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Information
Name/Nickname: Gunter Diepold Hesse; Boss (Theodor Schulte only); Uncle Gunter (Adelina von Dobermann only)
Gender: Cisgender male
Birthdate/Age/Sign: NA; thirties/forties; Virgo
Orientation: Heteroromantic heterosexual
Relationship Status: Involved (Sophie Sommer)
Race/Ethnicity/Nationality: Caucasian; Germanic descent; German
Class: Lower (white-collar poor)
Religion: Roman Catholic (lapsed); has some vague völkisch beliefs, but is largely agnostic
Profession: Investigator in the Sicherheitsdienst (SD); unofficial liaison to the Dobermann estate
Birthplace/Residence: Hessen, Germany/WWII Germany
Personality/Characteristics
Hesse has worked hard to build a stoic attitude toward life, though he isn't as naturally skilled at it as Louis Dobermann is. He considers it a great virtue to survive through suffering and adversity and to put on a brave face for the world. This trait also serves him well in maintaining a sort of double life which he primarily uses to protect Adelina Dobermann from the truth of what he does for a living; it's a long time before she begins to realize.
Similarly, he has a lifelong belief in a sort of personal code of chivalry which guides many of his actions. A fascination in the old folk stories and fairytales was instilled in him early on by an orphanage worker who took him under her wing, and he's spent his life ever since attempting to follow a code of honor similar to that followed by the old (mostly fictional) knights. His joining the army, and then the SS, was directly inspired by this hope that he can play the role of a sort of modern-day knight, and he genuinely believes in the purpose of what he does, which is why the corruption he starts to witness within the SS stings him so badly. Another belief of his motivated by his personal chivalric code is that every knight is chosen by a "maiden" to fight for and defend her honor, and he's spent his life trying to find this particular woman. He suspects she's Inga Dobermann, then Inga's daughter Adelina, despite his previous assumption that his maiden would be unmarried, and adult; for this reason, as well as out of a sense of debt, he attaches himself to the Dobermann family, vowing to protect them the best he can, a pledge that often conflicts with his job in the SS. He's surprised when Sophie Sommer, initially angered by his insistence on seeking revenge for her assault, changes her mind and outright declares him to be "my knight"; Sophie, who was also raised on the old legends, had meant her words figuratively, yet Hesse takes them literally, and despite her checkered past and profession, he accepts her as his maiden and promises to serve and protect her as well. He follows through on his promise the best he can and remains loyal to Sophie even through the numerous rough patches of their relationship.
Hesse has a dominant streak that he openly displays with Sophie once she (as a submissive) grows to trust him; knowing of her traumatic past, he allows her to dictate how these interactions take place depending on her comfort level. (She refers to him as "my black knight" or "my knight in black armor" when she feels especially at ease with him, and he responds accordingly.) This often leads to conflict, as Sophie suffers from borderline traits which lead her to act out in emotionally manipulative ways, picking fights and cutting him off at a moment's notice; Hesse finds this frustrating and the two of them frequently argue, but despite all her testing of his patience--including humiliating him by slapping him in front of his boss and coworkers--he never oversteps his bounds, and abides by the terms of their personal arrangement. He's been involved in various brief relationships in the past, though none of any seriousness (as he knew these women were not the one he was seeking), and his romantic partners have always been aware of and in agreement with this as well. Two of his known previous relationships were a one-night stand with an SS-Helferinnen secretary who mans the reception desk in his apartment building, and a brief affair with a widowed farm wife while his Waffen-SS unit was billeted at her homestead; this second instance, unbeknownst to him, resulted in a daughter he never got to meet. Considering that he much later tells Sophie, after she becomes pregnant, that he'd prefer a little girl--perhaps reminded of how he helped raise Adelina--it's certain he would have willingly provided for this child had he known. He never oversteps his bounds in any of these other relationships, still letting his sense of chivalry determine how he treats women, even in casual interactions; for example, he reacts with exasperation when Master Sgt. Schulte suggests he should have taken advantage of a drunken Sophie ("I'm not f**king an unconscious woman, Schulte"), and he rebuffs his boss's wife, Eva Heidenreich, when she attempts to seduce him, despite the potential threat to his position.
Hesse is of course not born hateful, and despite his disappointment over never being adopted, he attempts to maintain a hopeful outlook based on this worldview; this changes following his experiences after the Great War. When the military cuts him loose--without any family or home to return to--and doctors leave him addicted to morphine, not only the Dobermanns, but the SS, step in to fill the void. The SS appeals to Hesse with their imagery of a romantic and chivalric brotherhood fighting to right the wrongs committed against citizens by the previous regime, and he's quickly and effectively radicalized, fully buying in to the myth that Germany was stabbed in the back from within. He serves the SS faithfully, transferring from the Waffen-SS to the Sicherheitsdienst when he's no longer fit to fight, even though Inga is visibly displeased. He manages to conceal the worst of his hatred from Adelina at her parents' request, though not before she picks up on it.
He faces his roughest disagreement with the Dobermanns when Louis Dobermann brings home Tobias Schäfer, a deaf former doctor who'd been moments from execution in a labor camp; Dobermann brushes off Hesse's increasingly irate requests, then demands, then threats that he return the Jewish doctor to where he got him, and Dobermann even threatens him in return, that he's welcome to leave if he can't abide by his decision. Inga, usually diplomatic, likewise denies his pleas, and, to his immense frustration, even Commandant Dannecker, when he visits to pick up the tapestry Dobermann offered him for Schäfer's life, laughs off his vow to investigate him if he doesn't take Schäfer back. Hesse is forced to give up his efforts although it chafes him and he refuses to eat at the same table as Schäfer, which simply results in Dobermann telling him he can eat in his room. The entire experience is humiliating and infuriating, and Hesse doesn't bother hiding his hostility whenever he runs into Schäfer. Schäfer is the only qualified party on hand to assist when Hesse is kicked by a horse and suffers a collapsed lung; his quick treatment restores Hesse's ability to breathe. He also treats Hesse's beloved horse Gewitter for colic. Hesse and Schäfer develop an odd, uneasy but sincere friendship, with Hesse even learning to communicate with Schäfer via sign language. He also does all he can to protect Schäfer from his colleagues, putting him in direct conflict with his own organization; he decides this comes as part of his vow to loyalty to the Dobermanns, and pushes down the sense of cognitive dissonance. He thus manages to disprove his own belief regarding the deceit and inferiority of Jews, without abandoning this belief altogether--in effect, holding two opposing views at once.
His sense of indebtedness to the Dobermann family--Louis Dobermann saved his life on the battlefield, and Inga rescued him from a near-overdose--means Hesse feels he owes them his loyalty above all else, even, it turns out, the SS to which he took a pledge. This is the primary reason he bends the rules so often for them, including inadvertently aiding in faking Inga's death. He grows close enough to Adelina that he knows her almost better than her own parents do (the reason he begins to radicalize her without even intending it). He takes on the bulk of raising her when Inga has difficulty adjusting to motherhood (baby Adelina is frequently colicky so Inga grows exhausted trying to settle her down--Hesse, still recuperating from his war injury and addiction, uses his nights of insomnia to carry Adelina around the halls, singing lullabies until they both fall asleep), and again when Louis begins to distance himself from her over his guilt at briefly losing track of her in the city. Hesse loves Adelina fiercely--he and Inga are the only two who call her "Lina" rather than "Addy"--and indulges her occasionally troublesome behavior, unlike Dobermann, who sometimes rebukes her. He never raises his voice with her, and always provides a listening ear although he's frequently busy with his work in the Allgemeine-SS. Adelina knows that when she needs sympathy all she needs to do is call on him; while she doesn't deliberately abuse this advantage, there are times when it conflicts with Hesse's duties. She come to regard him as a beloved uncle, and is devastated when he departs for the Eastern Front; the several years he's away is the longest time they've spent apart, and she's confused by his attitude change upon his return (Inga has to explain the effect combat can have on a person). Hesse learns to conceal his more unsavory activities from Adelina's awareness, thinking little of the blatant lies he tells to hide what exactly the SS is up to (for example, he tells Adelina that the increased number of trains passing by at night is due to the transport of supplies and troops to the fronts, and when she spies people moving around in one, he tells her it's cattle being transported for slaughter). Adelina grows up convinced that the SS is the chivalrous organization Hesse paints it to be, and hopes to find an SS husband someday (a hope that mortifies her parents); in adulthood, this shifts into a romantic crush on Hesse himself.
Ironically, Hesse begins to lose faith in the SS before Adelina does; a true believer, he grows cynical at the rise in corruption and hypocrisy he encounters within its ranks as time goes on (while ignoring/excusing his own hypocrisy), and his sense of loyalty shifts more to the Dobermanns and to Sophie. The assassination of his supervisor, Colonel Heidenreich, and the resulting execution of his wife Eva, followed by Major Delbrück's revelation that the government is lying about how well the war is going--exactly the same lie told during and after the Great War, which helped start radicalizing Hesse in the first place--deal an especially hard blow to his faith, and he begins making plans to get out. Inga's reappearance and the attack on the Dobermann estate thwart his hopes, though Hesse does get a final chance to prove to the family who saved him just how much they mean to him.
Appearance
Hesse is a blue Doberman pinscher with cropped, upright ears and short fur. He's of tall height; with a fit yet slightly stocky, moderately muscular body type; has light blue eyes; and has gray-blue and tan/rust fur and blond hair.
Hesse has a large scar running over his left hip and thigh, from a serious injury sustained in the Great War; although he's fully recovered from this, the area is still occasionally tender and exacerbated by weather, physical stress, etc. He has a large Totenkopf (death's-head/skull-and-crossbones) tattoo on his chest, and an SS blood group tattoo under his left arm. He wears spectacles for hyperopia (farsightedness). During the Great War he wears the traditional uniform of the Imperial German Army (transitioning from the Pickelhaube to the Stahlhelm); early in WWII he wears the traditional field gray uniform and Stahlhelm of the Waffen-SS; and currently he wears the traditional black Allgemeine-SS uniform and SS-Degen (dress sword) while in the office or at work and sometimes a gray SS uniform when in the field.
Family & Relationships
Herr Hesse (Father) (Deceased)
The infant Gunter's father, he has a low-paying, menial job as a clerk, but works hard to save up his money to move his family out to the countryside someday. He's killed while trying to clear a path out of the Hesses' home during a fire.
Frau Hesse (Mother) (Deceased)
A pious Catholic and housewife, she occasionally does menial work for extra money, helping her husband save up so they can give their infant son a better life. She dies of smoke inhalation in the house fire that also kills her husband, though she does save Gunter's life by shielding him with her body in the bathtub.
Inga von Dobermann (Friend/Romantic Interest)
Visits the wounded Hesse in the hospital to boost his spirits; he starts falling in love with her, only to learn she and fellow soldier/patient Louis Dobermann already have feelings for each other. She finds him nearly overdosed on morphine after his release and brings him back to her and Dobermann's home, where he recovers. He never tells her his feelings for her, but is faithful enough to the Dobermann family that it conflicts with his duties more than once after he joins the SS; this includes ending the investigation into her faked death early, to spare the family from further trouble. When he finds out she's still alive, and is Jewish, he admits to her that if he'd known, it wouldn't have changed his feelings for her.
Adelina von Dobermann (Family Friend/Ward/Informal Niece)
Louis and Inga's young daughter; Hesse loves her like she's his own, and he and Inga are the only ones to call her Lina rather than Addy, while she calls him "Uncle." As her parents are frequently busy, Hesse largely raises her himself, inadvertently instilling his own increasingly hateful beliefs; he tones this down when Dobermann expresses his disapproval, obviously dismayed, though the damage is done. Addy is disconsolate when Hesse joins the Waffen-SS and is gone for several years; she grows even more attached to him following his return when he joins the Allgemeine-SS, and develops a romantic crush on him, considering him the ideal husband.
Sophie Sommer (Mistress)
Hesse's mistress, a singer and hostess at the Mesmer nightclub. The two begin with a casual relationship until Sophie is assaulted by a jealous patron; she's infuriated when Hesse disobeys her demand not to get involved, but then admits that she's glad he did. She calls Hesse her "knight" and he's immediately hooked, believing, despite her questionable past, that she's the "maiden" he's been searching for his whole life. Their relationship is a complicated one, as Sophie has borderline traits and is subject to distrust and hostile fits, whereas Hesse has a dominant streak she finds rather intimidating. Despite their frequent disputes, they always end up back together, and Hesse eventually proposes, promising to choose her over the SS if they reject their engagement.
Unnamed Orphanage Worker (Deceased)
Elderly orphanage employee who grows close to young Gunter during his childhood as a ward of the state, following the death of his parents in a fire. She keeps him company when possible and offers encouragement that he'll be adopted someday. She's the one who introduces him to the old fairytales and legends that inspire his chivalrous worldview. Despite her assurances, no one ever adopts him, and he grows discouraged and disillusioned; around age sixteen, following her death, he leaves the orphanage and joins the army.
Inge (Temporary Romantic Partner)
Widowed farm mother whose home Hesse's Waffen-SS unit seeks shelter at early in the war. She and Hesse spend several nights together (her name reminds him of Inga Dobermann) before his unit moves on and she and her little daughters never see him again. He never finds out that she has a daughter by him as well. (Appears only in backstory/sidestory.)
Unnamed Daughter
Hesse's out-of-wedlock daughter by widowed farm mother Inge, with whom he passes several nights while his unit is billeted at her house not far from the Eastern Front. Hesse leaves before Inge discovers she's pregnant; as he and Inge never told each other their full names and she has no way to contact him, he never learns of his daughter's existence. (Appears only in backstory/sidestory.)
History
Gunter Hesse is born in the countryside, in the area that later becomes known as central Germany, circa 1898. His parents both work in white-collar, lower-class jobs, largely typing, sorting records, and other secretarial work; they move far north and to the city seeking better employment shortly after Gunter's birth. A fire breaks out late one night; Gunter's father is killed trying to find a way for them to escape, while Gunter's mother succumbs to the smoke shielding Gunter in the bathtub. When neighbors arrive to put out the fire, they're surprised to find the infant alive, unharmed, and squalling under the body of his mother. Although they sympathize, none of them are able to take the child in themselves, and there are no other relatives living, so Gunter is sent to an orphanage and becomes a ward of the state.
Young Gunter falls under the care of an elderly caretaker who pities the lonely boy and puts him to bed every night with old German lullabies and tales of chivalry, knights, and maidens. She tells Gunter that every knight is chosen by a noble maiden to serve and protect her for life. Gunter, longing to be chosen by someone, asks if he can become a knight; the old caretaker tells him that the days of the old knights are long past, they exist only in fairytales now, yet perhaps Gunter can find another, similar path to follow, when he's older.
The years pass, and although Gunter is quiet and well behaved, no one ever adopts him, he's never chosen. He grows despondent and discouraged, sometimes crying himself to sleep; even the old caretaker's reassurances do little to console him, and he often watches with a mix of sadness, envy, and growing bitterness as his fellow orphans meet and depart with their new parents-to-be. He becomes sullen and isolates himself, no longer bothering to try to appeal to the couples who tour through the orphanage. One day after Gunter uncharacteristically loses his temper and lashes out at the caretaker when she once more tries to reassure him that someday somebody will choose him, the groundskeeper, overhearing, rebukes her for "filling his head with silly old tales" and tells Gunter that there's no point in waiting around to be chosen, he'll need to take his fate in his own hands. Gunter waits until later, when the caretaker is preoccupied, to seek out the groundskeeper and ask him what he meant. The groundskeeper replies that it's silly to believe in old legends, and a waste of time to depend on others; when Gunter asks him about the truth of the old tales, he retorts, "You want to be a knight?--then join the army, it's the closest you're going to get."
This suggestion gives young Gunter food for thought; he's still too young to join the Heer, but at last he has something concrete to aim for. At the groundskeeper's suggestion he tries to cultivate a stoic worldview, the better to handle his disappointment at being unwanted, though he never does completely lose his hope of one day finding a noble maiden who will choose him as her protector. After he reaches his sixteenth year, his beloved old caretaker passes away, and he decides he has no more reason to wait around for a family who will never come. Despite still technically being underage, he departs the orphanage to join the Imperial German Army, just in time for the outbreak of the Great War. Hesse is sent off to the Western Front.
Hesse serves throughout the entirety of the war, reaching the rank of Oberleutnant (First Lieutenant) and earning the Iron Cross. He maintains his standoffish attitude, making no friends, trying to rely on no one but himself. During a particularly nasty battle near the end of the war, his entire unit is gradually wiped out; Hesse attempts to stand his ground to the bitter end, but a shell explodes near enough to badly wound and knock him unconscious. By chance he's discovered by a Hauptmann (Captain), Louis Dobermann, who drags him to safety in a trench, though not before Dobermann, too, suffers injuries from an exploding shell; bleeding and deafened, Captain Dobermann shields the unconscious Hesse with his own body until the rest of his unit arrives to rescue him. Hesse and Dobermann are both transported to the nearest military hospital for treatment.
Some time later Hesse comes to screaming; he's in agony and is convinced his left leg has been blown off. No amount of reassurances from the nurse and then the doctor can convince him otherwise. The doctor finally increases his dosage of morphine and Hesse's screams die down into whimpers before he lapses back into a stupor. He slips in and out of consciousness for a few days before finally coming to a second time, still groggy and in a great deal of pain, yet more lucid. The doctor explains that he suffered a severe injury to his left hip and thigh, yet the leg is intact and they expect him to make a full recovery. His time on the battlefield is obviously over, however. Upon learning that he's the only surviving member of his unit, he grows despondent; without any comrades or family to visit, he has lots of time to be alone with his thoughts, and he ponders what his path forward is now.
One day an unfamiliar young woman approaches his bedside and offers a kind smile when he looks at her. She's immensely beautiful and graceful, and Hesse wonders why she's there. She introduces herself as Inga and starts asking him about himself and his situation. Hesse answers her questions, though he finds himself getting more and more confused; he finally asks why she's talking to him, what she wants. Inga replies that she spends her time visiting wounded soldiers to boost their spirits. She gestures toward a bed at the other end of the ward, where Hesse sees another, unfamiliar patient; Inga says this is Captain Dobermann, the one who rescued Hesse from the battlefield. He witnessed Hesse's rough awakening, and passed on the information that hospital staff told him Hesse has no unit mates and no family to visit him; when Inga initially visited Dobermann, he suggested she visit Hesse as well, when he awoke. Hesse feels a sting--he despises pity--yet he does genuinely appreciate Inga's presence, and as the days go on and she continues visiting with him and the other wounded soldiers, he realizes that he's developing feelings for her. Her eyes and smile are so kind, her touch to his arm making his skin prickle, that he dimly wonders if she's his maiden, come to choose him at last.
This hope is dashed when Inga visits one day with a plain gold band on her finger; Hesse asks what it is, and Inga blushes and says that she and Dobermann have just been married, there in the hospital, by a military chaplain. Hesse is surprised by the suddenness--then dismayed. He quickly pushes down his disappointment--if Dobermann was the first of them to make a move, then good for him--and forces a smile, congratulating them. Inga explains that as soon as Dobermann is fit enough to be released, which should be soon (he's already regained his hearing), she'll go with him, to live in his home in the country; she gives Hesse the address and he expresses puzzlement, as this is the area where the old Junker estates are located, yet Inga knows nothing about this. She asks him to please get in touch with her after he leaves hospital, as she'd like to know how he's holding up; Hesse hesitates before promising to do so, though he can see that Inga is moving on without him, and he has no intention of following through. Inga and Dobermann depart the hospital together not long after, and Hesse lapses back into his despondent state, not chosen yet again.
Hesse's parents, although not financially well off, left him their savings; he also receives compensation from the military. It isn't much; just enough for him to afford a tiny apartment in the city after his release from hospital a while later. By then, Germany has surrendered, signing an armistice which requires the elimination of most military positions; Hesse is one such, his intended military career gone in the blink of an eye. The defeat stuns him, as the German government had declared all along that they were on the path to victory. He's left without a job or any sort of support network, and also with an addiction to morphine; the injury to his hip still hurts badly, and doctors make sure he's able, despite his poor circumstances, to maintain a supply to treat the pain. The morphine, unfortunately, is also the only escape Hesse has from the equally painful reality of a post-war world which has abandoned him; after shooting up he often finds himself lapsing into a life with his parents, a life he never knew, and the feeling is so comforting that he seeks it whenever possible. He leaves his apartment only to obtain groceries and the drug and to look at the newspapers...yet the headlines, as well as the crowds of people passing by, living their lives as if all is well, fill him with more anger and resentment, and he always soon after returns to his tiny lonely apartment and the needle. Eventually he hardly even leaves or eats anymore, spending his days in a hazy but pleasant stupor.
One evening after shooting up and dozing off, Hesse is slowly, unwillingly dragged out of his dream by a woman's voice calling out to him. He's confused to find Inga Dobermann before him, urging him to wake up. Still not fully aware of what's going on, he asks if she's his maiden. Inga explains that she'd grown worried about him after he never followed through on his promise to get in touch; on one of Dobermann's visits to the city, she accompanied him in hopes of locating Hesse's apartment, the address of which she obtained from the military hospital staff. Hesse adamantly refuses her request to call a doctor, so she urges him to try to keep awake while she calls her husband instead. Hesse does try, but the effect of the morphine is too strong, and he loses consciousness. He does briefly come to as someone is struggling to carry him down the stairs and out to a car, yet he passes out a second time and remembers nothing else.
Hesse slowly awakes once more, groggy but lucid, to find himself in a canopied four-poster bed, in a strange lavish room he doesn't recognize. He doesn't have long to ponder this before someone enters the room--Inga. She fills him in on how she called her husband away from his meeting to help her get Hesse out of his apartment and transport him to their estate, so she can look after him following his near-overdose. She asks why he never reached out to her for help; Hesse replies that she has her own life now, and it doesn't include him. Inga says, "Herr Gunter, you're my friend, and I like to hope that I'm yours." She insists that he stay with them as he recuperates, and she'll help him until he can get back on his feet, no matter how long it takes. She refuses all of his protests otherwise. Realizing she means what she says--and still dimly wondering if, in some strange convoluted way, she's his maiden after all--Hesse finally promises in return that he'll quit the drug, for her.
Hesse remains at the estate as he struggles through the grueling withdrawal, Inga on hand to help him the entire time. (She offers him his kit, which she retrieved as they left his apartment, one especially difficult night, yet he refuses.) Slowly he regains the ability to keep down drink and then food, and then starts getting up to walk around a little, regaining his strength. He exercises by wandering the halls of the vast estate, marveling at what Inga married into; Dobermann is a Freiherr, baron, meaning Inga is now a baroness by marriage. She apparently had no idea of Dobermann's Junker status before she married him. Hesse gets to meet Dobermann himself again; he's aloof and standoffish, but polite enough. He reiterates Inga's assertion that he can stay as long as he needs, though Hesse does get a feeling that he's not as enthusiastic about the idea as Inga is.
It isn't long before Inga becomes pregnant; when she goes into labor, she also develops a fever, so Dobermann decides to take her to a doctor in the city. He reluctantly leaves the estate in Hesse's hands; Hesse decides to defer to the chief of the help staff for major decisions. A neighboring Junker and good friend of Dobermann's, Katharina von Thiel, stops by, Hesse suspects to check on him, but is put at ease when she sees how he's handling things. Hesse's anxiety grows the longer the Dobermanns are away, until finally Dobermann's car comes ambling back up the drive. Dobermann exits and helps out an obviously weak and exhausted Inga...who's carrying a tiny bundle. Once inside, she introduces Hesse to their new daughter, Adelina Ilse. Inga lets him hold the newborn; when she grasps his finger in her tiny hand, Inga smiles and says, "It looks like she's chosen you." Hesse feels a jolt, and looks down at Lina; he'd never even considered that a child might be his noble maiden, yet here the possibility is. Whether she is or not, he determines to make Adelina's welfare his life's purpose, and do everything he can to protect her from harm.
Adelina, or Addy (only Inga and Hesse call her Lina), suffered the same illness Inga did during her birth, and is still fussy and colicky, squalling day and night. Inga does what she can to try to settle her down, but little works, and she soon grows frustrated and despondent; she breaks down crying one night while Dobermann is away and she can't convince Addy to go to sleep. Hesse offers to take Addy off her hands for a while so she can get some rest, which Inga gratefully accepts. Another night, Inga awakes and is alarmed to go in Addy's room and find her crib empty; she searches frantically throughout the halls before thinking to go to Hesse's room, where she finds Hesse sitting near the veranda, asleep, with the sleeping Adelina in his arms. When he wakes he tells her that, while walking the halls--which he does to deal with his insomnia--he heard Addy crying and decided to deal with her and let Inga sleep; he explains that walking her around, singing her the old lullabies he grew up on, seems to do the trick. Inga and Dobermann let him continue to walk Addy around, singing her to sleep, until she grows out of her colicky phase and can sleep through the night.
Dobermann's money and political influence make him a highly desired guest, and although he despises "schmoozing," he's frequently busy in the city doing exactly that, or hosting visitors at his home. Inga often assists with this, as she's more comfortable in social situations and soon becomes well loved for her warm personality. The bulk of Addy's care unintentionally falls to Hesse, who doesn't complain; he loves her dearly, and thinks of her almost as a daughter. As she gets older (and Dobermann starts to distance himself from her, following an incident briefly losing her in the city), he tells her the same old fairytales and legends he grew up on, and Addy starts to long for a knight of her own. She calls him "Uncle," and whenever she's sad or upset about anything, he's the one she goes running to for comfort.
Whenever all of them visit the city, Hesse browses the newspapers, and the old bitterness he felt following the war rears its ugly head. He gets caught up listening to a speech being given to a small crowd of others who seem just as angry as he feels. The speaker mentions how Germany was betrayed by its own following the war--stabbed in the back--and the message strikes a chord for him; he takes home some literature to browse. His lifelong sense of abandonment makes the hateful message he's reading far more palatable and relatable, and his own anger grows. Someone in an odd uniform approaches when he and Dobermann are standing at the edge of one gathering and, after asking if they served and receiving the affirmative, greets them as brothers, and invites them to a meeting. Dobermann hardly bothers hiding the disgust on his face as he declines and turns away; Hesse starts to follow, only for the man to double down, saying to him, "Bruder, I can tell from your face you know it's true, our own leaders, our own army, they did you wrong, did they not...?" Hesse rather dismissively asks him what do his people have to offer that's any different; the man smiles and replies, "Bruder, an honest mistake, but we're not from the Heer, not anymore. The army won't save this country. A different hand is needed." He gives Hesse a card with an address and date for a group meeting, and says that while it's closed to the public, he's welcome to attend as a personal guest; spying Dobermann standing some distance away glaring at them, he retreats, and Hesse pockets the card as if uninterested and returns so they can meet up with Inga and Addy again. He does notice before he puts it away that the card bears a logo, two lightning runes resembling the letters SS.
Hesse has one of the Dobermann estate's servants drive him into the city, though he then takes a taxi to the meeting; the same man he'd met before greets him and welcomes him in. He's skeptical at first, but as the speeches and testimonials go on, they wear through to him more and more. Upon learning that he has no regular source of transportation and he isn't sure his host, Dobermann, would care for him to keep using his, the man offers to send communications through the mail, and Hesse can come visit the city when possible. Everything the Schutzstaffel claims to stand for either aligns with what Hesse already believes, or very subtly tweaks his worldview, without him even being aware of it, so he starts to believe in it. The two main things that strike him are their insistence that Germany's leaders and military sold them out, and their comparison of themselves to knights of old times. This is all that's needed to pull him in. When Dobermann returns from the city one day and tells a startled Inga that war has broken out a second time, with Germany invading Poland, Hesse collects his family records, fills out some forms, and visits the city for a fitness exam; he's found eligible for membership, and takes the oath. When Germany then turns on the Soviet Union*, he receives a letter, and informs the Dobermanns: He's joined the Waffen-SS, and is leaving for training. [*NOTE that in this storyline, many key events are changed around, especially occurring sooner. I believe this particular event, for example, occurs sometime in the Thirties, not 1941.]
Dobermann and Inga seem dismayed by this news, especially Inga; she pleads with him that he already served his country, and not to go. Hesse is a bit surprised by their reaction, considering that Dobermann had recently taken him to task for Addy picking up on his attitude and beliefs, something he sincerely hadn't intended to happen. Hesse insists that his service isn't yet done; she and Adelina can't fight, and Dobermann has them to look after as his family, whereas he has no one, and would serve everyone better on the front than by staying at home. "We're your family," Inga says, to which Hesse replies, "Then I can protect you better this way." He's touched that she considers him family, and informs Adelina himself that he'll leave soon. As expected, she's devastated by the news--Hesse is literally her only friend--but he urges her to stay strong to look after her family now. An SS representative arrives in a military truck a day or so later to bring Hesse his uniform and transport him to the city. Inga tries once more to convince him to stay, yet he's adamant, and Dobermann quietly advises her to let it be, he's made his decision. Hesse suspects he's secretly relieved to see him go. He changes into his new uniform, says a final goodbye to the Dobermanns (Adelina makes him promise to write), and departs.
Hesse's training is by necessity rather short. He's older than most of the other trainees, and already experienced at combat, but still needs to learn new weapons and new ways of doing things. The biggest lesson he struggles to learn is that in the SS, one is no longer considered an individual, acting on their own; they're part of a greater whole, and have to rely on their comrades to support them. Considering that Hesse grew up trying to depend on himself (one reason that relying on the Dobermanns chafed him so much), this is a difficult concept for him to pick up, and it takes a while for him to get used to calling his fellow SS members "Kamerad" rather than "Herr," and to request their aid when needed. His superiors quickly recognize his experience and he's often used as an example to teach others, so his younger comrades frequently turn to him for assistance; he's not used to being depended on, either, but proves useful in helping training proceed. It isn't very long before they're sent to the Eastern Front.
Hesse is assigned to a unit and does well enough that he quickly rises through the ranks. He keeps in touch with Adelina and Inga via letters and sketches which he sends along when able; his comrades tease him over his "girlfriend," so he has to tell them with some exasperation that the recipient is a teenaged girl. He eventually is promoted to Obersturmführer, First Lieutenant, the same rank he held in the Imperial German Army, and is assigned to the unit led by General Vincenz Immerwahr. While on a march, the unit stops by an isolated farm to seek temporary shelter and make plans; the farm's owner, a woman who refuses to give her name, warily agrees to let the men stay, and sets them up for the night. The men notice she has two young daughters she attempted to hide; as they're deciding where everyone will sleep, she offers for Hesse to sleep on the girls' floor, apparently deciding he's the most trustworthy of the lot. On his way back into the house after he steps outside in the middle of the night to relieve himself, he's surprised when the woman pulls him into her room; he makes sure to return to the girls' room afterward and remains there until morning. The two of them privately make off again the next morning; she tells him her name (Inge, which startles him) and asks him his: "I want to know what to cry out." She explains that she lost her husband half a year ago, and has been raising their daughters on her own since then. Both of them know nothing serious can come of it, but decide to spend their nights together until Hesse's unit moves on, about a week later. Neither of them knows that she'll soon become pregnant, and will bear another daughter whom Hesse never meets.
A superior officer one day brings a young Untersturmführer (Second Lieutenant) to Hesse for additional training; despite his preference to still keep to himself, Hesse soon warms to Paul Wozniak, who explains that his odd name is the result of his German parents modifying the name Woschnagg while living in Poland. He joined the SS mainly to please them. Hesse takes Wozniak under his wing as a sort of mentor figure. For this reason, Wozniak is the only one Hesse feels comfortable enough confiding in regarding an unpleasant incident with his commanding officer, Immerwahr. He's heard vague rumors about the general's "preferences," but has no reason to lend them any credence until Immerwahr touches his back one evening, leans close, and suggests Hesse join him for the night. Horrified, Hesse declines and promptly retreats; he expects difficulty dealing with Immerwahr the next day, possibly some sort of retaliation, yet Immerwahr acts as if nothing happened. Still, such behavior is a flagrant violation of the SS's code of conduct, and Hesse vents privately to Wozniak before deciding to report him; Wozniak warns him to be careful, that this may cause more trouble than it solves, but Hesse is adamant. He attempts to brush off Wozniak's warning--why would the SS have such rules if they can so easily be ignored by superiors?--and files a report with the Allgemeine-SS, the investigative and intelligence branch. He steels himself to be exhaustively questioned...yet not long after, receives notice that the Allgemeine-SS, after asking Immerwahr a few perfunctory questions, has declined to open an investigation. Hesse is stunned, then starts to grow increasingly cynical as he finally begins to see the cracks in the chivalrous veneer of the SS; despite his recruiter's insistence that here, they're all comrades and the class system no longer exists, some members are far more important than others, and the rules don't apply to them.
Wozniak is eventually wounded badly enough that he needs to be transported to a military hospital. Hesse helps load him onto the stretcher and watches as he's taken away, not expecting that he'll have any reason to see him ever again. In the meantime, he works to keep his distance from Immerwahr, and ponders requesting a transfer to another unit. He never gets the chance, as he then ends up wounded as well, incidentally, around the same location as his old injury, his left hip and thigh. His comrades carry him to the nearest field hospital, where he insists that he be treated without the use of morphine. An SS physician arrives, introducing himself as Captain Erich Arzt; he confirms Hesse's request before administering anesthesia and setting to work. Hesse dozes off as he's extracting pieces of shrapnel, and doesn't come to until he's bandaged up in a military hospital.
Arzt visits to see how he's doing; Hesse is groggy and in pain, but Arzt informs him he should again make a full recovery. He won't be in any shape to return to combat any time soon, however. Arzt notices Hesse's despondency at this news, and suggests that if he wishes to keep serving in the SS, he transfer to another division; Hesse asks which, and Arzt mentions that the intelligence division of the Allgemeine-SS is currently seeking new investigators. Hesse can't hide the weary look on his face as he says they'd likely not be interested in him, but asks what's required anyway; Arzt replies that, as a member of the Waffen-SS, he already meets most requirements, though he'll of course need some office training, and a letter of recommendation from his commanding officer. Hesse can't help himself; he lets out a short bitter laugh. He doesn't go into detail explaining why this is unlikely to happen. Arzt offers to go to Immerwahr himself and ask for the recommendation; Hesse is skeptical, but agrees. He starts a letter of his own to let the Dobermanns know he's wounded but will be fine, and will return once he's recovered enough. By the time he's able to walk with the aid of a crutch, he's transported back to the Dobermann estate.
The hospital calls ahead to let the Dobermanns know Hesse will be arriving. The very minute they pull up to the estate, Adelina rushes up to throw her arms around him, nearly knocking him down. She was around eleven or twelve when he left, and he's been away for several years, so he's stunned by how much she's grown. Inga greets him as well, though when she tries to touch his face--a familiar gesture in the past--he pulls away; his feelings for her haven't changed, but he's learned to keep more distance between them. Inga shows him to his old room--they've kept it just as he left it, though Adelina has placed a drawing she made for him on the pillow--and says he can rest until dinner is ready; Hesse dozes off before he can even remove his boots.
It takes time for him to get used to civilian life again, and he's quite stiff and standoffish for a while, resisting Adelina's efforts to regale her with tales of battle; he's grateful for Inga intervening to gently tell Adelina to let the subject be for now. He no longer discusses his political beliefs in Adelina's presence, and says little about the things his unit saw and did in combat; when she mentions how the trains pass by in the distance much more frequently now, he explains that they're transporting soldiers and supplies to the front, and the lie comes to him very easily. He does let her join him for walks around the estate as he recovers, however. A new change has him puzzled at first: Dobermann has apparently requested certain Wehrmacht troops unaffiliated with the Nazi Party to patrol his estate, and they basically act as his private security force. Hesse learns from Inga that party officials have begun questioning Dobermann's loyalty to the Reich, largely because he has yet to grant their requests to utilize his property as a sort of command outpost; many of the Junker estates are known for their networks of concealed tunnels and passageways, which can be used either by the country's budding illegal resistance networks, or by the Nazis themselves. Hesse doesn't stop to ponder why Dobermann has so far declined to lend aid; he assumes he must have his reasons, and offers to use whatever influence he has to help keep pushier officials at bay.
Hesse's offer is strengthened substantially when a letter arrives one day, bearing the return address of Allgemeine-SS headquarters. Inga looks very ill at ease giving it to him; Hesse retreats to read it in private. He's surprised to find that his transfer request to the intelligence division has been granted, and he's been requested to visit for a fitness examination and fitting for a new uniform. Hesse explains the situation to the Dobermanns, saying he didn't want to say anything until he knew for sure his request would be granted. Adelina is newly aggrieved at the thought of him leaving again although he assures her he'll merely be staying in the city--about an hour's drive away, yet still much closer than the front--and he'll visit the estate frequently. He can't understand Inga's uneasy reaction; but he again promises Dobermann that he'll help keep the more annoying members of his party off his back, especially now that he'll have the sway to do so. He visits SS headquarters to undergo the required physical and ideological exams, uniform fitting, and truncated ceremony, then returns to the estate to wait.
Several days later, an SS courier arrives. He presents Hesse with a letter outlining what's expected of him in his new job; a pair of new uniforms; a dress sword and honor dagger; and a slender box. Within is a medal: the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross. Hesse assumes there's been some sort of mistake, but the courier confirms he'd been personally nominated by General Immerwahr, presumably at the same time Captain Arzt requested a transfer recommendation. Hesse is given a date and time to officially report again to Allgemeine-SS headquarters to be assigned a position and an apartment, and the courier leaves. Hesse changes into his office uniform, affixes his honor weapons, and puts on his new medal before presenting himself to the Dobermanns. Inga looks as uneasy as ever; yet Adelina's face lights up and she exclaims how noble he looks, "Like a knight!" For his part, Hesse feels rather ridiculous in the immaculate black uniform, but brushes it off. Adelina and Inga tearfully wish him goodbye when an SS limousine arrives for him a few days later, and even Dobermann nods a farewell; Hesse promises to visit soon, and departs for the city.
He heads first for the main administration building where his office is to be located; an SS-Helferin leads him there and shows him around, advising him that he'll be learning most of what he needs to know he'll learn on the job, though his military experience itself may end up serving him well out in the field. As they're talking, there's a knock, and Hesse looks up to see the officer from the neighboring office leaning in; he exclaims in surprise to recognize Paul Wozniak. Wozniak explains that, similar to Hesse, he decided to transfer after his wounding rather than leave the SS, and by chance he now works in the same division. He offers to help Hesse learn the ropes as Hesse once taught him. Another party then arrives as Wozniak retreats: a colonel named Rupprecht Heidenreich, whom Hesse recognizes as the chief of the intelligence division and his new boss. They talk briefly; when Hesse gives a few details of how he's ended up here, Heidenreich furrows his brow and says, "Wait--you're the one who filed the complaint about Kamerad Immerwahr? That Hesse?" Suddenly uneasy, Hesse confirms he is...then grows even more confused when Heidenreich starts laughing and commends him on doing so. When he points out that the Allgemeine-SS refused to investigate his complaint, Heidenreich replies that at least he had the guts to file the complaint despite its futility, and he could use more men like him. Hesse is afterwards shown to the large building where he has a new apartment fully paid for by the SS until he starts making a decent salary, and where he'll stay when not at the Dobermanns', always on call when needed.
Yet again, Hesse is older than most others in the division, and takes a while to learn how to do things. He's all right with typing, filing, and other deskwork, but is much more useful out in the field, when he has the opportunity to actively investigate and intimidate others. He brings this reputation back to the Dobermann estate when he visits, following through on his promise to help keep party officials at bay; even other Nazis won't dare bother with the SS. Dobermann has been advised to invite a well-known Nazi official to his home to "make nice" in the hopes of making a good impression on the party; the name he's given is Lieutenant Colonel Ernst Dannecker. Hesse says this is the commandant of the labor camp--indeed well known, but not in a good way. Still, he wields a lot of influence and is pretty intimidating, which is why Hesse suspects he's been suggested. He's busy in the city on the occasions when Dannecker visits the Dobermann estate, though Inga fills him in afterward on how much she dislikes him, with his oily smile and cruel eyes; Hesse confides that Dannecker is widely disliked even in the SS, but his acquaintanceship could go a long way toward ensuring the Dobermanns' safety. It helps that Dannecker is definitely not stupid, and knows immediately that he's participating in a quid pro quo, so Dobermann doesn't have to tiptoe around the issue of gradually gaining his support.
This situation takes an odd and unexpected turn when Hesse arrives one day to come across Dobermann walking up the hallway with a frail, bespectacled man wearing striped clothes and a yellow star; the man steps back to hide behind Dobermann when he sees Hesse approaching. Hesse is merely puzzled until he learns why the man, Tobias Schäfer, is there: Dobermann has just returned from a visit to Dannecker's camp, where he looked in a logbook and saw the name of a doctor set to be executed; when he asked, Dannecker pointed him out in the line. Dobermann offered to buy Schäfer from him; Dannecker assumed he was joking, but agreed to hand Schäfer over for an antique tapestry of his choice. Something Dobermann noticed that Dannecker didn't was that Schäfer is deaf, yet has hidden this well; he can read lips as well as understand sign language (which Dobermann and Inga know) and feel vibrations. Dobermann says the estate needs a doctor, now here one is. Stunned, Hesse insists he has to return Schäfer to the camp, as it's illegal for Jews to practice medicine, plus he can't believe Dobermann would pull such a stunt; he isn't expecting it when Dobermann refuses. The two of them start to argue, Hesse growing even more furious, Dobermann even more stubborn. Hesse is forced to drop the issue for the moment, though he gives Schäfer a hateful glare before he leaves. He attempts to appeal to Inga to talk some sense into her husband, yet she declines as well. That evening is incredibly awkward as Dobermann allows Schäfer at the dinner table; Hesse refuses to eat at the same table as a Jew. He expects Dobermann to send Schäfer away--yet Dobermann coldly says that Hesse is welcome to take his meal in his room. Infuriated, Hesse goes to his quarters, only for Dobermann to arrive moments later, shortly informing him that Schäfer left of his own volition, going to eat with the kitchen help staff; Hesse is welcome to return, or stay, he doesn't care which. Hesse goes back to the dinner table though the meal is a painfully uneasy one, nobody chattering but the few Wehrmacht guards who join them.
Another effort the next day to convince Dobermann to see reason results in Dobermann flatly warning Hesse not to bring up the matter again. When Dannecker arrives to choose a tapestry, Hesse tells him he's in violation of SS guidelines with the trade, and he may file a report on him if he doesn't take Schäfer back. Dannecker is first surprised, but then laughs and tells him to go ahead and try to get him in trouble, see how far he gets. Hesse knows from experience his threat will go nowhere, and decides not to bother trying. He does bring it up with Dobermann one final time, however, telling him that Schäfer will need to always wear a visible Judenstern and remain on Dobermann property, otherwise his safety can't be guaranteed. Dobermann is obviously disgruntled but realizes he has a point. Inga asks to be the one to tell Schäfer this, and even hand-sews a Judenstern for him. Schäfer agrees to the stipulations, and attempts to politely greet Hesse whenever they pass, though Hesse only ever glares at him and never speaks to him. He struggles with the rift this opens between the Dobermanns and himself, especially when Inga points out how Adelina--who is otherwise not hostile toward Schäfer--has asked him questions such as whether he eats babies. Despite his hatred, Hesse is mortified that Adelina has picked up on such things, which he no longer talks about himself; he tracks down the guards responsible for such talk and gives them a tongue-lashing, warning them to keep such speech out of the Dobermann household no matter what their personal beliefs.
Hesse has a gray military mare named Gewitter while in the Waffen-SS, and secures Dobermann's permission to house her in the stables after he returns. He visits her frequently and rides her around the property, Adelina often accompanying him on another horse, when he has time. He's accidentally kicked by one of the other horses while visiting Gewitter one day and can't catch his breath afterward; the help staff carry him back to the house and to his room where he struggles to breathe as they notify the Dobermanns and try to figure out what to do. Dobermann calls Schäfer to come look at him and Hesse is in too much distress to refuse. Schäfer asks questions, looks and feels him over--undoing the front of Hesse's uniform and ignoring the large Totenkopf he had tattooed across his chest in the Waffen-SS--and even presses his ear against him to feel his breathing. He concludes that Hesse has suffered a collapsed lung, and isn't sure he can handle the bumpy hourlong drive to the city. He asks for alcohol and a long sharp implement that can act as a needle, sterilizing the latter and carefully piercing Hesse's skin with it, sliding it in under his ribs. Hesse suddenly sucks in a gasp, able to breathe freely again. Schäfer removes the needle, bandages the wound, and after a few words with the Dobermanns, departs; Inga and Adelina keep Hesse company for a while until he dozes off.
He's still in pain and groggy when something wakes him late at night; he recognizes Schäfer's silhouette and sees he's holding a syringe. Guessing what's in it, he attempts to tell him he doesn't want it, but is too weak to make much sense; Schäfer injects him in the arm and Hesse remembers the old comforting sensation of morphine, drifting off into warm dreams again. He next reluctantly comes to to Inga shaking and gently slapping him; she asks what happened, obviously alarmed, and he's barely able to tell her about Schäfer's visit before dozing off again. He awakes after the high wears off and withdrawal soon starts; just like before, he shakes, sweats, vomits, messes himself, and is unable to sleep with the renewed pain. Inga stops by frequently to check on him, just like before. After a few excruciating nights, Schäfer appears yet again, with an aggrieved look on his face and another syringe; he apologizes repeatedly, insisting he was unaware of Hesse's addiction. When he tries to come close, Hesse weakly slaps him away, hissing, "No more needles!" Schäfer explains--hands shaking badly the entire time--that the syringe contains a safe, non-addictive sleep aid that should help him get enough rest to pull through the rest of his withdrawal with less difficulty; when Hesse still refuses to let him near, he sets the syringe on the bedside stand, saying Hesse can administer it himself if he chooses, and leaves, still apologizing. Hesse sits staring at the needle as long as he's able before reasoning that, sleep aid, morphine, he doesn't care what's in it anymore, and uses it. He soon feels himself getting numb and heavy and at last sleeps again.
When he awakes, Inga is nearby; she grasps his hand and asks how he is. He's weak, achy, and groggy, but lucid, and is able to drink some juice and keep down some toast. Inga describes finding him sleeping with the syringe nearby and, panicked, asking Schäfer what he gave him this time; Schäfer told her the same thing he'd told Hesse, adding that after the incident with the morphine, he wished to help set things right, fearing he'd be forced to leave the Dobermann household. Inga wasn't able to fully wake Hesse this time, but decided to trust Schäfer's words, though she urged him to let Hesse be from now on. Hesse is perplexed that apparently Schäfer told the truth, and helped him not only once, but twice; he regains the strength to get up and about quicker than he would have cold turkey, and after a couple of days joins the Dobermanns at dinner. As soon as Schäfer sees him, he stands and starts to hurriedly remove his plates to go back to the kitchen; yet Hesse gestures for him to sit and stay. He himself sits beside Adelina when she offers him a spot, and dinner passes as normal, a bit tense but uneventful. Hesse ignores Schäfer at meals; when they pass in the halls, he makes himself offer the smallest nod at the doctor's elaborate head bobs. No matter how much he dislikes Schäfer, he can't deny he likely saved his life, and Hesse now feels he owes him.
Hesse searches the Dobermanns' large library and locates a book on sign language; he can't explain why, but he wishes to be able to communicate the same way Dobermann and Inga know how to. He teaches himself in his spare time. When he goes to visit Gewitter and a stable hand informs him the mare has been acting oddly that morning, obviously in some kind of distress, he hesitates only briefly before doing the only thing he can think of doing: He tracks down Schäfer. Schäfer doesn't respond when Hesse calls him--of course--so Hesse stomps his boot twice, and when Schäfer notices him he tries to sign for him to help his horse. He muddles his request--"You want me to buy a horse?" Schäfer says, confused--but the doctor reads his lips and says that while animals aren't his field of expertise, he'll see if he can help. In the stables he checks Gewitter over, presses his ear to her, concludes that it's most likely colic. The lead stable hand who would treat the horse is away, so Schäfer treats her himself, requesting some supplies such as rubber tubing and mineral oil; he stabilizes Gewitter until she can be properly looked at, and Hesse stays with her a while, greatly relieved. From that point on, he treats Schäfer civilly, greeting him in the hall, treating him the same as the others at the dinner table, and practicing his sign language on him; the two establish a personal code of Hesse stamping twice to get Schäfer's attention. Hesse even actively participates more than once in ensuring Schäfer's presence goes unnoticed when Nazi officials who are unaware of the Dobermanns' illegal arrangement visit; this includes his own boss, Colonel Heidenreich.
Hesse is only tangentially involved in the investigation when a prisoner escape occurs at Commandant Dannecker's camp and Dannecker is murdered. The ringleader is a Jewish jeweler and forger named Josef Diamant, and he's believed to have kidnapped Dannecker's stepdaughter Margarethe in the escape. Although not one of the main investigators, Hesse is kept apprised of developments in the case, and so learns pretty early on that Gret's status soon shifts from supposed hostage to suspected accomplice. It's a terrible look for the SS that camp security could be breached yet the point of escape can't be located. Even more frustrating is the fact that Diamant's photograph wasn't taken when he was brought to the camp, so there are no known likenesses of him to distribute. As much as Hesse despises the man who soon becomes known as the Jack of Diamonds, and the leader of a budding resistance effort called the Diamond Network, he also feels a grudging admiration for how clever and resourceful he is.
One day while in the middle of a crowd of other SS members following a meeting, Hesse hears someone shout, "Gun!" and is violently knocked to the ground just as gunshots ring out. In the resulting panic he barely manages to push somebody off of him and sit up; he's surprised to see that it's another SS member, a sergeant, and he's unconscious; Hesse unbuttons his uniform--startled to notice that he has a Totenkopf tattoo similar to his own--and finds that he's been shot. He calls for help and waits with the sergeant until he's taken away. He visits him in the hospital as he's recovering and learns that his name is Theodor Schulte and no one else, not even his superior officers, has come to see him; he's been stuck at the same rank and in the same dead-end job for quite a while now. His commanding officer tells Hesse that he simply lacks motivation, yet Hesse decides to take a risk, and asks for Schulte to be reassigned to his office as his assistant as soon as he gets back on his feet. Everyone is puzzled by the move, including Schulte himself, but after Hesse pulls strings to get him promoted to master sergeant, his loyalty to Hesse is sealed; he basically serves as Hesse's right-hand man, willing to do whatever unpleasant tasks he requests. He and Hesse also become close friends and confidants, Schulte referring to Hesse as "Boss" rather than Kamerad and offering his typical blunt commentary whether asked to or not. The two are near opposites, with Schulte being far more physical, uneducated, and worldly, yet they get along well.
Late one night while he's staying in the city, Hesse's phone rings; some sort of incident has been reported at the Dobermann estate. Inga Dobermann has supposedly been shot. Confused and alarmed, Hesse informs Heidenreich's office that he's heading out to see what's going on. The hourlong drive is agonizing. The Dobermann household is in a tumult when he arrives, but finally he meets Dobermann, whose clothes are stained with blood; he explains that Inga startled a man wandering around inside the house and attempted to defend herself, shooting him although she herself was also shot. Hesse can't believe it to learn that Inga is dead. Dobermann leads him to the scene; the body of the man Inga shot is still lying there, yet aside from a bloodstain, Inga is gone. When Hesse asks what happened to her body, Dobermann says he had her taken to relatives as per her wishes, outlined previously; yet Hesse is even more perplexed by this, as Inga had never told him she had any living relatives. He tries to brush off Dobermann's cold retort that Inga didn't tell him everything about herself; a bigger issue is that Dobermann interfered with a crime scene by removing Inga's body, and Hesse asks why he would do this. Dobermann repeats Inga's wish, then, after a pause, adds that he doesn't want his family subjected to a potentially damaging investigation: Inga did nothing wrong, but friends of the intruder, a member of the Nazi Party, might decide to spread malicious rumors to smear her, and he can't bear such information reaching Adelina. He asks Hesse to intervene and make sure the investigation is quick and discreet, so his family can have peace. Hesse is torn both by the request--a potential violation of his oath to the SS--and by the realization that there was a side of Inga he never knew; yet knowing how all of this may affect Adelina is what decides him. He promises Dobermann he'll ask to take charge of the investigation and will make it go as smoothly as possible, to spare his family.
Hesse calls a unit to take photographs and remove the body, returns to the city, consults with Colonel Heidenreich; Heidenreich grants his request to be assigned as lead investigator, with Wozniak providing assistance, and will do what he can to keep the more sordid details out of the public eye; Dobermann is highly popular among the city folk for donations he made following the pandemic, and any rumors that attempt to smear his family could be demoralizing. Hesse contacts Wozniak to tell him to meet him in the morning, then returns to his apartment to attempt to get a few more hours of sleep. Instead, once alone, he breaks down sobbing; despite the distance he'd cultivated between them following his return from the front, he still loves Inga, and is heartbroken by her death. The grief is so overwhelming that he finds himself digging out his old morphine kit--which he's kept as a sort of reminder never to fall down that hole again--and prepares to shoot up, anything to relieve the pain, yet falters at the last moment--remembering the promise he made Inga to get clean--and instead, cries himself to sleep.
A pounding on the door wakes Hesse in the morning and he groggily answers; when he was late showing up to work, Wozniak decided to stop by his apartment. Hesse has him wait while he takes a quick shower and gets ready; he comes out to find that Wozniak has spotted his morphine kit, and Wozniak discreetly asks if he's sure he's all right to go. Hesse confirms this, puts the kit away, and they head to the Dobermann estate to begin the investigation. Questioning Dobermann, a Wehrmacht guard named Sergeant Holt, and everyone else who responded to the noise, the story that he was given the night before seems accurate, that Inga stumbled across the intruder in the hallway late at night and confronted him; he shot her before she managed to wrest his gun away and shoot him in return, both succumbed to their wounds, and Dobermann had her body taken away. This last detail bothers Hesse--indeed, like both Dobermann and himself, Inga never mentioned having any surviving relatives--but he can do nothing about it. He finds Dr. Schäfer weeping in the library, but he says he saw nothing and found out about the incident only after waking the next day; Hesse is stunned when he adds that he believes Adelina is unaware of what's happened as well. Hesse advises him to return to his room in case any officials arrive, then asks Dobermann about Adelina; indeed, she too slept through all that occurred and while she's awake now, she hasn't been informed of what's happening. Biting down his anger, he goes to her room, dismisses the guard, and fills her in as gently as he can. Of course it doesn't go well, and he spends some time trying to calm her when she breaks down crying; calling Wozniak to stay with her, he confronts Dobermann. The two argue over Dobermann's decision to initially keep Adelina in the dark; when Dobermann snaps that he's Adelina's father, not Hesse, Hesse loses his temper and retorts, "Then act like it! I don't have the time to do your job for you now!" He fetches Wozniak, regretting his comment but having to shrug it off and continue the investigation; fortunately, the basic story holds up, all the blame can safely be placed on the dead man, and he can dismiss Dobermann's odd actions as the behavior of a grieving husband--his popularity will ensure that nobody asks too many questions. He and Wozniak present their evidence and conclusions to the Allgemeine-SS, the Dobermanns are cleared of any wrongdoing, and Heidenreich orders the investigation quietly closed.
In Inga's absence, Adelina grows despondent, especially since Dobermann is usually busy with family business; he's also never been especially good as a father figure. Hesse divides his time between the SS and the Dobermanns, spending much of his limited time at the estate making sure Adelina is all right. He frequently has to intervene when she acts out by running off and hiding for hours at a time, and is surprised to find himself making excuses for Dobermann's negligent behavior more than once. Despite how close he is to her, he's left exhausted after such visits when he returns to the city.
Schulte invites him to a nightclub called Mesmer, suggesting that he needs a break; Hesse considers the well-known SS hangout as rather too degenerate for his tastes, but accompanies Schulte anyway. The main act is a singer named Sophie Sommer, who is very popular for her talent, beauty, and gracious manner toward the club patrons; it's an open secret that she and the other hostesses often take male guests back to their rooms for a while, though officials have long overlooked this. Hesse finds himself unexpectedly captivated by Sophie's performance; it's almost like the old high he used to get from morphine. He starts attending the club whenever she performs; she eventually notices him and comes to his table for a visit. Schulte excuses himself while Hesse and Sophie have a long talk and get to know each other. After several more visits she invites him back to her room, but gets so uncharacteristically drunk that she falls asleep before they can get far; Hesse puts her to bed and departs without going further although Schulte rebukes him for not taking advantage of the situation. The next time he visits, Sophie apologizes, and thanks him for not following through like most guests would; she makes it clear that this time she's sober, and he again joins her. Over time they grow close, and Sophie stops inviting other men to her room; Hesse realizes he's developed feelings for her, but isn't sure how genuine they are, so he continues to think of their relationship as a pleasant diversion and little more.
One night, Sophie doesn't come out to sing as expected; another hostess, Mitzi, announces she's sick and takes her place. Schulte confirms to Hesse how unusual this is, so he decides to check on her; Mitzi is reluctant to let him by but finally relents. Sophie doesn't open her door until he announces himself and asks if she's all right. She opens her door to peer out at him and he's stunned by her black eye and bruises, but she lets him in. She doesn't go into detail, but explains that another patron, angered that she would no longer let him come back to her room, forced his way in instead. She doesn't answer when Hesse asks if she was raped, yet he can tell from the way she averts her eyes that it's so. Sophie notices his expression and insists that he not get involved as it'll only make things worse. Hesse decides he can't abide by her request, however, and enlists Schulte to find out the assailant's identity and take care of him in a manner that can't be traced back to any of them. Schulte follows through: Not long after, Sophie's attacker, another SS officer, is walking by the labor camp when a woman calls out for help retrieving an item that's fallen on the other side of the electric fence, which is currently turned off. While he's attempting to retrieve the item, the fence is turned back on, electrocuting him in full view of everyone, camp guards included; they turn it off again, but by then he's already dead.
Neither Hesse, Schulte, nor Sophie are anywhere near the incident, so they can't be implicated; yet as soon as Sophie learns of it from Mitzi, she knows Hesse disregarded her wishes. She privately rails against him in her room, infuriated by his actions, and tells him to leave and never come back. Hesse doesn't argue, simply turns to leave--but the moment he grasps the door handle, Sophie abruptly stops him, imploring him to stay; she says that he's her knight. Hesse is stunned and confused to realize that Sophie--a promiscuous nightclub singer with a checkered past involving prostitution, abuse, adultery, and abortion--is the "noble maiden" he's been searching for his entire life, yet she did choose him, just as the old tales said; he stays with her overnight despite her rule against such things, and the two engage in an exclusive relationship. They remain loyal to each other for the rest of their lives despite Sophie's often volatile behavior and trust issues, as well as Hesse's lifelong feelings for Inga.
One near-breakup is the result of an unpleasant interaction between Hesse and an SS-Totenkopfverbände guard, Major Jan Delbrück, the adjutant at the local labor camp. There are rumors that Delbrück is involved with a prostitute from the brothel of Frau Bitterlich; this particular prostitute is alleged to be Jewish, though the SS has yet to find any proof of her existence. Hesse is assigned the case; he tries to refrain from broaching the subject when he and Schulte run into Delbrück at the Mesmer Club, but Delbrück's insulting attitude soon wears on him so much that he openly accuses him. Delbrück responds by challenging Hesse to a duel to restore his honor, and insults Sophie as well when she arrives to try to quell the argument. Hesse finds the challenge ridiculous but can't let the jab at Sophie go, and agrees. Heidenreich decides to make it a public affair to boost citizen morale and raise money for the SS; Sophie, meanwhile, unexpectedly visits Hesse at work and argues with him--she doesn't want the duel to go forward--and when Hesse orders her to lower her voice, she slaps him in front of everyone and storms out, humiliating him. The public duel goes through as planned, with General Immerwahr lending access to his house for special guests such as the Dobermanns and Heidenreichs to watch from the balcony. It's a close match, with Delbrück being younger and in better shape while Hesse is more battle experienced, yet Hesse pulls off a win at the last moment, knocking Delbrück to the ground; Delbrück concedes and Hesse is declared the victor. On his way out of the square, Hesse meets Schulte and instructs him to find him a ride back to the Dobermann estate; short of breath, weakened, and in pain, he says he needs to see Dr. Schäfer. Schäfer checks him over, feels his pulse, presses his ear to his chest, and determines that he's suffered a mild heart attack; he advises that Hesse rest and avoid stress for at least a few weeks. Hesse decides not to pursue his investigation of Delbrück, finding it not worth the trouble. Delbrück, meanwhile, apologizes to Sophie. Hesse never does learn that the rumors about him and the Jewish prostitute, Mirjam Zweifel, are true.
Hesse is introduced to a new Wehrmacht guard at the Dobermann estate, Sergeant Stephen Gerhardt, as well as another sergeant who often visits Adelina, Wilhelm Volker; Volker's interest in Adelina is obvious, though she seems largely unaware of it at first. Volker is a Junker count, so Hesse supposes the two could make a decent match if Dobermann himself agrees. He himself overlooks the signs that Adelina, who's long regarded him as an uncle, has developed romantic feelings for him, and often acts out in an effort to gain his attention; this frustrates Dobermann whenever she puts herself in danger, especially since Hesse himself never loses his temper with her. Unable to confide in either of the men about this, she starts turning to Gerhardt and Volker more often for support.
Hesse's job includes investigating anyone suspected of aiding the Diamond Network, which includes Dobermann's neighbors. One neighbor, Gesine von Gustedt, arouses the SS's suspicion when unknown parties are reported coming to and from her house, yet nobody is ever found when Gesine's home is searched. The Junker estates, including Dobermann's and another neighbor's, Katharina von Thiel's, are well known to contain numerous hidden passageways and tunnels, so Hesse suspects this may have something to do with the situation; Gesine and the other Junkers are important and influential enough that he needs more evidence than just knowledge of the passageways to make a direct accusation or take her into custody, however. Gesine's defiant attitude grates on Hesse, and he keeps an extra close eye on her estate; during another search, while Schulte is upstairs, he's attacked by an unknown party who appears out of nowhere and shoves him down the stairs. Hesse and his men go up to investigate and manage to locate a recently used passageway; he returns to Gesine and demands that she give up the name of the assailant and anyone else involved or he'll take drastic measures. Gesine still refuses, and when Hesse orders her to swear her loyalty to the Reich, she simply replies, "Long live the Jack of Diamonds!"--the nickname that's been given to Josef Diamant. Infuriated, Hesse shoots her in the head, and orders her home thoroughly searched and then burned to the ground, to send a message to the other Junkers that even they aren't safe from the eyes of the SS. The message gets through; Dobermann and his old friend Katharina consult privately about the mysterious fire, and even Adelina is frightened, seeking reassurance--ironically--from Hesse when he visits. Hesse expresses surprise and concern over the fire, neither confirming nor denying it may be SS related, though he says nothing about his own involvement, just instructs Adelina that this is why it's best to remain loyal to the Reich and not associate with riffraff. Katharina herself echoes this message when Hesse visits her and says that if the rumors are true, Gesine got what she deserved.
This isn't the only time Hesse lies right to Adelina's face about his own activities; given his conflicting roles as SS investigator and her personal guardian, he grows adept at wearing two faces. On another occasion while he and Adelina are out, a man runs into him and knocks him down, apologizing profusely as he and Adelina help him back up; in front of Adelina, Hesse curtly dismisses the man without any repercussions, yet notices shortly afterward that some papers he'd been carrying are now missing. He, Schulte, and a group of his men visit the man's family in the city; similar to Gesine, when the man refuses to divulge any information, Hesse tells Schulte, "Finish them," and Schulte orders his men to gun the man and his entire family down. Diamond Network collaborators who run into Hesse frequently end up mysteriously dead; yet he finds himself constantly frustrated in his efforts to track down Diamant himself, or his closest conspirators, including Gret Dannecker and a Sinti criminal named Lukas Mettbach. Lukas, especially, manages to steam Hesse with his taunts, while Diamant often goads Schulte by calling him a dumb rutting ox. Hesse is alarmed and infuriated when Adelina mentions an SS officer who danced with her at a party at the estate and disappeared shortly afterward; based on her description--dark skinned, dark haired, dark eyed--and the fact that he's unfamiliar with such an officer, Hesse suspects this was in fact Diamant in disguise, practically in the lion's den.
Hesse is also the lead investigator in what turns out to be the SS's biggest scandal, involving his own boss, Rupprecht Heidenreich. Heidenreich and his wife, Eva, are the epitome of an Aryan power couple; both are tall, fit, attractive, blond haired and blue eyed, wealthy, and live on a country estate with their help staff and a stable of prize show horses which Heidenreich's family has bred for generations. They've unfortunately never been blessed with children, but still dote on each other, appearing frequently together at parties and gatherings, being the envy of everyone they meet. It isn't long into his career that Hesse learns, like almost everyone else in the Allgemeine-SS, that the Heidenreich marriage is built mostly on appearances; after Eva's failure to bear any children, Heidenreich's attention turned elsewhere, and it's an open secret that he's been unfaithful with multiple women and has even sired several children out of wedlock, including one by one of his housemaids. Hesse is rather disillusioned to learn this, but figures it's none of his business, at least, until Eva attempts to seduce him. Hesse resists, bringing up Eva's vows as well as his relationship with Sophie; he briefly worries that she'll extort him over this, yet Eva promises his job is safe. She confides in him that she's fully aware of Heidenreich's affairs and has made several attempts to bed other SS associates of her husband in an attempt to get back at him, yet most of them turned her down (after professing interest) out of fear for their positions. Hesse is the only one to give other reasons for his refusal, so she assures him she'll let him be; she adds that the SS could use more honorable men such as himself.
Despite being a stickler for the SS's decency standards, Heidenreich grudgingly visits the Mesmer Club one evening to speak with Hesse and Schulte about something, and after they depart, he stays, intrigued by the current act by hostess Mitzi. She joins him at his table and they flirt for a while before she invites him back to her room. Hesse, who's returned to see Sophie, notices Heidenreich leaving, and after learning from Sophie that he'd been with Mitzi, informs her of the Heidenreichs' uneasy marriage situation, and urges Mitzi to take caution; Sophie passes this message along the next time Heidenreich visits, but Mitzi brushes off the warning, insisting she's merely having some fun, and her situation isn't too much different from Sophie's arrangement with Hesse. Something that Hesse is unaware of is that Mitzi is half Jewish, through her father; Heidenreich himself knows, as Mitzi told him their first night together, yet he continues the affair anyway.
Hesse receives a call late one night and is told to report to the Heidenreich household; there's apparently been an explosion, a suspected bomb, and Heidenreich is dead. Hesse makes the lengthy drive at top speed and finds the estate swarming with staff and other officers; Eva is sobbing and wailing disconsolately in the hall. An officer shows Hesse to Heidenreich's home office, warning him that it's bad; the closed office door contained most of the damage within, but also maximized its destructiveness, and there's very little left to see of his former boss aside from bits and blood. Hesse quickly concludes that Heidenreich must have been holding the bomb when it exploded; he spies a tiny gear lying in the rubble and retrieves it. On his way out he orders the room sealed and for no one to enter until he can return with a team. He then goes to gently question Eva. Between sobs she explains that a package was delivered and taken to her husband in his office, though not before it was opened by the guards, as her husband is a high-profile target; within was a horse figurine, with clockwork inside its glass torso. Nothing was found to be amiss, though this was obviously the bomb. Eva begs Hesse to find who murdered her husband; he promises to do his best. The Reichsführer-SS places Hesse in charge of the investigation; he's also offered Heidenreich's position, at Eva's recommendation. Hesse agrees to assume temporary command of the intelligence division, but declines a permanent position or a promotion. He gathers a team and begins his investigation.
The ornate design and clockwork innards of the bomb point directly to Josef Diamant, a former jeweler, and the Diamond Network. They've used explosive devices to target members of the SS before. A few details niggle at Hesse, however, mainly that the Diamond Network has no history of targeting private residences where innocent parties such as staff or family might be killed; so far they've always targeted SS gatherings. He also can't figure out why the bomb didn't explode while the guard was handling it. He brushes this off and orders a crackdown such as the SS has never held before. They stage widespread coordinated raids, dragging out anyone even suspected of Network affiliations, resulting in numerous deaths and even more imprisonments. Many Network members are captured and tortured or summarily executed, their bodies left hanging in the public square as a warning; monetary rewards are offered for information, and tips flow in. Still, Diamant and his inner circle remain at large, and Hesse's fury and frustration grow.
Hesse then gets a tip from an unexpected source: Sergeant Stephen Gerhardt, one of the Wehrmacht guards from the Dobermann household. He urges Hesse not to fixate on Diamant as the assassin, as the bombing doesn't fit his MO. He echoes Hesse's own doubt regarding the Network targeting a private residence, adding that the Network can create more sophisticated bombs (given Diamant's particular skills), and also, it's highly unlikely they would go after such a high-profile target as the chief of SS intelligence, knowing what the fallout would be for their members--it's too small a solution for too massive a retribution. His final argument is an especially odd one: Similar to the quality of the bomb, Gerhardt says the quality of the statuette itself is below Diamant's skill level...so he's heard. Hesse again dismisses this, advises Gerhardt to stick to what he knows...yet he asks Wozniak to dig around in the SS's files and see if he can find any photographs of Diamant's handiwork. Wozniak does him one better, and returns with several pieces of jewelry and even a watch--Diamant would occasionally repair them--which were seized when Diamant's shop was raided. Hesse reluctantly admits that the workmanship of Diamant's items is indeed much higher than that of the sketch of the horse figurine made based on details given by the guard who intercepted the package. He turns his attention to the watch gear he found, but it doesn't match the watch from his shop or anything that was found in his available records. Hesse knows this isn't hard proof of anything--Diamant definitely had hidden client records he used in his forgery practice, which the SS never found--but he finds himself growing more and more uneasy. In his office, he gathers Schulte, Wozniak, his secretary SS-Helferin Hedy Rader, and Rader's acquaintance, an SS officer named Friedrich--the only others in the office he believes he can trust--and informs them he has suspicions that the cause of Heidenreich's death may not be related to the Diamond Network, and may be closer to home.
Hesse returns to the Heidenreich estate to question the guards further, still trying to determine why their inspection didn't trigger the bomb before Heidenreich got hold of it. Gerhardt had insinuated that somebody must have activated it after the guard had it, yet the only person who handled it afterward was Heidenreich himself. Hesse asks the guard to confirm this, only for him to suddenly remember that he was actually not the one to bring the package to Heidenreich's office...Eva had taken it there herself. Heart sinking, Hesse goes to speak with Eva. Eva merely offers a rueful smile and says, "Well...you do keep your promises." They take her into custody for questioning, where, after some initial resistance, she explains: She confronted Heidenreich about his relationship with Mitzi, which, unlike the others, she couldn't forgive; they argued, and Heidenreich ended up forcing himself on her. She decided then to kill him. She stops herself short of explaining further, saying merely that it doesn't matter; he didn't respect her, she hated him, this is reason enough. Hesse insists she couldn't have acted alone--what does she know about making a bomb?--yet Eva takes full responsibility, and refuses to implicate anyone else. She also refuses a trial, knowing what the outcome will be. Hesse, knowing her punishment is likely to be severe, offers to try to intervene, yet Eva declines, not wanting him to sully his reputation on her behalf. The Reichsführer-SS, infuriated by the scandal, decides to make an example of Eva that no one is above the law, and orders that she be publicly hanged outside the gate of the labor camp. Eva goes to her death unrepentant, even eschewing the hood: "I want everyone to see."
Hesse is left convinced that Eva couldn't have pulled off such a plot on her own, but has no idea how to prove it. He decides to try to trace one of the few pieces of evidence, the watch gear he found in the rubble. He orders Wozniak to look up all the watch shops in the city and bring the gear to each one in hopes of identifying it. A watchmaker finally identifies the gear as coming from a custom watch he made; he provides Hesse with the records, which include the specifications and the name of the person who ordered it. Hesse goes numb; the name on the form is Erich Arzt, the same Waffen-SS physician who treated his injuries and helped him transfer into the Allgemeine-SS. He remembers that on one of his more recent encounters with Arzt, who'd been lounging with General Immerwahr and another officer named Oskar Ettlinger, Arzt had mentioned losing his pocket watch. The watchmaker's records confirm that the gear found in Heidenreich's office is from Arzt's custom watch, which mysteriously went "missing" not long before the bombing. Hesse and Wozniak visit Immerwahr's house to fetch Arzt for questioning.
They find Arzt much as he was before, lounging on the balcony with drinks alongside Immerwahr and Ettlinger. Arzt at first denies any knowledge of what Hesse is talking about, until Hesse produces the watch gear and records. He then unholsters his pistol and sets it aside, takes a final sip of his wine, and presents his wrists for cuffing. He confesses that he was indeed the one who made the bomb at Eva Heidenreich's request; they were the only two involved. As Wozniak cuffs him and takes him away, Hesse asks Immerwahr and Ettlinger if they are indeed ignorant of the matter; Immerwahr insists they had no idea, and their shock makes it clear they're telling the truth.
Hesse joins Wozniak and Arzt in his car and they head out for Arzt's house to perform a search before taking him in for questioning. Arzt outlines the plot as they drive: As he was relaxing alone on Immerwahr's balcony during a party, Eva came storming out and grasped the railing, trying to steady her breath; she was startled when Arzt announced his presence by opening a bottle, yet joined him for a drink. Eva explained she was there with her husband and needed to get some air; they chatted for a while before making off to a private room for a brief encounter, after which they parted ways and Eva returned to her husband. She and Arzt continued their affair for a while before she broached the subject of wanting to kill her husband, who she claimed had mistreated her. She asked Arzt if he knew about poisons; he suggested a bomb instead, and made one at her request, knowing it would be blamed on the Diamond Network. He chose a horse design which he knew Heidenreich couldn't resist, and made it so that a mechanism needed to be manually activated before it would detonate upon opening. Eva needed to deliver the bomb herself to ensure this would happen. Finally the missing link in the murder is placed.
Arzt again denies anyone else's involvement, though he does mention a young woman in his care, Trudi Detzer, and asks that she be treated well; he gives them the combination to his safe. A few moments later, he starts convulsing and frothing at the mouth. Wozniak pulls the car over and Hesse drags Arzt from it, laying him on the ground and attempting to revive him, yet it's fruitless; Arzt soon rattles and falls still. Wozniak theorizes that while he was removing his gun and taking the drink of wine, he used some sleight of hand to retrieve a cyanide capsule from his pocket and slip it in his mouth, biting down on it during the ride. Hesse, frustrated to lose the chance to interrogate him, kicks the body before ordering him bundled back up in the car; they resume their drive to Arzt's house. A young woman named Gertraud Detzer, whom Hesse knows to be under Arzt's medical care, lets them in; she's stunned to learn of Arzt's suicide, yet allows them to search the house. In Arzt's office, they open the safe and find that Arzt willed his savings and his house to Trudi--news which bewilders her, as she insists the two of them were neither lovers nor friends. Hesse questions her about the bombing; it soon becomes clear she knows nothing about it, though when Hesse asks about any associates of the doctor, Trudi mentions a tall, beautiful woman with long blond hair in a braid, and adds that she seemed jealous of Trudi. When Hesse asks the reason for the woman's visits, Trudi replies, "Why do you think?" Arzt had a reputation as a playboy--Hesse suspects there was more to his visits to Immerwahr--so the implication is obvious. Hesse thanks Trudi and they continue their search; they find nothing regarding Arzt's private life or the plot against Heidenreich, though they do locate a file regarding "Projekt Ultima Thule," and then the medical file of someone named Gerwin Detzer. Wozniak suggests a twin brother of Trudi...but after browsing the file, a very confused Hesse is sure that it belongs to Trudi: Gerwin and Gertraud are the same person--Trudi was born an intersex male. He hurries to fetch her back, only to find that while they were preoccupied, Trudi hastily packed a case and disappeared. Doubly enraged, Hesse is forced to return with Wozniak, empty handed, to Allgemeine-SS headquarters. However, at least the case is finally resolved and closed.
By now, Hesse finds himself growing weary and cynical of his work, seeing just how far and deep the corruption goes. It doesn't help when he's attacked and stabbed by Lukas Mettbach inside the Dobermann estate itself; he's badly wounded but survives, and tips off another SS doctor to a group of Sinti prisoners arriving at the camp, knowing he'll want them for experimentation. It's meant to send a message to the Network that such behavior won't be tolerated, yet Hesse's heart isn't in it anymore and he just feels worn out. Even Adelina is growing up and in her own way moving on; Hesse knocks at her door one morning and is surprised when Gerhardt answers, nervously buttoning his uniform; although Hesse takes him aside to threaten him against ever harming or even upsetting Adelina, it becomes clear she's developed feelings for him, and is finally starting to let go of her childhood aspirations. Hesse himself starts thinking of what it would be like to settle down; when Sophie hints to him that she's pregnant, it seems almost like a sign. While visiting Immerwahr's home he spots an ornate ring with SS symbols displayed with some other jewelry pieces; Immerwahr tells him its provenance is unknown to him (in actuality, it's a ring Josef Diamant designed at Commandant Dannecker's request, and was a major part of the escape plan that resulted in Dannecker's death), then suggests he take it: "What use have I for a woman's ring?" Hesse does so rather reluctantly; on one of the rare occasions when he and Sophie go walking in public, he presents it to her. Sophie protests that there's a lot he doesn't know about her--he claims he doesn't care--then asks what will he do if she doesn't meet the SS's requirements for marriage? Hesse barely even pauses before replying that he'll quit the SS, and choose her. Knowing how much the SS means to him, how it was the only thing that helped get him through much of his adult life, Sophie is touched, and agrees to marry him when the situation is right. He takes her to a lakeside cottage where they pass a long, blissful weekend; she asks whether he'd prefer a son or a daughter. After first insisting it doesn't matter, Hesse surprises Sophie when he says he believes he'd prefer a daughter. He finds himself thinking of Adelina.
The war situation begins to grow dire; although the government constantly puts out propaganda and announcements proclaiming how close they are to victory, the members of the SS know otherwise, and start growing restless. Wozniak, who has married a young mother he met in Lebensborn and adopted her child as his own, privately informs Hesse that they plan to leave the city soon and live in the country until things settle down; he urges Hesse to take Sophie and do the same. Hesse has similar thoughts, but decides to remain in his job, and continue assisting the Dobermanns, as long as possible.
One day while in the city, Hesse notices people crowding near the street as a large procession of Waffen-SS troops march past. The dirty, mussed state they're in makes it obvious they've just returned from combat on the Eastern Front; they're accompanied by a triumphant band and banner-bearers and the gathered citizens cheer and throw flowers. It all looks quite grand, yet Hesse notices the looks on the soldiers' faces, and takes pause. He's surprised to recognize a face: Major Delbrück, his old rival from the SS-Totenkopfverbände. He pushes his way through the crowd and manages to hail Delbrück, asking what he's doing there. Delbrück replies that he's been away at the front for some months; running short of regular Waffen-SS troops, the SS has been swapping out the wounded for healthy SS-Totenkopfverbände camp guards, a standard practice which has nonetheless been utilized only minimally until now. Hesse assumes their latest battle was victorious, yet Delbrück says they were in fact ordered to retreat. Confused, Hesse points out that, although mildly battered and disheveled, Delbrück and his comrades still look fit for combat; why are they returning? Delbrück answers that they volunteered to remain at the front, but were ordered to march in a sort of "victory parade" to boost citizen morale; he bluntly says that the war is lost already, and the government knows it. They're lying to the citizens, and even their own troops, about how the war is going, and the enemy has in fact gained ground and is drawing closer; it's only a matter of time before they reach the city. When Hesse expresses doubt, Delbrück retorts that the government and military are simply following the same playbook they used in the Great War, including all the lies about why they really lost, the mythical "stab in the back." Same as Wozniak, he urges Hesse to cut ties and leave while he can, because it's only going to get worse, and "If you think the SS will save you, then you've lost it, we turn on our own in a heartbeat." He goes on his way, leaving Hesse with more questions than answers. He can barely bring himself to believe his beloved SS would betray his loyalty by lying to him just like the Imperial German Army did, yet a niggling feeling tells him it may be so. Delbrück gains nothing from being honest with him, in fact, it would've been more beneficial for him to lie. He decides to quietly investigate.
Hesse furtively looks through what records he has access to, and questions what people he hopes will be discreet. The only non-SS member he remotely trusts is Louis Dobermann, yet of course, Dobermann is suspicious of talking to him honestly. Hesse realizes he's responsible for this, and the realization stings; still, Dobermann notices his reaction, and says, "I tried telling you long ago that things weren't as they seemed. You made your choice. We..." then abruptly stops himself short of adding anything else, ending the conversation. Hesse suspects he'd been about to say, "We made ours." He speaks with Commandant Reinhardt, a Junker who also fought in the Great War; Reinhardt's own reluctance to respond speaks volumes, that even a member of the SS would be suspicious enough to hold his tongue. When pressed, Reinhardt reiterates Dobermann's point that the situation wasn't quite as described at the end of the last war; he adds, "Things were quite messy at that time, of course they would have sought blame. Did it land on the right persons?...I'm not the one who should be telling you this. The fact that you're even asking makes me suspect you already know the answer."
Hesse turns lastly to General Immerwahr, who, despite their uncomfortable history, has always been honest and upfront with him. Immerwahr seems vaguely amused by Hesse's conflict and wonders why he's so introspective now; he remembers the ring Hesse took and guesses at the reason. Although he doesn't come straight out and admit anything, he agrees with Delbrück's comments that the citizens have been misled all along, and the argument made after the Great War, the very basis for the SS, was full of lies. Noticing the devastated look on Hesse's face, he expresses mild surprise at finally encountering a "true believer," explaining that most members of the SS know full well it's not the chivalrous organization Hesse believed it was. Long story short, there was never any stab in the back. When Hesse argues that Immerwahr could have spoken out or turned against the SS, Immerwahr retorts that Hesse could have, too, yet chose not to. Every action Hesse has taken is his alone to own up to. He concludes that he's old now and is ready to accept whatever fate awaits him, including death; as for Hesse, he has to reach his own conclusion, though obviously, it involves more than just him now. Hesse departs, feeling the whole worldview he long ago constructed falling apart; for the first time, he's starting to doubt everything he's always believed, and has to shove down the memories of all the lives he's taken just so they don't overwhelm him. For the first time, he experiences a twinge of guilt.
Wozniak and his wife and child depart the city as soon as news comes of the Allies' approach; he once more urges Hesse to fetch Sophie and do the same, yet Hesse decides to remain in the area to make sure the Dobermann family is all right. When another call comes late one night of some sort of escalating situation at the estate, Wehrmacht officials respond and head out; Hesse does so as well, not informing his superiors, though he does let Schulte know and tells him to stand by. Hesse arrives at the Dobermann estate to find Wehrmacht troops, unaffiliated with the non-political ones who usually guard the property, starting to take over; Dobermann has never granted permission for this, so he knows something has drastically changed. He hears a comment that Dobermann and his staff, and even Adelina herself, have been in contact with Diamond Network members for a long while now; a tip was called in that Adelina met with Diamant himself at the von Thiel estate, and they've returned to the Dobermann estate with a third party on hand: Inga Dobermann. Hesse can't believe what he's hearing. He rushes to the site of the most commotion, where a handful of Wehrmacht troops are facing off with the Dobermanns and their staff; ordering them to stand down, he's stunned to come face to face not just with them, but with Josef Diamant, and Inga herself. He's bewildered enough on seeing her still alive; merely adding to his confusion is the Star of David necklace she's wearing. Inga is Jewish, and Hesse never had any idea.
Despite his efforts to defuse the situation at first, it flares up when one of Dobermann's guards and his unofficial majordomo, a private first class named Konrad Helmstadt, suddenly turns--not on the invading troops, but on Dobermann and his family. He's always been critical of the Nazi Party yet now he rails at Dobermann for being a race traitor and attempts to attack him; he's shot and killed by Sgt. Volker, who just as suddenly sides with the Dobermanns against the Wehrmacht. Volker himself is wounded by one of the other troops, who's then shot by Diamant; a scuffle breaks out and bullets briefly fly. Hesse tries to shoot Diamant but is distracted keeping the others from shooting the Dobermanns, and Diamant is forcibly pulled away from the fight by Sgt. Gerhardt. Adelina puts herself in front of her parents when the soldiers aim at them; Hesse intervenes, ordering them to hold their fire. A few SS officials arrive and squabble with the Wehrmacht officials over who should be in charge; Hesse volunteers, yet doubt is cast on his loyalty for his interference so far, which led to Diamant's escape. The senior SS official asks what he plans to do with the Dobermanns, who are quite plainly traitors both to the Reich and to their race. Hesse hesitates briefly before replying that he'll take them into custody and drive them into the city for intensive interrogation before deciding on their punishment, and he casts them a pointed glare, indicating his own dismay and disgust at their deceit. The SS official agrees, and says his motorcade will follow while the Wehrmacht troops stay behind; Volker and the others still loyal to Dobermann are led away, while Hesse orders the Dobermann family to come with him. Dr. Schäfer hurries forward and grasps Dobermann's arm, insisting he'll accompany them, so Hesse ushers the four through the house and out to his car at gunpoint. The Dobermanns get in the back seat and Schäfer in the passenger seat; Hesse salutes the official who returns to his motorcade, gets in, and drives away from the estate.
The way back to the city is via a system of long dirt roads through the vast fields and stands of trees; it normally takes over an hour to reach the city, where Hesse knows the situation is deteriorating, and he'd hoped to return to Sophie. As they trundle along the country road Hesse peers at Schäfer, seated beside him trembling but resolute--he could have easily fled, yet remained with the family that saved him--then in the rearview mirror, seeing Dobermann holding both Adelina and Inga close, the type of family he'd always wanted to belong to, yet never did. He looks in the side mirror at the SS motorcade far behind. Then, in an instant, he makes a decision. His insides twist in knots yet he swallows and takes a steadying breath. He reaches out and taps Schäfer's shoulder to get his attention, startling him; he signs, asking if there are any tunnels or escape routes this far out. Schäfer nods, looking confused. Hesse then makes another terse sign. Schäfer stares at him for a brief moment, realization coming to his face; he turns and leans over the back of the seat. "Get down," he says to the Dobermanns, just a slight quaver in his voice, "cover your heads," and Dobermann pulls Adelina and Inga, both protesting in confusion, down with him and out of sight. Schäfer ducks down to the floorboards himself and holds on, casting Hesse a frightened look. Hesse grips the steering wheel tight, steels himself, and slams his boot on the gas.
Schäfer gasps and clings tight to the seat. In the mirror, the SS motorcade grows smaller and further away. "Turn right, ahead," Schäfer yells, and when he spots the junction, Hesse does so--away from the city. He loses sight of the motorcade but only picks up speed, his heart crowding into his throat, trying to ignore Adelina's and Inga's cries. "Right!" Schäfer yells again, and again when the choice appears, Hesse turns right. He drives only a short distance before pulling to the side of the road and coming to a stop. He quickly exits and yanks open the back door--"Out," he orders when Dobermann lifts his head to look at him--then steps around to the passenger side, where Schäfer has already exited. He signs at Schäfer, asking if there are any escape routes within walking distance; Schäfer looks around, orienting himself, before nodding again. As the Dobermanns step close, Hesse says, "Follow Herr Schäfer. Run as fast as you can. I'll stay and stall them."
"They'll kill you, you know," Dobermann says quietly, at which Adelina and Inga say, "Uncle Gunter--?" "Herr Gunter--?"
"I know," Hesse replies in a resigned voice.
"Uncle Gunter, come with us," Adelina pleads. Hesse looks at her and has to blink the sudden blur from his eyes; he shakes his head but offers her a small smile.
"Look after your family now, ja? You're grown and don't need me anymore."
"Herr Gunter." Inga takes a step forward now, voice breaking. "Bitte. You're our family too."
Hesse stares at her for a moment before shaking his head again. "You were never mine to have," he replies.
"Bitte," Schäfer calls, turning and gesturing. "This way, follow me," and he hurries off toward the trees. Dobermann grasps Adelina's and Inga's arms and takes a step after him; "Uncle Gunter," Adelina cries in an anguished voice, and tears flood her and Inga's eyes. "Frau Inga," Hesse calls out, and she blinks at him.
Hesse says, "If I'd known..." and his stare shifts down, to the Star of David, then back up to her face. "If I'd known," he says again, "it wouldn't have changed anything I feel for you."
Inga blinks again and the tears fall. Dobermann pulls her and Adelina along after him and starts jogging after Schäfer. "Uncle Gunter," "Herr Gunter," the two women keep crying out as they fade from sight. Hesse swallows and his throat hurts; his heart feels both heavy and light at the same time. Then--the sound of car engines, drawing closer. His insides clench again and he turns in the direction of the noise, stepping back to his car. He stands and waits as the SS motorcade comes back into view, barreling around the corner and straight toward him. They grind to a noisy halt, gravel flying; Hesse keeps his hand on his pistol but doesn't draw it as the doors fly open and the officers climb out. The lead official starts screaming immediately, accusing Hesse of being an accomplice to race traitors and breaking his vow to the SS; Hesse bluntly replies that he's seen repeatedly that the vow means nothing, when all that the Schutzstaffel and the Reich are built on are corruption and lies. When the official demands to know where the Dobermanns and Schäfer went, Hesse is silent, before saying quietly, "Long live the Jack of Diamonds." The official snarls in disgust, turns--"Finish him!"--and heads back to his car. The other SS officers raise their weapons and fire repeatedly; Hesse hits the ground. He lies gasping and bleeding in the road as the others lower their guns, turn, and climb back in their vehicles without a second glance; Hesse stares blinking and panting weakly at the sky until the darkness crawls in around the edges of his vision, his eyes glaze over, and his breathing slows and then stops.
Song for the Dobermanns' escape and Hesse's death:
Hesse In Heaven (Part One)
Hesse's eyes open and he gasps. Sits up abruptly, presses his hands to his front--he can still feel the white-hot, rending pain of the bullets ripping through him--yet the pain is already fading and his hands come back dry, bloodless. Looks down at himself--his uniform is intact--no holes--no blood. Stares at himself for a moment, breath slowing, confusion growing, before thinking to look up. The dirt road and vast countryside no longer sprawl out before him. He finds himself staring across a large parlor. It's familiar. Brow furrowing, he looks around--the interior of a mansion--expensive furniture--a huge winding staircase--then gasps and jerks back. A woman is standing several paces away, staring at him silently. Hesse blinks a few times, heart hammering in his throat, but this time instead of calming down, he finds his bewilderment and fear growing. This woman can't be here staring at him. He remembers executing her.
"I can see you remember me," Gesine von Gustedt says mildly.
Hesse says nothing, just stares. After a moment when nothing more happens he slowly gets to his feet, not taking his eyes off her. Long stare. She has the same cold glare as in...life?
"What is this...?" Hesse whispers.
Stare. Silence. Gesine takes a step forward and Hesse a step back, bumps into a table--gasps and jerks away--it's solid--then gasps and jerks away--Gesine is standing right there. She nods up toward the landing at the top of the stairs, overlooking the parlor.
"That's where I found him. Not up there, there." Nods toward the ceiling. "He must have jumped from there. Still don't know how he rigged the rope. I imagine you people figured that all out, in the investigation. You investigated, ja? You people investigated everything." She holds her arms as if cold, looking up. "Up there. That's where I stood and watched him die. He wasn't dead yet when I found him, you know. I think he expected his neck would break. Quick. Painless." Her voice cracks and falters. "He strangled instead. Slow. Painful." She takes a shaky breath. "I think he changed his mind. Right after he jumped. Right before I found him. But you don't get to change your mind. I tried to find a way to help him. To get him down. But I couldn't reach him. All I could do was scream at him. And watch." She turns and meets Hesse's eyes. Her own are full of tears, anguished. "I watched my father die. Saw the fear and pain and regret in his eyes the whole time. It felt like hours. Part of me wished it would just be over. Part of me wanted to hold him forever. Give him my breath. Hold on to him a little while longer. Hear him say goodbye. I don't know how long I sat on that landing, after he was finally gone." She blinks; tears fall; the coldness returns. A bite in her voice. "He died having me, having everything left. He jumped thinking he had nothing. Nothing but endless rumors. Accusations. Investigations. Always investigations." The coldness turns to anger. "That's what you people do best, ja? Ruin lives. Only call it 'investigating.' All you need is a rumor. One little rumor. To destroy a life. That's what you did best, ja--?"
Long silence. Challenging glare. Hesse finds his voice, soft, cracking. "I don't know what I can say to you."
Icy stare. "Not 'I'm sorry'...?"
"I know it's nowhere near enough."
Another long silence. Gesine's eyelids lower a fraction. "Well. At least you're right on one thing." The two look at each other a long while before she starts walking slowly around the room; he slowly turns to watch. "People like you usually start explaining yourselves. Making excuses. Asking forgiveness. Telling your whole side of the story. As if it matters. As if if your victim might understand, might accept, if they only listen to you. As if your experience tops all, you're the most important person in everyone else's story." Stops, looks at him again. "I can tell you want to do all of that. Explain yourself more than anything. Try to make it right." Hesse swallows but says nothing. "You thought that's what you were doing, wasn't it?--at the very end?"
Hesse blinks. Sucks in a breath. Inga's face flickers before him, her wide eyes, his shock. The tiny gold star. His confusion. The stab in the back that came from his own hand. Lina in front of her parents, the bravest girl he's ever known. The Jew, Diamant's, eyes, his arm reaching out as Gerhardt pulls him away. In the car, reaching out to drum his fingers against Schäfer's shoulder; Schäfer glancing at him sideways, uncertain. The road thumping underneath, the scatter of gravel. Dobermann's resolute stare, Lina's and Inga's outstretched arms and voices crying out. The rattle of gunfire, the searing heat. The sky vaulting overhead, the pain and beauty of it all, a lifetime of struggle, the pointlessness at the end. Breath dissipating into the universe. Everything. Nothing. Life ending, life going on. Without him. Hesse comes to, on his own again.
Gesine says, "What if everything you did meant nothing? What if they would've been fine, they would've gone on, without you?"
Hesse is silent as he tries to find the right words. He decides that there's no such thing. "I would've done it anyway."
Gesine's eyelids lower again. Skeptical. "What if you'd had the chance to live?"
Hesse has to take a breath at that, that confirmation. Can't find his voice for a moment. "The same. You already said there was no point. Maybe they were the point." When Gesine says nothing--no confirmation, no denial--Hesse softly asks, "Am I in Hell...?"
Gesine says nothing at first, though her eyes flicker, as if vaguely amused. "Do you think you're in Hell?"
"It's...not what I was taught to expect."
More silence. Gesine makes a noise, like a small snort. "Nein. Not Hell. The Jews are right about that. There's no such place...not the one you've learned of, at least."
Hesse blinks, furrows his brow. Looks around at the mansion. "Then..." Looks at her again, increasingly confused. "Am I a ghost--?"
Gesine paces around the room. "Not a ghost. A ghost haunts a place, ja...? You forget what you did? The last you were here...?" She halts in front of him, giving him a challenging stare. The dim lighting shifts, brightens. Hesse blinks; his view of Gesine doubles, and a shudder passes through him; he pulls aside, gasps startled when he finds he's standing beside himself--a perfect double, arm outstretched, gun pointed, eyes glittering with hate. He glances where he'd just been looking; Gesine remains, but she's staring at the other Hesse, her eyes matching his. She speaks.
"Long live the Jack of Diamonds!"
Hesse's heart thuds. He glances back at the other Hesse, sees his eyes widen, then his nose wrinkle, his teeth bare just slightly. That's what I look like--? he thinks, just as he swings out, grasping at the gun, but his hands go right through it. He sees the flash, the plume of smoke, before he hears the shot--sees the bullet spinning in slow motion--sees the tiniest fraction of reaction in Gesine's eyes, surprise, as if some part of her had thought he wouldn't go through with it. Feels his lungs empty, his breath leave him, as the bullet meets Gesine's forehead, her neck arching, mouth opening, the small scarlet bloom in front, the crimson bouquet exiting in back. Her shoulders, arms, torso going loose, knees buckling, the graceful fall--for some reason he reaches out for her, thinking maybe if he breaks her fall, everything will reverse itself, he can make it undone--yet his fingers pass through her as through smoke--Gesine settles to the floor feather light--eyes staring at the ceiling vaulting overhead, the pain and beauty of it all, a lifetime of struggle, the pointlessness at the end. Breath dissipating into the universe. Everything. Nothing. Life ending, life going on. Without her.
Hesse stares at her, turns, looks at himself. The other Hesse still scowls at where Gesine just stood, a second ago, a lifetime ago. Lowers his pistol still smoking, slips it back in the holster, snaps it shut. Raises a hand, swings it, a short gesture, turning his head--Gesine is forgotten already. He still moves as slowly as in a nightmare, though his voice is normal, if faint and echoing, as if faraway. "Tear this house apart...and catalog every passage...then burn it all to the ground."
Hesse blinks. Opens his mouth--then gasps and lets out a startled sound. Brilliant light blinds him so he throws up his hands to shield his face; then another searing heat, more diffuse this time, and suddenly he's surrounded by flames. He cries out, expecting to be burned, yet the flames surround him instead, not touching him--as soon as he realizes, he lowers his hands, looks around himself confused, gasps again--someone is lying on the floor before him, blackened, featureless--Hesse takes a step back from Gesine's charred corpse, before something strikes him--Gesine had died lying on her back, staring upward, arms flung out--this figure is lying prone, one arm stretched out before it. Hesse stares at it briefly, looks up in the direction in which its arm is reaching. A door. An escape.
Hesse stares. His breath comes in sharp gasps; his eyes burn, with tears, not with smoke. He turns, looks further into the house. Not a mansion. A small house, more like an apartment, narrow rooms, narrow halls. Spare furnishings, homemade decorations, family photos--father--mother--infant son--curling in the fire and turning to ash. Hesse has never seen this place before. Yet he knows where it is. His leg tenses--he pushes off, goes running, but slowly, as if through heavy water, again as if in a dream--into the room--down the narrow hall--into another, smaller room. He knows what he'll find. Yet hopes against hope he can change it, can undo it, anyway, if he's just fast enough. Now here--a curtain he tries to pull aside, his hand passes through, yet so does he--a bathtub--a woman curled up and huddled over--he reaches for her, eyes flooding and breath hitching, expecting his hand to go through, yet finally, for some reason, he makes contact, grasps her shoulder, pulls her aside--she rolls away, he wants to see her face so much, yet he focuses instead on the baby lying in the tub, its mouth open wide in an echoing wail, tiny hands reaching out at the air. Hesse grasps the baby without a thought. Pulls it from the tub, draws it toward himself, wraps his arms around it to shield it from the flames; ducks his head and drops to his knees when a beam cracks and falls, just missing his head. Holds on for dear life as the baby squalls, the cries echoing, the timbers groaning, the fire roaring. Barely hears himself whispering to it, the same words, over and over, like an invocation, a prayer.
"It's all right...you're all right...you're safe...it's all right..."
A beam cracks overhead and falls, bringing half the ceiling with it--the sound is deafening, snapping and crashing and rattling--Hesse clutches the baby tighter and grits his teeth, awaiting the blow of wood against his back, yet it doesn't happen. The glow fades, the noise dies, yet the smoky acrid smell remains as the fire abruptly burns itself out. Hesse crouches a moment, waiting, yet it's as if the fire has passed. He lets out a breath, muscles loosen; lifts his head a little. It's dim and he blinks to try to adjust his vision; he looks down at the baby, ready to murmur to it, reassure it it's safe. The infant he's holding stares back up with glassy lifeless eyes, blood streaming from its nose and mouth and the wounds in its chest and belly.
Hesse lets out a startled cry, jumps, nearly drops the child. Then jumps again--the room before him isn't empty--indeed, it isn't the same room, the same building. It's some sort of small parlor, shabbier even than the last, and bodies--of both genders and various ages--lie in a pile near the wall. Hesse sees the dead baby in the arms of a limp woman; he looks at his own suddenly empty arms, then up again, bewildered.
"I suppose my name doesn't matter," someone says, and Hesse jerks sideways. A thin man stands near him. Hesse stares at him for a moment, heart hammering; he recognizes him, yet again. Yet again, he's pretty sure he shouldn't be standing here, talking to him.
"You remember me...?" the man says, his voice and expression milder than Gesine's. He doesn't await an answer. "I can see you know my face...I ran into you once, when you were in the city. Took one of your documents. Thought you wouldn't notice a single paper missing, but I underestimated you. I suppose the blame for that is on me. I worked for the Diamond Network, just as you thought. I should have been more careful, I guess. What I got, I had coming to me." He pauses, looks at the bodies; Hesse sees his own among them. His voice cracks a little. "My family had nothing to do with any of it. Just me. That much I was honest about. My wife warned me so many times to just get out, for us to leave, yet we had nowhere to go, no way to get there. We could have lain low like she said. Keep the family safe. Yet I wanted to do my part. She warned me that when your people came, you would come for all of us, not just me. I admit I didn't quite believe her. Women, you know?...always so emotional. She was right, though. She always was. The moment you showed up at our door, I knew I would never leave alive. Yet even then...even then I thought the others might escape." He swallows visibly. "I was wrong."
A terrible pounding. Hesse glances over his shoulder just as a woman hurries past him; a look back shows him the pile of bodies is gone, a group of men, women, children crowding in the parlor with fearful eyes. One woman clutches a whimpering baby. The woman beside Hesse peers through a crack in the door, then back at the others; "It's them!" she whispers, then cries out when the door bursts open, nearly knocking her off her feet. Hesse watches himself storm in, eyes livid, lip curled back; standing just behind him is his master sergeant, Schulte, and a handful of other officers. "Where is he--?" second Hesse shouts; he reaches out and grabs the front of the woman's dress. There's a distinct sound of fabric rending and he sees the terror flicker in her eyes as she cries out--he knows what she's thinking, and it's something he never did and never would do, yet she's expecting it anyway. As if second Hesse also realizes this, he lets her go, shoving her away hard enough for her to fall. He turns instead to the others. "ONE of you will tell me where he is! Or every one of you will regret it!"
A door opens. Hesse and the man watch as a second version of the man steps into the room, slowly raising his hands. Second Hesse practically snarls.
"You have something of mine! You realize what the punishment is for stealing from the SS--? Official documents, no less! F**king Untermensch!"
"Bitte," the man says, voice thin and quavering. "Bitte, it's only me, I acted alone. No one but me is to blame."
"Tell me who it was requested that document," second Hesse snaps, stepping into the apartment with the others. "I know full well you're too stupid to have chosen it on your own! Who ordered you? What do they need it for?"
"It's only me who acted, I swear. No one else."
"Schwachsinn!" second Hesse snarls, raising a fist; he takes a breath, lets it out through his nose, lowers his hand but keeps his fist clenched. "Either you tell me who ordered this theft and why," he says, his voice at normal pitch now yet still simmering with fury, "or I'll make sure none of you live to regret it. Understood--?"
The man pales. "They have nothing to do with it, I swear on everything."
"Last chance!"
"I swear! Punish me, it was only me."
Second Hesse stares at him a long moment, contempt darkening his eyes. He finally turns and steps back toward the door, halting briefly in front of Schulte.
"Boss...?" Schulte says.
Second Hesse replies, "Finish them," and steps out.
Hesse sucks in a breath. This moment, he'd left, he saw nothing else that occurred; it wasn't his business anymore, just a job he left Schulte to clean up, one job of many. Now he finds himself rooted to the spot, unable to leave or look away. Schulte unsnaps his holster and raises a hand to gesture at the others; with a rattle they raise assault rifles and pistols, whatever they have on hand, and aim. It's sheer luck that everyone is already lined up by the wall; makes the mass execution much simpler. Hesse flinches as the air is suddenly filled with flashes and gunfire; within seconds an entire family is wiped out, as easily as one would stomp on an insect. The other officers turn and file out. Schulte pauses, steps further into the room--Hesse notices a slight motion, hears a slight noise. The mother is lying dead on the floor; miraculously, the baby is still alive, squirming and whimpering. Schulte reloads his pistol, aims, and fires. Hesse jumps at each BANG--four total--his breath exiting him in a whoosh as Schulte reholsters his gun and turns away. A brief irrational thought flits through Hesse's head. Schulte always adored children, although unmarried he supported every one he had--loved showing off photos--always boasted about both boys and girls. He swelled with pride every time he told Hesse about one of them, was always happy to hear of another expectant mother. He'd looked down at this baby as if it were a cockroach, an insignificant thing, not a baby at all. Inhuman.
"Is it different...?" Gesine, standing to the side, says. "When you see it yourself...?"
Hesse just swallows, throat dry. Notices the man is still standing nearby as well, staring at the bodies, including his own. He has an odd expression Hesse can't place.
"I told the truth," he says, "none were involved but me. I know, such things didn't matter to the SS. I knew the trouble I invited. Still I hoped I might be lucky. Foolish of me, I know." A pause; he peers toward Hesse. "It's strange," he murmurs, "I don't even hate you. I thought I would. I know I have every reason. Yet I don't. Seeing you now, especially." Pause. "You seem so...insignificant. Like a small character in someone else's story. Turn the page and you're gone. Is there anyone left to visit your grave? To mourn that you're gone? Is there anyone left who'll remember you...?"
Hesse says nothing. He isn't even sure if he has a grave or if he's simply been shoved into a hole with a bunch of his comrades and rolled under the dirt to rot away, unmarked and forgotten. He sees the implication. Gesine says it aloud.
"All those years you spent, trying to make yourself some sort of hero. Waiting to be chosen. Who cared how many others you trampled along the way, ja--? Termites, isn't that the word you used? For other people, not you of course. Never mind that the SS were the true termites, hiding from the light, gnawing through the foundations of society. Something you know now. Seems so noble, like such a feat of strength, if you tell yourself you're slaying a dragon. But it's easy to snuff out a life when it's just a termite."
Dark crawls in around the bodies, obscures them from view. Hesse rubs his eyes; they seem cloudy. Blinks a few times, notices that it's raining. As he tries to get his bearings, his vision doubles again; he's seated in a car, looking out the door--a Hauptsturmführer is walking his way, pristine boots in mud. He halts and leans toward Hesse--"Guten Tag, Kamerad! A surprise to see you here, how are you?"--cocking his head as if listening. Hesse hears his own voice speak above the roar of the engine.
"Guten Tag, Kamerad. I'll mend."
"I heard about your unpleasant little incident. I hope we find the miserable wretch soon before he harms anyone else."
"This is sort of why I hoped to catch you. You're here for selections, ja--?"
"Ja, and--?"
"I have information on some of the prisoners set to arrive on the next train. A large group of Zigeuner, men and women, all ages. I know you prefer to utilize their sort in your studies. Kamerad Reinhardt's camp can't take women and children. Perhaps you could negotiate to obtain the whole lot. They could keep you busy for a while. Might even find some twins among them, who knows."
"Danke, Kamerad. I'll make sure to be here for it. There's anything I can offer you in return--?"
"Nein, I just wanted to make sure you knew. I have to get going now, best of luck with your work."
"You too, Kamerad! Look after yourself and get better soon..."
Scene shifts. Hesse is sitting in the Dobermann parlor, half dozing. He starts awake when the cushion shifts, peers aside, sees Adelina staring at him with concern. She's worried about him, has been since the stabbing. Wishes he would simply stay home with them, quit going out until he's healed. He has work to do, she knows. She knows, yet still. Can't they go without him just a little while...? Hesse insists he's fine, he's keeping to his desk for now. Nothing but paperwork. Lina curls up on the couch beside him, resting her head on his chest. She worries about him anyway. She always will. He doesn't mention what's in the paperwork. The scores of lives just as easily snuffed out by written order and stamp as by the gesture of a hand and a burst of gunfire. He came across the shipment of Zigeuner in some paperwork. Felt the bite of spite deep in his insides before calling around, finding out where the SS doctor was, the one with a predilection for experiments. He'd studied the files of the main participants in Diamant's camp escape. Knew one of them--the very same one who'd attacked him--had been a test subject and had survived somehow. He guesses it won't be the same for this trainload. He strokes Lina's hair absently as he ponders this. Normally he doesn't allow petty spite to motivate his actions; he'll sleep on a kneejerk feeling, let it dissipate, mull over all possible options, before acting. Something about this time, however, sparked an irrational rage unlike anything else. He doesn't bother pausing for a second thought. Lina shifts her head to peer up at him and offers her small shy smile, same as when she was a little child trying to earn his approval. Without thinking he offers his practiced feigned smile in return.
Hesse takes a breath, glances at Gesine. "Why are you showing me this--?"
"Why do you wonder?"
"This is nothing like the...the rest of it. The others."
"Others?"
"You know who I mean."
"I do, yet I'm curious why you think it's so different."
"It's every bit different! You were a traitor to the Reich. The man who stole my papers, the same. The Zigeuner, I needn't get started, plus they were already set for punishment. You can even argue my parents...my parents were responsible for everything I am. Or maybe that was just to punish me, I don't know. But this? Lina? She has nothing to do with any of this. I kept her out of it. Why do you show me this as if she's the same--?"
"I guess you forgot already. She is the same." Hesse takes a sharp breath as Inga flashes through his thoughts, her little gold necklace glittering, the six-point star. "That isn't the point, though. The point is that you're the same. Each time. The threat, the lie, just different sides of the same coin. The threat you give us before we die. The lie you tell her after you kill. Even if she wasn't 'one of them,' she's your victim just as surely as we are. That fake smile, that mask you wore as you lied and lied, that was the weapon you used on her. You wounded her, tore apart her world, killed a part of her, as surely as you did the rest of us."
Hesse opens his mouth to protest. Sees the look in Lina's eyes as Dobermann grasps her arm and pulls her after him and Inga. Sees the tears flood, hears the anguish--"Uncle Gunter...!"--as she runs from sight. Even after learning who he was, what he'd truly done--after looking past the years of lies--still she called out for him. Still considered him family. Still loved him.
Why are you showing me this...?
Once upon a time, there was a monster who fancied himself a knight. All the years he told himself he was slaying dragons, it turned out he was the dragon, slaying villages. And he learned, and it didn't matter, because knowing means little if you do nothing with it. Indifference kills the same as a gun.
Why are you showing me this...?
A reckoning of all your deeds, isn't that what the hero of one's own story gets in the end? Just so happens your deeds of valor are nothing but atrocities. I'd say you lied to yourself most of all, yet you knew. Many times along the way, you knew, and you could have chosen differently. You didn't.
Why are you showing me this...?
A rundown of all the lives you've ruined, all the victims you claimed. Isn't that how such stories end...? Most don't get a "happily ever after"...
Hesse blinks. Takes a shaky breath, lets it out. He turns and sees Gesine still staring at him. Swallows once or twice before taking a step toward her.
"Is this all there is?"
"Nein."
A pause. "There's somewhere else?"
A nod.
"What is it?"
"It isn't for me to tell you."
"You said it isn't Hell."
"Not the Hell you're thinking of. That doesn't mean it's Heaven, either."
"Is anyone not allowed there...?"
"Anyone can enter. Not like the world you're used to."
"Even me."
"Even you. That doesn't mean it's easy."
"What do I have to do?"
"It isn't enough for you to do one good act at the end to cancel out all the rest. Isn't enough for you to see all the lives you destroyed along the way, like you're watching them on a cinema screen. You have to live them for yourself."
"For myself...?"
"Every single life you harmed. No matter how small the harm or the life. A wound is a wound. Sometimes the smallest wounds hurt deepest. You want it all to balance out...? You step into their shoes, and start walking. A dozen lives, a hundred, a thousand or a million--you live them all. A general you may have killed down to an insect you may have rubbed into the ground with your boot. Their importance is no different in the end."
"This would take centuries, wouldn't it?"
"It takes millennia and it takes split seconds. Time has no meaning here."
"What would happen if I refused?"
"Nothing. You stay here. Unchanging. Always the same."
"And if I accept...? Where do I go?"
"Not for me to say." A pause. "There's no easy way out. You don't get to simply say you've learned a lesson. Gott, the universe, however you picture it, knows what's really in your mind and heart. You don't get to put on a mask, a fake smile, this time. You either learn, or you don't."
"How do I start?"
Gesine stares at him. "You're asking for countless lifetimes of agony and terror and grief. With the full knowledge that you're the cause. That knowledge is the salt in the wound. You don't get to cover your eyes. To turn away. To put on a mask and pretend everything is fine. Every second of every moment, hour, day, year...you really want to face that? I can assure you now, it won't make you a hero. It only makes you you."
Hesse says nothing for a long time. "It can't be any worse than what I've already felt here," he says.
Gesine's mouth twitches. "You have a lot to learn."
"Tell me how. How to start. What do I do?" He tries, fails, to keep the desperate note out of his voice. "I want to make things right," he says, voice cracking.
Gesine shakes her head, just once. "That's not why you're here. The only thing you can make right is you." She takes a step back. "You just start. That's all. The choice has been yours all along. Just be sure it's what you really want."
"There's any way I get ready--?"
"Trust me, Herr Hesse, when you've spent your whole life lying, you'll never be ready for the truth. You either face it or you don't. That's the point."
The two stare at each other a long while. Hesse finally turns away when his vision of Gesine gets hazy and dim. Sees the door of an unfamiliar building. Notices a tendril of smoke seep out from the crack under it. Remembers what he just saw, swallows, takes a steadying breath. Steps toward the door, grasps the handle, feels the sear of heat. Hesitates only a brief moment before opening the door and stepping into the flames.
Gesine had told the truth, in this place, time has no meaning. He lives lifetime after lifetime in what feels like countless centuries, yet after each life, no matter how long or how short, he returns to himself for a moment, and his body is always the same as when he left. Only his mind changes. The weight of all those lives grinds into every part of him, wears him down like no physical injury ever did. The end of each life leaves him shaking and exhausted and often in tears; each time, he never sees Gesine, yet he wonders if she's there, if she's watching, his psychopomp, feeling some mild Schadenfreude, though he knows that isn't in her character. Every life's end brings the smallest pause, a chance to back out, a chance that tugs at him like the old call of morphine--an escape, just a small one, he can always return later, he swears--yet just like the old call, he resists, he knows how just a small escape can easily turn into a lifetime. He remembers Dobermann. He remembers Inga. He remembers Lina. Remembers how each of them saved him. He promised Inga once that he would repay her kindness, her belief in him. He sees the next life waiting to be relived, takes a breath, plunges into it to be wounded all over again.
Some of the lives surprise him. The entire family of an American soldier from the Great War. A Soviet soldier's horse he shot on the front. Eva Heidenreich, Colonel Heidenreich, Captain Arzt. General Immerwahr and Lieutenant Wozniak...he's confused, they're still alive, aren't they? Something reminds him, here, time has no meaning, he lives lives that end after his own, lives he still impacted enough to matter. He lives through Immerwahr being hanged at the end of the war; he'd said he was ready to die, he goes to his death without any protest. He lives through Wozniak's flight from the city with his wife and her child, to a rough cabin deep in the woods, to their difficult but decent life away from others, relying on themselves; he's perplexed at first, they share the same bed, yet never do any of the other things expected of a husband and wife; when Wozniak gets word of Hesse's death, the rending pain he feels in his heart suddenly makes things make sense. Hesse can't believe he never even noticed that Wozniak loved him all along. He goes to his death protesting--an encounter with a former camp prisoner who'd seen him and Hesse passing one day, burned their faces in his memory, could never find Hesse but tracked down Wozniak to his cabin--Wozniak leads him away into the woods, protecting his family while leaving himself vulnerable, pleads for his life, is ignored--he's shot and killed with his killer ironically believing he's pretending to be a Pole to escape persecution, when the truth is he's a Pole who pretended to be German. Hesse then lives the life of his wife, the unwed pregnant mother he meets in Lebensborn, who marries him only to make her family happy and provide cover for him, who knows he can never love her that way yet she loves him anyway. Her grief when she finds his body is genuine; she sobs as she bundles him up and prepares to set out for the Polish border, seeking his estranged family, a proper burial. Hesse then lives the lives of his estranged family. Of the young boy he hoped to raise as his own. Of the parents who fabricated an SS-ready life for him yet turn away from him at the end. Of the former prisoner who kills him, realizes this changes nothing about his own pain, and takes his own life beside Wozniak's body. The fallout of this one friendship Hesse had goes on and on.
Some of the lives, he fully expects. His mother and father, the young lives they live, their hopes and dreams for him snuffed out almost before they begin. Schulte's end saddens him anyway, his loyalty, his attempt to help. Sophie's death makes him break down sobbing. He'd hoped so badly for her to go on without him, yet she hasn't the will or the desire to do so; her soul is broken the moment she learns he won't return. He lives through the future lives and deaths of Dobermann and Inga--not nearly far enough in the future--of Lina, of Gerhardt, of Schäfer, Diamant, Lukas, Gret. They all live long lives, die peacefully; he's glad for this much for Lina, at least. He lives through Delbrück's unusual life. Through Herrin von Thiel's. Through Lina's and Gerhardt's sons, one of them named after Dobermann, one named after him.
A few lives are so unexpected they stun him. He lives through the life of a farm woman; it's only when she's newly widowed, and cautiously welcomes a Waffen-SS unit to billet at her house, that he realizes who she is. He starts crying when Inge stands at her window staring at the horizon, straining her eyes for any sign of troops, her hands on her belly. Tells her, in his head, he would have returned for her, if he'd known. He lives through the life of the daughter he never knew and his heart breaks that she never knows him. He lives through the life of Trudi, the strange girl, born a boy, and here he reaches a realization, the reason behind all this. When she dies--peacefully, old age--he finds that he finally understands her. He never could have, any other way--he had to live as her, himself, in order to fully comprehend, to feel, to know. It's the same with every other life he touches in the past or after his death. He can never truly understand the impact he had, large or small, unless he experiences it himself. It's one thing to read a story about a battle, or to imagine it. It's something else entirely to ride off into one oneself.
Years, decades, centuries, lives lived beyond count. Hesse's soul wears raw. He emerges screaming, blind--a face appears, blurry, leaning close--tearful blue eyes staring down into his own, yet there's a smile behind them. A bedraggled woman, gasping, yet happy to see him. "Gunter," she says, in the sweetest voice he's ever heard, sweeter than Sophie's, sweeter even than Inga's. "My little Gunter." He knows already how her life will end, curled up in a bathtub, with him clasped under her body as the fire rages around them. His worn-out soul cries, and he cries, and she touches his cheek and holds him close. Hesse lives through his own life.
He lives through the fire. Through the orphanage. Through the war, the addiction, Inga's kindness, Adelina, the SS, the next war. Through finding his maiden, his Sophie. Through the deaths...so many of them, more than even he ever really knew. He lives through the start of the end, the revelation, the betrayal, the escape. He lives through finding himself lying in the middle of a desolate road near a sputtering car, his own blood pooling warm and sticky around him, soaking his uniform, slowly filling his lungs; he lives through staring up at the sky, spreading vast and unending and beautiful over his head--it'll be there long after he's gone, long after every life he's lived, and he lives through realizing his own insignificance, being merely a character in someone else's story. He lives through the growing darkness, the final struggling breath, as he dies alone. For the second time, Hesse lives through his own life's end.
Hesse takes in a breath. Blinks his eyes open. Sky...trees. The memory is dimmer but he knows he did not see trees over him. He shifts his head, takes another breath--he knows he shouldn't be breathing, so why is he? He puts out a hand, pushes himself up, presses his fingers to his chest and midsection. They come back dry. No blood. He then notices the uniform he's wearing. Not the familiar black he'd actually been wearing, not the familiar gray. He doesn't recognize this strange uniform at all; it most closely resembles a dress uniform from the Great War, yet even that doesn't quite fit; he's never seen anything quite like it. He can't find the sig runes anywhere. He realizes, also, that his spectacles are missing, yet he can see just fine. He gives up trying to understand this and glances around his surroundings instead. He's lying in the middle of the woods...peaceful birdsong in the distance, sunlight filtering here and there through the shade. A gentle breeze, the scent of pine. He doesn't recognize this place, though it seems familiar.
He pushes himself to his feet, dusts off the needles. "Gesine--?" he calls out; it's strange, despite their past, despite her obvious dislike of him, she feels almost like an old familiar friend by now. She doesn't answer, and he doesn't sense her near. He looks around at the trees, trying to figure out whose life this is, why he's emerged right in the middle of it, yet no answers come. So he picks a direction and starts walking.
"Gesine...?" he calls again, more uncertainly; no answer but his own faint echo and the birds and breeze. He falls silent, only his breath and footsteps making a sound. The path grows somewhat rugged, rising more steeply, rocks to avoid; the strange feeling of familiarity grows. He knows he hasn't been here, exactly, yet he's been nearby, on a tamer path. When he emerges from the trees to find a road winding past and upward, it finally strikes him, yet he retreats and climbs a bit higher anyway. Again peers out from the trees. Just barely spies a small cottage set back among the undergrowth. His heart crowds into his throat. He knows this place. He stayed here once, not long ago. With Sophie.
He takes an abrupt step forward, then stops. No smoke is rising from the chimney. He doesn't know how he knows, yet he knows, somehow, that Sophie isn't there. He stands for a moment, breath catching in his throat, heart clenching, insides in knots. Some small part inside him pleads. Where, where is she. He feels his head turning as if an invisible hand gently presses against his chin. Finds himself looking in the direction of an overlook, not visible from here. He remembers the short trek and and Sophie took in the evening, to look out over the lake. He thinks, maybe, he can feel her there. Almost.
Unsure if he's imagining it or not, he heads that way, slow and halting at first, then faster. He's nearly running by the time he reaches the base of the promontory, yet he slows again before cresting the rise, uncertain, reluctant. Has to take a few more breaths before taking the last few steps. Brushes aside a pine bough. Golden sunset light abruptly floods his eyes. He's momentarily dazzled, holds up his hand to shield his eyes. There's something in the golden glow, fuzzy, indistinct, yet familiar, standing on the ledge. Hesse barely dares hope. He speaks, his voice hardly a whisper.
"Sophie...?"
Surely his voice doesn't carry. Still, there's a movement; the shape shifts just slightly, a head turning. Hesse's breath catches in his throat. A face turns to look. Luminous blue eyes, gold hair framed by the sun, a brilliant nimbus, the face of an angel. Sophie sees him staring up at her. A smile slowly spreads across her face, sweet, the most welcoming sight he's ever seen.
He can't believe it, yet it's her. She reaches out a hand and he reaches back. Steps forward, moving closer, her figure becoming more distinct. His eyes sting, his throat hurts. She turns around fully to welcome him and he reaches out further, before catching a glimpse of his hand and abruptly stopping. He can see through his fingers, as if he's a ghost. He looks down at himself and he sees the ground under him. He's fading. He looks back up at Sophie, panic and dread rising, yet she's still as solid and substantial as before, only he is growing fainter. Yet now she seems to notice it too. Her brow furrows, her mouth moves--"Gunter...?" he hears, soft and echoing, as she starts dimming, everything starts dimming, from his view. He tries to rush forward out of the rising shadow--"Sophie--!" he cries--yet it wraps in around him, and just like that, Sophie is gone. All is darkness.
Gesine. You told me this wasn't Hell. Is this Hell, here, now...?
History
Hesse abruptly gasps and comes to, jerking back when he sees Josef Diamant of all people directly in front of him; Diamant yells in surprise and jumps back as well, falling over. Hesse scrabbles--he's sitting on the ground, which appears to be made of stone dusted with snow, in fact everything around him is icy and white and his breath plumes before him--and glances around wildly. He's in some sort of large cavern and a group of people stands some distance before him, most of them armed with guns or clubs, and torches--he recognizes the Dobermanns, Sergeant Gerhardt, Lukas Mettbach, and Diamant among them--and his confusion just grows. "What...what is this--?" he blurts out. "Where am I?"
Silence, but then someone steps forward hesitantly. "Uncle Gunter...?" Adelina asks softly. "Do...do you remember me?"
Hesse blinks. "Lina," he says, uncertain why she would think he'd forget her. In response Adelina's eyes fill with tears and she hurries forward, ignoring the warning calls of the others, dropping to her knees and throwing her arms around him. "Uncle Gunter," she cries. "You're back." When she sits back he notices she has a black eye. "What happened to your face--?" he says, right before Gerhardt grabs her arm and pulls her back from him, protesting. Diamant comes forward again and before he can act, swiftly unsnaps and yanks away his pistol; Hesse glances down, and blinks again, for he's wearing a strange uniform he doesn't recognize--the SS insignia are there, yet instead of black, it's white, and instead of the familiar swastika, upon his armband is a broken sun cross. He looks back up at the others in growing bewilderment and exclaims, "Where am I? What's going on--?"
"Herr Gunter...?" Inga this time; she takes a step forward but doesn't get close, as Dobermann puts his hand on her arm. "Frau Inga," Hesse says, feeling his throat hurt; even if he has no idea what's going on, he's relieved to see her alive. "What's the last thing you remember?" she asks; Hesse pauses, suddenly aware that he doesn't remember anything before coming to here. He sits on the cold floor and racks his brain for a few moments before bits and pieces start returning; he takes in a shaky breath and presses his hands to his chest and midsection, still feeling the fading sting of the bullets, yet his uniform is intact. Yet he hadn't been wearing this. He hastily undoes a few buttons, examines his shirt--brown, like it should be--there are no holes, no blood, his hands come back clean. He remembers Adelina and Inga looking back at him as Dobermann pulled them after Schäfer into the trees. He remembers his lungs filling with blood as he stared up at the sky. Then...nothing. He looks at Inga fearfully and softly asks, "Where am I...?"
The others explain. They're in the Alpine Fortress, which Hesse refuses to believe at first as he'd always been told the fortress was merely propaganda for a place that didn't exist, yet here it is. He gave Adelina her black eye when he struck her in the face while attacking them--they've been fighting him off since they arrived here. Hesse insists he has no memory of attacking them. As for why they're here? They'd received word that there's an ongoing attempt by a handful of holdout Nazis to resurrect the Reich from their mountain refuge. Resurrect--? Gerhardt tells him that not long after his last memory, the Allies invaded Germany, the Führer killed himself, and the Third Reich collapsed. Hesse asks what year it is. He's numb to realize it's been well over a year since he died. The SS was declared a criminal organization and outlawed. All his old comrades--Schulte, Wozniak, Immerwahr--are gone. Including Sophie. Hesse's heart breaks on learning this; he promptly loses all interest in figuring out why he's here, and grows despondent. Despite Diamant and especially Lukas warning the others about him still being a potential threat, he shows no interest in attacking further or putting up any resistance when one of the group restrains his wrists, and doesn't protest when they confiscate his sword and dagger.
The group debates what to do with him; surprisingly, Dobermann breaks the tie, arguing that it's best if they bring him along. As Hesse accompanies the group he learns more about what's happening. Diamant attempts to question him about the Thule Society; Hesse has heard of them, yet had no involvement in their business, finding the more esoteric side of the Nazi Party to be frivolous and not worth his time. He does express perplexity that he's now wearing their logo on his sleeve. He's then asked what he knows about Projekt Ultima Thule. Hesse vaguely remembers seeing reference to this in his search of Captain Arzt's study, yet knows nothing else. Then he's asked about Projekt Weltuntergang, or Doomsday. Hesse has heard of the medical project intended to enhance the strength, stamina, and intelligence of soldiers yet quickly brushes it off as nonsense that went nowhere, pure quackery. The others insist, however, that the Nazi leadership, including the SS, took it seriously, and near the war's end, Weltuntergang--which had actually managed to achieve minimal success--morphed into Ultima Thule, and shifted focus from creating a supersoldier to imparting immortality itself. When Hesse scoffs at this as proving how ridiculous the concept is, Diamant points out that here Hesse is, with them, returned from the dead--is that proof enough that the project succeeded, and is serious? Hesse has no answer for this.
Dobermann and the surviving members of the Diamond Network received word that, following the fall of the Third Reich, a handful of Nazis fled to the Alpine Fortress in hopes of continuing Project Ultima Thule and following through on the goal of the Thule Society to create a Fourth Reich. He and the others banded together to locate this group in hopes of thwarting them. Within the fortress, they were stunned to run into not just what looks like a new version of the SS, complete with white uniforms and Thule Society armbands, but Hesse, and PFC Helmstadt, both apparently resurrected from the dead. Almost as bizarre as that was that neither man seemed to recognize them, attacking mindlessly, and their eyes have an odd hazy blue cast to them; Hesse is shown a mirror and recoils a bit when he sees this for himself. He asks if he's indeed the one who gave Adelina her black eye; Adelina confirms this by saying, "It's not your fault, Uncle Gunter, I know you weren't in your right mind." The group has been navigating through the fortress attempting to find its stronghold while avoiding facing Hesse and Helmstadt as much as possible, as their strength and resilience are almost unbelievable, and there seems to be no way to kill them. Hesse is confused by this last revelation--they've been trying to kill him? His temper briefly flares--sparked by the realization that he was apparently cheated out of death, against his will, to be brought back into a world where he has nothing left--and he angrily insists they must not have tried hard enough.
Inga approaches--holding up a hand to tell the others not to interfere--and draws close enough to touch Hesse's face, then place her forehead against his. "You honestly wish you were still dead...?" she murmurs; Hesse's vision blurs and he replies, "I have nothing left for me here, so why should I stay?" Inga looks at him for a moment...then Hesse gasps and stiffens, once, then twice, when Inga's other hand twists; he breaks away from her, taking a step back. His own honor dagger is protruding from right below his breastbone, blood pooling around it; he places his shaking hands on the hilt and looks up again, whispering, "Inga...?" as Adelina cries out, "Uncle Gunter--!" and is held back by Gerhardt and Dobermann. Inga, looking saddened yet resolute, merely says, "It's the only way I can prove it to you," and pulls the dagger out before Hesse drops to his knees, hands clasped over the wound. He kneels gasping in pain for a moment or so, head swimming; Inga crouches in front of him, hand on his shoulder, and he stares at her in disbelief; after a pause she says, "Check your wound," and he carefully pulls his uniform open again. He's perplexed to find that the flow of blood has lessened, not increased; he unbuttons his shirt and finds not a deep stab to his midsection, but a shallow wound, seeping rather than gushing blood. He glances back up at Inga, bewildered; "It should close up completely soon," she says, "there won't even be a scar." She sits back on her heels as he pushes himself up a little, adding, "Now you see we're telling the truth, and what we've been dealing with. We haven't been able even to get through to you until now. Believe me, we've tried."
Hesse learns what changed: Gerhardt received information from a separate group which has made its way to the fortress for the same reason, a group including several members of the Trench Rats First Battalion; their surgeon managed to try out a counter-serum which is said to be able to restore project members to their previous autonomous state, even if all the other effects remain. Diamant's group finally got the chance to try it out on Hesse immediately before his memory returned. He's no longer subject to pre-programmed commands, though he still has enhanced strength, and he's still essentially "immortal." There are indications that there is a way to terminate a subject member permanently, though none of the Allies have figured out what it is yet, and they can't leave the fortress until they determine how to neutralize subjects like Hesse and especially the remaining leadership. They've already tried shooting and now stabbing Hesse, including in the heart; his wounds always quickly self-heal as he recovers from the blood loss. The two groups are slowly but steadily working their way to the heart of the fortress in hopes of locating more information to help them defeat the Thule Society, while maintaining radiotelegraph contact with other allies back on the ground; Hesse learns the Dobermann estate, liberated after its brief occupation by the Wehrmacht, is now serving as an informal command base. If Hesse agrees to use his newly gained abilities to assist rather than hinder them, maybe they can find a way to give him the peace he requests. Hesse is bitter and reluctant to help, believing he has nothing to gain.
Gerhardt then tries a different tack, asking him what's the last thing he remembers before coming to. Hesse repeats his memory of his own death as the Dobermanns escaped, yet Gerhardt presses him to think harder, is he sure that's the last memory he has...? Hesse starts to argue when an image flashes in his mind: Sophie, standing in the sunlight, smiling at him. It's just a split second and then it's gone, but he mentions it anyway. He attempts to brush it off as merely a wish for what he's lost, though Gerhardt tries to convince him it may in fact be the last thing he experienced before waking; when Hesse scoffs that this would be impossible, Sophie is dead, Gerhardt says that's it exactly--Hesse is possibly remembering something from after his own death. If there's even the slightest chance that he could be reunited with Sophie again, isn't it worth trying? Hesse is still skeptical, yet this is enough to convince him to assist them in their effort to end Project Ultima Thule, and he accompanies them deeper into the fortress; he's even given back his pistol despite a few arguing against it, the reasoning being that he doesn't even really need the gun, what with his enhanced strength.
Hesse has his first run-in with PFC Helmstadt, whom he last saw in the final confrontation at the Dobermann estate before he was shot by Sergeant Volker. He gets to see firsthand the sort of challenge he himself presented to the group; Helmstadt wasn't a particularly skilled or strong fighter while alive, but he gives even Hesse a run for his money now. Eventually they succeed in administering the antiserum, yet to their surprise, even after coming to his senses and learning, like Hesse, how the Thule Society used him without his consent, Helmstadt continues siding with the Nazis; Hesse says this shouldn't be too surprising, considering Helmstadt's unexpected betrayal of the Dobermanns once he learned Inga's secret. If anything, regaining his autonomy makes Helmstadt an even more determined and fanatical enemy, and the group has to fight him and the other project members repeatedly on their trek to the heart of the fortress.
After quite an ordeal making their way there, and barely surviving multiple attacks, escapes, and revelations regarding the society and its project (including discovering that the nominal ringleader of this faction is an unassuming but fanatical elderly woman named Sigrid Richter, learning of Arzt's involvement in perfecting the final serum, and its testing on not just volunteers from the Waffen-SS but on unsuspecting members of the Wehrmacht as well as German civilians), the two groups discover the means to permanently kill Ultima Thule subjects--by destroying the brain--and they finally determine that the only way to ensure the termination of Project Ultima Thule and, with hope, the Thule Society, is to destroy the Alpine Fortress itself. They set upon a plan to secure and place explosives throughout the fortress and detonate them in a controlled explosion. Someone will have to remain behind to ensure that the process is triggered properly, though if it's planned right, they may have a chance to escape along with the others. The group splits up to enact the plan, but while placing the trigger device in a critical and dangerous location, Dobermann slips over a cliff; Diamant attempts to save him, yet, realizing that he'll end up falling as well, Dobermann says one of them has to survive, urges him to look after Inga, and forces Diamant to let him go. Diamant nearly falls right after him, only for Hesse to rescue him; he drags Diamant back from the ledge, seeing that Dobermann's wedding ring slipped off in Diamant's hand. When Diamant, numb with shock, confesses he has no idea how to tell Inga what happened, Hesse says that he'll do so for him, and takes the ring. He mentions that he heard Dobermann's final request, that Diamant look after Inga, and realizes that, similar to him, Diamant has been in love with Inga for a long time too. Dobermann knew this, yet said nothing until now, giving Diamant his blessing.
Hesse returns the ring and explains the situation to a grief-stricken Inga. The trigger device still needs to be placed; Hesse volunteers to fetch Dobermann's body while he places it, in hopes of at least somewhat allaying the Dobermanns' sorrow. He succeeds in both, though there's a close call when Yevgeny, the Red Army soldier assisting the group in their mission, mulls over letting Hesse's rope go so he'll plummet back down the chasm himself; Diamant has to convince him to pull Hesse up. They return Dobermann's body to his wife and daughter and prepare to leave, Lukas planning to briefly remain behind to make sure the detonation occurs, when Helmstadt reappears; he spotted the placement of the trigger device, and vows to deactivate it and then attempt to deal with them. The only way to ensure the explosion will go off as planned is to prevent Helmstadt from doing this, which means likely being caught in the explosion oneself. Diamant, Lukas, and Hesse briefly argue, each volunteering to remain behind, but Hesse wins the argument by reminding Diamant of the request Dobermann made of him, and convincing Lukas that his ultimate plan is to die anyway, and with hope be reunited with Sophie: "I don't have anything left here waiting for me. Maybe something's waiting for me elsewhere. Maybe that's the point of all this." Lukas, who was raised Catholic similar to Hesse, understands what he's requesting, and backs off. Adelina and Inga beg Hesse to return with them, but he wishes them farewell, and sets off after Helmstadt.
Hesse manages to accost Helmstadt before he can deactivate the trigger, and the two of them fight; Helmstadt briefly gains the upper hand and starts to dismantle the device, but Hesse stops him and permanently blocks access to it with a small rockslide. Helmstadt reacts with fury and panic, screaming at Hesse, "Why would you do this? You've destroyed everything!" Hesse retorts, "I haven't destroyed everything! I hope I'm saving something!" A noise comes from behind the rock wall--the trigger device activates, and distant booms start sounding throughout the fortress, growing closer. Helmstadt turns and goes running in a last desperate, and futile, attempt to escape, while Hesse remains behind; as the explosions draw nearer and the walls shake and rocks start falling from the ceiling, he shuts his eyes, murmurs, "Sophie," and then the Alpine Fortress collapses, taking him with it.
Hesse In Heaven (Part Two)
Grinding, cracking, collapsing--
The abrupt crush of rock and ice--
Bones shattering--lungs pierced--skull smashed--
Darkness and cold like plunging into a wintry lake--
Nothing...
Hesse's eyes fly open and he sucks in a sharp gasp, bolting upright. His hands immediately go to his head, feeling for gashes, blood, brains--he feels nothing amiss. Presses his hands to his chest--nothing. Then notices what he's wearing. It isn't the strange white uniform he'd been wearing, with the broken sun cross on the armband and the sig runes on the collar; it vaguely resembles a dress uniform from the Great War. A memory sparks in the back of his head--he's seen this before. He finally thinks to look up at his surroundings; his perplexity only grows.
He's stretched out upon a bed in a small, quaint bedroom; gauzy drapes surround him, though he can dimly see the interior. A window is open, through which a soft balmy breeze comes, gently swaying the drapes; he can hear faint birdsong in the distance. His hammering heart starts to slow as the splintering pain of the rock crush fades; he looks at the empty side of the bed and dimly realizes he knows this place. He waits a moment before carefully turning and pushing himself to his feet, parting the drapes and stepping into the room. He's been here before, though everything is still foggy and muddled. He spots a full-length mirror in the corner and moves toward it. He takes pause upon finally getting a good look at himself--his spectacles are missing, yet he sees everything clearly--and remembers where he's seen this uniform before. He blinks at the realization and without thinking calls out, "Gesine--?"
Silence aside from the breeze and the birdsong; nobody replies. Hesse leaves the bedroom and tentatively looks around. It's a small house, a cottage really, the place one might escape to for a brief vacation away from the city. The feeling of familiarity only grows. "Gesine...?" he calls again, with no response. He reaches the front door, slowly opens it, peers outside. The cottage is in a small clearing at the top of a rise, its back to a forest, pine trees rising tall to the sides and a path winding off into the woods nearby. An open-top car sits out front, on a paved drive that disappears down and out of sight. Hesse blinks. He remembers that car. Abruptly, he remembers everything.
"A long weekend. I've rented a place. We can get away for a while. Just the two of us..."
The open-top car trundling along the winding mountain road.
Himself at the wheel. Turning to glance at the person beside him.
A summery smile, the wind tumbling through wavy gold locks spilling from a bright scarf, kind blue eyes like the sky, a sweet laugh like cascading bells.
His heart flips over itself. He thinks of how they'll spend the next four days, just the two of them, and smiles back...
Those four days had themselves been heaven, to him. He regretted that they had to end, yet she'd smiled at him again, showing him the ring he'd given her, reminding him that soon, they would have a lifetime to spend together, just the three of them; he'd gently laid his hand on her belly, and she'd touched his face. He swallows hard, throat hurting, as the memory fades and he stares at the car, then the cottage. Then looks toward the path to the left. He knows it well, they walked it throughout the days, and every evening, to watch the sunset. A rock-lined dirt path meandering through the pine forest before cresting a rise, overlooking a mountain lake. Another memory flits through his head, Sophie framed by the dazzling nimbus of sunset, his maiden, an angel of love. It isn't sunset right now; the sun is high overhead, near noon, the shadows shorter yet darker. He stares at the path and hesitates heading up it, recalling what happened the last time--he knows if she's not there, his heart will break, he'll know he's in Hell--yet, finding no other options, he swallows again, turns, and starts walking.
Hesse treks along the path, same as before. Bright spots of light dapple the gloom. The scent of pine and damp earth fills his nostrils. The air is blazing hot in the patches of sun, pleasantly cool in the shadow. He can hear waves in the distance, the breeze in the high boughs, birds and crickets, a chittering squirrel. His footsteps are dampened by the layers of soft needles. He brushes his fingers against a boulder's soft moss, feels a strand of spiderweb break against his face. Nothing but peace. Yet the steeper the path grows, the higher it goes, the stronger grows also the dread in his breast. He was taken from her once, twice, before...he won't be able to bear losing her again. If she's here at all.
He crests the rise. Hears the waves far below, feels the lake air even up here. His heart hammers again in his ears, crowding in his throat. His step slows as a pine bough blocks his view; he hesitates, almost turns back, maybe if he simply pretends she's there, he can convince himself to merely live with her near, hold her memory close without ever knowing for sure--yet he knows this will not work, he'll always agonize, never knowing. He can choose one self-imposed Hell or another. Or he can look, and find out. Taking a shaky breath, he pushes back the bough, and peers past it, toward the crest overlooking the lake.
There's no dazzling sunset. Beyond is merely cloudless blue sky. Yet someone stands there. Hesse's heart clenches, eyes growing; "Sophie...?" he tries to call out, his voice faint and faltering. It must carry despite this, as the figure seems to tense slightly, before turning. Golden hair, kind blue eyes. Sophie sees him, and smiles.
Hesse stands frozen. He wants to go to her, more than almost anything, yet he believes if he does, he'll fade away again, back into another unwanted life. He's been cheated twice, he can't bear it again, he knows his soul will be crushed into pieces. Sophie pauses before approaching. He doesn't take his eyes off her the entire time, expecting himself to fade, her to fade, yet she merely grows clearer and more distinct; when she reaches him she stops, the breeze shifting her hair, her smile as welcoming as ever. He can't stand the uncertainty anymore, and lifts his hand, gingerly reaching out toward her. He expects to fade away, to pass through everything; yet Sophie raises her own hand to grasp his before he can touch her, and a jolt passes through him--she's solid, she's warm, she's real. She takes a step closer and places her other hand gently against his cheek, making him gasp. Her smile grows.
"I knew you'd come back," Sophie murmurs softly.
Hesse's vision blurs--he blinks furiously, but it's only tears, he sees her clearly again. He stares into her eyes a brief moment before clasping her face in his hands and kissing her, hard. She's every bit real. He breaks the kiss and wraps his arms around her, tight, feeling her do the same; he shuts his eyes and burrows his face in her hair, breathing her in, swallowing a sob.
"My Sophie," he says, voice breaking, and hears her muffled reply, "My knight."
He only lets up--a little--when he feels her muscles loosen--pulls back enough to clasp her head again, looks in her face, studies each feature, trying not to laugh and cry at once, failing. Runs his fingers through her hair, cups her cheeks, lets his eyes roam over her throat and neck and collarbones. Kisses her again. Kisses the top of her head, hugs her again.
"What is this?" he asks her, his voice still cracking. "What is this place?"
"Your new life," says Sophie.
He pulls back a little but doesn't dare let her go. "New life...?"
She nods, still with her eternally sweet smile.
He peers around them and ventures uncertainly, "Is...this is...this is Heaven, then...?"
Sophie says, "Nein. And ja...it's complicated." She pulls back a little so he lets her go, reluctantly, yet keeps hold of her hand. "This is the place we all come to, eventually. A place where we see what our lives would have been like, ideally, if things went just a little bit differently."
Hesse looks down at his strange uniform, then up at their surroundings. "If it's Heaven, then it's...not what I expected."
Sophie makes an amused sound. "It isn't quite Heaven...not the Heaven you and I learned about, at least. This is merely the place we come to until the end time, when the last soul that's ever been born or ever will be born arrives, and then we all move on to the next world, a far better world."
Hesse grasps her hand harder, feeling a pang of alarm. "I don't want any other world. I just want to be here, with you."
Sophie smiles. "We'll be together, I promise. Everyone will. Just a state of eternal happiness...it's difficult to explain, I don't even fully understand it myself. Yet you'll see. We all will."
"How long do we have before this happens?"
"A million years, and an instant. Time has no meaning here."
Hesse remembers Gesine saying the same thing, takes a breath, lets it out. "And you said everyone comes here...?"
"Eventually. Some go someplace else first, for a while...I didn't experience this myself. Yet I heard that some people go, not to set right their wrongs--that can never be done, what's past is past--but to learn the truth of the impact their actions have had, the sort of lives they truly led. People who either committed so many wrongs they outnumber the right, or a wrong so great it outweighs the good."
Hesse feels a different sort of pang. "I know this," he murmurs, "I saw."
"You were there...?"
"Before I came here. Before...before I saw you last. I did see you, didn't I...?"
"You did. And then you were gone...what happened?"
He shakes his head. "It's complicated...I can tell you later. I hope."
"You can. Here we have all the time in the world."
His throat hurts, and he has to swallow; he touches her face. "This is all I want. Nothing else. It was all worth it to come here, to you."
Sophie's smile grows. "I have something I want to show you," she says, pulling away from him.
"I don't want to see anything else."
"Trust me, you do." She turns and starts to step away. "Bitte, follow me."
"Sophie--?" Hesse reaches out, grasps only air; Sophie is walking away, back down the path. "Sophie--!" he cries, dread and panic overwhelming him--he can't lose her again, not again, his heart and his soul will break and this truly will become Hell--he can't move at first, he's almost afraid to, yet Sophie vanishes from view and he can't bear it anymore, he drags one foot forward, then the other, then he's stumbling, then jogging, then sprinting--"Sophie!" he yells, heart crowding into his throat and tears stinging his eyes--he rounds a turn and suddenly there she is again--she's not gone, she hasn't disappeared again--she's stopped on the trail, looking back at him, and she smiles her beatific smile and holds out her hand. Hesse rushes forward to grab it before either one of them can fade into mist; she's still solid and real. Her eyes twinkle. Her voice is amused.
"I said follow me, didn't I? Now come. I want you to meet someone."
"I only want you. I don't want to meet anyone else."
"You want to meet. Trust me. Come."
Hesse means it, he doesn't want to see anyone else, only her. Yet he stops arguing and follows anyway, just wanting to remain near and not lose her again; he keeps a tight grip on her hand. Sophie leads him back to the cottage, casting the occasional smile back at him over her shoulder, as if to reassure him she won't leave him behind again. They enter the little house and wander through the rooms. Sophie brings him back to where he started, the bedroom with the open window and the bed with the gauzy drapes, and lets go of his hand, stepping toward the corner. Hesse had barely paid this part of the room any attention before, yet now he sees something he hadn't noticed--a bassinet. He stares as Sophie leans over it, lifting something; she turns and approaches, smiling still, arms full. Something in a blanket is moving and making small noises. She turns so Hesse can see the tiny face peering out, the tiny waving hands. Blue eyes blink and a little mouth opens and closes. Hesse stares at it, then at Sophie, confused.
"Your son," Sophie says, simply.
Hesse takes in a sharp breath. Sophie extends her arms and without thinking he mimics the gesture so she carefully settles the squirming infant in the crook of his elbow; he stares into its--his--little face, his eyes blurring when he sees the way the baby stares back.
"I know you said you wanted a daughter," Sophie says.
Hesse's breath hitches; he shakes his head. "It doesn't matter." He feels a teary smile spread across his face, looks up at Sophie, lets out an odd broken laugh. "I don't understand," he says.
"I don't either," Sophie admits. "He's...not quite like us. You feel it...?"
"I do."
"This is the place all souls come to, everyone who once lived or will live. He was with me, when I came here. His soul existed, yet hadn't been born yet. It's...it's almost like, here, we can will them into existence, those souls that never got to be born, never even got to be created yet. They're different from us. They have no past actions to take account of. They're completely new. Innocent and clean." She pauses. "I could have shown him to you as a child. As an adult, as an old man. Time here is meaningless, we are everything at once. It felt most appropriate to show him to you like this...to start from the beginning."
"This is perfect...he's perfect."
The baby looks at him for a moment, then yawns. Sophie gently takes him from Hesse's arms, places him back in the bassinet; they both stand beside it looking down at him for a while in silence. Hesse slips his arm around Sophie and she leans close.
"I don't care if there's some other place," Hesse murmurs. "This is Heaven, to me."
"There's more than this, you know. Far more."
"I don't care."
"There's no time here. You can live countless lifetimes. Not just this one. Any life you could have ever wished to have, you can live, an entire lifetime in an instant."
"This is the only life I want. You and he are all I need."
"Are you sure...?"
"I am."
"I don't believe you are. I know there's another life you've longed to live, you told me about it yourself. An unlived life that haunted you almost from the beginning."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm happy here, now. With this. Why would I possibly want anything else...?"
"Because you feel you were cheated out of it, and to be quite honest, you were. It's driven every aspect of the life you did live, influenced every action you ended up taking, for best and for worst...you can honestly claim you don't want to know what you missed the most...?"
Realization starts to dawn in the back of Hesse's mind. He stares at Sophie.
"I could really live that life...?" he asks numbly.
Sophie says, "You can live any life here that you want."
"I don't want to lose you."
Her mouth twitches. "You won't. I'll still be here, when it's done. And you can return there any time you like as well."
"You'd be left alone for how long...? I don't want to abandon him, too."
"I told you, time has no meaning here. For you it'll be a lifetime--if you want it to--for us it'll be a moment. We're all fine here, Gunter. I know you won't believe it until you experience it, but everything will be all right. This is where we belong. We'll be waiting for you, I promise."
Hesse still hesitates, though he's torn. He swallows the lump in his throat...he can hardly bear to part from Sophie again...yet the thought of the one life he always longed for the most, finally opened to him, tugs on his soul almost overwhelmingly. He murmurs, "What do I have to do...?"
"It's the same for any life you want to live. Including this one. You just close your eyes...see the place you wish to be in the most...the person your soul calls to the hardest. This is how it was when you came here. You came to the place where you last felt happiest, and your soul called to the person you wanted to see the most...I heard you, and I came. Your soul is torn, though. You want to be there, too. And I understand. I've lived so many lives since I've come here. Lives I wished I'd lived. Lives I could have lived, yet am glad I did not, just that I felt I owed myself, to know what it would have been like. Lives I was merely curious about. So many lives are open to you too, now, Gunter. You'll leave me behind for only a moment. Sometime, maybe I can join you. But I think, this time at least, you need to live this particular life on your own. It's yours to live, not mine."
Hesse wavers. "I can't lose you again. My heart would die."
"You won't. I swear it." A pause; she takes his hand, clasps it in her own. "It's all right, Gunter. Just close your eyes. I'll be here when you come back. I promise."
"I don't...I don't even know what it looks like."
"It's all right. You've imagined it before. Just do that again. It doesn't matter how real or not it might have been, it's simply what you wanted. Close your eyes. See it. Live it. I'll be here waiting for you. We'll be here waiting."
Hesse swallows hard, his eyes wet. Sophie smiles, squeezes his hand--"It's all right, Gunter"--and he takes a breath, and closes his eyes.
Darkness. Dimness. Then...the faintest golden glow, around the corners of his vision. He knows this glow, he's seen it before, when the needle plunged and the morphine rushed through his veins so long ago. He feels the warm welcoming breeze, hears it gently rustling in the grass, the chirp of evening crickets. He catches the faint scent of flowers, of baking bread. He fills his lungs, feels his eyes sting, his heart ache. Sophie lets his hand go and he tentatively opens his eyes.
He's standing in tall swaying grass, golden in the evening sun. It covers the meadows and low hills around him. A lone tree is a little distance away, the breeze stirring its leaves, a rope swing swaying as if just recently vacated. Flowers bob their heavy heads; a few birds flit past on their way home for the night; the cricket song only grows louder. He glances away from the sun, sees the sky growing purple, stars just beginning to emerge; a handful of soft clouds glow orange as the sun descends. He can feel a dull ache in his limbs, but it's a good ache; he knows he was on that swing, he just jumped off, after a long day swinging and running and playing in the sun. As if to confirm this, he hears distant childish laughter, and then a faint voice, a woman's voice, calling, "Kinder...time for supper. Come now, Kinder."
Hesse's heart leaps into his throat, nearly choking him. He freezes, staring at the hill from over which the noises come. "Come inside, Kinder," he barely hears; then, louder, "Gunter...? Come Gunter, time for supper. Gunter...?"
Hesse stands rooted to the spot. After a moment, a figure appears atop the hill, a woman, though the sun has just set, the main source of light comes now from down behind her, and he can't make out her face. "Gunter?" she calls, sees him, and leans forward, arms out, gesturing. "Gunter! Come now, time to come home."
Hesse pauses, then feels his feet start to move, his legs, his body. He's suddenly running, sprinting up the hill, toward the woman's open arms. It takes forever, yet an instant--he reaches her, throws his arms around her, breathes in her smell--dried flowers, baked bread--feels her arms around him, the most welcoming warmth, her heartbeat against his ear, her soft murmuring laugh. Her hand ruffles his hair.
He wants to see her face so much. He lifts his head, blinks the tears from his eyes, looks up--she's taller than he is, a giant, for he's quite small now, his chubby little child hands grasping her dress. For the first time, he sees her face. Her kind eyes, her loving smile. He knows his eyes looked like hers, once...long ago...in some other life.
Some distance behind her, he sees a country house, knows it's his old home, his original home, before the move, before the city, before the fire. He was a newborn then. But time has no meaning now. He sees other children laughing and making a game of tag out of running into the house, seeing who will be first to the table; he had no siblings, he knows these children are like his son, the children who could have been, if things had been different, had been better. He feels the woman's hand on his head again and looks into her face. "Mutter," he murmurs, his voice different, higher, younger. She smiles down at him and touches his cheek; his heart thumps.
"Come in, Gunter," she says, "wash up, your Vater's coming home soon."
She holds out her hand. Gunter takes it. They slowly walk back to the house, the laughter, the warmth, the home, together.
Trivia
*Hesse's farsightedness--and likely also his age--could possibly disqualify him from service in the Waffen-SS, though certain exceptions were made.
*He's a recipient of the Iron Cross Second and First Class, which makes him eligible for the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross; General Immerwahr recommends him for this.
*He works for the Sicherheitsdienst, the intelligence division of the Allgemeine-SS. In reality, SD officers wore an SD diamond patch on their left sleeve, and had their rank displayed on their left collar tab while the right collar tab was blank; in the story, Hesse wears the sleeve diamond, and has the sig runes on his right collar tab.
*Kind of ironically, he was born in what is currently known as the German state of Hesse/Hessen. (My surname tentatively traces back to 1500s Hessen.)
*His name inspiration is from the author Hermann Hesse, whose Siddhartha and Steppenwolf I had to read in high school.
*Here is his bio from the 2002 reboot character list: "GUNTER HESSE: Lt.; elite member of the SS. In frequent contact with the soldiers around Dobermann's house but thinks of Dobermann himself with disdain. Often at odds with the 'common' soldiers, but never incredibly obnoxious; uses sarcasm and an overly polite manner to best insult his foes. Gerhardt, Helmstadt, Holt, Senta, and Adelina can't stand him, so he is the one thing they agree upon. Aloof, disdainful, polite and charming but in a false, condescending way; tends to look upon the 'Dobermann gang' as children. Rarely loses his temper, but not completely coolheaded like Dobermann; does have his weaknesses, if only the others could find them out. Current storyline." Needless to say, in the current reboot, I decided to overhaul his personality drastically.
*[Coming soon.]
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