|
Godfrey von Adel Blog Entry |
|
December 1, 2023, 3:00:14 AM 12/1/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." Since I didn't do a character portrait last week, and these are closely related, I'm doing two this week. This week's characters from my anthro WWII storyline are the von Adel siblings, Godfrey and Tatiana. They're the children of Ratdog (AKA Adel) (updated portrait) and Didrika. Ratdog's surname is never given--it starts with von and he's the last to carry it, so his children turn his first name into their surname. Both Ratdog and Didrika lose their soulmates near the story's end and name their children in their honor; Godfrey is named after Godfrey Klemper, while Tatiana is named after Boris's sister Tatiana. This is them as adults since they aren't born yet during the main story. There'll be more about them later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. Regarding their design, they're meant to resemble both parents somewhat. And based on their eye color I don't think genetic laws follow the same logic in my story, but I dunno, maybe Didrika's got blue-eyed ancestors. TUMBLR EDIT: So, according to human genetics, if Ratdog has no brown-eyed gene and Didrika has no recessive blue-eyed gene, they COULD still have blue-eyed kids, I guess...? Genetics isn't my strong suit. Anyway. I'll write up Godfrey's and Tatiana's entries together as they're so closely tied and don't have enough info yet to justify separate writeups, though their art will be separate. I think baby Godfrey might show up in a flash-forward(?) near the end of Ultima Thule but am not sure; they do not appear otherwise in the main series, as they aren't born until afterward. Aside from the main, mostly wartime plot, there are backstories (see, for example, Ilse von Dobermann's recent entry), sidestories (lots of the plot I've been going over takes place "offscreen" while the main plot is occurring--I haven't drawn him yet, but Hauptsturmführer Oskar Ettlinger is a good example of a character who appears almost exclusively in sidestory), and afterstories, or flash-forwards, what becomes of the characters afterward. (There's also a peculiarity I call "In Heaven," but I won't get into it here.) You can see an example of extensive afterstory in Johanna Wolfstein's entry. Godfrey and Tatiana appear almost exclusively in afterstory; I roughly estimate that they're born in the late Forties/early Fifties, so as they appear here, the story is likely in the late Sixties/early Seventies--again, very rough estimate. I think Ratdog is born around 1910-1915, so he'd be in his fifties or sixties. Very brief summary of events I've already gone over, Ratdog loses his lover Godfrey Klemper to a sniper, and Didrika loses her lover Boris to suicide toward the war's end. As Ratdog had given Boris his gun to kill himself rather than die a slow death due to a wound, Didrika initially blames Ratdog for his death, and shoots him in retaliation. She belatedly realizes the truth of the situation--Ratdog was just trying to alleviate the suffering of an enemy, plus, he's mourning his own loss--so when he passes out from blood loss, she bustles him back to his house to try to save his life. When he regains consciousness, the two former enemies realize they're both going through the same grief; they never do fall in love with each other, but they do grow close over their shared pain, and become devoted partners. Didrika names their first child after Klemper. She's rather dismayed when their second child is a girl, simply because she'd hoped to name the baby Boris. Vaguely amused by this, Ratdog--now going by his birth name Adel--asks, well, what would Boris have named her...? Didrika thinks a moment before remembering how fondly Boris had spoken of his younger sister Tatiana, who had been killed serving in the Red Army. They name their daughter Tatiana. Adel and Didrika had not planned on having children--Didrika figured she wasn't even able to. So she's rather flustered by the whole situation. Ironically, Adel is better prepared to handle it than she is. He fathered a son, Hans, out of wedlock years ago, and had to figure out almost entirely on his own how to care for the baby as a single father after the mother abandoned the infant with him. He made a lot of mistakes, but did his best, and loved the boy dearly; so he took it pretty hard when Hans was run down by a speeding motorcycle after wandering out in the road. He buried the toddler some small distance from his house in the woods, and buried Klemper beside him after his death years later. Klemper was the one he'd considered his family, similar with Didrika and Boris. They're together now instead. Didrika has no idea how to handle a baby, and is easily frustrated; the more even-tempered Adel ends up bonding more with Godfrey and then Tatiana, knowing better how to handle them. Didrika loves their children, of course, though she never quite manages to bridge this little gap between them; she just doesn't view herself as mother material. Adel dotes on the children, while Didrika maintains a slight distance. It's a rather odd family dynamic, but they manage to make it work. Adel and Didrika often bring their young children to visit the Himmel house, a formerly abandoned mansion out in the country near the Albrechts' farm. Otto Himmel once served in the SS but did what he could to thwart their influence behind the scenes, to protect his disabled son; he moved into the mansion and, similar to Adel, partnered up with Johanna Wolfstein (Himmel's never stopped mourning his deceased wife), and they've adopted a handful of children, as Johanna can't have any of her own. The mansion becomes a favorite visiting place for old friends, allies, and even former enemies from the war. Himmel adores children even more than Adel, having always wanted a big family, though his wife died giving birth to their only son; he now takes joy vicariously through his adopted children, and those who visit his house. He greets baby Godfrey, then baby Tatiana, with a big smile and asks to hold them. As they grow into toddlers he spoils them with candies, and likes to watch them run around and play on his property. Whenever they knock something over or break something in the house, he's the one to quickly brush off Didrika's exasperated admonishments, insisting that children will be children, and it's always best to just let them play and get it out. Himmel soon becomes a sort of beloved family member himself, with Tatiana especially calling him Uncle Otto. Himmel's eyes, which are usually so sad, always light up and crinkle when he's called this. Over the years, Tatiana often visits him for advice or comfort, which he always gives. As adults, Godfrey and Tatiana decide to live together as neither ends up getting married, at least earlier on. They've always noticed the bit of distance between their parents, and Adel (who's better at such things) explains why he and their mother never got married; they love each other, but they aren't in love. Didrika obviously still carries a torch for Boris, and Adel still mourns Klemper. Godfrey takes this revelation better than Tatiana, who believes parents should be devoted to each other and their children; "Unfortunately, Schatzi, life isn't always so simple," Adel says when she mumbles her disapproval, and Godfrey--always more realistic and less romantic than his sister--shushes her before she can carry on. "This isn't the sort of thing for you to fuss over," he chides her when they're alone, and when she again tries to protest--"Think on it, Godfrey, how it feels to know your own parents don't even love each other?"--he replies, "You're thinking only of yourself. Didn't you see how he felt--? Every time he says my name, for example," and when Tatiana furrows her brow, he says, "Like it reminds him, every single time. Of the person he really loves. You can't just choose to stop loving someone because they're gone, Tati. Uncle Otto could tell you that." Didrika gradually grows listless and weak, and finally can barely pull herself out of bed. Adel waits on her hand and foot, but it's obvious she's very ill, and only getting worse. A country healer comes to look her over and quietly tells Adel what she believes she has; she uses a different, folksy name, but Adel knows that in the city they simply call it cancer. The healer says it's in her blood, and while she can alleviate some of the symptoms for a time, she can't cure her. "It isn't good, is it," Didrika murmurs when she sees the look on Adel's face; she tries to convince him not to worry about or waste his time on her, but he promises to care for her as long as he's able. "Let me take care of everything now...?" he says softly, "And you just try to get your rest." Didrika obviously feels guilty to no longer be able to carry her weight, but knows better than to argue. She breaks down crying a few times, and Adel always comforts her. Godfrey and Tatiana, who live nearer the city, come to visit often, sitting with their mother and keeping her company when their father has to go out and do anything. Tatiana tries to convince her to return to the city with them, but Didrika refuses: "If a healer can't do anything for me, why do you think some fancy city gadjo doctor can...? I'm better off here, at home." Tatiana appeals to Adel behind Didrika's back, but he simply reiterates Didrika's argument, adding when he sees his daughter's aggrieved look, "You think I haven't already tried to convince her otherwise, Schatzi...? She's stubborn, and she changes her mind for no one, not even me. Believe me, I've tried every line I have." Although it crushes her inside, Tatiana knows he's being honest and there's nothing more they can say to change her mind. One day Kolten, Himmel's son, is out in the yard chopping wood when he spots someone approaching across the fields; recognizing Adel, and seeing the look on his face, he puts down his ax and hurries out back, calling, "Papa--? Papa!" Finding Himmel tending to the vegetable garden--"Kolten? What is it?"--he says, "Herr Adel is coming. His face..." And without thinking he mimics the expression. Himmel pales a little, pushes himself to his feet, and grabs his walking stick. "Find Johanna, and have her fetch some hot tea," he says, and limps off as Kolten obeys. He meets Adel in the yard, like Kolten sees his glassy stare, and says, "Herr Adel...? Are you all right?" Adel swallows a few times before murmuring, "Didi," and although it's rather out of character for both of them, Himmel briefly embraces him before leading him inside. Although rather numb--"I don't think it's really hit him yet," Himmel murmurs--Adel is already trying to figure out what needs to be done. He thinks they should try to contact Mirela and her father Nikolas, two other Roma he knows, to ask about any customs or rites they might need to follow. Regarding Didrika's burial, "She should be with Boris," Adel says, and he's adamant about it. Boris had died out in the countryside, and Didrika had buried him herself; she gave Adel the location and coordinates at a later point, and Himmel jots this down. Johanna calls Sgt. Gold Rat, an American soldier still living in Germany; he's close to Mirela and Nikolas, and the two agree to meet with Adel to sort out Didrika's funeral. (Upon hearing the news, Mirela breaks down weeping; Didrika and Boris had been her mentors of a sort.) Nikolas says the important thing is that Didrika be buried in consecrated ground; "I don't believe it is," Adel says doubtfully, as Boris was buried pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Himmel says, "I believe I know someone who can help," and when they all gather out at the forest's edge to locate Boris's grave, a Catholic priest joins them. Himmel has known him since before the war, and once threatened some troublemaking Nazis away from his church. "This isn't entirely 'kosher,' for want of a better word," he murmurs, adding, "Typically a bishop should be the one doing this," but Nikolas says it should be all right, so he scatters holy water around Boris's gravesite when they finally locate it and recites a prayer. The men dig a grave, Kolten doing most of the work as he's the strongest. "Keep this between us, ja...?" the priest says to Himmel, and offers more prayers as Didrika's body, bundled up in blankets, is lowered into the hole--Mirela, crying again, places within a religious charm, while Johanna murmurs a Jewish prayer and Nikolas sings a folk song under his breath--and Godfrey comforts his weeping sister. Adel just stands silently, looking the weariest he's looked in a long time. It's an odd little mishmash of a funeral, traditional Roma and Catholic and Jewish mixed all together, but once the ground is covered up again and markers and flowers and stones placed, the group quietly agrees it was a nice ceremony, and slowly disperses. "Papa and Mama should be together," Tatiana mumbles sadly as she trudges through the grass with Godfrey's arm around her, to which her brother sighs and replies, "This is both their wish. You do think they should have that much, ja...?" Still...Tatiana is as stubborn as Didrika, and confronts her father not long after; "How do you and Mama plan to find each other again?" she asks, "If you're not near each other? You two were together, you're the one who cared for her most, not this Boris. You should be together at the end. You might not be able to find each other, so far apart." "Find each other where...?" Adel asks, sounding mystified; "In the next life," Tatiana insists. Adel gets an oddly resigned look on his face and sighs. Adel: "We really shouldn't argue over this, Schatzi." Tatiana: "Why not? Don't you worry?" Adel: "I don't worry about something I don't believe in." Tatiana: *stunned* "What...? Don't believe in what?" Adel: "A 'next life.' There's no such thing. There's no second chance, to do things over. We have this one life, and that's it." Tatiana: "How can you not believe...?" Adel: *bitterly* "If you'd seen the things I've seen--" *cuts himself off, takes & lets out a breath* *calmer* "Because I've seen no reason to believe." *pause; Tatiana stares* *sighing* "And this is why we shouldn't argue over it, Schatzi. Your Mutter and I, we didn't agree on this, but when you and Godfrey were born, we agreed we wouldn't teach you how to believe, we'd let you find your own things to believe in. And you have. It's not what I believe in but I'd never tell you what you should or shouldn't believe. And you shouldn't be telling me." Tatiana: "You...don't believe you and Mama will find each other again...?" Adel: "Even if we could, that's not what was meant to happen. She wanted to be with Herr Boris. That's the belief that brought her comfort. You'd talk to me about belief, yet deny her that...?" Tatiana: "Then...if you don't believe that, what brings you comfort...?" Adel: *resigned look; silence* Tatiana returns home to Godfrey, stunned; she'd never had any idea their father is an atheist. This hits almost as hard as realizing that he and her mother hadn't been in love, and she spends quite a while agonizing over it. Godfrey's acceptance of this information--none of it surprises him in the least, "If you'd been through even half the stuff Vater's been through, you'd understand why he doesn't believe"--just frustrates her further, and she seeks solace from "Uncle Otto." Although he doesn't regularly attend church, Himmel is definitely a believer, and he and Tatiana have prayed together numerous times. From all she's heard, he's been put through the wringer as well--he lost his father at a young age, his mother took her life when he was a teenager, he served in the Great War while underage and suffered a severe injury and shell shock, nearly died of the flu, considered taking his own life, lost his wife in childbirth, had his disabled son taken away to be raised by the state, then his own brother-in-law tried to have him killed so he could take custody of his son and experiment on him--so, Tatiana reasons, why isn't he atheist, too? To her consternation, Himmel doesn't confirm her reasoning: "It's different for everyone, Liebe. Some people have a fuller cup than others; some people are built up by pain, some are torn down. What's a comfort to one person might be suffering to another. Even I've had my moments of doubt. Everyone has to work with what he has. Your Vater's choice not to believe is his choice alone to make, not yours. He has his reasons I'm sure he's thought through. All you can do is respect that." Tatiana is terribly discouraged by all this hitting her at once--she's a rather anxious sort who worries constantly about everyone, and so takes comfort in the thought that someday all her family will be together again, and perfect, and at peace--which she's pretty sure can't happen if they aren't all on the same page. And it especially bothers her that she can't change anyone's mind or convince them otherwise. "I'm his daughter, you think I could convince him to believe, if only for my sake," she complains to Godfrey; his apparent lack of concern about such things wears on her, yet she has no one else to vent to. "I feel like a failure that I can't get him to believe." Godfrey assures her this isn't the case; it's not her place to convince anyone of anything, and she'll just drive herself crazy trying. "What about you?" she demands, "Why does this not upset you?" Godfrey: "Because I accept it's something I have no power to change. And the sooner you accept it, the less you'll drive yourself mad over it. If you believe so much, no matter what Vater thinks, everything will work out in the end, won't it--?" Tatiana: "Do you believe...? Or not?" Godfrey: *rolling eyes & sighing* "Tati..." Tatiana: *growing strident* "Do you--?" Godfrey: *throwing up hands* "I...don't know! I don't know." Tatiana: "How can you not know--?" Godfrey: "I just don't! I don't understand how you're so certain something is true and Vater is so certain it's not. I really don't think ANYONE can know for sure." *shrugs* "I guess...I'm somewhere in the middle? And I'm fine not knowing." Tatiana: "How can you be fine with it? What is there for you to take comfort from?" Godfrey: "I just am. And I take comfort from Mutter and Vater not pushing anything on us and trusting us enough to make our own decisions. They believed in us, why don't you believe in them? Everybody has to come up with their own path, and they believed in us enough to let us do so. I find that comforting. Don't you?" Tatiana: *eyes downcast; murmuring* "I just want us all to be together again someday." Godfrey: "And maybe we will be. How do you know we won't? And that's then, not now. Why don't you be here for Vater now?...I really think he needs us, now." Godfrey explains: Adel of course hasn't said any such thing aloud, but Godfrey is sure he's in pain. Much more than he'll let on. He and Didrika might not have been IN love, but they still loved each other, and now she's gone, and Adel is alone. He's suffered a near-unimaginable amount of loss in his lifetime--his parents, his sister, his son, Klemper, now Didrika--Godfrey finds himself uncharacteristically worried about him. Tatiana instantly forgets her troubles about convincing him to believe and fixates on this instead; "He didn't cry at the funeral," she says, eyes wide, "are you sure he's so upset...?" "You know how he is, always hiding everything," Godfrey replies; "just because he won't show it doesn't mean it's not there." He suggests that, rather than keep trying to pick an argument she'll never win, she simply try to be there for their father now--"And not just in some future afterlife that might or might not exist." Tatiana is oddly silent for a long moment; her stare drifts downward and her fingers fiddle nervously with the edge of her blouse. "What...?" Godfrey says, and frowns. "What is it?" Tatiana responds by drawing in on herself, a miserable look coming to her face. "Tati, you're frightening me now," Godfrey exclaims, "what is it? What's wrong?" Tatiana: "I...I planned to tell Papa later, I swear I did, but now...now I wonder if...if he should even know at all. But I don't know how I'd keep it from him." Godfrey: "Keep what from him?" Tatiana: "If he's really going through so much all at once, I don't want to add to that." Godfrey: "Add what--? Tati, what are you talking about?" Tatiana: "I only just found out for sure a few days ago." *pause* "I..." *trails off* *hands creep over her abdomen* Godfrey: *stares* *eyes widen* "Tati..." *looks up at her* "You're pregnant...?" Tatiana: *nods, eyes wet* Godfrey: "How...? What are you going to do?" Tatiana: "A stupid mistake. But...I don't know..." *looks at her abdomen* "I kind of like the thought of being a Mutter. I think I'd make a good one...do you?" Godfrey: "Of course you would." Tatiana: "I'd be all on my own, though..." Godfrey: "You wouldn't. You could stay here and I could help you." Tatiana: *peers up at him* "You mean it...?" Godfrey: "Of course I mean it! You're family." Tatiana: *looking down* "I was going to wait a little while, then tell Papa...give him some time to get used to the idea...but now I'm not so sure I should." Godfrey: "How exactly would you hide that from him--?" Tatiana: "I don't know...but I can't bear to disappoint him, now...!" Godfrey: "Tati..." *takes her arms* "If you think for one moment Vater will be disappointed in you over this..." Tatiana: *tearful* "How could he not be? I'm not married...not employed...don't even have a partner...I have no idea what I'm doing..." Godfrey: "Listen to yourself. You do know who you're talking about, ja--? Vater, who made a stupid mistake. Who owned up to it even though he had no idea what he was doing. Who loved that mistake with all his heart and mourns it still. Trust me, Tati, he's not going to be disappointed in you, because he's not a hypocrite." Tatiana: "Maybe I should think about it a little while..." Godfrey: "Nein, Tati, you have to tell him." Tatiana: "Maybe after it's born--" Godfrey: "Nein. You have to tell him as soon as possible." *grasps her arms, looking her in the eyes: "As soon as possible, Tati. Trust me." Tatiana promises to tell Adel the next time she visits, Godfrey's insistence perplexing her. What happens next is outlined HERE. Elias Baswitz is a former partisan fighter who had a run-in with Klemper during the war, and they shared a brief time together before parting ways. After the war, he accidentally stumbled across a makeshift grave near a woodland road, an odd combination of a death rune and a cross, topped with a Stahlhelm; curiously lifting the helmet to peer at the rune, he was startled to see the name G KLEMPER carved into the wood. He only belatedly noticed the much smaller grave beside it, bearing a marker that said merely HANS. He tearfully said a prayer for the dead and placed stones on both graves before heading on his way. Every time he had reason to pass by that area, he would pray and leave stones, until one day he found a man with a rifle pointed at him, demanding to know why he kept leaving rocks on the graves. Baswitz replied that it was a Jewish custom and he'd meant no disrespect. This seemed to strike a chord for the man, and he asked if his name was Elias. After a few confused questions and answers, the situation was cleared up: The man with the gun was Ratdog, AKA Adel, and he and Klemper had been close. The two became decent acquaintances, Baswitz always making sure to pay his respects at Klemper's and Hans's graves whenever he paid Adel and Didrika a visit, Adel sharing his hospitality and news in return. Baswitz is the one who, trekking through the snowy woods one day after a blizzard, is puzzled to see no smoke rising through the trees as he nears Adel's cottage; his puzzlement turns to concern when he sees that Klemper's and Hans's graves haven't been cleared of snow yet, then alarm when he spots the cottage and notices that the door is standing open. He hurries up, calling, "Herr Adel--? Herr Adel!" as he enters--he shudders at the way his breath plumes even inside, furrows his brow at the open windows, the snow piled on the floor and furniture. He picks an upended glass off the table--underneath is a slip of paper saying merely I'M SORRY, I TRIED--and glances around again, calling, "Herr Adel?" Then gasps and jerks back--he spots the bed area tucked into an alcove, and someone is lying in it, still and powdered with snow. Baswitz makes the long trek to Himmel's house. Himmel, Johanna, and Johanna's brother Jakob Wolfstein have to calm him down to get the details from him as he can barely speak; once it becomes clear he's talking about Adel, the three men hurry out to Wolfstein's big truck while Johanna gets on the telephone. They drive back to the cottage, where Himmel carefully rolls Adel toward him a bit and feels his neck; he shakes his head, murmuring, "He's ice cold." He retrieves something from Adel's hand--an old wooden horse--and looks it over, puzzled. They debate what to do, before deciding to bundle him up and place him in the snowbank next to the cottage until a proper grave can be dug--beside Klemper and Hans. "That's where he would want to be," Baswitz says through his tears; "he cared for those graves like little else." Johanna greets them back at the mansion; she's called Godfrey and Tatiana. They arrive some time later, and Himmel and Wolfstein share the news; Godfrey's face pinches with obvious grief, though he doesn't seem surprised. Tatiana breaks down sobbing. She's so overcome that Johanna has to take Hans from her while Kolten stands in the doorway, hands over his ears. Baswitz is himself consumed by guilt--"I should have stopped by to check on him sooner"--but Godfrey murmurs, "He wasn't doing well for a long time...I don't think you could've done anything. No one could have." There's little hope of burying Adel in the deep of winter with the ground frozen; they have to wait until the spring thaw. Kolten again does most of the digging--"I can do it! It's not too much," he insists when the others try to help--and a third marker is placed beside Hans's and Klemper's. Baswitz promises to tend to them all. Adel is interred without any real ceremony, though it's obvious some silent prayers are being said; everyone heads back to the cottage. Tatiana is the hardest hit, so Johanna sits with her until Himmel comes in. Tatiana sobs on his knee as he strokes her hair. Tatiana: *crying* "I'm so angry with him." Himmel: *silence* Tatiana: "How could he be so selfish...? How could he think we'd be all right without him? I wasn't ready. I had so much to tell him. I thought...I thought Hans would convince him to hold on. I thought I could convince him. Why? Why weren't we good enough...?" Himmel: "Sometimes nothing is enough, Liebe. It says nothing about you." Tatiana: "Now I have to figure everything out without him and I'm not ready to and I'm just...so angry. I'm so mad at him for leaving us. Am I wrong? Godfrey doesn't seem angry." Himmel: "Grief is never wrong, Liebe. It's merely different for everyone. Don't feel ashamed of it." Tatiana: "I feel like I'll be angry forever" *cries harder* "How could he leave us...things were going to be better. All he had to do was hold on. Why couldn't he hold on...?" Himmel: "I think sometimes the hurt just outweighs the happiness, Liebe. Some people hold on until they simply have nothing left. It's not your fault for not being enough. I think...he just gave out before you came along, but held on as long as he could anyway. There was nothing you could've done." Tatiana: "I thought he might keep going for Hans." Himmel: "And he did, as long as he could. Until he couldn't anymore. That's not on you, Liebe. You didn't fail him. You did your best. You kept him going so he could meet his grandson. You're a good daughter." Godfrey and Tatiana return home, though they keep in touch, Tatiana calling on the phone just to talk when she needs advice. She stops by for a visit not long after; Kolten emerges from his room to look at little Hans, bundled in Tatiana's arms, while Johanna fetches Himmel. Noticing Kolten's curiosity, Tatiana asks Himmel if Hans would be safe with him (Kolten is a very big, imposing guy); "Of course," Himmel beams, "Kolten?--would you like to hold him for a bit?" Tatiana shows Kolten how to hold the infant--Hans is positively tiny in his huge hands--and steps into the next room to talk with Himmel. She's nervous and uncertain about something, so he tries to put her at ease. She finally, tentatively explains why she's there: "I'd...I'd wanted to ask Papa," she murmurs, "but...well...anyway, you've always been so kind to me, even when I know I was a hassle and didn't deserve it...what I wanted to ask you was, would you be Hans's Pate (godfather)?" Himmel just stares, so she hastens to add, "If...if you want to. I understand if you don't, and it's all right--and I'm sorry if I'm bothering you--" "Nein," Himmel says abruptly, cutting her off. He shakes his head; "I mean you aren't bothering me at all. Of course." And his sad eyes light up and he beams again. "Of course I will," he says. "I'd be honored. Danke." [Godfrey von Adel 2023 [Friday, December 1, 2023, 3:00:14 AM]] |