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Johanna Wolfstein Blog Entry |
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June 16, 2023, 3:00:42 AM 6/16/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Johanna Wolfstein. She's the sister of THIS guy. She helps the resistance while he's in captivity and later in the story gets involved in a rather odd but genuine relationship. There'll be more about her later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding her design, this is how she's described in a WIP scene featuring her: She stared at her own haggard expression in the dusty mirror. Her mousy brown hair and eyes, frumpy glasses, overly long neck and large nose and protruding collarbones. She cast her gaze downward but the sight of the equally dowdy oversized clothing draping her skinny, curveless frame didn't help her state of mind any, and she turned away. TUMBLR EDIT: Note, certain details of the timing of events in this entry may be off and may need tweaking. Here we go though. Johanna Wolfstein was a schoolteacher before the war, engaged to be married at one time, though when her fiancé learned she couldn't have children, he left her. As soon as the Nazi Party comes to power, Johanna loses her job--Jews are banned from most professions, and lose many of their rights. Then, the forced relocations into the ghettos begin, and rumors of even darker things as "camps" begin to open. Johanna and other members of her extended family, including cousin Noah Kirchheimer, somehow manage to escape capture by Nazi authorities and go into hiding. Not so fortunate is Johanna's brother Jakob, who is taken to a camp. Noah has connections which he uses not only to protect his relatives but to keep updated as much as he can, considering, on how Wolfstein is holding out. The camp he ends up in is a combination labor/extermination camp--this here is confirmation of the dark rumors, the Nazi Party is engaging in slavery and mass murder--but the commandant, Major Konstantin Klaus, is more practical than cruel; as soon as Wolfstein proves himself useful--by fixing the torn sleeve of Klaus's uniform, then stitching SS uniforms and making kitschy SS-Julleuchter (Yule lanterns) for giveaways and sale--he ensures his own survival, at least as much as such a fragile thing can be ensured. Klaus even offers him privileges, yet Wolfstein turns most of them down, to avoid attracting the ire of his fellow prisoners. This situation gives Johanna some hope, though word then reaches them that Wolfstein has been transferred--despite Klaus's wishes--into some sort of medical facility as part of an experiment. The details of this are sketchy, but it's not good. Noah manages to connect with a budding resistance network and learns the name of the project--Weltuntergang, or Doomsday--as well as its intended purpose, to create a sort of "superman," or Übermensch, for potential use in combat. Johanna is perplexed, why would they be interested in her brother for such a thing?--he's not muscular or even terribly strong or warlike by any stretch of the imagination. Noah replies that participation in Weltuntergang appears to be based on blood type. Wolfstein has type AB blood; what Noah has learned is that, in addition, doctors have determined his type is specifically AB negative (a concept still poorly understood at the time, so it makes no sense to Noah and Johanna), yet there's an additional mutation to his blood that prevents him from being able to receive blood from anyone but others with that specific type and mutation. This last bit makes sense to Johanna, as her brother had been involved in an accident once, nearly requiring a blood donation, which it turned out had not been possible. The experiment works only on people with this rare blood mutation, so of course when Wolfstein tested positive for it, he was shuttled out of Klaus's camp. At least while he was there, ironically, he had Klaus's protection to keep him alive; now, however, his status is up in the air. No one is sure how effective the experiment is just yet. Noah takes it upon himself to find out everything he can about Weltuntergang, and his growing connection to the resistance, especially to the Diamond Network, helps greatly with this. Johanna, who despite formerly being a teacher spent much of her life being rather sheltered, is amazed by the Network's resources, how so many disconnected people and groups somehow manage to connect just enough to share food, clothes, supplies, safety, and knowledge--especially knowledge. They even have contact with German citizens who themselves have connections to the Nazis, and information that should be difficult or impossible to obtain is ready to be found, for a price. Noah learns that Weltuntergang is led by a Party member nicknamed "Dr. C," though specifics about him are sparse; he's a shrewish, bespectacled, ill-tempered man widely despised for his poor treatment of his subjects (word is even Major Klaus can't stand him, and carries a grudge for the doctor taking away a useful inmate), and his project is kept afloat only at the whim of the Schutzstaffel, the same black-uniformed officers who rounded up many of Noah's and Johanna's family members and neighbors--the moment Weltuntergang outlives its usefulness to them, it'll go on the chopping block. Noah starts collecting info that may prove to be useful in their efforts to find and free Wolfstein; even Johanna thinks he's become a bit obsessed, yet she puts up with it, in the hopes of being reunited with her brother someday. Her cousin's shift in attitude does bother her somewhat, though--the way he gathers info, collects papers, and theorizes ways in which to blackmail or coerce others into assisting, reminds her of the way the SS works. Noah meets with Network members and officially--at least, as officially as such a thing can happen--joins in their efforts. They set him and Johanna up in a safe house along with a few others in the city, where he exchanges information with other members regarding Weltuntergang. He learns it indeed makes use of AB negative subjects and only those with the mutation appear to be successful--and apparently subjects of this type can so far be counted on the fingers of one hand. That's not to say Dr. C is sparing with his victims--not by a long shot. He goes through them at such an alarming rate that even Klaus complains to his superiors about Dr. C cutting into his supply of laborers. There's another rumor starting to make the rounds, though: Supposedly, Dr. C has sought permission to shift his focus away from Jewish and Roma inmates and to subjects of German blood. "They tried to warn us," Noah says, "warn us that it wouldn't stop with us Jews, or the Zigeuner or the Slavs! They'd go after their own soon enough. Well--look what they're doing. Soon nobody will be safe." Noah's prediction comes true--in probably the starkest and most stunning manner possible, late one night. He and another Network member go out scavenging for supplies while Johanna, as always, stays behind. She's just dozing off over a book--the one luxury she allows herself in this frightening life--when there's a loud, alarming pounding at the door. Suspecting the SS, Johanna is reluctant to answer until she hears Noah call out for her to let them in; she unlocks the door, then gasps and jumps back in surprise when her cousin and his friend burst in, bustling someone else between them--whoever they are, they have a sack over their head, to prevent them from seeing where they were going, so she knows it's not a Network member. "A bed! Clear a bed," Noah exclaims as they drag the stranger in, apparently unconscious or nearly so. Johanna hurries to one of the empty bedrooms, sweeps a few items out of the way, steps aside as Noah and his friend drag the person to the bed and dump them upon it. Johanna can tell now that they're awake, and in some sort of distress, making noises yet not talking or yelling; Noah's friend pulls off the hood and Johanna nearly screams, clamping her hands over her mouth and recoiling. It's a man in an SS uniform, and he stares up at them with wide panicked eyes as he writhes and gasps and clutches at his neck. No wonder he isn't screaming--even on his black uniform the huge stain is barely visible, blood streaming over his fingers from the gaping slash across his throat. "The doctor!" Noah snaps at her, "Go wake the doctor!" Johanna turns and hurries to another room and pounds on the door; one of the people living with them is an elderly physician, and when he appears at the door, confused and fumbling with his spectacles, Johanna tells him about the SS man with the cut throat. He doesn't even hesitate before grabbing his medical kit, telling Johanna to fetch some fresh cloths and water in a clean container, and hurrying to the other room. The SS officer won't stop moving long enough for the doctor to do anything--it's obvious he's lost a lot of blood already, and is having trouble breathing, plus he's drenched in mud--so Noah and his friend have to hold him down while the doctor pulls open the front of his uniform and tries to wash off his neck. "Try to calm him down or I won't get anything done," the doctor says after an attempt of his own; Johanna swallows down her revulsion over the gruesomeness of the scene and slides in beside Noah, grasping the officer's hand--his bloody fingers clutch hers painfully tight. The two of them make eye contact, and she's surprised by the look she sees there--it's a look she's used to seeing in the eyes of her fellow Jews, not in the eyes of the enemy. It's fear, the look of someone who doesn't want to die. She tries to ignore his swastikas and Sig runes as she says in as even a voice as she can muster, "Try to calm down. We're going to help you but you have to be calm. I know it's hard, but slow deep breaths. You can do it. Slow deep breaths." She doesn't expect much, but it happens--after a few abortive efforts, the officer manages to slow his writhing as well as his labored breathing, and the doctor sets to work sterilizing the wound the best he can, preparing a needle and sutures. "I can't use anesthetic, I'm afraid," he mutters, "not enough time. Try to keep him still. Slow breaths," and Johanna grasps the officer's hand tighter and repeats the phrase. He tenses up and gasps when the doctor starts stitching, but then he relaxes, eyes drifting closed, letting go of Johanna's hand, and his gasping stops. Everyone pauses--"Is he--did he--?" Johanna stammers, and Noah says, "Is he dead--?" Even the doctor stares at him, frozen, for a moment--until they hear a very soft wheeze and see his chest move. The doctor lets out a breath of his own and resumes putting in the sutures: "Fainted. Probably for the best, now I can work. You two, go on--I need some space," he orders Noah and his friend; and, " You--" to Johanna "--stay put. I need you to keep him calm if he comes to again. Seems he listens to you." The other two men reluctantly leave, while Johanna stays; she keeps hold of the officer's hand the entire time the doctor carefully stitches his wounds shut. The result is ragged and unsightly, sure to leave a nasty scar, but functional; he washes it carefully and then applies ointment and plentiful bandages. Noah appears again at the door; "You about done?" he asks, and when the doctor confirms it, says, "Search his pockets. ID, papers, anything you can find--bring it out," and leaves. "Like vultures over a corpse," the doctor mutters, but he and Johanna search his uniform anyway, despite her reluctance. They retrieve all the items he's carrying on himself and prepare to leave--"Don't worry about him, I'll give him a mild sedative, should help him rest through the night," the doctor says as he places the documents in Johanna's hands, and she returns to Noah and his friend. The two men are obviously shaken, the friend more so; Johanna asks what happened. They take turns explaining how they were out furtively searching for anything that might prove to be of use when they spotted something lying in a deep ditch beside a path--it looked like a body. Upon climbing down into the muddy water and looking closer, they confirmed this was so, and what's more, it appeared to be an SS officer. Musing that perhaps his uniform might be of use to them, they rolled him over with the intent to try to remove it, spotting the ugly wound to his neck, when he suddenly awoke with a rasping gasp, making them yell and jump back in fright. They actually climbed back out of the ditch, ready to flee, when the friend hesitated and insisted they couldn't just leave him behind; Noah was ready to disagree, when the friend added that he might identify them to the authorities if he lived. Noah realized a live hostage might be more useful to them than just a uniform, and reluctantly helped drag him out of the ditch. There was no need to restrain him, as he kept his hands clamped over his throat, though they did toss a sack over his head to prevent him from seeing where they were taking him. And now here they are. Noah notices the papers and miscellanea Johanna is holding, asks, "Are those his--?" and gestures her to hand them over. They all sit at the table and spread the items out, starting to go through them. Noah locates his identity papers: "Otto Aloysius Himmel," he reads, "Hauptsturmführer." The documents are excessively detailed; he finds Captain Himmel's SS and Nazi Party numbers, blood type ("A negative--there's that odd 'negative' thing again"), his birthdate and birth location, current address, parents' and ancestors' names going back to the 1700s, previous employment and military history, medical conditions, other known family, current employment and supervising officer. The papers prove quite illuminating: Himmel appears to be a career soldier, exclusively serving in the military since the outbreak of the Great War before transferring into the Schutzstaffel instead, though following a severe injury he's served primarily in desk jobs and clerical work--"A glorified secretary," Noah jeers, "women's work." He's a widower (as she held his hand, Johanna noticed he still wore a wedding ring)--his deceased wife was named Dagmar Himmel-Kammler--and has one son, named Kolten. (They find that Himmel was also carrying abridged documents for his wife and son, but are puzzled that there's no information on where Kolten, who should be in his late teens, currently lives.) His supervising officer is Sturmbannführer Ludolf Jäger, and... Noah trails off, brow furrowing slightly as he reads. After a moment he looks up at the other two: "He works for Weltuntergang," he exclaims, and to Johanna: "He might know something about your brother." He shows them the info in Himmel's papers: In addition to his clerical work for Jäger, he provides oversight for Projekt Weltuntergang, observing the activities of the doctor in charge and reporting his findings back to Jäger's office, which is in charge of funding the experiment. Basically, Major Jäger holds Weltuntergang's purse strings, and based on his reporting, Himmel can get funding cut at any time he wishes. Noah excitedly flips through the papers and locates the name of the doctor Himmel oversees--"Herr Doktor Dietmar Kammler"--and gets confused all over again. "Kammler--?" he repeats, digs back through the papers, and locates it--"Dagmar Himmel-Kammler. They're related...?" They surmise that the most likely explanation, based on the name similarity--Dagmar and Dietmar--is that Dr. Kammler is Himmel's brother-in-law. "I thought the person in charge was named Dr. C," the friend says; Noah mulls over the possibility that witnesses had overheard Kammler's name spoken and had simply misspelled it as "Cammler," then shortening it to "C." There's no photo of him in the papers, though they do find a picture of Himmel and Dagmar, a small wedding photo separate from his ID; she's skinny and wears spectacles, similar to how Dr. C has been described. (Johanna can't help but notice that Dagmar and she herself share a passing resemblance.) Noah cuts their browsing off short by ordering his friend to go out and dig up what contacts he can find who might know anything about Herr Himmel; it's nearly the middle of the night, but this is something that can't wait, he wants to have all the info he can get on hand for whenever Himmel awakes. "This is big," he says to Johanna. "This might change everything for us. But we have to play it carefully." His friend returns a few hours later. Given Himmel's job, detailed information on him is hard to come by; the little bit he's gleaned is related solely to the officer's personal habits. His address as given in his papers is an SS-owned apartment building in the city--very posh, though residents' room and board is fully covered by the state. Since Himmel's previous employment was purely clerical work for the army, Noah guesses that he never had much money of his own before joining the SS. Despite his presumably cushy apartment, Himmel seems to lead a rather frugal and non-exciting existence, walking to work at project headquarters every morning, walking to a nearby asylum after getting off work on the evenings, then walking back to his apartment building. "Asylum--?" Noah echoes, perplexed; his friend replies, "That's the other bit I found out, though it appears nobody talks about it much." He's learned where it is that Himmel's son Kolten resides: He's been a resident of a state-run psychiatric institution since he was just a toddler. Himmel's daily visits to the asylum are almost certainly to see him. Noah and Johanna are struck dumb by this revelation. It makes no sense. The Nazi Party, and the SS in particular, have assiduously targeted the mentally ill for years, even before they targeted the Jews; although it was intended to be secret, a euthanasia program involving spiriting child patients away in gray buses to a mysterious fate is well known and speculated about--the medical facilities where these children ended up were known for their numerous chimneys spewing awful black smoke at all hours of the day. It would normally be considered a scandal for an SS officer to have a disabled child, but what's even more perplexing is that Himmel obviously joined the SS AFTER his son went away to live in the asylum. "Why would he do that...?" Johanna wonders, "Knowing what they do to disabled children?" Noah surmises that there has to be more to the story; he retreats to mull over Himmel's papers a while longer and figure it out, while Johanna goes to check on Himmel himself again. He's still unconscious, the doctor replacing his bandages; "He's lost a lot of blood," he says, "and I'm not sure whether he'll be able to speak again...but he should make it, barring an infection. I suppose we'll see." Johanna lingers a bit longer, peeking in on Noah, but he's absorbed in taking notes on what he finds in the papers--"I think I'm getting a better picture," he mutters; "Why don't you try to get some sleep? It's been a long day, tomorrow's probably going to be even longer." Johanna goes to her room and lies in her small bed for a while, staring at the ceiling as shadows move across it and the light shifts, yet sleep won't come; she can't get the SS officer's terrified stare out of her mind. She tries repeatedly to tell herself she shouldn't feel sorry for him--especially given the likelihood of him being involved in what's happening or has happened to her brother--but Johanna's never had a vengeful bone in her body, Noah is the fire-and-brimstone one, he's criticized her various times for being too soft hearted. She gets up after the sun rises--giving up on any thought of rest--and slips out of her room. The house is silent but for a ticking clock and the occasional rustle of a paper; she passes by the dinner table, sees Noah still poring over the papers; heads to Himmel's room. He looks to still be sleeping; she slides inside, adjusts the mussed blankets a bit, opens the drapes a crack to let in a little sunlight. Then--an odd gasping sound, once, then twice. Johanna jumps and gasps herself, whirling around. Himmel is awake, looking at her; he makes the gasping sound again, and she remembers what the doctor said about him possibly losing his ability to speak. He presses a hand over his throat and seems to swallow, grimacing as he does so; "Are you thirsty--?" Johanna asks, and he nods, so she says, "I'll get you some water," and fetches a glass. She brings it to him and watches as he sputters on his first attempted swallow, breaking down coughing and clutching at his throat; "Careful, careful, slow," she warns, "try small sips first," and this he manages, though with a lot of pained wincing. "Don't try to talk," she says after he finishes and she takes the glass back from him, and he simply sits there with his hands to his throat, eyes pinched shut, still trying to swallow; "Try to get a bit more rest," and she stands up. He gestures before she can leave, and points at her; "My name--?" she asks, and although Noah's voice in the back of her head tells her not to, she says, "Johanna." He points to himself next; "Otto," Johanna says before he can try to speak, and he blinks in surprise; "We already know about you," she adds, before deciding she's likely said too much, and "Try to get some more rest," she departs. "He's awake--?" Noah demands when he finds her in the kitchen a bit later, trying to prepare some broth to give Himmel, "Why didn't you tell me?"--and he retrieves Himmel's papers and heads for his room. "He's still resting," she protests, to which Noah curtly replies, "He's had enough rest, now it's time for answers. Don't go soft on me, Johanna. Remember he's one of them." "You figured out his papers?" she asks, and he says, "I think I have a decent guess," before they enter Himmel's room. The doctor is checking his bandages again; "Out," Noah says, "we're going to have a little talk," and he leaves so it's just Himmel, Noah, and Johanna. "I take it you remember me," Noah says, and Johanna feels a little chill on seeing the shift in Himmel's expression; his eyes go dark and spiteful, exactly the way she's always pictured SS men as looking. "I hear you can't talk," Noah says a bit mockingly, "so you can just listen while I outline what we already know about you." Noah: "It's quite a bit, actually." *shows Himmel's papers* "You people are pretty thorough. There were some holes, but I think I've filled them in. You can nod or shake your head or just do nothing at all if I'm right or wrong, I'm sure I'll get to the bottom either way." *sets papers aside* "First off, only reason you're still alive right now is you're more useful to us this way. So far. That can always change. So I suggest you try to stay helpful. These papers say you work for Weltuntergang. Namely, you're the one who can keep it going or get it shut down. You have some interest in keeping it going? Because I rather get the feeling you're not completely on board with this idea at all, it's just that it's not entirely your choice, is it." Johanna: "Noah...?" Noah: *waves her off* "If it had been up to you you'd rather just keep sitting behind a desk, ja? Playing with a typewriter. Supervising human experiments, playing Gott, isn't your thing. I imagine, though, your boss took a look at your papers the same way we did and reached the same conclusion. You already had a connection to all this. That so-called doctor is your family, isn't he? Or more like your wife's family. The wife who's been dead for years yet you still wear the ring and carry her photo. You feel you owe him, perhaps?--for being family?" Himmel: *nearly scowls* Noah: *brief pause* "So...I'm on the right track, yet not entirely right. You don't feel you owe him, but somebody else does. This Jäger fellow, maybe? Like I said, you go to him for a job, he looks at your papers, he sees your wife's name and puts two and two together. Thinks that for whatever reason it'd be beneficial for you and your brother-in-law to work together. Maybe he didn't trust him entirely, either. No matter to me the reason. Your reason for going along with it, now that's what I find interesting." *pulls out a file & shows it* "Your son. Not exactly the sort of person you people prefer, is he? Nazis don't smile upon ein Blödel, do they?" *Himmel starts scowling again* "Yet you joined them...AFTER letting the state look after your son for years. You still visit him every day. You're a career soldier, a pusher of papers, you surely never made much money before. The state didn't pay for your son's care before the SS. Must've cost you an arm and a leg out of pocket all those years just to keep a useless eater alive. Meaning you wanted him to stay alive. Meaning you must've had a very interesting reason to join the same people who would normally want him dead. You reached some sort of agreement, didn't you? A deal with der Teufel. Someone important scratches your back, as long as you scratch theirs. That's why you're keeping an eye on Weltuntergang, even though it isn't your cup of tea. Herr Jäger makes sure your son stays alive, and you're his watchdog in return, ja...?" Himmel: *still scowling* Noah: *pause* "Obviously the status quo has changed, though. Somebody wants you dead. And I believe you know who. Because he has a very good reason." *sets out more papers* "Your blood type. A negative. Your wife's blood type. B negative. Your son's blood type. AB negative. Exceptionally rare. Even rarer, a particular mutation. The doctor explained it to me. A recessive gene you and your wife both carried so it showed up in your son." *Himmel's eyes widen* "The one thing that makes him a perfect test subject for Weltuntergang." Johanna: *stares at Noah, then at Himmel* Noah: "Normally I'd think, that must be what you wanted. A possibility to fix your son and make him right. But your eyes are giving you away. For whatever reason you don't want your son fixed. You hate everything Weltuntergang stands for. Getting your son in the project wasn't your intention at all--keeping him out was. Somebody else had a very good reason to get him in the project, and to want you dead. You know who it is, don't you?" Johanna: "Noah...?" Noah: "You were the only thing standing in the way. With you gone, he gets custody, since he's the only next of kin left. And now he has the perfect test subject." Johanna: "His own nephew...?" Noah: "It's obvious these people care about blood only, nothing about actual family." *to Himmel* "You're learning that the hard way now, ja...?" Himmel: *silence* Noah: *long pause* "By the time you're well enough to leave here, I'm afraid it'll likely be too late to help your son." Himmel: *flinches, head sinking* Noah: "That doesn't mean you can't do anything. You can get back at him--make all of his life's work practically useless. You can ruin Weltuntergang. From the inside." *long pause; gets up & gathers the papers* "Think about it. You're not going anywhere for a while, if at all." Noah turns to leave, saying, "Johanna," a bit sharply to draw her attention and get her to follow. She peers at Himmel as she goes; since Noah mentioned him being unable to help his son in time, he's looked utterly miserable. Realizing that that's what all of this is about--simply trying to protect his son--also makes her realize just how much he must care about him, and her heart hurts a little. Over the next few days she brings Himmel water and warm broth--since he's unable to eat--throughout the day; it's her excuse to check on him, since Noah instructs her to leave him be. When she brings a pitcher of ice water to sit beside his bed--"In case you get thirsty in the night"--he manages to very faintly whisper, "Danke," and even that makes him wince. One day he gestures to catch her attention, and pantomimes with his hands--"You want to write?" Johanna asks, kind of surprised that she never thought of it; he nods, so she brings him a pen and paper; he scribbles something, then holds it up for her to see--"I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR HUSBAND PLEASE." Johanna blinks and goes red--"Noah?--my cousin?" she says, and now he blinks and reddens a little before nodding. "I'll fetch him," she says, and does so. She and Noah return to find Himmel's already written something else down, and with a dark look he holds it up: "WHAT DO I NEED TO DO." Noah calls the doctor (I need to name this guy, I guess), who enters with his arms loaded with journals and papers; "I don't feel comfortable with this," he starts to quietly protest to Noah, but relents at a sharp jerk of the head, and approaches Himmel's bed. "These...these are medical, scientific journals and articles," he explains; "I've been digging up everything I can find that might relate. These here..." he sets down a stack "...discuss a genetic mutation identical or similar to the one you and your wife likely possess--" this comment again seems to pique Himmel's attention "--which led to your son's blood type mutation. I'm..." He pauses, seeing the look on Himmel's face, and continues in a subdued voice, "I can tell you're wondering, and it is possible, but I can't say with certainty whether this gene had anything to do with your son's disability; I'm sorry," he adds when Himmel slumps back a little. Noah makes a motion for him to finish up so he coughs and says, "Anyway...it isn't exactly my area of expertise, yet this is all the information I could find that might possibly relate to the work Herr Doktor Kammler has been doing on Weltuntergang, though I realize science might not be your strong--" He cuts himself off when Himmel sits up again, grabs the top journal, and flips it open to the relevant page, promptly starting to read. The doctor blinks, casts a glance at Noah and Johanna, clears his throat again and says, "Well...I see you have a pen and notepad...so, just write down any questions you might have about the material, and when you're done I'll answer what I can." They all exit the room, Johanna casting a last glance back to see Himmel intently studying the text. Every time she stops by throughout the next couple of days, he's still poring over the journals. The doctor checks in on him and he holds up his notepad, questions scribbled on it, each of which the doctor tries to answer the best he can, given that genetics isn't his field of study. "It's like I said, he obviously has no expertise in medicine or science," he reports to Noah, "but the questions he's asking, he has a decent understanding of what he's reading." Himmel would never quite have the knowledge or skill to become a doctor or scientist but he grasps the basic concepts. He stays up late into the nights reading and writing down questions--the doctor adds that a lot of his interest revolves around trying to determine whether he and his wife are somehow to blame for Kolten's situation. "He seems to feel guilty about it," the doctor says, "that he has 'bad genes' or 'bad blood' that caused this. All this garbage science the Nazis teach each other," though he goes quiet when Noah curtly replies, "Well, they're not exactly wrong this time, are they?" The doctor says he doesn't believe Himmel will have much trouble obtaining a passing-enough knowledge of the subject to implement Noah's plan when he lays it out for him. Johanna notices how Himmel struggles through all the confusing jargon and shows up at his room one evening with a book. "I thought you might need a break from all this dry medical reading," she tentatively says, "so I brought you something a little lighter to read." Himmel receives the book with a curious look and reads the title: Frankenstein; Or, The Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley. He blinks, then gets a very odd look on his face, something like bitter amusement; "I upset you...?" Johanna asks, confused, to which he jots something on the notepad and holds it up: "SEEMS FITTING." Johanna racks her brain for a moment before it hits her--he's referring to Dr. Kammler's experiment to turn his son into a superhuman. "I'm sorry, I meant no offense," she says, feeling dreadful. Himmel quickly shakes his head and pulls the book closer, gesturing that it's all right. "I'll fetch you some more broth," Johanna offers, turning away as he opens the book, though he makes his gasping sound to draw her attention back before she can leave the room. She turns back, and sees his expression has changed again; his eyes are wide and his face so pale that she feels a twinge of alarm that perhaps she needs to call the doctor. Himmel holds up the book, front cover open, and points to the bookplate pasted inside with her name, Johanna Wolfstein, written on it. He taps the bookplate, then points at her. "Ja, it's my book," Johanna says; then furrows her brow at the next look he gets; he breaks eye contact and lowers his head a little, swallowing a few times as if attempting to gather himself. He pauses before picking up the notepad and scribbling something, hesitates, then lifts it to show her. Merely two words: "HE'S ALIVE." Johanna's heart thuds; suddenly it feels like all the air has left the room, and she takes in a shaky breath. She notices the guilty look in Himmel's eyes before her own blur over, and turns and quickly leaves before the tears can spill. "What did he do?" Noah demands when she comes into the room gasping and rubbing at her streaming eyes, and she has to stop him from storming to Himmel's room, insisting she's all right. She lies awake much of the night thinking about her brother, however. It's been a long time without any word of him, and she'd started having her doubts that she'd ever see him alive again. He didn't have to, but Himmel gave her a thread of hope to cling on to. She can't help but think he offered it as thanks for her concern about his son. Noah goes to explain his plan, and his offer of freedom, to Himmel once he finishes reading the medical texts. As project supervisor, Himmel's in the perfect position to get Weltuntergang shut down. The fact it's still running indicates this isn't so simple; Noah theorizes that Jäger requires a compelling reason to take such action, which Himmel doesn't deny. An alternative to openly requesting the project to be shut down is to sabotage it from the inside. Himmel should have decent enough understanding of how it all works now to pull this off in a convincing manner, hopefully with enough plausible deniability to persuade Jäger he has nothing to do with it even if Kammler somehow catches on. The real hope is that Kammler will have no idea his experiment is being actively undermined--something that seems likely, as Himmel indicates Kammler's always considered him rather stupid about science. "Well then," Noah says, "time for you to prove he's just as stupid. You agree to this plan? Or nein? Remember that none of our kindness to you has been for free. You want to leave here, you go back to your people, and play your part. You don't want to participate...then we hand you over to our allies. While they're obligated to treat you much better than you deserve, I doubt they'll let you see your son again." Although they're just about sure Himmel was already willing to go along, this last comment appears to hit him a bit hard; his face pinches as if he's been punched, then his eyes darken. "Ja or nein?" Noah says again; Himmel jerks his head, a single nod. "Herr Doktor will let me know when you're good enough to go," Noah says; "Oh--and we'll be keeping hold of your papers for ourselves...just in case you change your mind afterward." Noah makes sure to harp on the doctor every day, insisting on the earliest release date possible; the doctor protests, but considering that Himmel wants to leave, too, he has little argument to offer. Late one night they finally set their plan in motion: They'll blindfold Himmel again, drive him to a random location in the city, and drop him off; afterward it's up to him to find his way. He's to give absolutely no details about the people who helped him, referring to them merely as "good Samaritans." The additional cover story he offers to explain what happened is up to him; once back at his job, his sabotage, whatever method it takes, is to be kept discreet, and if he's caught, it was all his idea. They give him some clothes, a greatcoat and a cap (his uniform was too bloodstained to be of much use) to conceal himself, a fresh bandage and scarf around his neck. "Remember, we'll make good use of these if you decide not to follow the plan," Noah says, holding Himmel's ID papers; Himmel ignores the warning, turning instead to Johanna. He holds out Frankenstein. "You can keep it," Johanna murmurs, waving her hands; Himmel appears nonplussed, but tucks it inside his coat. "Will probably just burn it anyway," Noah mutters, seeming peeved about the gift; he gestures, and he and his friend tie the blindfold over Himmel's eyes--Johanna sees the anxiety there before they disappear from view--Himmel takes a breath, and the two turn him around, Noah giving him a shove so he stumbles a bit, and they go out to the waiting truck. They hustle Himmel into the back and drive off into the city as Johanna watches, wringing her hands; whatever Himmel's feeling, she's pretty sure she's feeling it too. This is the last she sees of Captain Himmel until after the war, but as time passes and they build stronger connections to the various resistance movements, word begins to reach them of potential problems with Projekt Weltuntergang. Kammler has no luck, himself, modifying his serum to suit more blood types; although Weltuntergang continues, it makes little discernible progress, and the Nazis seem to lose much interest in it. Kolten is captured by an American unit during transport, and Johanna's brother, Jakob, is reunited with her after another American soldier, Silver Rat, escapes Kammler's custody with his assistance. Wolfstein spends some time first in a partisan camp, then in the Trench Rats' medical ward, before being transported to an agreed-upon meeting point. He and Johanna embrace joyfully; he's thin, and has some nasty scars (Kammler used him as experiment fodder when he refused to display any of his abilities gained from the serum for Jäger to see), but aside from that is in astonishingly good health; when Johanna asks, he confirms that an SS officer played a role in making sure he and Kammler's other subjects stayed alive. He relates an odd incident in which this officer entered the room where Wolfstein was often kept imprisoned and started furtively looking around in the cabinets and drawers; when he found one he couldn't open, Wolfstein decided to follow his gut feeling that the officer and Kammler despised each other, and directed him to the area where Kammler had hidden the key. The officer opened the cabinet and found vials of the serum; he used a syringe to carefully replace their contents with saline before leaving. On another occasion, he left a small object behind near Wolfstein's cell, and Wolfstein retrieved it--a piece of sharp metal which could be turned into a shiv. It was this that Wolfstein hid away until using it to help free Silver, who in turn helped him escape project headquarters. Wolfstein explains how Kammler usually kept his subjects strictly separated so they couldn't communicate, and thus collaborate, with each other, though they would often see each other from a distance; and he noticed especially how much interaction the SS officer had with another test subject named Kolten. These are the first details Johanna gets to learn of Himmel's son, so she's curious for information. Wolfstein describes Kolten by raising his arms over his head; though young, he was massive in size, taller than even all of the big Nazi guards Kammler keeps in his employ, very muscular, and terrifying--prone to fits of rage in which he would destroy everything in reach, even hurtling the guards across the room as if they were ragdolls. Johanna asks if he's sure this person was Kolten Himmel; Wolfstein replies that he has no idea what the young man's last name was, but yes, he was referred to as Kolten. Johanna has trouble reconciling the description of this frightening person with her mental image of Himmel's son, though Wolfstein provides a few additional details that seem to confirm it's indeed the same person: He wore a black triangle badge with the word Blöd, "Stupid," on his striped uniform, the term the Nazis use to refer to the mentally disabled. And although his rage fits were petrifying, Wolfstein is convinced they were simply the only way he knew how to deal with frustration: "Like a child throwing a tantrum," he says, "except this particular child is a grown man in a giant's body." Kolten had been administered the serum, just as suspected, and of course this only enhanced his already incredible strength and resistance to pain. The way Kolten reacted whenever confronted by Himmel convinces Johanna: The SS officer was the sole calming influence available, the only one able to convince him to settle down. Unlike the guards, who would use force, and Kammler, who used vague threats, Himmel always used soothing gestures and a soft voice (Wolfstein mentions, offhandedly, that he always spoke in nearly a whisper, even when not dealing with Kolten) to persuade Kolten to calm down. And as if by magic, Kolten's rages would dissolve into tears and he would relent, like a contrite toddler. "He had the patience of the ages dealing with that disturbed young man," Wolfstein says; when Johanna later outlines their run-in with Himmel, and his exact relationship with Kolten, Wolfstein blinks in surprise, yet the emotion instantly evaporates as he nods: "I fully believe it...it all makes sense now. Of course a father would know best how to deal with his son." Wolfstein joins the others in their collaboration with the resistance. Toward the war's climax, things come to a head: The Trench Rats successfully raid Projekt Weltuntergang headquarters, capturing both Kammler and Himmel; Kammler is murdered by one of his liberated test subjects, but Himmel is brought back to Trench Rat Headquarters, where he refuses to cooperate until learning the Trench Rats know Kolten's location. He promises to give the Rats all the information he has on Weltuntergang (which they call "Doomsday"), but only if they take him to see Kolten first. The acting Trench Rats sergeant, Gold, agrees to this despite pushback from fellow sergeant Camo, and Himmel is briefly reunited with Kolten where he's been staying on a country farm since his rescue. Here, after Himmel informs Kolten that Dr. Kammler is dead and Projekt Weltuntergang is over, Kolten reveals that he's known all along, despite the efforts of Kammler, and before him the doctors at the asylum, to conceal the information, that Himmel is his father. He's left to stay at the farm while Himmel is returned to Allied custody, where he keeps his promise to give them all the information he has before he's taken away to stand trial. Wolfstein testifies as a witness, though Johanna and Noah learn of these developments secondhand; it's largely the testimony of Kammler's various surviving subjects which results in Himmel being found guilty only of the charge of belonging to a criminal organization, while being acquitted of the more serious charges of war crimes and crimes against humanity. Wolfstein mentions how even Himmel seemed surprised to get off with only being stripped of his military rank and honors before being set free. Gold offered him a ride anywhere he wished; since he has no more home, Himmel requested to return to the Albrecht farm to be with Kolten. For a while, this is the last the Wolfsteins hear of him, and life goes on. (Again, certain details here may be out of order and may need additional tweaking.) Unfortunately, the end of Projekt Weltuntergang isn't the end of the experiment. Rumor trickles out that a handful of Nazis escaped at the end of the war and moved to an outpost in the Alps to continue the project under a new name, Ultima Thule. A former Wehrmacht sniper, Herr Adel--AKA Ratdog--informs Jakob Wolfstein of these developments, and they join up with several others, including Himmel and a few remaining Trench Rats, to travel to the Alps and attempt to shut the experiment down for good this time. The leader of the refugee Nazis turns out to be Himmel's old boss, Major Jäger, who went missing along with much of Weltuntergang's documentation around the time headquarters was raided. After he, and his entire family, are killed in the confrontation--an incident that jars Himmel badly--the Allies return home, where Wolfstein explains what happened to Johanna and Noah. Much of the time Himmel was sabotaging Kammler's project and Kammler was struggling to keep it going despite the lack of progress, the SS was running an even more secretive adjacent project, building off of the data Kammler gathered yet under the control of a different team of doctors. Essentially, the SS stole Kammler's basic idea and modified it for its own use, working on perfecting it while leaving Kammler desperately dangling. "Seems fitting, I guess, considering everything he stole," Wolfstein says, without any trace of malice. Time again passes. Winter arrives, and it's especially dreadful, with gusting winds and massive drifts of snow; the Wolfsteins and Noah, living in the city where the roads are maintained, avoid most of the difficulty, plus they own a large old truck capable of dealing with the elements. Folks in the countryside aren't as lucky, and in the winter are often stuck in their homes isolated from the rest of the world until the weather improves. The Wolfsteins receive an odd visitor one day: Herr Adel, decked out in full winter gear, carrying a pair of skis. He lives in a tiny stone cottage deep in the woods, so it must have taken him quite a trek just to reach civilization. He asks to speak with Jakob, and the two retreat to the parlor, where Adel declines a drink before quietly explaining something to him. The conversation is oddly subdued and serious; after a brief time they seem to reach an agreement, and Adel gets up to go, this time turning down an offer to drive him back home, wishing Johanna and Noah farewell--Johanna returns the gesture, Noah just snorts a little--before departing again. Johanna and Noah turn to Wolfstein, curious. Noah: "What did he want?" Wolfstein: *pensive* "He's worried about Herr Himmel. Seems he may not be doing too well." Johanna: "Herr Himmel? Otto Himmel? What's wrong?" Wolfstein: "It sounds like he decided not to stay with the Albrechts but moved into this abandoned house nearby. Visits Herr Kolten every day, but spends the rest of his time alone. Herr Adel's seen the house. Roof caving in, broken windows, unmaintained. He says he's checked there a couple of times but it's a long walk so he doesn't go much. But it looks like there's no electricity at the place and much of the time there isn't even smoke coming from the chimney so it's likely freezing in there as well. The Albrechts say he takes breakfast with them and Herr Kolten, but eats only a little, and he's gotten a bad limp lately--they think he hurt his leg doing something--and he just looks poorly off. There's nowhere for him to get food or goods except from the Albrechts, and they insist he's never requested or accepted any even when they offer. Herr Adel says it looks like...he's just given up, and is waiting to starve or freeze to death, whichever comes first." Noah: *long pause* *snorts* "Guess that happens with a guilty conscience." *turns away* Johanna, unlike Noah, is genuinely concerned. When Wolfstein tells her--beyond Noah's earshot--that he plans to take the truck out and deliver some supplies to Himmel and see how he's doing, she offers to help gather some things to take, and will keep quiet about his reason for going out, knowing Noah will raise a fuss. Wolfstein comes up with a temporary cover story, declines Noah's offer to accompany him, and heads out. The way Noah paces the house, eyeing the clocks and frequently demanding for Johanna to tell him where her brother went, convinces her he knows something is up; he finally blurts out, "He went to see that f**king Nazi, didn't he--?" and though Johanna merely tells him to mind his language, along with weakly denying any such knowledge, he easily sees through her, throwing up his hands in frustration: "He's not worth the trouble! Just let him be if he chooses to die! Probably the only smart decision he ever made aside from helping us, and he only did that because he had to. Why your brother would want to do even the smallest kindness for a Nazi, I have no idea. And you--covering for him! I honestly don't understand you two." He lays into Wolfstein when he finally returns, though Wolfstein is used to Noah's tantrums and brushes him off. Johanna waits until Noah's stormed off to bed in a huff before asking after Himmel. Wolfstein is obviously worried about him--"It's just like Herr Adel claimed, he's living alone in that big dark cold house, empty pantry, can hardly even be bothered to light the fire"--and says he plans to deliver more food and supplies, despite Himmel attempting to downplay the situation. Wolfstein had visited the Albrechts as well, and they too had expressed their concern; Frau Albrecht has repeatedly offered him the option to stay with them, which he always refuses, and he barely eats anything when joining them for breakfast. On Wolfstein's way out to return home, Kolten had approached him, head bowed meekly (an incongruous look for such a big imposing person), and murmured, "You'll do something for Papa...? I worry about him, too. I build things for him with my blocks, and he smiles, but his eyes are sad. I want to help him but don't know how. You will...?" Wolfstein promised him he would try, but that was all he could do; Kolten had politely thanked him and retreated. Upon hearing that he plans to return, Johanna asks if it would be all right for her to come along; her brother agrees: "Maybe another familiar face would help," he says, though Johanna doubts Himmel will remember her, as she's always been pretty forgettable. A few days later, despite Noah's angry comments, the two of them make the drive out into the country. The country estate Himmel has chosen for himself looks like it was impressive...once. Some of the windows are shattered and boarded over, and there's a large sunken area in one part of the roof; the wooden planks of the porch are warped and separated. Snow drifts are piled in and around corners; there's a path of a sort worn into the deep snow, headed toward the Albrecht farm, though it's partly drifted over in places. No smoke comes from the chimney. The Wolfsteins tow sleds loaded with food and supplies through the snow and up the steps, and Wolfstein pounds on the large front door as hard as he can. "Herr Himmel...?" he yells after a pause, pounds, and yells again, "Herr Himmel, it's Herr Wolfstein." He says quietly to Johanna, "He's pretty distrustful...I broke in the first time. He must have been hiding. I imagine he's afraid since the war." A loud but muffled scraping noise comes from inside--"He had some furniture blocking the door," Wolfstein explains--and the door jars open a bit after what sounds like a few attempts. An eye peers out; "Guten Morgen, Herr Himmel," Wolfstein says, "I've brought some more food for your pantry like I said, may I come in?" After a slight pause the door pulls open further and Johanna gets her first good look at Himmel in a long while; she stifles the desire to gasp. Despite being inside, Himmel's dressed in a bulky greatcoat and cap which are in stark contrast with his face. He's so thin as to be on the verge of skeletal, his eyes glassy but wary. He casts Johanna a particularly odd look, obviously asking, without saying so, what she's doing there; "My sister Johanna wished to come along and help," Wolfstein says, and Himmel steps aside to let them in. They pull in their sleds and move aside as Himmel shoves the sticky door back shut, shifting a heavy shelf back in front of it; he's panting already by the time he's done, and retrieves something against the wall--a cane--leaning on it as Wolfstein heads for the kitchen. He pauses to catch his breath before following, and Johanna notices the bandage around his right leg, as well as his limp; she silently follows him into the next room where Wolfstein is carefully setting out the different foods he's brought--bread, cheese, milk, fruit, vegetables--he'd told Johanna how the last time when he brought meat, Himmel had told him he's a vegetarian. Himmel and Johanna watch Wolfstein for a moment before Himmel says, "I told you you didn't have to." Johanna feels a twinge; she hasn't heard him speak since he told her thank you all those years ago. Himmel's voice is barely more than a whisper. "We wanted to," Wolfstein says in that matter-of-fact way that he uses to promptly shut down arguments with Noah, adding almost as an afterthought, "We have plenty, it would go to waste otherwise." This is an outright lie--they have just enough to get by comfortably--yet Johanna notices how Himmel's tense posture relaxes just slightly, and understands why her brother lied: Himmel is reluctant to receive charity, so framing it as making the most use of food that would otherwise be wasted makes it more acceptable. "Johanna, why don't you get the fire started?" Wolfstein suggests, "And warm this place up a bit." Johanna sets down her own supplies and returns to the cavernous, icy den, searching around the dark fireplace for matches and kindling. It takes a while, she's not particularly skilled at such things, but she finally gets a small flame going, nursing it into a decent blaze before sitting back, nudging the logs into place a bit with the poker, and closing the grille. She dusts her hands, turns on her knee, sees a dark figure with a skull face and glittering eyes looming over her and lets out a short shrill scream. The dark figure jerks back--it's merely Himmel, looking just as startled as she is--and she sees Wolfstein, still in the kitchen, pop upright in surprise. She lets her breath out in a gust and forces a small laugh she doesn't feel, to try to put Himmel at ease--"You frightened me"--before pushing herself to her feet. For a brief moment he'd looked just like the Totenkopf the SS once wore on their caps. Wolfstein announces he's done putting away the goods they've brought. Himmel takes a step back and winces; Johanna looks down at his bandaged leg and sees a red spot. "You're bleeding," she exclaims; he shakes his head and gestures dismissively, yet Wolfstein retrieves gauze and antiseptic from the assorted other goods and comes into the room to check his injury. Himmel reluctantly sits and Johanna watches while her brother pulls up his pant leg--she suppresses the urge to hiss at the ugly wound to his shin--and carefully cleans it and applies more medicine. "A stitch came loose," he murmurs; "You have to watch out not to do too much hard work on it, Herr Himmel"--and Johanna remembers the path worn in the deep snow outdoors. As if thinking of the same thing, "Have you any skis?--snowshoes?" Wolfstein asks, and Himmel shakes his head. "I'll see if the Albrechts have any extra, and if not then I'll fetch you some someplace else. That should take some of the work off." He wraps the injury up again, says, "Let me make sure the windows and doors are secured, keep out as much of the cold as you can, then we'll let you be," and heads upstairs and out of sight, leaving Johanna and Himmel alone. There's a long awkward silence before Himmel whispers again. Himmel: "None of this is necessary. You owe me no kindness." Johanna: "It's no bother, we want to. Like Jakob said. Better it doesn't go to waste." Himmel: "If anything I still owe you and your cousin." Johanna: *blinks* "You...you remember me?" Himmel: *frowns slightly* "Of course I remember you." Johanna: "Just that...when Jakob introduced me, you acted like you didn't know me." Himmel: *frown growing* "I'm not sure what you're talking about, I didn't act like anything." Johanna realizes something at that moment: Although polite and careful with what he says and doesn't say, Himmel is honest--he doesn't pretend, he doesn't put on a false front. Any deceit or subterfuge he may have needed to make use of during the war was against his nature, and is gone now. He was perplexed to see her again, yet knew exactly who she was. Johanna's grateful for her brother's return so Himmel can't see the blush on her face; he says he's done checking the windows and doors and unless Himmel has anything else he needs done, it's time to go. Himmel of course declines, pushing himself up with his cane and hobbling to the door to shove aside the furniture; although Projekt Weltuntergang gave Wolfstein increased strength and he could move the piece aside easily, he doesn't offer to do so, as Himmel would certainly turn that down too. He says they'll be back soon and bids Himmel farewell; Johanna does the same, Himmel bobbing his head with eyes averted. They head back to the truck as the loud noise of the furniture moving back into place comes behind them, but a distant hallo makes them stop. Someone is approaching on skis from the direction of the Albrecht farm; they don't recognize Herr Adel until he undoes the flaps on his ski cap and waves, drawing up close. Ratdog/Adel: "Guten Tag, Herr Jakob, Fräulein Johanna." Wolfstein: "Guten Tag, Herr Adel. You've been to see the Albrechts...?" Adel: "Ja, Herr Himmel doesn't like visitors much, so I update through them. You brought supplies?" Wolfstein: "He should be good for at least several days. Though I dislike leaving him alone too long." Adel: "He's a stubborn old Arsch." Wolfstein: "We were about to head over to the Albrechts' to see if they have any snowshoes or skis to let him use. The walk there and back every day must be awful on his leg." Adel: "Skis? I have an extra pair. They're..." *trails off, eyes going glassy, swallows* "They used to be Götz's. Herr Himmel can use them, better they go to some use." Wolfstein: "That sounds perfect, danke." Adel: "I'll drop them off at the Albrechts' tomorrow. I know if I take them direct to him he'll raise a stink, stubborn Ochse." Wolfstein: "That's good. Vielen Dank, Herr Adel. Pass auf dich auf." As Adel buttons up his cap and heads on his way, the other two climbing into the truck, Johanna says to her brother, "Götz...?" "Godfrey," Wolfstein replies, starting the truck. "A dear friend he lost in the war." They visit the Albrechts, Fredrik and Lieselotte, next. The elderly, well-off couple own a large tract of mostly unused farmland; known to the Americans as Allied sympathizers, they had agreed to take in Kolten after his capture and liberation by the Trench Rats, and following Himmel's trial, had offered to let him stay with them as well. Wolfstein tells Johanna what he knows of Himmel's son, who is an adult yet has the intellect and mentality of a child about five or seven years old. Despite Wolfstein himself being Projekt Weltuntergang's first success, as a pureblooded Aryan Kolten was its crown jewel, at least until Dr. Kammler got his hands on an American soldier as a test subject; he was highly feared by his Nazi guards, whom he could toss around like mere toys if it suited him--the Trench Rats learned this firsthand while capturing him, when he fought off his own Nazi captors to rescue Lance Corporal Doomsday, the same American soldier who'd been a test subject like himself. D-Day had shielded Kolten from gunfire as one of his guards tried to kill him despite Kammler's standing order not to harm him; Kolten fighting back, carefully returning the badly wounded D-Day to his fellows, placidly allowing them to take him into custody (despite snapping the shackles they tried placing on him), and then offering his own "magic blood" for transfusion to help D-Day convinced the Rats he wasn't the threat to them that they'd assumed he was. His destructive rages are basically childish temper tantrums fueled by the experimental serum he was given; when calm, he has a very gentle, shy nature, and usually feels remorse for his behavior. Having been forcibly removed from Himmel's custody as a young child, then forced into Weltuntergang as a teenager--the incident involving the attempt on Himmel's life, ordered by his own brother-in-law--he's very distrustful, and naturally takes a long time to warm to most people; Himmel is the only one who's consistently successful at calming him down during his rages. Wolfstein describes the setup at the Albrechts' place; they've cleared a large sitting room for him to use as a playroom, which for him involves browsing through picture and art books (he can't read), making detailed drawings from memory (he's a surprisingly skilled artist when using a reference, but is poor at drawing from his imagination), and building immense, complicated structures with wooden blocks. As long as he's allowed to do this in peace, he's quiet and content and well behaved, and can even handle basic manual chores such as chopping wood. Every day Himmel visits to watch him draw or build for hours on end; it's a pastime that seems dull, yet according to Frau Albrecht, it also seems to be the only time Herr Himmel appears to be genuinely happy: "No matter what he once did, he's a good father," she insists. Wolfstein accordingly warns Johanna that if she meets Kolten (not a guarantee, as he usually shies away from strangers), he won't be the deadly Nazi superweapon he was once intended to be, yet he will likely be standoffish and uncommunicative--"It's nothing personal, I hear it comes with his particular disability." Kolten is painfully sensitive to and easily overwhelmed by certain stimuli, including interacting with multiple strangers--something he had forced on him daily as Dr. Kammler's subject--so Johanna might not get to meet him at all. The Albrechts welcome the Wolfsteins and fill them in on Himmel's latest visits--"It's so good of you to come check on him, he's so dreadfully thin lately, and that poor leg of his," Frau Albrecht, the chattier of the two, says--while Wolfstein informs them why Herr Adel should be visiting soon with some skis. Although Frau Albrecht can't figure out why Himmel's so reclusive and determined not to seek help, Herr Albrecht has his theory: "Surely it was the wars, both of them. The first was bad enough, we lost our son in it. The second was pure madness. I have my dear Lieselotte, though from what I hear, since he lost his wife Herr Himmel's been on his own. Nobody should have to deal with so much by themselves. It wears on a person." As they talk, Johanna feels as if she's being watched; she peers to the side and nearly jumps when she notices somebody else peering back. A very tall, muscular man is peeking around the edge of a doorway; as soon as he notices her looking, he shrinks back a bit, but continues peeking. His massive build looks nothing like the rather slight, unimposing Himmel, yet Johanna can see the resemblance in his eyes, expressive yet wary like Himmel's. She has a sudden memory of interacting with the more sensitive children in her classes, way back when she was a teacher, and offers him a small smile. Kolten's visible eye widens, blinks, then he vanishes from sight. Wolfstein finishes his conversation with the Albrechts and they depart, heading back home. Noah is of course huffy about their absence, especially Johanna's--"Don't get involved with this nonsense! Your brother I understand, but not you--you don't need to deal with Nazi trash, trust me"--yet like Wolfstein, she brushes him off and doesn't engage. She lies in bed that night unable to get that wary peeking eye out of her head. Himmel had looked exactly the same when he answered the door. Kolten is definitely his father's son. Himmel's icy demeanor starts to thaw a little as the Wolfsteins continue to visit. Johanna quickly picks up on the one thing that at least temporarily pulls him out of his dark mood, and this is talking about his son. He's obviously quite proud of Kolten, showing Johanna the drawings he's made over the years, all of which he's kept; Johanna is amazed by his artistic skills, which Himmel explains are due to an eidetic memory: "All he needs to do is see something but once, and he can re-create it perfectly, down to the last detail." He says Kolten possessed this skill even before his involvement in Weltuntergang, and insists he got his artistic abilities from his mother Dagmar, who was a talented painter. Finding that she likes chatting with this cheerier side of Himmel, Johanna asks what did Kolten inherit from him. She doesn't expect it when Himmel's demeanor instantly shifts, his gloomy expression returning as he visibly withdraws into himself. "I don't know what," he mumbles. "Nothing of value. Probably whatever bad gene caused all his troubles." "Why would you think this...?" Johanna asks, but he refuses to discuss it further, and she doesn't want to push. He's willing, however, to let Johanna accompany him on a visit to Kolten. Like Wolfstein he explains Kolten's shyness, and says, "If he doesn't talk to you, bitte, don't take it personally, this is simply how he is--he means no offense by it." At the Albrechts' house, he greets Kolten, Johanna keeping a bit of distance as recommended, and introduces her; Kolten says nothing, keeps his head down (he towers over his own father), but does peer at her again. "Hallo, Kolten," she says, but in response he retreats into his playroom; "Don't feel bad," Himmel whispers, as if needing to make sure she isn't hurt; "He doesn't talk with many people, so he doesn't know how to respond. If you're polite to him though, he might start to feel comfortable." He pauses in the doorway and says, "Kolten?--may we both come in?" Kolten seems reluctant, but bobs his head once; Himmel gestures for Johanna to follow. She takes note of how he asks Kolten for permission to allow her to interact--making sure his son doesn't feel too ill at ease--and the respect he shows for Kolten's boundaries strikes her. He shows her more of his son's drawings--"Beautiful work, Kolten," he praises--and the beginning of his latest building, constructed of wooden blocks of all shapes and sizes, arranged just so upon a massive table so that every piece stays in place despite their precarious positioning. "His favorite block is the keystone," Himmel explains, pointing out the wedge-shaped block in an arch; "He understands exactly how it works, how without it everything else falls apart. He doesn't like anyone touching his blocks, but he likes for me to place it for him sometimes." Then, something unexpected--Himmel smiles faintly as he surveys his son's work. Johanna doesn't think she's ever seen such parental pride and love before, and has to turn her head and blink the blur from her eyes. She notices Kolten peering at her from the other side of the structure, and can tell he saw her reaction. This time she averts her eyes. On the long drive home later that day, lost in her thoughts, she reaches an uncomfortable realization: She's pretty sure she's starting to fall in love with Himmel. She doesn't exactly get the same feeling from him, though--aside from when they talk about his son, he's as reserved and closed off as always--and she certainly doesn't inform her brother and especially Noah, knowing how they'd likely react. She tries to shove the feeling down at first, reasoning that perhaps it's just a crush, yet she finds herself looking forward more and more to their meetings. She'd always wanted her own children, yet it wasn't to be; seeing how Himmel interacts with Kolten, despite all the years of the Nazi Party insisting how worthless someone like Kolten was, makes her heart hurt a little. She wishes she'd had the chance to feel that sort of love. She tells herself she just wants to experience that vicariously through the Himmels' interactions with each other, but that doesn't explain why her heartbeat picks up whenever Himmel greets her. She picks a large architecture book full of photos out of her personal library and offers it to Himmel to give to Kolten; he's surprised but grateful, saying, "He'll love it, I know he will." She finds that she actually enjoys talking about Kolten with him, and Himmel just as much enjoys talking about his son with someone who doesn't think of him as "stupid." One day when Johanna compliments Kolten without even thinking, Himmel suddenly kisses her. She has just enough sense of mind left to realize that it was her attitude toward his son that finally, successfully melted the ice between them; rather than head back to the Albrechts' house where Wolfstein and Noah (who by now knows of her visits yet doesn't approve) had dropped her off earlier, she ends up spending the night. A pounding at the door wakes them the next morning; it's Noah, and he's furious to find Johanna stayed overnight at Himmel's house, despite her insisting she slept on the couch (this is actually true...just that she didn't sleep there alone). He and Himmel exchange a few barbs, but Noah's insults targeting Kolten--he calls him "slow" and "idiot"--cut the deepest, nearly making the two come to blows. Johanna defends both Himmel and Kolten, but Noah insists she come home and they won't come back, after Himmel says he doesn't need anyone's charity. Wolfstein is waiting in the parked truck, worried after Johanna failed to call home to be picked up the previous night; she feels guilty lying to him about what exactly occurred, yet suspects he won't approve. They pull away from the house but don't get very far. This is from an adult WIP; take note it's been a while since I've worked on it, so minor details may be off: Himmel limped into the foyer and pushed aside the dresser he used to block the front door shut; at the sound of it moving, the pounding stopped, and Himmel tugged on the handle to force the sticky door open. Noah immediately appeared. "Where is she?" he demanded; then, seeing Johanna standing some distance back, "Johanna! Why didn't you come back? You stayed here all night--?" "She thought it might be safer than trying to walk through the snow at night," Himmel started to say, though Noah's much louder voice very nearly overrode his, which seemed to cow him a little as his ears folded back. "I was asking her, not you. And this is bulls**t! You could have called us from the other house over. The one I dropped you at? I have no idea why you're here and not there. You wanted to see that slow kid, did you not--?" Johanna had stepped forward until she stood not far off to Himmel's side. At the words slow kid she saw Himmel flinch and his eyes darken; she took a quick step forward. "He isn't slow! And yes, I went to see him and then we came back here. It was dark. I thought it would be safer to stay. You always go on about me being safe. I slept here on the couch, I don't see what's wrong with that." She decided against mentioning that she wasn't the only one who'd slept there, but the look that flitted across Noah's face made it clear he'd already assumed the real reason for her stay. He glanced at Himmel and his look grew positively ugly. "The offer was to go see the slow kid, bring you whatever supplies you might need though Gott knows why we have to, and then come home. The snow last night was the same as any other night. You want us to keep bringing you charity, you call us when you're done and Johanna comes home. Maybe you like squatting here but there's no reason to drag her into it too." Johanna cringed but was surprised that Himmel didn't take a swing at him; she'd seen the way he'd stiffened up at the words slow kid again, and knew Noah had noticed it too, and it was why he'd repeated the words. She saw his hands curl into fists but he stayed standing where he was. "I don't need your charity," he said, his voice barely audible compared to Noah's. "I'm perfectly fine if you decide never to come here again." Johanna felt a twinge, hoped he didn't entirely mean this even though she was just about certain he didn't. "Oh?" Noah replied. "Well all right, then--I'll tell Jakob the news and we'll stop wasting our time. If you're doing so well here you don't need us anymore. That also means no reason for you to come by here again, either." He looked at Johanna. "So we can head back, and you don't need to stay in this frozen cockroach hole another night, or play mother to someone else's idiot kid." Himmel bared his teeth and hunched in on himself as if to strike--Johanna finally noticed the similarity between him and his son, the same facial expression despite nothing else about them being similar. "Noah!" she snapped so sharply that he took a step back, ears flattening; she stepped forward to close the gap and put herself between the two men, her own fists clenching. "He's not an idiot," she insisted, knowing it meant little to Noah but meant everything to Himmel. "And we're supposed to help each other, you used to believe that. I don't know what's gotten into you." Noah jerked his head in Himmel's direction. "He's what's gotten into me. Sure he was useful once before. That was then and this is now. Things have changed. The war's over. Funny enough, he's still standing here free as anything; try asking him how many of us he helped put in the ovens." "He had nothing to do with that and you know it." "He wore the skull and crossbones the same as the rest of them. Birds of a feather. Get whatever you might've brought along with you, and come back to the truck. Jakob's waiting. Let's go." Johanna bit her lip, trying to think of something else to say, yet nothing came. She picked up the small sled she'd left sitting beside the entryway, glancing back at Himmel over her shoulder. The fight had gone out of his face and he was huddling in his coat again as if he'd shrunk; she tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't look at her until she spoke. "Tschüss, Otto. Look after yourself, bitte? And I'll see if I can find any more books for Kolten." "Johanna!" She flinched; Noah had left the house ahead of her but his voice easily carried from the porch. "Let him be and let's go." She turned back and followed him out. The large noisy truck he used to transport her and Wolfstein to the country estates was idling in the driveway. Johanna meekly got in the passenger side--her brother was seated in the middle waiting, giving her a curious look she didn't respond to--as Noah climbed into the driver's seat. As if at some hidden cue, the truck promptly stuttered to a stall; Noah cursed under his breath and began trying to start it up again. "Johanna...?" She peered at Wolfstein, who frowned, though it was a perplexed frown and not a hostile one. "You never called. You stayed the night here?" "What do you think she did," Noah muttered over the grinding sound of the truck. "I slept on the couch," Johanna repeated herself reproachfully, though she did feel bad to lie to her brother. "I thought it'd be better than waiting out in the dark." "He let you stay?" "If he was willing to let you stay, then he'd have been just as willing to let you wait inside the door," Noah said. "Or, better yet, just stay where we dropped you off! Why you had to drop in for a visit, I have no idea." "Ja, he was kind enough to let me stay," Johanna said to Wolfstein. To Noah, "I don't even know why you care so deeply where I spend my time! By the time we were done at the other house, it was late. I thought maybe you two would be asleep. I thought it might be better for me to just stay. I'm not sure what on earth you think Otto would try--? It's just him on his own out here. Hardly a threat." "Otto, Otto, Otto!" Noah barked over the roar of the truck coming back to life. He glanced over his shoulder as he backed it up, and made a hissing noise; Johanna and Wolfstein craned their necks to see Himmel standing on the porch, watching them with his hands tucked in his sleeves. Noah started driving forward and his figure grew smaller behind them. "Quit calling him that! He's not your friend and he never will be." "Noah, you're being childish," Wolfstein chided. "It's his name, what else would I call him?" "Oh I don't know. Herr Hauptsturmführer might be a good start." "He isn't called that anymore! The Schutzstaffel is gone. You said yourself the war is over, you can't have it both ways." "Once a Nazi, always a Nazi. What even do you really know about him? The five minutes of time you met him years ago. You gave him a book to read. You didn't learn his life's story." "I know he loves his son." "Oh right, his son." Noah let out a laugh. "A Nazi with an idiot son. You seriously think he loves him?" "Noah!" Wolfstein snapped. "Stop calling him that!" Johanna exclaimed. "He's not an idiot, or slow or stupid! You know you sound just like them when you use such words--?" "I hate to tell you," Noah said, not sounding like he hated it at all, "but he's 'one of them,' you do know that?" "Was one of them. And there was a point once when even you believed he loved his son." "Well," Noah said, "he didn't love him enough to keep him from that doctor, did he--?" Wolfstein visibly blanched. Johanna grasped hold of the passenger door handle and started tugging. "Stop the truck," she demanded; then, louder, "Stop the truck! Stop the truck!" "What--?" Noah stomped on the brake and the truck ground to a halt. Johanna fought with the door handle, growing ever more frustrated, but it stuck at first. "Johanna--?" Wolfstein said. "What are you doing?" Noah exclaimed; she felt the door give way and made sure to hold on so she didn't tumble out. From the corner of her eye she caught sight of the country mansion some distance behind them; Himmel had been on his way back up the porch, but he seemed to hear the commotion, for he stopped and turned to look back at them again. "I don't have to listen to this," she said, sliding off the seat, boots crunching into the snow. Noah leaned over the steering wheel, voice growing strident. "Where are you going?" "Johanna." She felt a tug on her sleeve as she pulled the sled out behind her; Wolfstein's wide eyes met hers. "What are you doing?" "I'm sorry, Jakob," Johanna said, apologizing for the lie, for what she'd actually done, though she didn't say as much and wasn't sure if he'd assumed the same thing Noah had. The look in his eyes changed subtly, and she realized that he had figured it out, had probably known all along, just hadn't said anything. She felt her ears grow hot as she tried to shut the door; Wolfstein blocked it, leaning out and speaking as if Noah couldn't hear them. "Johanna, think this over. Are you sure--?" "I've already thought it over. I'm sure." She clasped the sled to her chest, one hand still on the door. "Love you, Jakob. I'll try to talk to you soon." Her brother stared at her for a brief moment, then his expression changed again, the confusion and anxiety shifting into resolve; his mouth set in a straight line and he gave a barely perceptible nod before pulling the door shut. Even with it closed, she heard him say, "Drive," to Noah; they shared a few words, then--"Fine!" Noah barked, and the tires kicked up a gout of snow. Johanna was already running back toward the house. Himmel still stood where she'd last seen him, at the bottom of the steps, brow furrowed and confusion plain on his face. "Johanna--?" he said as she slowed to a stop in front of him, panting; she suddenly realized she'd never heard him say her name before now. It sounded strange in his soft raspy voice, making the back of her neck prickle. "What happened?" "I..." She had to pause to catch her breath. "I made a decision." "Decision--?" He looked off in the direction the truck had gone; given the wideness and flatness of the land it was still visible, though just barely. "What did you do?" He blinked and his eyes grew. "You told them?" She felt a twinge of confusion that this news should dismay him the way it seemed to. "I didn't have to tell them." "They turned their backs on you--?" He asked this with such an aggrieved expression that she stepped toward him, waving her hands and shaking her head. "Nein...nothing like that. Jakob understands. Noah...Noah has to think a while. He'll stew and then he'll come around." She wasn't sure she believed this, but felt the need to say it. "Anyway, I..." And then the weight of the entire situation collapsed onto her shoulders and she nearly sank under it. Himmel was staring at her as if she were crazy. She hated anyone to be called stupid but she definitely felt that way right now. "I made a decision...and I realize now I should've asked first, I shouldn't've just decided on my own, it was foolish but everything was happening right then and I had to say something, I understand if it was the wrong decision and it can't..." Her voice caught in her throat; Himmel had placed his hands, his always-cold hands, on both sides of her face, making her look up. When she did he kissed her. She shut her eyes and savored it although the icy air made her nose prickle. When he pulled away their breath plumed around them so she couldn't see him for a moment; the condensation cleared and she saw that his expression had softened. She felt an ache in her throat. "Of course you can stay," Himmel murmured. Despite agreeing to let her stay, Himmel expresses concern that she may end up regretting her decision, causing a rift in her family: "You still would be better off... Better off keeping to your own people. Remember I heard what he said. Birds of a feather. It seems like things would go much easier for you." Johanna is also surprised to learn that he blames himself for everything that happened to Kolten, and believes his son would be better off without him; she'd known he had dark thoughts, just not that dark. Still, he doesn't push her away, and even Kolten seems to notice the subtle change between the two when they visit him again. Himmel tells her to give Kolten a candy to break the ice; he used to always carry candies to hand out to Major Jäger's children and to Kolten. Johanna does so, though all that Kolten does in response is say, "Danke," and return to his room. She's about to tell Himmel she doesn't think Kolten likes her, when Himmel says, "I believe he likes you." She learns, as well, that Himmel kept the copy of Frankenstein she gave him so long ago; along with Kolten's artwork and several personal items related to his wife, it was the only belonging he chose to take away with him after the trial. Johanna stays overnight again, and the next day calls her brother to come pick her up so she can collect more books for Kolten, as he enjoyed her architecture book. Himmel stays behind when Wolfstein arrives at the Albrecht house to drive Johanna home. From the WIP: "You haven't your sled with you," were Wolfstein's first words on seeing her. "You plan on coming back?" Johanna blushed and tried to hide it by brushing a lock of hair from her face. "Ja...I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to collect a few more books like I promised." "For Kolten?" "Ja, he liked the other ones." Her brother responded by turning the truck about and slowly driving back toward the road. They remained in silence until they'd reached the paved main road leading out of the country, taking them up small hills and past thin lines of barren trees. Everything was brown and white. "You aren't yet ready to speak with Noah about this...?" Wolfstein said quietly, focusing on the road. Johanna looked down at her hands. "I think he's the one who isn't ready. I'm not sure what else I can say." "And so what exactly is the situation now?" He peered at her from the corner of his eye. "You truly plan on staying there? With him?" "I'm not sure yet." "But you have no plans to come back." She didn't reply. "I won't be crass like Noah," he said. "But the two of you...you have been together?" Johanna wished to reply to that, to set the record straight, but found her voice not working. She shrank in on herself a little, feeling awful that her first reaction was guilt...why should she feel that? Her brother had noticed this reaction; he got a look she couldn't quite describe, and turned back to the road. The silence resumed, but she couldn't take it for very long before blurting out, "Do you hate me for it?" There was the slightest pause before he answered, giving her a fraction of a second to panic inside. "Of course I don't," he said. "Do you think I'm a whore because of it?" "Of course not! Don't be silly, Johanna. I just...is this truly something you've thought through? You do realize who and what he was?" "Of course I realize. How would I not know?" "It's one thing to know but another thing entirely to understand. You can know he was one of them, but perhaps you don't understand what exactly that meant. They weren't entirely wrong when they insisted we were two different peoples, from two different worlds. I saw it for myself. You did not." He'd never talked much about his time in the project, the same project Kolten had been in; the most she'd learned about it had been from the transcript of Himmel's trial. "But that's just it," she said. "He didn't actually do anything horrible, you and everyone else who testified said so. He never hurt you or any of the others, you said he even stopped that horrible doctor from beating you once. And I've seen how he acts with Kolten so I know he never hurt him. He never worked in the camps, he never took part in the experiments. He watched, ja, but what else could he have done? And he tried to stop the project, in the way he knew how. Why does Noah insist he's the same as the ones who did such awful things? Why do you act like he's someone who can't be trusted?" "Because it's not just about what he did, but what and who he is." "Bitte, don't tell me you believe Noah's 'Once a Nazi, always a Nazi' nonsense." "I believe everyone can change, but I also believe it's not as simple as stripping the swastika and the lightning bolts and the Totenkopf off his uniform, either. It's not something he was born as, it's something he chose. Can you be completely sure none of that is a part of him anymore?" "Do you really think he would even speak kindly to me, much less...much less act kindly to me, if he still believed such things?" "I do not know. And all I ask is you realize you do not know, either. Bitte, tread carefully, Johanna. The camps may be closed and the ovens may be cold but the war isn't entirely over, and maybe it never will be." Johanna thinks her brother is overstating things, but doesn't want to argue. Noah isn't home when they arrive, so she collects her books in peace, and Wolfstein comments on how she talks glowingly about Kolten as if he's her own. They drive back out to the Albrechts', where Johanna assumes she'll meet up with Himmel again, except something's obviously happened in her absence: Frau Albrecht answers the door only reluctantly, and Johanna can hear Kolten sniffling and crying inside, Herr Albrecht murmuring to him. Frau Albrecht looks wary and a bit haggard; she isn't her usual chatty self, and even seems a tad aloof toward Johanna. Frau Albrecht: "Ah...Fräulein Johanna." Johanna: "Frau Albrecht...? What happened? Is Kolten all right?" Frau Albrecht: "He'll be all right...just needs a bit." Johanna: "Did he have a fit? Did one of his buildings collapse again?" Frau Albrecht: "Nein, not that. He just needs some time. I don't think you should visit with him today." Johanna: "Oh...all right. Just that, I brought him some books..." Frau Albrecht: "You should perhaps ask Herr Otto if it's all right for him to have them." Johanna: "Is he here--?" Frau Albrecht: "Nein, after he calmed Kolten down he went back home." Johanna: *frowning* "He left...?" Frau Albrecht: "We offered for him to stay but I suppose he felt his presence was unwanted, though of course this isn't true, he's certainly not to blame." Johanna: "Blame? Blame for what?" Frau Albrecht: "You don't know...? You had nothing to do with him coming here?" Johanna: "I don't know what you're talking about, I've been back at home with Jakob collecting some books. Who came here?" Frau Albrecht: "Herr Kirchheimer, he showed up a while ago. Looking for you. Picked a fight with Herr Otto, and upset Kolten like no one's business! Was all Herr Otto could do to calm the poor boy down again! And Herr Kirchheimer is lucky he could or I guarantee you Kolten would have brained him, good riddance! I'm sorry, Fräulein Johanna, I know he's your family, but Herr Otto is Kolten's family too, and we don't need that sort of business here. If you all can't work out your differences, perhaps you shouldn't be visiting." Johanna: "Picked a fight...? Over what?" Frau Albrecht: "You should ask Herr Otto if you want the details, all I know is we don't need that here. Kolten will be upset for ages." Frau Albrecht brushes off Johanna's further questions with the same--"Go talk to Herr Otto"--and refuses to let her in to see Kolten, at last offering a brusque goodbye before shutting the door. Johanna heads back to the truck, more confused than ever. Wolfstein is equally perplexed to learn that Noah has been here in their absence--"I had no idea he planned such a thing, Johanna, honest"--and they drive over to Himmel's place, Johanna feeling a growing sense of dread. It takes a bit longer than usual, and some additional knocking and calling out, for Himmel to finally answer; the door cracks open and he peers out, like the first time. The difference this time is that Himmel's eyes are black--literally. A nasty bruise rings both of them. Himmel's expression is positively hostile, a complete 180 from when they awoke earlier that day. Johanna: *stunned* "Otto." *Himmel glowers* "What happened?" Himmel: "You know damned well what happened." Johanna: "I don't, I swear. Tell me--? Bitte?" Himmel: "Herr Noah happened. He doesn't hold back a thing, you can't tell me you didn't know how he feels about this." Johanna: "He isn't happy about it but I didn't know this...Noah hit you?" *furrows brow* "Why?" Himmel: *scowling* "What does it matter why? Obviously I deserved it, ja? Tell your brother he needn't waste any more time on me. I don't need any more charity, I'll get by. And you needn't stop by yourself anymore, either." *starts pulling door shut* Johanna: *hurriedly* "I brought some more books for Kolten--!" Himmel: "We don't need any. Bitte, stay away from my son." *shuts & blocks door* Wolfstein seems genuinely bewildered--then angry--to be told of what Noah's done, so Johanna can tell he had no hand in planning it. "Let me ask to speak with Herr Kolten," he suggests, "perhaps he'll talk to me, and tell me what happened." Once more they return to the Albrechts'; Frau Albrecht is reluctant to let them in, but after Herr Albrecht tells Kolten that Wolfstein would like to talk to him, he agrees. Although Dr. Kammler kept his subjects mostly separated, some of them still occasionally saw or even interacted a little, so Wolfstein theorizes that Kolten might remember him this way; Johanna and Herr Albrecht remain outside the door while Wolfstein tentatively enters Kolten's playroom. Kolten sits inside, still sniffling and rubbing at his eyes; he peers over his knuckles when Wolfstein quietly says, "Hallo, Herr Kolten." Kolten: *sniffling* "Hallo." Wolfstein: "Do you remember me?" Kolten: *rubbing eyes* "Ja. Herr Jakob. You were nice to me...Doktor-Vater was cruel to you." Wolfstein: "You were kind to me, too. Is it all right if we talk about what happened earlier? With your father and Herr Noah?" Kolten: *starts snuffling & rubbing his eyes again* "Bitte, don't let the bus take me away, I didn't mean to be bad, I swear." Wolfstein: "The bus won't take you away, I promise." Herr Albrecht: "You can stay as long as you want, Kolten, nobody will take you away." Wolfstein: "Can you tell me what happened...? Bitte?" Kolten: *still sniffling & rubbing eyes* *long pause* "Papa was here with me...a strange man showed up at the door. Yelling to be let in. He said he was looking for Papa. He sounded so angry. Yelling like Doktor-Vater used to when he was angry. Papa went to see him. Told him to stop yelling because it makes me upset. The strange man said he doesn't care if the idiot is upset. That made Papa angry, he doesn't like anyone to call me idiot. The strange man kept yelling and waving his arms. He got up close to Papa and was yelling in his face but Papa just stood there and told him not to call me idiot. The strange man warned Papa to leave somebody alone and Papa said she's a grownup, she can make up her own mind. The strange man used a bad word..." *presses his hands over his ears* "Papa explained the word to me once, he says it's when a man and a woman love each other but there are better words and never to use that word but the strange man used it anyway, he told Papa he knows he and somebody did this bad word. Frau Albrecht turned bright red. Papa was so angry but he just told him to get out. Frau Albrecht tried to tell him to go too but he wouldn't. He just yelled at Papa even more and Papa said..." *takes breath & recites from memory, imitating Himmel's voice* "'I don't have to put up with this from you and neither does she. She's better off not dealing with you if this is how you treat her--like a stupid child.' I remember this, because Papa never, ever calls anyone 'stupid.' Then the strange man hit Papa in the face." *eyes well up; starts snuffling & whimpering* "I got so mad. He shouldn't have hit Papa. But I know I shouldn't have gotten so mad. I just didn't want him to hurt Papa. I put my hands on him, I wanted him to leave Papa alone. He looked so afraid. I was so mad at him. Papa told me to let him go, said nein nein nein Kolten, stop Kolten, Kolten stop, but I was so mad at him for hurting Papa! But I don't want to make Papa sad and I know he'll be sad if the bus takes me away again, and I don't want to go back to that place, so I let the strange man go and Frau and Herr Albrecht told him to leave and he did. Bitte! Bitte! Don't let them take me back there. I'll be good, I promise. I got mad but I was just worried about Papa. I didn't mean to get so mad. I promise I won't do it again. Bitte, don't let the bus take me back there." Wolfstein does what he can to calm Kolten down again, then he and Johanna depart, after leaving the books with Herr Albrecht. (The Albrechts confirm Kolten's story, Frau Albrecht adding, "Herr Otto didn't even try to fight back. Just let that man hit him. Then did everything he could to keep Kolten from knocking that man's brains in!") The long drive home is silent and uneasy; Johanna can't quite read the look on her brother's face. As they finally pull back in at home, noticing Noah must have returned, he says to her, "Let me speak with him first." Inside, they find Noah at the dining table waiting for them--his clothing rumpled and torn and bruises visible on his neck. He opens his mouth to speak, but the look on Wolfstein's face stops him; "Johanna, go make some more tea, bitte?" Wolfstein says, "And give us a moment to talk." Johanna doesn't argue, though she does listen in from the kitchen. Wolfstein: *low voice* "I've never felt such anger as I feel right now. What were you thinking?--behaving like that!" Noah: "Don't tell me you're going to defend him--!" Wolfstein: "I'm talking about YOU! YOU are who I'm talking about! To behave so! To your own family. This is not the way we are!" Noah: "Maybe not the way YOU are! You don't tell me how to act!" Wolfstein: "AND YOU DON'T TELL JOHANNA! She makes her OWN decisions! You don't treat her like a child when she can decide for herself!" Noah: "I'm trying to keep her from ruining her life and destroying this family! What are you doing?" Wolfstein: "That's her choice! Not yours! You trust her judgement so little that you treat her like an ignorant baby? She knows how to look out for herself. And if anyone is destroying the family, it could very well be you. You're the only one spewing hate. Attacking someone, even! In front of that boy, no less! Hate Herr Himmel all you like, but that boy never wronged you and never would. He too was a victim. Just like us. You have no fight with him." Noah: "You can't POSSIBLY look at that idiot and see a 'boy'--!" Wolfstein: *raising voice* "YOU DO NOT CALL HIM IDIOT! We do NOT use the language of the camps! Not in this house! We are better than this! We fought to escape that life and now you'd bring it back with that language! NOT here! NEVER again!" Noah: "Words are just words! I'm not the one bringing that GARBAGE into the family! That Nazi! An actual Nazi! The ones who actually used that language against us!" Wolfstein: "That boy is not a Nazi!" Noah: "That MAN'S father is! And how do you know, how do you REALLY know, he isn't teaching his son to be just like him?" Wolfstein: "My heart tells me so. Yet I won't ask you to listen to my heart. I know you want facts. And the fact is that boy is not at this moment a Nazi, and what you did in front of him is unacceptable. What you've done to this family, to Johanna, is unacceptable." Noah: "What I'VE done to this family--!" Wolfstein: "I can't speak for what's in Herr Himmel's heart. Perhaps he's a hateful bastard, perhaps not. But we're talking about our family, not him. From where I am standing, the only one dragging hate into this household is you. Perhaps Johanna is making a mistake. Perhaps she'll regret. That's for her to learn, not for you to tell her. She's a woman, not a child. And she's not an idiot, and neither is that boy! I may not know Herr Himmel but I know Johanna. She has nothing but love in her heart. Herr Himmel, you, nobody can take that away. She'll learn on her own. Meanwhile. If you're going to keep treating her like this, if that boy didn't teach you a lesson DESPITE his father likely saving your life...I don't think you have a place in this house." Noah: *quieter* "...This is my house, too!" Wolfstein: "It is. And I would never, ever think of dispelling you from this family, no matter what you might think. You will always be my cousin. But if you're going to keep using that language, and thinking like they think, and treating Johanna like a child...you'll have to do it elsewhere. I have no heart or mind to deal anymore with this." Noah: "The only one 'thinking like they think' is the ACTUAL Nazi Johanna wants to bring into this family, don't you see that?" Wolfstein: "I do see, but neither of us knows what she does or doesn't want. And it doesn't matter. Herr Himmel isn't family yet you are. You too choose whether or not to hate. Hate Herr Himmel all you like. That I understand. But his son did nothing to deserve this. And if this is all you think of Johanna, that she's too stupid to make up her own mind, then that doesn't belong here." *pause* "I'll let you have some time to think. You can take your supper here at the table; Johanna and I will eat in the parlor." Johanna hears her brother head into the parlor, and after a pause follows him; "Jakob...?" she says meekly, feeling absolutely dreadful, yet all he does is wearily gesture and say, "Bring the tea and some biscuits, bitte...?" She does so, and the two of them sit silently for a few moments until Noah appears in the doorway, mumbles, "I'm going out for a bit," and leaves. Johanna can't help it; she starts crying, apologizing for the trouble she's caused the family--"Herr Otto tried to warn me, he was probably right"--yet it's not just that: "I'd go back to Herr Otto, let you two be, but I don't think he wants me there anymore, either." This realization, that she may be unwelcome everywhere, makes her break down sobbing; Wolfstein tries to calm her and convince her she's done nothing wrong, but it doesn't help, she remembers the angry, wounded look she saw in Himmel's eyes before he told her not to come back and shut the door in her face. Strangely, she realizes she'll miss Kolten just as much as Himmel. Some days pass rather uneasily, with the three of them not giving each other the cold shoulder yet not talking much, either. Johanna is miserable. She and Wolfstein make another attempt to visit Himmel, but he refuses to come to the door, and Johanna rejects the idea of trying to meet him while he visits Kolten: "All it'll do is upset Kolten again, I can't bear to do that." Wolfstein muses that Himmel can come around on his own, or not--"We can't force him to talk to us." Yet Johanna knows firsthand how long it takes just to start to get through to him, and despairs ever talking to him again. As the winter wears on, Wolfstein drives out into the country to visit Herr Adel to trade some goods, and coaxes Johanna into coming along, "Just to get out of the house a bit." Adel lives in a small stone cottage he built himself deep in the woods, the only sign of civilization a nearby unpaved forest road; following the war, a partisan resistance leader named Didrika took up residence with him and they've been living as a couple. They aren't married but have a young son named Godfrey. Wolfstein parks the truck at the side of the road and the two climb out; near the road is a small section cleared of the heavy snow, where two crosses, one larger and topped with a Stahlhelm, are side by side; Johanna can tell they're carefully tended to every day. She reads the names carved into the wood as Wolfstein leaves a small rock before both as a gesture of respect: Hans, and G. Klemper. They put on their skis, pull out their sled, and trek up a long path to the cottage, where Herr Adel answers their knock and lets them in. Johanna doesn't know much about him other than that he served rather unwillingly in the Wehrmacht as a sniper, despite this he assisted the Allies and the resistance more than once, according to Wolfstein he once drank quite a lot but now just smokes, and he always looks weary and heartbroken; also according to Wolfstein, he's suffered quite a few losses. He and Wolfstein talk over their trade and share news while Didrika brings out Godfrey for Johanna to hold: "He's always so fussy with me, but is an absolute angel for Adel. I think he likes you," she adds, when he falls back asleep in Johanna's arms, and Johanna blinks the blur from her eyes. "I tried, but he just said he didn't need anything from me anymore. He did ask me if I wanted Götz's skis back but I said nein and he shut the door. Haven't heard from him since." Adel turns from Wolfstein and says, "Didi. You tried getting Herr Himmel on the radio any time lately?" Didrika replies no. Adel says, "I'll give it a shot, though I feel the dumb Arsch won't answer," and hooks up his radiotelegraph to send a message, since there are no telephone lines way out here. As expected, nobody responds to the Morse code he sends out. "What exactly happened, anyway?" Adel asks, and Wolfstein outlines the incident with Noah and Kolten. Adel and Didrika both peer at Johanna and then at each other and Johanna shrinks in on herself; "I'll check with whoever else I can think of and see if he's talked with anyone recently," Adel mutters, and resumes tapping. After a while, his consternation growing, he admits that Himmel seems to have cut off all communication with the world, and hasn't responded either to any of the others who, at Adel's suggestion, attempted contact. "You think it'd be any different if we went in person again...?" he asks, but Johanna shakes her head: "He won't answer us. This is my fault," and lowers her head, Godfrey squirming a bit in her arms. "You think there's anyone he might talk to?" Didrika asks, and Wolfstein and Adel brainstorm for a while. "Kinda hard to find anyone left like him that he might relate to," Adel muses, "considering he was the lucky one, and most of 'em either ran or were jailed or executed." His words, however, seem to spark something in Wolfstein's mind. Wolfstein: "Someone like him." Adel: "Ja, an SS man." Wolfstein: "Nein, not SS." Adel: *furrows brow* "Not SS...?" Wolfstein: "Someone like him. Someone connected to Weltuntergang." Adel: *frowns* "That would mean you, then. And he won't talk to you, you say." Wolfstein: "Because Johanna and I are involved in this. Somebody who has nothing to do with this fight." Adel: "Well..." *shrugs* "You know what became of that Jäger Arschloch! And that f**king doctor." Wolfstein: "Nein! Test subjects. Like his son...who can you think of?" Adel: "The kid is the one I know." *pause* "A Trench Rat, you mean?" Wolfstein: "Who's left, can you say?" Adel: "That one Kammler did a real job on killed himself. Herr Doomsday, he's here and there. Unfortunately there, right now; can't get hold of him on the radio. You have other suggestions?" Wolfstein: "What of Herr Drake? You've heard from him?" Adel: "Herr Drake...?" *frowns* "Last I knew he headed back to France with that partisan. Herr Papillon. Haven't heard from him since the Alps, but you know how it is...he wasn't too well off after what that f**ker Kammler put him through." *pause* "You think he would even want to help?" Wolfstein: "He did testify in Herr Himmel's favor at the trial." Adel: "Ja, but still." *shrugs* "I'll try to reach him, if you think there's any point to it. He did come back here for that Alps thing." Wolfstein: "Try, bitte. It can't hurt." Adel starts tapping out another message while Wolfstein sits by Johanna. Although she read Himmel's trial account, he explains to her as they wait: Drake is the Trench Rat corporal who served under Sergeant Camo; both of them, along with a female corporal named Anna Julian, were captured during a devastating German attack on Trench Rat Headquarters. Corporal Julian was shot and executed--by Himmel. Camo shortly afterward escaped and started acting as a partisan, though Drake had no such luck, and remained in Dr. Kammler's custody as a test subject...or more accurately, torture subject, as he had the wrong blood type to be of much use. By the time he was rescued (the same raid that resulted in Himmel's capture and Kammler's death), he was painfully thin, scarred, and traumatized, yet managed to keep his head and resume his service in the Trench Rats as they finished up in Germany, then acted as a witness at Himmel's trial, where he described how Himmel had done what he could to protect Kammler's subjects from death. At the trial, it was also revealed why Himmel had uncharacteristically executed Julian: She was in fact an agent for the Waffen-SS spying on the Trench Rats, and had expressed support for exterminating "useless eaters" such as Himmel's son. Himmel had killed her to prevent her from acting on this. Part of Julian's mission had involved attempting to seduce Camo or Drake; her attempt on Camo succeeded--he didn't reveal secrets to her, but did help gain her admission to the Trench Rats. Despite all the evidence for Julian being turned by the SS, Camo was deeply upset by Himmel's actions (even though Himmel also directly aided in his escape), and has carried a grudge against him ever since. Drake, meanwhile, left for France with Papillon, a partisan who had aided the Rats, and has been living there since. Wolfstein isn't sure if he'd be interested in helping Himmel now, considering the uneasiness of their connection--Drake is Jewish, and Wolfstein quietly adds that the Judenstern badge Kammler made him wear was yellow and pink: "This means that he prefers men, not women." He has every reason to refuse to help out Himmel now, yet--"Got him," Adel says, looking up from the radiotelegraph. "Says he'll come as quick as he can, though it'll still take a day or two because of the weather. He'll coordinate with the other Trench Rats in the city and then we'll get him out here. It'll take some doing but we should manage." As promised, the day after the next, Sergeant Gold Rat messages Adel that Drake has arrived; "I'll fetch him," Noah offers, unexpectedly, and leaves before Wolfstein or Johanna can say anything. He returns a while later, and Wolfstein warmly welcomes the former Trench Rat and introduces him to Johanna. He's still quite thin, has a distinct permanent tremor and a rather glassy stare, and when he talks Johanna notices he has no teeth. Still, he smiles at her and says guten Tag. Johanna fetches tea and they sit in the parlor to talk, Drake tightly clasping his cup in his hands and huddling inside a coat as if cold. He listens intently to Wolfstein's summary of events, then says, "I'm not sure why Herr Himmel would talk to me if he won't talk to any of you, but I'll see what I can do." Wolfstein drives Drake to Himmel's place, and remains in the truck. Drake manages to gain entry to the house, which is more than anyone else has done in quite a while. Perhaps an hour later, he reemerges, a box in his hands, and returns to the truck. "I'm not sure how much detail you'd like," he says, to which Wolfstein replies, "Anything that may help? Bitte?" Drake briefly outlines how after pounding incessantly on the door for a few moments, finally he heard things moving inside and the door yanked open, Himmel hissing as loudly as he could manage, "I TOLD you to leave me alone--!" before noticing who was standing there and cutting himself off in surprise. He rather reluctantly allowed Drake in, then hastened to build a fire once he noticed how badly Drake was shivering: "It's like an icebox in there," Drake adds. Himmel brewed him a cup of tea which he mainly used to warm his hands as they sat in the dim parlor and shared a few words of stilted conversation; he describes how Himmel seemed very uncomfortable with him being there, keeping his head lowered and avoiding eye contact. Himmel finally apologized for not being able to help him more during his time in Weltuntergang, and Drake realized the cause of his awkwardness--guilt. He seemed puzzled when Drake brushed this off--"You kept me alive, what else could you have done?"--and said he was there for another reason; once he brought up the situation with Noah and the Wolfsteins, Himmel grew more aloof, curtly saying it was a personal matter and he needn't have bothered. Drake is an excellent mediator, however, and so didn't let him off the hook so easily; after a few more carefully phrased comments, then an appeal to how Himmel's obvious concern for others belies his feigned indifference, something broke through: Himmel shrank in on himself, putting his hands to his face and making a soft sound like a moan or a whimper. When he pulled his hands away his eyes were streaming. "I don't know if you believe in curses," he said, to which Drake replied, "I'm not sure what I believe." "I know there are no literal curses," Himmel said, "but...some things follow you around forever. Like an albatross around your neck." He paused, then simply got up, without a word, hobbled to the stairs, and slowly limped his way up them and out of sight. Drake sat on the couch for a little while, waiting, yet the house was silent; finally, suspecting he'd been dismissed, he stood and prepared to leave, when Himmel reappeared on the stairs, now making his way even more slowly back down; Drake noticed his progress was impaired by the box he was carrying. About halfway down he had to stop and sit, trying to catch his breath; Drake went up to meet him. Himmel hesitated briefly before holding the box out to him, murmuring, "They'll tell you everything you need to know." When Drake opened the lid to peek within, he saw a stack of letters, and said, "Are you sure...?" Himmel nodded and said, "You can read them if you like, then tell the others what they say...or they can just read them for themselves...or both. I'm an open book, I have nothing left to hide." All he asked was that the letters be returned when they're done with them. Drake promised to keep the letters safe, and the two parted ways. Drake says he saw the names on the envelopes when he briefly opened the box; the letters appear to be addressed to and from both Himmel himself, and Dagmar Himmel-Kammler. "What would you like to do?" he asks; Wolfstein thinks a moment before suggesting that Drake, as an impartial party, start reading through them on the long drive back. Drake settles back in his seat and begins looking through the letters as they return home. Back at the house, the Wolfsteins and Noah sit in the parlor and stare at their drinks while Drake finishes reading at the table; they all look up when he at last comes back in the room, holding the box again. Wolfstein: "Well...is it as he said? Do they explain things?" Drake: "They do." *pause* "He said I could tell you what's in them..." *sets box down on table* "...but I really think it'd be better if you read them for yourselves." Johanna: *takes an envelope & furrows brow* "He wrote letters to his wife...? After she was gone?" Drake: "From what I gather, they wrote letters to each other, then he continued after she died. In them he says it helped him stay sane during the war. I get the feeling he's better at expressing things in writing than in talking...he explains this in them." Johanna: *staring at envelope* "It feels...wrong...to read someone else's private letters. Especially between a husband and a wife." Drake: "He said anyone could read them if they wished. He said he has no secrets left. I think...a lot of things have been wearing on him for a long time, but it's too much to just come out and say, without knowing everything that happened before." Noah: "He's making excuses for himself? He wants us to feel sorry?" Drake: *shaking head* "He never said he wants everyone to read them. He said we could, if we wanted. He doesn't care if someone doesn't wish to know. But..." *shrugs & gestures at letters* "Here they are, if you want to." Wolfstein: *peering at Johanna* *to Drake* "Before we do...is there anything you could tell us? Your impression? What we're dealing with?" Drake: *pauses to collect his thoughts* "When we talked he mentioned an albatross around his neck...you get the reference?" Johanna: "I do." Drake: "Several times after Dagmar's death he mentions feeling like he's 'cursed'...he told me he doesn't mean an actual curse. More like...something that follows you down the years...like a genetic flaw passed on through the generations. He mentions feeling like he inherited this and passed it on, himself." Noah: *frowns* "He seemed interested in something like this when we had him. I think it's the real reason he read all those medical journals. He was looking for an answer. He wanted to know if he was the reason his kid is slow but the doctor couldn't tell him. I figured...it was just more Nazi garbage." Drake: *shrugs* "I can't say. But it seems like he got fixated on this idea, especially after his wife died and his son was taken away. He talks about it like it's not just a physical flaw but...a moral failing, almost. Like he should have done something to avoid passing it on. He talks about how history repeats itself--he saw that with the war--and he doesn't want history to repeat itself again. He doesn't seem to write nearly as much since the war ended, but there are a few newer letters...he specifically mentions this. History repeats itself, like a curse, or like fate. And he thinks it should end with him rather than him passing it on again." Wolfstein: *furrowing brow* "What...what do you think he means by this, exactly? About history repeating itself?" Drake: *takes a breath, pauses, lets it out* "You should really just read the letters." Wolfstein thanks Drake, who mentions he's made plans to meet the other Trench Rats elsewhere in the city before heading back to France; Wolfstein promises to keep his own vow to return the box safely. The three of them uneasily ponder what course of action to take; Wolfstein finally decides, "I'll start reading and passing them along to you..." gesturing at Johanna "...you've always been a quick reader, you should be able to keep up...then Noah can read them." Noah immediately starts to protest, "Me?--why should I read them? I don't care to--" but cuts himself off at a withering glare from Wolfstein, who firmly reiterates, "And then you can read them, last." Noah sulks but doesn't protest further, and retreats to the dining table while Wolfstein and Johanna start to read the letters. The long, mostly one-sided correspondence lays out the events of Himmel's and Dagmar's brief life together, and its aftermath, outlined here. It's late by the time Wolfstein and Johanna finish; "No wonder he sent me away," Johanna murmurs, eyes downcast, and says she's going to bed to let it all sink in. Wolfstein leaves the box with Noah, who looks reluctant but remains at the table; he's tentatively pulling out an envelope when Wolfstein retires. Johanna spends much of the night just lying in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about the life story that was just laid out before her. She'd known there was a lot about Himmel she didn't know, but she hadn't imagined it was this sort of thing. Noah is still sitting at the table the next morning; he snaps out of his doze when the Wolfsteins awake, but doesn't say anything until Wolfstein says he's going to return the letters to Himmel as requested. Johanna volunteers to hand them over, if he'll drive her. Noah leaves the room yet returns a few moments later with a large envelope of his own. "Here," he mumbles, "take this. Don't need it anymore." Johanna peeks at what's inside as she and her brother leave; it's Himmel's old ID papers. She's surprised Noah never threw them away. Wolfstein decides to visit the Albrechts while Johanna returns Himmel's belongings--"I believe you might be there a little longer than you think," he says when she doubts she'll be long--and she goes up to the door and knocks. She half expects no answer, yet after a few moments, can hear the furniture being shoved aside, then the door cracks open and Himmel sulkily peers out. Johanna bites back the urge to exclaim over how thin and sickly he looks, instead murmuring, "I brought back your letters...just like you asked." He hesitates a moment, then steps aside; she finally dares to feel a twinge of hope as she slips past him. He has to pause to catch his breath after moving the furniture back, so she waits until he's recovered to sit down beside him with the box between them. There's a long silence as they stare at the dark fireplace; Johanna finally ventures to mention the one thing she's sure will elicit a response. Johanna: "Jakob...thought he might visit the Albrechts for a bit...I imagine he'll say hallo to Kolten while he's there." Himmel: "...He very much liked the books you brought him." Johanna: *sitting up* "Ja...? He did?" Himmel: *nods* "It was very kind of you, despite how I acted." Johanna: "You did nothing wrong. You were only looking out for your son, like you always do. He's your light, after all." Himmel: *blinks* *peers at her with a frown* "How...how did you know that?" Johanna: "You said it in your letters. 'Mein Licht.' It's what you called your wife. You said that after she was gone...it was like the light went out. Then Kolten became your light. You kept holding on for him." Himmel: *looks away, eyes growing glassy* "I hadn't expected anybody else to actually read all that." Johanna: "Of course we did. Even Noah." *blinks* "That's right...he wanted you have this. Here." *hands over the envelope* "I'm surprised he kept it so long." Himmel: *opens it & takes out papers* *small snort* "I don't need them anymore." Johanna: "You're sure you don't need any of them...?" Himmel: *flipping through papers, comes across the photo of Dagmar & himself* *stops with a small gasp, eyes watering, stares at it a moment before lowering his head & rubbing at his eyes, sniffling* Johanna: *long pause* "I know I might be presumptuous..." *pause* "I know no one could ever take her place. And I'd never think of doing so. I hoped, though, that I might help fill in the loneliness for a while...until you see her again." *Himmel lifts his head a little* "You said you still talk to her sometimes...that it's like she's there." Himmel: "I know I sound mad, but I'm not." Johanna: "I know. It's not so strange. You left lots of little hints in your letters...you probably weren't even thinking about it...yet I think we have more in common than you know. You hope you'll see her again in the next life. You're sure she'll be there, not just because she's good, but because even though your faith says otherwise, it doesn't make sense to you that she might go to Hell." Himmel: "I can't believe a loving Gott would condemn any of His children to damnation." Johanna: "You're a father, you'd know. It's one of the reasons you weren't angry with your mother for what she did. You hope you'll see her again someday. But see, we're not all that different. I admit I don't know if I believe in an afterlife or not, I never really thought about it. But Jakob believes, he's told me. And we don't believe in Hell." *Himmel peers at her* "There's something I don't understand, though. You believe your wife will be waiting? Your father and even your mother?" Himmel: "I know they will." Johanna: "And what about you?" Himmel: *pauses, lowers his head* "I don't know." Johanna: *furrows brow* "You don't know what's going to become of you...? You don't believe in Hell, yet you don't know that you'll see your loved ones again? You just said you know your wife will be there. Even your mother, though your own faith says she shouldn't be. Why are you the one exception?" Himmel: "I've already said. This thing that follows you down through the years. Take a look what's happened, even now. Things repeat themselves. If I didn't take the hint the first time, I should take it now. It should end with me." Johanna: "But...what you told Dagmar, when she lost your child. You said sometimes, things just happen. It wasn't her fault. Why should this be your fault?" Himmel: *lowers head further* *whispering* "Dagmar wasn't cursed." Johanna: "But then...what the doctor said. About Kolten's blood type. A recessive gene. That means you, AND Dagmar passed it on. Not just you. Both of you." *Himmel lifts his head slightly, staring ahead* "She had it in her blood, too. And everyone else has some bad gene, some flaw, somewhere, if you look hard enough. Including your son. Either everyone is cursed, or no one is...which is it?" Johanna can tell from the look on Himmel's face that it never even occurred to him, he was so focused on himself. He offers no answer to her question, and she doesn't press. The two of them go to the Albrechts', where Frau Albrecht lets them in, a bit surprised to see them together. Wolfstein is still there, and when he hears their voices Kolten peers out of his room. When Himmel acknowledges him he says he has a new building he's been working on, then as Himmel starts to follow him, he meekly says, "Fräulein Johanna and Herr Jakob can come look, too." Himmel blinks but says nothing at first; they go to admire the new structure, and Kolten shows them the picture that inspired him in Johanna's book. After a while they head back out; when it's only the three of them Himmel says, "Kolten...he's never invited someone to do something like that, before. Someone else always had to suggest it. He must like both of you very much. Kolten's always been good at telling who are decent people...better than I am." He pauses, then adds, "I know I don't deserve it...but I hope someday you can both forgive me." Johanna responds by stepping up to him and hugging him; from the corner of her eye she notices Wolfstein looking on. She's not sure what the look on his face is, but it isn't disapproval. Winter finally starts drawing to its end and the massive drifts of snow piled up around the old house begin to slowly shrink. Himmel and Johanna are puzzled one day when visitors start to arrive--a few heavy military trucks, then individuals on skis or snowshoes. They go out to see what's going on. The handful of Trench Rats who've remained in Germany get out of the trucks, and the others undo their scarves and caps--Herr Adel, Didrika, a few former partisans like Elias Baswitz, a few former Wehrmacht troops like Frieder Dasch. Even Kolten has come along with Herr Albrecht. They're carrying tools and hauling along supplies. "What's going on...? Why are you all here?" Himmel asks, confused. Sgt. Gold announces that they've arrived to start fixing up the old mansion: "Since you insist on living in this big old death trap, we've taken it upon ourselves to minimize the death part, because it's not too conducive to living," to which Dasch replies in stilted English, "You use stupid words." Some time after it became clear Himmel wasn't going to just let himself starve or freeze to death alone, everyone who knew him got in touch and made plans to come fix up the house and make it habitable again. Himmel protests, of course, yet they're adamant, and set to work over the next several weeks, repairing the hole in the sagging roof, strengthening the crumbling foundations, replacing the shattered windows, fixing the sticky doors. They even get the electricity working again, and install a telephone line. Himmel repeatedly offers to help--if they keep insisting on going through with it--yet they brush off his requests, Wolfstein telling him to just rest his injured leg and spend time with Johanna. It's obvious he hates sitting and doing nothing, so she suggests they could start a garden. This idea seems to perk him up like little else has; he mentions how Dagmar had a sunroom full of her art and plants, and his mother had long ago tended to her own garden. After the snow has gone he and the women, Johanna, Didrika, Mirela, Nixie, and Lance Corporal Lyndsey Skye, work on clearing a patch of ground and digging furrows; "What's funny...?" Johanna asks one day as they're all at it and she notices Himmel seems amused, to which he replies, "This is just like my old job...surrounded by women." They plant mostly vegetables and fruits, though also some flowers--among them, red poppies and forget-me-nots, the flowers he and Kammler would leave on Dagmar's grave. As time passes he and Johanna adopt several children, and Adel and Didrika bring their son Godfrey, then their daughter Tatiana, to visit and play; Himmel never completely loses his limp, but grows fond of tending the garden and watching Kolten play with his adoptive siblings and other visiting children. Much later, he finds himself having to comfort a grown and grieving Tatiana much as Johanna once comforted him, after Didrika dies following a long illness and Adel takes his own life; she asks him to be her infant son's (named Hans, after the half-brother she never knew) godfather, something she'd planned to ask Adel, and Himmel accepts. He earns a reputation as an informal father figure, which seems to suit him just fine; both he and Johanna had wanted a large family, and though it's a cobbled-together family of various ancestries and generations, they're happy to treat everyone as their own, and everyone is welcomed at their house. Johanna and Kolten outlive Himmel, who one night passes away peacefully in his sleep. Johanna and Himmel's oldest adopted son, Simon, comfort the heartbroken Kolten, who cries that he has no more family, and reassure him that they're his family now. Despite their time spent together, Johanna makes sure Himmel is laid to rest next to Dagmar; she and her brother leave stones on the graves, while Kolten leaves red poppies. [Johanna Wolfstein 2023 [Friday, June 16, 2023, 3:00:42 AM]] |