up to something, Himmel backs off, though he personally resolves to try to protect Wolfstein from ending up killed.
Despite this initial success, Kammler's project suffers a lack of progress afterward; he can't seem to replicate his success with any other subjects, and judging by the number of inmates who arrive from Klaus's camp, he's going through quite a few. Many of them are sent back to the camp in bags, to be tossed in the crematorium; Klaus complains about this hassle, yet has no authority to refuse. Kammler grows more anxious and hostile every day, desperately running numerous tests; Himmel overhears him talking to himself, saying, "I don't understand it. It's the right type! Why won't it work anymore?" He invites several scientists and specialists to converse privately about recent studies that have been conducted--"Nothing you would understand," he tells Himmel. Himmel hears one of the researchers mention something about rhesus monkeys before they go behind closed doors; Kammler's never had anything to do with monkeys, so this is perplexing. Kammler's requests for blood tests increase substantially following the meeting, while the arrival of new test subjects from the camp decreases. One especially odd incident raises Himmel's suspicions: Kammler one day asks after his son. He's never said a word about about Kolten following blaming him for Dagmar's death, yet now he wishes to know how he is. Himmel, believing he's come across information regarding Kolten's institutionalization, bristles defensively and tells him to mind his own business; Kammler insists he's just curious about his nephew, and, having heard of Himmel's difficulties, suggests he may be able to help with Kolten's "issues," but Himmel doesn't buy it, and again orders him to drop it. When he next visits Kolten, he asks him if anything unusual has happened recently, knowing he'll be more honest than anyone; Kolten replies that he hasn't noticed anything amiss, but he'll tell him if he does. Himmel can't help but feel that something ominous is in the works.
Himmel ends his work late one night, pays his customary visit to Kolten, then heads home to his apartment; he decides to take a detour through a small park to sort his worried thoughts. As he walks, he gets the suspicion that he's being followed, and puts his hand on his sword, bracing himself; as soon as he rounds a turn in the path, he whirls around to confront whoever it is. He'd been expecting perhaps Kammler; which is why when two stocky men jump at him, it surprises him so. They wrest away his sword almost immediately, as if having expected it. There's a brief scuffle in which he lands several blows, but they soon overpower him; he has enough time to see that one has a straight razor before he feels a white-hot pain shoot across his neck. He gasps, but it comes out as a gurgle, and his throat promptly fills with blood; he's let go and shoved hard, tumbling down the side of a ditch and landing with a splash at the bottom. He flails and keeps trying to scream yet no sounds come out but wet gargling, and he can barely breathe, feeling like he's drowning; after a panicked moment he realizes what happened, and presses his hands to his neck, trying to hold the wound closed. He sees Dagmar standing some distance away, staring at him sadly; "Keep swimming!" she urges when he reaches out toward her, but he feels drowsy and cold, his vision starts dimming, and he loses consciousness.
Himmel dreams again of treading water in the middle of the ocean, gasping for air, threatening to drown--it seems unending. His wife and mother and father urge him to keep swimming, keep his head above the waves. He feels one wash over him, goes under briefly, surfaces, feels himself rolling. Then abruptly awakens with a gurgling gasp, clutching his throat. The unfamiliar men looming over him--not the same ones as before--yell and jump back in terror; they turn and start scrambling up the ditch side as Himmel kicks at the mud and gasps for breath. He starts swooning before dimly hearing splashing noises; the two men climb back down and, after a moment of heated arguing--one wants to leave him behind, the other says he might be useful--they grab hold of him, pulling him up. They manage to get him out of the ditch, put a sack over his head, and start walking, half-dragging him between them. They force him awake every time he starts passing out; he puts up no fight, needing to keep his hands clasped over his throat.
They finally reach some sort of residence and bustle him inside; they demand someone to clear a bed and call a doctor. He's dropped onto a mattress and the bag is removed from his head; the two men have been joined by a woman who gasps at the sight of him. A doctor enters and tries to see to Himmel's neck, but by now he's starting to hyperventilate, and can't stop writhing in sheer panic. The doctor says, "Try to calm him down or I won't get anything done," so the woman comes forward and grasps Himmel's hand; he clenches hers back, hard, and focuses on her. She says they'll help him if he calms down: "You can do it. Slow deep breaths." Himmel tries to do as she says, and manages to slow his panicked breathing somewhat, though as soon as he feels the doctor start stitching his wound, he faints again.
He wakes groggy and confused when daylight peeks into his room. The woman from the night before is there, opening the curtains a bit. He gasps to get her attention; she brings him water, which he struggles to drink, and she urges him not to try to talk. He gestures at her and she tells him her name--Johanna--before saying, "Otto," and, in response to his surprised look, adds, "We already know about you." She leaves, and one of the men from the night before enters with papers that Himmel recognizes as his own, obviously confiscated from his person while he was unconscious. He outlines everything he's learned from the papers, that Himmel works for Projekt Weltuntergang with his likely brother-in-law Dr. Kammler, he has a disabled son yet he still joined the SS--meaning he must have a compelling personal reason for doing so--and somebody obviously wants him dead, because of his, Dagmar's, and Kolten's blood types: Kolten is AB negative, one of the rarest types, plus he possesses a recessive gene mutation--meaning both Himmel and Dagmar carried it. Somehow, Kolten's particular extremely rare blood type makes him a good test subject for Weltuntergang. The suspicions Himmel had fall into place: Dietmar is Dagmar's twin, so of course he, too, must have the same blood type and recessive mutation--and he would know this about Dagmar. He also knows Himmel's blood type, from when he saved his life following Himmel's injury. The one thing he wouldn't know is that Himmel carries the same recessive gene that he does...the extra blood tests Kammler had been running suddenly make sense, as well as his interest in Kolten's well being. He realizes that Kammler had been hinting about involving Kolten in the project when he'd mentioned "helping with his issues," and as Kolten's next of kin, Himmel is the only thing standing in Kammler's way of gaining custody. His own brother-in-law is the one who put out a hit on him, to turn Kolten into a test subject.
The man talking to him--he hears Johanna refer to him as Noah--tells him that by the time he'll be well enough to leave their custody, Kolten will surely already be in the project; it'll be too late for him to help his son. Himmel is overwhelmed by grief and guilt. Noah adds, however, that he can still take action, and have a sort of revenge, by "ruining Weltuntergang from the inside." He leaves to give Himmel time to think.
Johanna visits over the next few days to bring him water and broth, but other than that, Noah forbids her from communicating with him too much. He mulls over his situation, then asks her for a pen and paper; he asks to speak with Johanna's husband. She clarifies that Noah is her cousin, but fetches him, and Himmel writes a note asking him what he has to do. The doctor who'd stitched up Himmel's throat arrives with an armload of medical journals and articles; he explains that this is all the information he's found related to the recessive gene mutation that Himmel's family possesses. Noticing the look on Himmel's face, he admits that it's uncertain whether this gene has anything to do with Kolten's disability. Himmel is to study all the information and familiarize himself with the subject; he can write down any questions he has, and the doctor will answer the best he can. Himmel immediately starts reading without protest, wanting to learn everything he can about his son's condition, as well as how to ruin Kammler's project. The others let him be, though the doctor does return periodically to answer his questions, and Johanna to bring him food and drink.
Johanna arrives one day as Himmel is struggling through all the medical jargon, and offers him some "lighter reading" to relax himself a little: the novel Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. To receive a tale of a mad doctor and his experiment to create a monstrous superhuman hits a little close to home, and he writes, "Seems fitting." Apparently embarrassed, Johanna starts to leave to fetch him some broth, when Himmel opens the book and sees the bookplate inside: JOHANNA WOLFSTEIN. He remembers the name of Kammler's one successful test subject--Wolfstein--and loses his breath. When he gains Johanna's attention and points at the bookplate, she confirms that it's her book. Her and Noah's interest in Weltuntergang becomes clear: The test subject Wolfstein is their relative, likely Johanna's brother. Overwhelmed by guilt, Himmel writes a note for her: "He's alive." Johanna immediately understands the meaning; her eyes fill with tears and she excuses herself.
Noah outlines the basics of what Himmel's to do: He's to state merely that he was rescued by "good Samaritans," come up with other convincing details on his own, and then use what he's learned from his reading to prevent Weltuntergang from functioning properly. He counts on Kammler's belief that Himmel is too stupid to understand medical concepts to be able to effectively sabotage his project. He adds that he'll keep hold of Himmel's ID papers for insurance. Himmel agrees to the plan; Noah impatiently waits until the doctor says Himmel is fit enough to go, then they give him new clothes and get ready to take him away. He attempts to return Frankenstein, but Johanna tells him to keep it. He's blindfolded, driven into the city, and dropped off at a random location; he counts to one hundred, removes his blindfold, gains his bearings, and goes walking. He heads for the SS apartment complex where he lives.
The SS-Helferin at the front desk is stunned to see him; he's been missing for about two weeks, and although Major Jäger ordered a massive search operation, he was strongly believed to be dead. Himmel writes her a note that he's lost his papers and his keys in a mugging; she provides a new key and offers to contact authorities, but he writes that he'll do this himself, and returns to his apartment. After taking a few moments to catch his breath, splash his face with water, and peer at his wound in the mirror, he picks up the telephone and asks the operator to call Jäger; he has to repeat his request, as she can barely hear him. A sleepy-sounding Jäger comes on the line shortly after, though he becomes alert immediately as soon as Himmel whispers his name. He asks where he is, what happened, why is he talking like that; Himmel barely manages to ask him to come to his apartment and he'll explain in person. "I'm on my way," Jäger says, and hangs up. He's at his country home in the mountains, so won't arrive for a while; Himmel arms himself with a spare pistol and sits in his darkened apartment to wait, dozing fitfully.
He wakes when he hears his door handle jiggle, then the sound of the door being unlocked and opened; irrationally fearful that Kammler's men have learned of his arrival and come for him, he hides in a corner and aims. He nearly shoots Jäger, who jumps and gasps when he spots him; he then immediately exclaims over Himmel's condition, helping him up and to the couch. Himmel outlines everything he's been through since he was last seen departing the psychiatric clinic, though he's deliberately vague concerning Noah's people, insisting he saw no faces and heard no names. Jäger recoils when he carefully unbandages his throat and shows him the jagged slash. He seems surprised when Himmel insists that Kammler is behind the attempt, but admits that in Himmel's absence, Kolten was indeed entered in Projekt Weltuntergang at Kammler's request. Himmel suspects Jäger himself of being involved, since this couldn't have happened without his knowledge; Jäger says Kammler did present him with Kolten's intake form, but vows he didn't know that Himmel didn't sign off on this, as the form bore Himmel's signature, acknowledging Kammler as Kolten's next of kin in case anything happened to him, and requesting his participation in the project: "He said you hoped the project might help your son." Himmel denies this vehemently. Jäger seems sympathetic, and offers to bring charges against Kammler, though he warns Himmel they may not go far as he still has the general protection and support of the SS. Himmel declines the suggestion and insists on addressing the matter on his own, but does request that Jäger grant him some leeway and go along with him a bit; Jäger is hesitant, yet agrees.
Himmel goes to his office to wait for Kammler to arrive for his day's work. Kammler's eyes go wide and all the blood drains from his face when he finds Himmel waiting for him, and he realizes Himmel knows exactly who was behind the attack; Himmel knows he expects him to rat him out to Jäger, yet Himmel refrains, and makes it clear he intends to dangle the constant threat of Weltuntergang losing its funding over Kammler's head as long as possible. When Jäger arrives, he feigns ignorance of Kammler's involvement, just describes Himmel's return earlier that morning without implicating Kammler. As if sensing that his project hangs by a thread, Kammler invites Himmel to come see his son, and see "how well he's doing" in Weltuntergang. Although filled with fury over these comments, Himmel longs to see Kolten more than anything, so accompanies Kammler to his lab.
Kolten is being kept in a guarded cell due to his destructive outbursts; the Wehrmacht guards are afraid of him, as he's known to occasionally attack them. He spends most of his time building with blocks--just as he used to--and drawing maps and participating in simple experiments for Kammler. Himmel requests to go in the cell to see him; Kammler hesitates until threatened with exposure, then has the guards let Himmel in. Kolten pays him no attention as he enters, sits, and watches him build; after a few moments he picks up a block and places it, hearing the guards shift uneasily. Just as the last time, Kolten pauses, peers up at him, then says sullenly, "You said you would come to see me, but you didn't." Himmel apologizes, and says he couldn't visit Kolten due to being "sick"--glancing ominously at Kammler as he says this. Kolten seems to pick up on the hint, for he peers at Kammler as well, then murmurs, "Is that why your voice is so funny...?" When prompted, he tells Himmel how Kammler came to the institute to check him out, claiming that Himmel had given him permission to take custody of him; he wouldn't give details on where Himmel was, only that he was "gone" and Kammler--or "Doktor-Vater," as he requested to be called--would look after him now. Himmel bites down his rage on hearing the name "Doktor-Vater" and again promises to continue visiting him; Kolten is skeptical by now, but accepts his apology.
After the meeting, Kammler entreats Himmel: Can't he see how well Kolten is doing? Although the serum does nothing for his disability--which Kammler deems "unfortunate"--his strength, stamina, and physical endurance (Kammler very carefully avoids mentioning tolerance for pain) have increased: "If he weren't an idiot, he'd make the perfect super soldier!" He almost doesn't finish this sentence, as Himmel's hand shoots out and grips his neck. Himmel lays down some ground rules for Kammler, similar to what he did with the clinic staff. He can't do anything about Kolten being in the project, but as he's the project supervisor, he'll keep a close eye on him, and report any instances of mistreatment to Jäger: "I will make sure your funding is cut so quickly your head will spin off your damned neck!" Kammler hastily agrees to treat Kolten with kid gloves.
Himmel shortly after returns to his job. SS-Helfer Kestler hurries up and hugs him hard; she's the one who first reported him missing to Jäger, after he failed to arrive at work; she asked at his apartment building, finding out that he'd never arrived the previous night. Jäger was reluctant to declare him missing just yet, until the head psychiatrist from Kolten's clinic contacted him later that evening to report that Himmel never showed up to visit his son; then, he realized it was serious. The clinic confirmed Himmel's visit the previous evening, indicating this was the last time Himmel was seen before his disappearance. Their leads died out then, though Kammler retrieving Kolten from the clinic, with a paper signed by the missing Himmel, definitely raised suspicions. Himmel doesn't fill Kestler in on all the details, despite believing she's trustworthy, though her concern for his wellbeing touches him. He assures her he's not going anywhere.
Himmel settles uneasily back into his role as project overseer. Kammler has a better understanding of what sort of test subjects he needs, and periodically sends out requests, though most responses don't quite fit the bill. He arrives at work highly agitated one day. Germany is on the brink of active war with the United States, and their forces have just encountered a small American reconnaissance unit behind their lines; following a skirmish, during which the Germans managed to capture one of the Americans, another unit arrived to fight them off. Something suspicious is going on on the American side. This isn't what has him so excited, however: As a matter of routine, Kammler had the American captive's blood tested, and amazingly, his blood is a perfect match for Weltuntergang. Himmel points out the obvious: This is an American soldier, a prisoner of war, technically a Sonderhäftling--a special detainee with particular rights under German law. What's more, he's Aryan. He can't be treated the same as Kammler's other subjects, such as the Jewish Wolfstein, as he's not genetically expendable. Kammler brushes off Himmel's warning, asserting that the prisoner won't be mistreated. Himmel appeals to Jäger with his concerns; Jäger reiterates Kammler's argument that he's allowed to experiment on the American as long as he's not mistreated or tortured, though he does warn Kammler to tread very carefully or he'll get the project terminated. Himmel is forced to back down.
He shows up to witness Kammler's first effort administering the serum to the American test subject; he speaks no German, so Kammler requests Himmel to translate, yet all that the American will say is his codename, rank, and serial number. He's obviously nervous, but doesn't fight. Himmel has seen the effect the serum has on many subjects--making them scream, convulse, and writhe in pain--yet it has none of these effects on the American. He's returned to his cell uneventfully. Kammler takes this as a promising sign, and after several followup injections, he summons Himmel and Jäger to come talk to the test subject. Kammler confirms that he previously spoke only English, then requests that he speak with Jäger. The American says nothing; Kammler glowers, though: "I expected you might pull a stunt like this, so let me introduce you to someone." He has Wolfstein brought into the room, and yanks up his striped shirt to reveal his scar; "This is what happened the last time one of my subjects refused to comply to a demonstration," he warns, and has the humiliated Wolfstein removed. Kammler repeats his request, and now the test subject addresses Jäger in halting yet adequate German. Kammler assures Jäger that with several more weeks, and more intense sessions, he can lay the groundwork for the perfect prototype super soldier. Jäger ponders this; at Himmel's urging, he stipulates that said "intense sessions" cannot include torture, to which Kammler impatiently complies, then grants him permission. Kammler asks Himmel, "Tell me, the American word, what is the American word for 'Weltuntergang'...?" "The English word?" Himmel says; after a bit of thought, he replies, "'Doomsday' would be the closest word." "'Doomsday,'" Kammler sounds it out, then smiles. "This will be the perfect name for him. Subject Doomsday." Himmel realizes he just named Kammler's test subject for him.
Himmel enlists Kolten's aid to keep an eye on Doomsday's progress; Kammler usually keeps his subjects separate, though they frequently see each other. Kolten fills him in every time they're alone. His descriptions match what, to Himmel, sounds like psychological conditioning; it fits his own idea of torture, though he knows Jäger wouldn't agree. The one good thing is that when he asks Kolten if he's experienced the same treatment, Kolten denies it. Kammler does a good job of carrying out the bulk of his activities when Himmel is busy with his other duties, so he has mostly Kolten's imperfect descriptions to go on; when he finally gets to see Doomsday again, he's stunned by the transformation. The American soldier had never been combative, though now he's positively docile, and just stares emptily at Himmel; he responds to questions in perfect German, but aside from that doesn't talk. Himmel notices that he seems to be healing from a pair of black eyes and demands to know if he's been beaten; Kammler denies it, saying he simply received a minor surgery, though he offers no details why. Doomsday responds robotically to Kammler's prompts only, apparently trained to obey commands that come from a doctor. He no longer resists requests to display his skills, and when Jäger and other officials arrive he shows them his newly developed abilities with physical strength and endurance and intellectual improvement; he performs complicated scientific equations on a blackboard, and rapidly disassembles and reassembles mechanical equipment. As a final test, Doomsday is ordered to subdue one of the bigger Wehrmacht guards, which he does with exceptional ease, letting up only when Kammler tells him to. His sparse SS records confirm that these are skills he did not previously possess, that his strength and intelligence were previously marked as average, so the improvement is remarkable; Jäger's superiors grant further funding to the project, and Kammler beams at his star test subject.
Himmel realizes that the situation is escalating, and it's time to set his plan for sabotage in action. Noah had left the exact plan up to him, based on his resources; knowing that Kammler's next step will likely be an attempt at modifying the existing serum to be applicable to more blood types, he decides that his best bet is to sabotage the serum itself. Kammler's main test room, with its patient bed/table and windows for observers, is where the refrigerated vials are kept; Himmel goes here late one night and looks around. The refrigerator cabinets are locked, but as he's trying to figure out how to open them, he hears a soft noise and whirls around. One side of the room is taken up by a sort of barred cell in which Kammler frequently places Wolfstein, to force him to observe what he does to his other subjects as a sort of punishment for his disobedience; Wolfstein is there, perhaps forgotten overnight. He nods toward a sink. Himmel goes to it and Wolfstein ducks his head, so he stoops a bit, then feels under the sink, locating a key. He unlocks the cold cabinets, removes the vials of tweaked serum, and dumps their contents down the drain, replacing them with saline solution before putting them back. He otherwise leaves the room exactly as he found it.
Himmel's anxiety is through the roof waiting to be found out, yet it never happens. Kammler is confused that his modified serum never seems to work; he keeps trying, yet every time, Himmel dumps it out and replaces it. Himmel also tosses a piece of plastic near Wolfstein's cell in the hopes he'll hide it and find a use for it eventually. Unfortunately, he can't find a way to sabotage the original serum without getting caught, which he can't afford to let happen; he's petrified at the thought of Kammler doing the same thing to Kolten that he did to Doomsday.
Events take an abrupt turn when, as Doomsday is being transported, the German convoy is attacked by strange troops dressed as German soldiers of the Great War. There had been a report that the unit of American soldiers from which Doomsday had been captured was rescued from a barrage of German gunfire by these same unknown soldiers; now, they successfully recapture Doomsday, and Kammler loses his best test subject. The Germans capture one of the soldiers and bring him back to project headquarters. Their early fears of being besieged by ghosts of the Great War dead are proven unfounded: Their new prisoner is an American soldier. He refuses to give them any information other than his serial number and codename--Teal--but they eventually gather details on their own. The Americans, upon learning of Doomsday's capture, created a new battalion called the Trench Rats, disguised them as Great War soldiers to take advantage of the Germans' superstitions, and moved in to rescue the rest of Doomsday's unit. Now, they have their secret weapon as well.
Kammler explodes in despair and rage--which he promptly takes out on the new prisoner. Himmel warns him that, like Doomsday, Teal is a Sonderhäftling, or special detainee, a high-value American prisoner protected by German law; Kammler was granted unprecedented leeway to test on Doomsday as his blood type was so rare and he avoided conventional torture, yet Teal's blood, when tested, is not a match; he's not a suitable test subject, so Kammler's unlikely to be let off easily if he mistreats him. Kammler largely ignores this warning, although in such a manner that Jäger declines to get involved. Himmel does what little he can to try to minimize the ill treatment Teal receives, yet it isn't much, and Kammler quickly wears him down. He visits Kolten one day to find him withdrawn and upset; he fears that somebody has mistreated him, yet Kolten insists he hasn't been, someone else was: Kammler lost his temper and started beating the American soldier, before ordering Kolten to be brought back to his cell, and calling forward one of the Wehrmacht guards with an especially shady reputation. Afterward, Kolten heard piercing screams, and knows that something awful was happening. He begs Himmel to not let the same thing happen to him. Himmel reassures him, and goes to check on Teal. Teal is alive, though battered, bleeding, and in a daze; he flinches back from Himmel's touch, and as Himmel leaves, tells him to inform Kammler that he'll do anything he asks.
Himmel tries finding out more about the Trench Rats. He has a run-in with their sergeant, codenamed Camo, and is stunned to realize that he's the same American soldier who chased after him in the Great War. Some feeling had told him that both of them were destined to survive and meet again--now, here he is, and it's obvious he recognizes Himmel, too. He gives chase, and Himmel flees. He digs through SS records as soon as he gets back to headquarters and finds the files they're compiling on the Trench Rat leadership. They don't know much yet about Camo's psychological temperament or morals, but Himmel does learn that, following the war, he was married and had a daughter, only to lose both wife and child in an automobile crash in which he himself was seriously injured. Himmel feels an odd connection to the American over their shared sense of grief. Camo's corporal, Drake, is Jewish. They've already incorporated the smaller unit they rescued into their battalion, and from the sound of it, Doomsday, re-nicknamed D-Day, is adjusting to life with them as their chief engineer. Kammler's loss is now the Trench Rats' gain. Himmel muses that the Americans may be his best bet to dismantle Projekt Weltuntergang permanently and regain custody of his son, so he decides to aid them whenever possible.
Kolten keeps him apprised of developments in the project; he often draws portraits of the people around him, and Himmel notices when he starts drawing a strange woman. Himmel feels a spark of alarm, for he knows who the woman is: an American corporal who's been incorporated into the Trench Rats following her introduction by the British forces. What the Trench Rats don't know is that she was successfully turned by an undercover British member of the SS: The Waffen-SS has successfully infiltrated the Trench Rats. Kolten claims he saw this woman, Anna Julian, while she was being led on a tour of project headquarters--an incident Himmel partly witnessed himself--and that she saw him as well; upon learning that he was one of the project's best subjects, she angrily referred to him as a "useless eater," and denounced the waste of resources to care for him. Himmel recognizes the same speech and ideas used by his own party: Julian has not only been turned, she's been radicalized. Upon learning that she's started writing letters to SS authorities to advocate for Kolten's elimination from the program, Himmel again decides to act. Julian's infiltration of the Rats means the Germans now know the exact location of their Headquarters, and when HQ is attacked, resulting in massive loss of life along with the capture of Camo, Drake, and Julian, Himmel makes sure to be on hand when they're brought in. He makes a show of threatening them, and of being ready to execute Drake, when to everyone's surprise he shoots Julian instead. Camo attacks Himmel as Drake tries to see to Julian; the Wehrmacht guards beat the Trench Rats down, though Himmel stops them from killing them, and has them taken away. He throws up, tells another guard to report the incident to Jäger, and sits to wait; he's shortly after taken into custody.
Jäger is both infuriated by Himmel's uncharacteristic behavior, as well as confused; Himmel's explanation that Julian was going to get his son killed, and nobody else was willing to do anything about it, hardly satisfies him, yet he says he'll pull some strings to spare Himmel any serious punishment. As Himmel typically works a desk job, his punishment includes working in the field. He accepts this without complaint; while he doesn't regret his actions, he still feels overwhelming guilt, and has repeated nightmares. He also continues with his subversive activities, aiding in Camo's escape and trying to keep Corporal Drake alive, as Kammler subjects him to awful treatments and, being Jewish, Drake isn't protected by law like Teal is. After his punishment period is up, he returns to work, though the tension is as high as ever.
The Trench Rats gain new leadership, Sergeant Black and Corporal Gold, and Himmel keeps himself apprised of the ways in which he can surreptitiously aid them, which at times involves interacting with Wehrmacht members Lt. Ratdog and PFC Godfrey Klemper--themselves often busy undermining Nazi efforts--as well as enemy partisans led by a Roma woman named Didrika. A Trench Rat named Silver, nicknamed "Der Silbergeist" for his habit of snapping the German guards' necks and silently making off with documents, manages to get inside project headquarters, yet is spotted by Teal, who, hoping to garner favor with Dr. Kammler and avoid future punishment, alerts the guards. Silver is captured and tortured much the same as Teal was, yet escapes soon after--with the aid of Jakob Wolfstein, using the plastic shard Himmel long ago left near his cell. Kammler's fury boils over, yet he does refrain from harming Teal further, and praises him for his actions, vowing to finally treat him as a proper Sonderhäftling.
Not long after, again during a transport, Kolten is captured by the Trench Rats. Himmel is devastated by this news, yet forces himself not to try to get his son back; while Kolten is feared as the Nazi "superweapon," a German survivor of the attack describes how one of his fellows had been ready to shoot Kolten--Kolten had previously attacked him at headquarters--when a Trench Rat jumped in front of Kolten. His description matches D-Day; he was shot while defending Kolten from his own side. Kolten then turned on the Germans before retrieving D-Day for the Rats and being taken away. D-Day apparently remembered Kolten from his time in the project and attempted to protect him, after which Kolten returned the favor; Himmel believes the Rats will do everything they can to avoid harm befalling Kolten, and his son is likely much safer in their custody than with the unstable Kammler. His resolve to aid the Rats just grows.
Himmel continues his efforts throughout the war, sabotaging Weltuntergang and secretly feeding information to the Allies, while juggling his responsibilities to Jäger, whose own attitude grows increasingly fanatical. The Rats at last manage to gather enough information to stage an elaborate attack on project headquarters, seizing control of the building complex and capturing Kammler and Himmel while liberating Teal, Drake, and Kammler's other test subjects. (Jäger and his staff are absent, and so avoid capture.) Kammler and Himmel are restrained and taken to a study where Teal is also brought; Teal, seeing Kammler, bursts into tears and throws his arms around him, stupefying the Rats. As soon as Kammler, while attempting to soothe him, informs him the project is over, Teal's demeanor shifts; Himmel, sitting beside Kammler, notices this, then spots the knife Teal has concealed. He tries to shout and alert the Rats but his voice is too weak; Teal pulls out the knife and stabs Kammler repeatedly, screaming the entire time. Himmel scrabbles back, expecting Teal to turn on him next, yet Teal's rage is focused solely on Kammler; it takes several Rats to subdue him, and he relaxes and drops the knife only when it's confirmed that Kammler is dead. After Teal is taken away, a bloodspattered Himmel, half out of shock and half out of spite, starts to laugh.
He's taken to Trench Rat Headquarters for interrogation, but refuses to answer any questions, uncertain of the safest course of action left open to him. It's only when he overhears a Rat mention Kolten in a discussion that his interest is piqued; he says he'll give them all the information he has about Projekt Weltuntergang, Kammler, and the SS's role in things, if they just take him to see Kolten. Gold Rat, now a sergeant, presses him for a reason, but he refuses to speak further, knowing he has no other advantage. After some further discussion, the Rats agree to his stipulation, and Himmel is blindfolded, restrained, bundled into a truck, and taken on a long drive. When he's removed from the truck and has his blindfold taken off, he sees he's at a large country farmhouse; they're met by an older couple who allow them inside. Himmel learns that Kolten has been staying here while the Rats try to figure out what to do with him. He's brought to a room where Kolten is building an ornate structure with blocks; Kolten ignores him when he sits down to watch. After he sets a block in place, Kolten finally looks at him, and sullenly says Himmel broke his promise to visit him. Himmel apologizes and informs him that the project is over, so he won't need to return to "Doktor-Vater"; Kolten then asks if he'll be going with "Hauptsturmführer-Vater" instead. Himmel is stunned that Kolten knows he's his father, and has known all along; Kolten replies that he learned in the institution that parents love their children unconditionally, and in his whole life, Himmel is the only one who's done so. He also remembers Himmel--and Dagmar and Kammler--from just after his own birth. Himmel explains that Kolten can't come with him now, as he has to take responsibility for his own actions, but if he can come back for him, he will. Kolten embraces him--the first time they've had such contact since he was a toddler--and Himmel says he loves him, and Kolten has never disappointed him. Leaving Kolten with the farm couple, Himmel thanks the Rats--who are just as stunned to learn Kolten is his son--and returns to their custody.
Consumed by guilt over betraying Silver, yet insisting he never revealed the location of HQ, Teal commits suicide, and while the Rats are seeking a place to bury his body, they run into Camo, who's been aiding the resistance in disguise; he and Drake accompany them to Himmel's interrogation. Camo threatens to shoot Himmel, yet Drake stops him when Himmel exclaims, "Eight burning lamps!"--a code he'd had a sympathetic guard deliver to Drake while he was still a prisoner. Drake realizes that Himmel helped keep him alive, and aided Camo's escape. When Camo demands to know why Himmel executed Corporal Julian, Himmel replies that she, not Teal as was widely believed, was the traitor who revealed the location of Headquarters to the Germans. He rebukes them for not trying harder to rescue Teal, yet follows through on his promise to tell them everything he knows. The war now drawing to a close as the Third Reich collapses, the Rats use this information to dismantle Project Doomsday and attempt to reunite its victims with family. A military tribunal is hastily assembled to determine what will happen to Himmel.
Himmel appears before the tribunal, charged with various crimes, including the extrajudicial execution of Anna Julian. In front of a crowd of curious onlookers, he outlines his years-long plan to protect his son no matter what the cost; all of his actions have been motivated by this. While he admits he feels guilt over his murder of Julian, he insists he would do it all over again if he had to. He accepts responsibility for all his other actions and offers no further defense. To his surprise, however, a handful of other witnesses are called to testify as to his actions and character, and most of them--including Corporal Drake and Jakob Wolfstein--corroborate his claims. The tribunal deliberates before announcing their verdict; Himmel is found guilty of belonging to a criminal organization (the SS), yet is absolved of committing war crimes and crimes against humanity. Likewise, while the tribunal rebukes him for killing Julian, they have enough proof from other parties to confirm her attempts to have Kolten liquidated, and agree that Himmel likely saved numerous lives of other prisoners in the process. He's stripped of his military titles and honors, has his weapons confiscated, and is set free.
Gold Rat offers to retrieve Himmel's belongings and drive him anywhere he wishes. He accompanies Himmel to his old office, where Himmel fetches only his parents' tally and earrings, Kolten's artwork, his and Dagmar's letters, and a single book, Frankenstein. He asks Gold to take him to his son. Gold complies, and Himmel and Kolten are again reunited. The farm couple, the Albrechts, consent to let Himmel stay with them, though at nightfall he instead heads to a neighboring house which they confirm is abandoned. He promises Kolten he'll return in the morning, and will see him every day now that the war is over and he's finally safe.
Despite this outcome, Himmel spends his days racked with guilt over the actions he took during the war, and feels the oppressive gloom moving in again; aside from the time he spends with Kolten, he begins isolating himself more often, staying in the abandoned mansion alone while cutting off most contact with the outside world. He's called out briefly when the remaining Allies in Germany detect that a handful of Nazis escaped to the Alpine Fortress and are attempting to resurrect Projekt Weltuntergang under the new name Ultima Thule; Himmel determines that the new movement is led by his old boss, Major Jäger, who eluded capture with his family. Jäger hopes to usher in a Fourth Reich in which regular folk will become gods, near immortal and perfect; he invites Himmel to join him, yet Himmel refuses, horrified by the idea. He instead aids the Allies in again defeating and dismantling the project, though it comes at a high price, as Jäger is killed and his pregnant wife, Magda, kills all of their children and then herself. Himmel breaks down sobbing at the sight of their bodies, clasping Leopoldine's cold hand in his own as he asks what was the point, he would have gladly taken them in, himself. The group leaves the destroyed Alpine Fortress, victorious yet despondent.
Winter sets in and Himmel's self-imposed isolation and depression only grow; he takes to spending long periods sitting in the dark and cold in the abandoned house, hardly eating and not even starting a fire. He injures his leg but neglects to properly tend to it, again requiring a walking stick to get around. An old war acquaintance, Ratdog--now going by his name, Herr Adel--visits and attempts to rouse him from his gloominess, without success. One day, Himmel hears someone enter the house despite the barricaded door, and creeps downstairs, ready to defend himself if need be; he finds someone in the kitchen, unpacking food. He's surprised to recognize Jakob Wolfstein; Adel reached out to him, as someone else who knew Himmel from the war, and Wolfstein agreed to check on him. He's brought food and supplies; he starts a fire, and tends to Himmel's injured leg. He starts visiting occasionally to restock Himmel's supply and see how he's doing. On one visit, he arrives with a guest--his sister, Johanna. She's surprised that Himmel remembers her, and that he kept the book she gave him so long ago; still grateful over how he helped her brother survive and escape, she too is concerned for Himmel's welfare, and along with Wolfstein becomes a regular visitor.
Himmel and Johanna develop an unusual friendship over their shared interest in Kolten's welfare; this gradually grows into a tentative romantic relationship, though conflict arises as soon as Johanna's cousin, Noah, finds out. Insisting that "Once a Nazi, always a Nazi," he attempts to intervene and end the relationship, causing a rift in the family when Johanna refuses his demand that she return home. He confronts Himmel one day while she's away and he's visiting with Kolten; he hits Himmel, who refuses to fight back, yet Himmel is forced to get involved when Kolten loses his temper and attempts to defend him--Himmel has to try to yell at Kolten to stop, then place himself between the two to prevent Kolten from pummeling Noah to death. Kolten retreats to the Albrechts in tears while Himmel tells Noah to leave, tries to calm his distraught son, then heads back to the abandoned house to be alone. The incident reminds him of when Dietmar attacked him after he spent the night with Dagmar; the repetition of history just confirms his feeling of being cursed, and he again cuts off contact with everyone but Kolten and the Albrechts. When Johanna attempts to visit him shortly after, he refuses to let her in, and retreats back into the dark.
Various parties, including Wolfstein and Herr Adel, attempt to contact him over the following days, yet he keeps to himself, growing thinner and weaker but no longer caring. One day, a soft but persistent knock grates on his nerves enough for him to shove aside the barricade and yell at his visitor to leave him alone, but he cuts himself off in surprise when he realizes it's Corporal Drake. After testifying at Himmel's trial, Drake had left for France, so Himmel is confused by his presence, yet lets him in, and starts a fire as the Trench Rat has a permanent tremor following Kammler's treatment of him. Drake explains that he was contacted by Herr Adel, via radiotelegraph, at the request of the Wolfsteins and their acquaintances; this is basically an intervention. Everyone is worried about Himmel's avoidance and obvious ill health, and wishes to know how to resolve the situation. Drake was the last person they could think of who has an existing, albeit wary, relationship with Himmel, and who hasn't tried contacting him yet. He has no idea what's going on aside from what he's been told, and so has formed no opinion on the matter. Himmel struggles to explain, before making an unusual decision: He retrieves the box of his and Dagmar's letters to each other, including those he wrote to her after her death, throughout the war. He gives this to Drake, requesting that he pass it on to the Wolfsteins to read and try to understand; he tells Drake he's allowed to read them too if he wishes: "I have no more secrets to hide." Drake promises to keep the letters safe, and departs.
A few days later, Johanna visits, box in hand; Himmel reluctantly lets her in. She says that Drake arrived with the box, having read its contents already, yet he declined to tell them the contents, saying they needed to read for themselves; he then departed for home, while the Wolfsteins--and Noah, grudgingly--read the letters. Johanna says she thinks she understands now, and insists he's not cursed--and even if he were, it's her choice to stay with him. Wolfstein, who was supportive yet had cautioned her about getting too close to Himmel because of his past, believes now that he's no longer a threat; whereas Noah still disapproves, but has decided to trust Johanna to make her own decisions. Although he still can't shake his feelings of being cursed, Himmel allows Johanna back in, and their relationship slowly resumes.
Kolten, normally rather shy and reserved around everyone but Himmel and the Albrechts, grows fond of Johanna, who brings him picture books to look at. In the spring, a large group of old acquaintances from the war, friend and former enemy alike, arrives, and to Himmel's surprise, they start working on the abandoned house, fixing it up again and restoring the utilities to make it livable. The women help Himmel plant a vegetable garden, and Kolten moves in with his father. After a little girl mistakes Himmel for her deceased father while he and Johanna are visiting an orphanage, the two decide to take her in, Himmel shortly afterwards adopting her. They end up taking in six more war orphans; Kolten adores his much-younger adoptive siblings, and never gets too boisterous with them despite his strength and size. Himmel is especially fond of the oldest child he adopts, a Jewish boy named Simon, whose sensitive, introspective attitude reminds him of his own. Although he never has the large family he'd longed for with Dagmar, he patches one together with Johanna, and the two love the children like their own. Herr Adel and Didrika bring their children to visit and play as well; when they reach adulthood and Adel's daughter Tatiana has a son of her own, she asks Himmel to be his godfather, which he accepts, while helping her through her grief over Adel's death. Himmel's household becomes known as a safe and welcoming place for all, and although they never become close, even Camo Rat eventually forgives Himmel for what happened with Corporal Julian.
Himmel has a contented life with Johanna, who never asks for them to marry, understanding that that place in his heart is reserved for Dagmar. He lives to old age, and dies peacefully in his sleep, leaving behind the cobbled-together family he so loves.
Himmel In Heaven
Birdsong. Crickets. The soft shush of a breeze. Himmel feels the balmy air brush across his face, and without willing it, he smiles through his doze. He'd been feeling a bit more tired and worn out than usual before heading to bed, so Johanna must have opened the bedroom window for him. She's always been attentive that way. He feels the softness of the bed beneath him, and shifts a little but doesn't rise. He's so comfortable, his fatigued muscles relaxed, the ache in his bones gone, his thoughts still hazy and content in that realm of half-waking that slowly comes on in the morning, mulling over all the potential a new day brings, all the simple beauty and the good things that await, that he doesn't wish to open his eyes and end the feeling just yet, he wants to savor it, let it linger just a moment longer. There's time to wake and take action later. He's always loved the evenings and mornings, more than any time of day. The times full of hushed possibilities, of everything that could be. He turns a little to get more comfortable, listens to the singing, feels the warm wind. Takes a deep breath, fills his lungs with the fresh air, something he's never taken for granted since the illness, since the attack...but no point thinking of that anymore. Blinks open his eyes at last, still drowsy and hazy and at peace. Lets the sunlight in.
He's lying on his back with his head and shoulder turned slightly aside. Stretching before him is tall, swaying green grass, afire with brilliant red poppies. An endless field, endless rolling hills of poppies, bobbing their heavy heads in the breeze. The sky is pristine blue, just a few small fluffy white clouds studding it like cotton balls. It's not hot, not cold. The air smells softly of the grass, damp earth, distant flowers. Himmel stares at this without wonder at first, it's so perfect, it doesn't occur to him to ponder it. He smiles again. It's only the thought that this lovely scene is obviously not contained within his bedroom that makes him shift again, turning his head to look upward and try to gain his bearings. A shadow looms over him, someone looking down at him from overhead. The indeterminate sunlight casts them into silhouette so he can't make out their features; it takes him a moment to realize it's a woman. His eyes adjust a little; he can see her smile at him.
She says softly, "Hallo, my sweet, sad-eyed soldier."
Himmel blinks. The haziness abruptly clears; he takes in a breath, heart clenching. He can tell now that he's lying on the ground, in the grass, his upper body cradled in the woman's lap; he slowly and carefully pushes himself up and turns to look at her in the light. "Dagi...?" he whispers; her slight smile grows, illuminating her face more than the sunlight can. He reaches out a hand, tentative, touches her face--she's real, she doesn't disappear. He doesn't need any further proof. A soft cry catching in his throat, he leans forward and wraps his arms around her, pressing his face to her hair. He feels Dagmar embrace him in return.
"Dagi," he says, voice breaking. Pulls back, kisses her, looks her in the face. She's not wearing her spectacles, he notices for some reason. He can't bring himself to let her go lest she vanish like smoke. He tries to speak but only laughs, then blinks tears from his eyes--his laugh is loud, normal, not raspy. He lets Dagmar go without thinking and presses his fingers to his throat, but it's smooth, the puckered skin of the cut isn't there. He spots his cuffs, blinks again, looks himself over. He's wearing a uniform, similar to the one he wore in the Imperial German Army, yet not quite right, he can't place it. Suddenly wonders where this landscape of poppies came from. Looks back up at Dagmar, his confusion growing.
"Where are we...?" he asks softly. "What is this place?"
"Our new life," Dagmar replies.
"New life...?" Himmel peers around them. Stares into the distance a little while. Turns back to her, eyes glimmering.
"You...you mean I'm..."
Dagmar's eyes sadden slightly. She nods.
"What's the last thing you remember...?"
"I was tired...I went to bed early. Wished everyone gute Nacht." He sucks in a sharp breath. "Kolten," he exclaims. Looks at Dagmar imploringly. "His heart will break. With me not there."
"He'll be fine," Dagmar says. "He'll understand."
"I don't know if he will. He has no one, now."
"He understands, Liebe, believe me. And he has Johanna, and Simon and the rest. He'll grieve...but he'll be fine. You raised him well."
Himmel's throat sticks. "You should have been there. To help me."
"He turned out fine. You don't have to worry about him. Though I know you will."
"Will...will he come here? Someday?"
"Of course he will. But with hope, not for a very long time."
"I miss him already." Himmel's fingers clench and he tries to swallow down his tears. "Poor Kolten."
"We'll see him again."
"But not for a long time."
"It'll feel like forever, I know. Yet also like an instant. Time has no meaning here."
He finally lifts his head to look her in the eyes again. She seems almost to glow in the sunlight...everything seems to have a hazy golden glow. He peers at the flowers. "This reminds me of the park...and..."
"Ypres." When he looks at her she says, "When we come here, we come to the place that brings us the most comfort or happiness. It's different for everyone. Yet when you called, I knew I would find you here."
"Called...?"
"When we come here, our soul calls out to the person we long to see most. Yours called out to me."
Himmel takes a shaky breath and his vision blurs. "Then...this truly is Heaven? It isn't what I thought it would be. But I don't care, if you're here."
"It is...and it isn't. It's hard to explain. I feel it's more like a...waiting place, an in-between place, until we're all ready to move on."
"I think I understand." He's not sure, but doesn't care anymore. He cups her face in his hands, puts his forehead to hers. "I missed you so much," he murmurs, voice cracking. "I can't even describe. If Kolten were here...I'd have everything I want. I can wait."
Dagmar's eyes soften. "That you still worry about him, even here...I knew there was a reason I love you so. You raised a good family for him."
"Is this what it's all like...?" He looks at the fields and hills.
"Nein, it's whatever you wish it to be most. You can live any and every life you want, here."
"I already have the life I want."
A pause. Dagmar gives a slight smile, yet there's something odd in it. "There's more that you want," she says.
"Nein, there isn't." He's adamant.
"Ja...there is. When your soul called out to me, I wasn't sure then but now I am, it called out to someone else too. Quieter. But still."
"You were all I want."
"Close your eyes."
An irrational fear surges through him. "I don't want you to disappear."
"I won't. Go on, close your eyes. Think of another place you want to be."
"There is no other place," he insists.
"There is. Just...close your eyes? Bitte? I'll be right here, I promise."
Himmel swallows hard, closes his eyes. "Dagi--?" he exclaims immediately, dreading that she's vanished. He feels her hand slip into his and grasps it back.
"I'm right here. Holding your hand."
"What do you want me to do--?"
"Let your soul call to that other one. Imagine where else you want to be. If you're not sure, just let your feelings take you. You'll find it."
He doesn't really understand, but takes and lets out a breath. Relaxes, lets his mind go blank and wander. He feels a bit foolish for a moment, having no idea what he's supposed to be looking for...yet then he hears it...dull thumping, clanging, splashing noises...the sounds of ropes creaking, water slapping against hulls, steam whistles blowing, seabirds calling. Himmel draws in another breath, heart crowding into his throat. His fingers clutch Dagmar's tighter.
"Dagi...?"
"I'm here." She sounds hushed, curious. "Open your eyes, Otto."
He does so, slowly, uncertainly. They widen when he sees where he's standing. He and Dagmar are on a wooden dock running along a waterfront; as if springing into existence just at his thought, crowds of passersby fade into view, hazy, shimmering, murmuring and rustling as they pass. Steamships loom over all, crews hard at work. Himmel stares at his surroundings, mute.
"Otto...?" Dagmar says. "You know this place...?"
"Ja." Himmel swallows, eyes stinging. He has to take a moment before he can say more. "I lived here, once."
He feels Dagmar's hand grasp his more tightly. "Of course," she says. "Of course your soul calls you home." He turns to look further along the dock, heart crowding his throat again, as now he thinks he feels it--his soul calling out--someone responding. Dagmar steps beside him and peers in the same direction, then at him.
"Otto...?"
He doesn't immediately respond, just grips her hand and starts walking. "This way," he says after they start walking. She has to hurry a little to keep up, but doesn't complain. His heart thuds hard in his chest; he has to fight not to run. The feeling grows so strong as to almost overwhelm him, and finally his step slows, and eventually stops. He stares, breath catching, at the ship docked before him; Dagmar looks up at it as well.
"Otto...?" Her voice is soft. "You know it?"
Himmel is silent a moment, gazing up at the ship's hull. Its name is emblazoned in tall letters on the prow. DAS LICHT DES MEERES.
"Ja," Himmel murmurs again. "I know it." He looks at Dagmar, eyes brimming. She seems to understand what he's feeling, for a faint smile lights her face, and she gently tugs on his hand.
"Come on," she urges. "Let's go look."
She turns and starts walking, leading him to the gangway, his psychopomp. Himmel's soul aches, but it's a good ache; without another word, he follows her aboard the gently bobbing ship.
Trivia
*Himmel took fencing classes as a teenager; he can use his dress sword as an effective weapon if need be.
*He has a fondness for small chocolates and candies, which he often carries in his pockets to snack on or give to Kolten and Jäger's children.
*He still wears his wedding ring although his wife died about two decades ago.
*He collects and keeps all the drawings Kolten makes, and enjoys looking at them and showing them to others.
*He possesses a recessive gene mutation, same as Dagmar, which contributed to Kolten's incredibly rare blood type mutation which made him a suitable candidate for Project Doomsday. Whether this also contributed to Kolten's developmental disability or not is unknown.
*He's fluent, both in speech and in writing, in multiple languages. He teaches himself French during the Great War; he speaks perfect English with the Trench Rats, with barely an accent, and teaches Kolten some English as well. He testifies in English at his trial, without an interpreter.
*His hometown is VERY loosely based on the port city of Bremen.
*[Coming soon.]
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