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Hans von Adel Blog Entry |
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August 16, 2024, 12:00:34 AM 8/16/24: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's characters from my anthro WWII storyline are Frieda Orchudesch, her father Herr Orchudesch (no first name given), and Hans von Adel. The first two unwittingly help inspire Josef Diamant to start working for the resistance; while Hans is unrelated to them, he's Ratdog's/Adel von NN's grandson (son of his daughter Tatiana), who's named after his deceased son Hans von NN. There'll be more about them later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding their design, the Orchudesches are German spaniels (I'm iffy on the father's hairstyle), while Hans is meant to resemble both his grandfather and his namesake quite a bit. TUMBLR EDIT: Placeholder text due to Tumblr's backdating changes. Please check back later for more info. Following text will be modified for the next entries. I haven't much to say about Hans von Adel. He barely appears in the plot, long past the main story, just after his birth and to his baptism. He's a sleepy little baby who doesn't do much aside from being carried around by his mother. Rather, it's the impact he has on his grandfather, Ratdog/Adel, which is the main point. By the time Hans is born, Adel has suffered through just so much loss and heartache that he's barely holding on. His adult children, Godfrey and Tatiana, can tell something is wrong, but don't know how to deal with it; Tatiana tries turning her father to religion, but is stunned to learn he's an atheist. Godfrey, upon learning that Tatiana is pregnant (like their father with his first son--their half-sibling--Hans von NN, this is the result of a one-night thing), urges her to inform Adel as soon as possible rather than hold off; he's worried she may not get another chance. To her relief, Adel isn't angry or disappointed (he'd be a big hypocrite if he were); despite being single, Tatiana wants to keep the baby, and Godfrey promises to help her, so all seems well. The pregnancy goes as expected, Tatiana has her baby boy, and Adel is invited to come meet him. The new grandfather gets a rare wistful smile on his face as he cradles the sleepy-eyed baby in his arms. Then Tatiana gingerly asks if it would be okay to name him after her deceased half-brother, Hans von NN. Both of Adel's children notice his reaction. His head pops up and his smile vanishes, blood draining from his face. Tatiana flinches a little bit, ready to start apologizing, and even Godfrey gets ready to say something to settle the situation, yet before either of them can speak, Adel's eyes water up and he swallows, blinks a few times, and lets out a breath. He manages a shaky smile; "Of course," he murmurs, "of course you can name him Hans." And he looks back down at the baby, who sleepily blinks, and Adel's smile grows; he touches his forehead to the infant's. "Willkommen, Hans," he whispers. All seems well again...but Godfrey has misgivings. Adel wishes his children goodbye and heads home; unknown to him, Godfrey follows not long after. What happens next is outlined in EDELGARD'S ENTRY. Tatiana takes Adel's death the hardest (though it hits Elias Baswitz, the one who found him, pretty hard as well). She'd intended to ask him to be Hans's godfather, yet now she'll never get the chance. And of course, she blames herself; nothing Godfrey or any of her father's acquaintances say can convince her otherwise. Only Otto Himmel manages to finally get through to her, as he has plenty in common with her father and herself and so isn't dismissive or misunderstanding of her pain. Because it turns out her fears aren't ENTIRELY unfounded...her final interaction with her father indeed impacted him deeply, and played a role in his decision to end his own life. Just not quite for the reasons she thinks. Tatiana never quite understood all the inner wounds her father carried; he hid them well, his weary eyes and general air of sadness and resignation being the only tells. Only the people who knew him during the war, like Himmel, could see how much he'd changed. Even the emotionally sensitive Godfrey never had any idea how deep his father's grief was. Adel did his best to shield his children from it, and so never talked about it with them; after the death of their mother Didrika, he carried his pain alone. Didrika's death dealt Adel a harsh blow...yet it wasn't the worst pain he felt, or even the second worst. He also lost his parents, his sister, his son, and his soulmate, before he lost her. Hans's death, partly due to his negligence, was the deepest wound that never healed, followed very closely by the death of Godfrey Klemper, which he also blamed on himself. Only Didrika's intervention kept him alive afterward (well, after she tried to kill him); she, too, had just lost her soulmate, so they were in a good position to understand each other. Adel never talked much about Hans except to Klemper, who had to needle it out of him. Although he never wanted kids, and resented Hans's intrusion on his life to begin with, he soon grew to love his son dearly, and made him the center of his world. Of course Hans's early death devastated him like little else, and hung over him like a shadow all the rest of his life. Klemper's death merely echoed Hans's in provoking Adel's sense of guilt that he felt he should have done more to prevent it. So in that way, those two deaths connected themselves in his head. Add to this the vague feeling he'd already developed that he was "cursed" somehow...and then came Tatiana's request, to use Hans's name again. Back to present tense for a bit. Adel is abruptly jarred. His first, irrational thought is to say NO!--you can't do that. Hans is dead, his name dead with him. Don't bring him back. Don't curse your own child with a name and a legacy like that. Why would you tempt fate...? But just as quickly he shoves that thought down--Didrika named his second son Godfrey, and Tatiana is named after someone who is dead, why is this a bad decision only now? It feels different, it feels wrong, but there's no rational reason, and he can tell it means a lot to Tatiana--he knows she's just appealing to him, trying to be a good daughter--so he swallows his protest, and gives his blessing. He sincerely means it, he's not reluctant or under duress; it's time the old curse was broken, maybe resurrecting Hans's name will do it. But the blow has already been dealt. Like a hammer striking the unsteady foundation of an old house; the hammer didn't make the foundation unsteady, the hammer can't even truly be blamed for the house toppling to the ground, yet it did deal the final blow in a lifetime of them. Adel reaches home and breaks down. Everything hits all at once; the foundation crumbles. It's not Tatiana's fault--she played a role, yet she's not to blame, something only Himmel can explain to her later on. Adel himself has never had the words to make sense of his emotions, one reason he never discussed them. All he knows is the old wound just tore wide open again and he misses Hans and he misses Klemper and he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore, it just hurts too much. He's tired of hurting; he just wants rest, wants peace. To not have to feel anything anymore. Himmel has been there. Tatiana asks why he's still here and all he can say is that circumstances are infinitely different for everyone; just because someone chooses differently doesn't make them weak. He tells Tatiana that, although there is free will, there is also Schicksal, fate; some people can change it, some people can't. Adel was almost certain to follow the path he did whether Tatiana made her request or not; something else would have taken her place. Everyone is connected, one action influences another, and you can never account for every resulting action; like ripples in water; one ripple might be the last one to strike a stone before it falls in two, but it's not to blame for all the ripples that wore away the stone before it. Tatiana is involved in Adel's death, but so is he, so is Godfrey, and Didrika, and Klemper and Hans and Edelgard and on and on and on; yet none of them were the one who killed him. He made that choice himself. All she can do is pray for him, and raise her own Hans the best she can, raise a grandson who would make his grandfather proud. Tatiana wipes her tears. She has her own wounds to deal with now, but she resolves not to do it alone, the way her father thought he had to. She asks if, in his place, Himmel will be Hans's godfather. She worries this request will hit too hard like the request to her father did. Yet Himmel's face lights up and he says, "Of course I will. I'd be honored. Danke." [Hans von Adel 2024 [Friday, August 16, 2024, 12:00:34 AM]] |