|
Claudia Detzer Blog Entry |
|
July 5, 2024, 12:00:23 AM 7/5/24: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's characters from my anthro WWII storyline are Hermine Cranz and Claudia Detzer. Frau Cranz is Andreas Cranz's nervous, chronically ill mother; he takes a job as the commandant's chauffeur to provide for her care, yet also makes money eavesdropping on his passengers for the resistance. Frau Detzer is Trudi Detzer's mother; she's fiercely protective and supportive of her daughter, who is recruited as a double agent for the resistance. Both mothers wish their children had much less dangerous jobs but it is what it is. There'll be more about them later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se. TUMBLR EDIT: Frau Cranz and Frau Detzer finally have first names! They didn't really need them (I've never given any to more important characters like Frau Bitterlich, or Schavitz...I wonder what Schavitz's name would be...?), but...well, here we are. The rest of this entry will be written individually to avoid repetition. I unfortunately don't have as much to share about Frau Detzer as about Frau Cranz, as she doesn't appear as much as the latter (who herself doesn't appear much). I can safely assume she's a rather progressive, forward-thinking sort, based on the life of her daughter Gertraud. Gertraud is born under the early Weimar Republic and given the name Gerwin...for Gerwin is a boy. Frau Detzer loses her husband early on and so is left to raise Gerwin alone. A team of doctors confront her after the squalling infant is taken away. They have some...news to share with her. Gerwin is a boy, yes, born with external male genitalia...yet they've examined the baby, detecting some abnormalities, and they have their concerns. Frau Detzer demands to know what they're talking about. The doctors reply that they can't be absolutely certain until Gerwin is a little older...yet signs point toward him being intersex. "Intersex--?" Frau Detzer echoes, confused. "What does that mean? Is he healthy--? Is he going to live--?" Oh!--yes, yes!--the doctors reassure her--Gerwin is perfectly healthy, he'll live, don't worry. It's just that he has both male characteristics, and female characteristics. A hermaphrodite, if you will. Frau Detzer just stares. "Hermaphrodite," a doctor explains, "means both boy, and girl." Frau Detzer stares a moment more, then says, haltingly, "But...he's still my son...ja?" "Of course he is," the doctor says; "it's just that, at some future time...you may need to make some difficult decisions. As he gets older, it won't be so simple." Frau Detzer is briefly silent, eyes growing glassy, before she takes a breath and replies, "Just as long as he's healthy and happy. That's all that matters." She's allowed to take Gerwin home, though the doctors recommend a special clinic to take him to for periodic assessments and to keep track of his condition. As he gets older, they examine him further, and confirm the earlier suspicions that he possesses characteristics of both sexes. They caution that he may need surgery in the future, both to minimize the risk of potential disease or disorder, and to determine, for sure, whether this is the state he wishes to remain in. Frau Detzer is struck dumb at the thought that her son could become her...daughter? The doctor in charge of Gerwin's case assures her that such drastic action may not be necessary--Gerwin technically is a boy, there's no reason to think just yet that this might ever change--yet the possibility is there, so she should be ready for it. Frau Detzer does the only thing she can think of: finds all the books and medical journals on the subject that she can get her hands on, and starts reading. She does learn an awful lot--the clinic treating Gerwin is one of a kind, and at the forefront of such research--yet what she learns does little to allay her fears that she's in over her head. Still, she wants her son to have the best of everything, to be the happiest child he can be, so she tells herself to focus on that. Gerwin grows into a sweet, well-behaved toddler, then a sweet, well-behaved boy. He enjoys walking around the city hand in hand with his mother, seeing the sights, ooh'ing and ahh'ing at the window displays, playing in the parks. Frau Detzer always watches him with a hawk's eye and a wistful half-smile. Wishing that his father were still there to see his son and feel as proud of him as she does. Gerwin smiles and waves--"Watch me, Mama!"--and splashes in the mud. Frau Detzer winces but smiles and waves back. She'll have to wash his clothes again but such is life as a parent, she supposes. As they stroll along the sidewalk one day, Frau Detzer stops at a kiosk to buy a paper as Gerwin meanders around nearby peering in store windows. He bumps into something and jumps back just as the person he ran into turns and looks down at him. It's a woman chatting with her friends; she wears a long, sleek dress, a close-fitting cap with feathers, an elegant stole, and rings adorn her fingers. Most of all, Gerwin notices her shiny, bobbed hair, and her red red lipstick. Seeing him staring up at her with wide eyes, she smiles, red red lips parting to show white white teeth--"Ah, what a dear little child!"--and her voice is sweet and light like birds singing. Gerwin can't stop staring. Every inch of her is gorgeous. "Gerwin--? Gerwin!" Frau Detzer, noticing he isn't beside her, briefly panics, then spots him staring at the lavishly dressed woman. Hurries to grasp his arm--"Gerwin, you gave me a scare!--I'm so sorry for him bothering you," she apologizes, but the elegant woman just waves a slender arm, smiling from ear to ear--"It's no bother at all, you have such a darling pretty child!"--and she even blows him a small kiss as Frau Detzer leads him away. Gerwin is uncharacteristically subdued the rest of the evening. Every shimmering, lovely aspect of the woman is burned in his brain. He can't stop thinking about her. Frau Detzer preoccupies herself doing some chores the next day, then starts preparing lunch. Goes looking for Gerwin, who isn't to be seen anywhere on the lower level like usual. She thinks she hears movement in her room; puzzled, she peers inside, and spots Gerwin by the mirror. "Gerwin...?" she inquires; in response he whirls around, eyes big, smiling widely, and exclaims, "Look, Mama!" And yeah, Frau Detzer looks--she stares. Gerwin is draped in one of her own dresses, has one of her hats, and has her rouge on his cheeks and lipstick on his mouth. And he has the biggest, happiest smile. Frau Detzer's heart skips a beat. "Gerwin!!" she exclaims in barely a whisper, rushes at him--his smile vanishes--and takes the lipstick and hat. "Come, get out of that, get out of that," she urges, pulling at the dress even as Gerwin protests, "But, Mama--!" "Go wash your face," she says, "time for lunch. Go on, go on now," and Gerwin turns and shuffles off to the bathroom, head down. Frau Detzer tries to settle her nerves as she fixes their lunch. Gerwin appears, climbs up in his chair, peers at her as she sets down the food. He looks guilty but even more he looks sad. Frau Detzer hates that she made him feel that way. Gerwin: "Mama...are you mad at me?" Frau Detzer: *deep breath* "Nein, Liebe, I'm not mad at you. Just...worried." Gerwin: "Why are you worried?" Frau Detzer: "It's...hard to explain. Eat your lunch, Liebe." *they eat in silence for a while* Frau Detzer: "Gerwin...why did you dress yourself up like that? Have you done that before?" Gerwin: "Nein. I just wanted to be pretty, like the lady said." Frau Detzer: "But you're already a handsome little boy." Gerwin: *protesting* "But I don't want to be a handsome little boy! I want to be pretty!" *looks at his clothes* "Why do you cut my hair so short and make me dress like this...?" Frau Detzer: "Because this is how boys look, how they dress and wear their hair." Gerwin: "But I don't want to look like a boy! I want to look like a girl!" Frau Detzer's breath leaves her. Gerwin's eyes are so big and earnest, she knows he's speaking in all honesty, isn't just throwing a tantrum or saying something silly. "How long have you wanted this...?" she asks; "Since always," Gerwin says, and when she wonders why he never told her before, he furrows his brow and replies, "Because you never asked." Frau Detzer returns to the clinic to consult the doctor, pours out her feelings and thoughts. She's conflicted and confused--she just wants her son--but also, she wants her son to be happy, and when he was wearing her dress and lipstick, he seemed happiest. The doctor says Gerwin is still too young to make such a decision on his own, but when he's a little older, the choice will be in his hands; Frau Detzer needs to mull it over, and have a good long talk with him. When the time comes, if he desires it, there are surgical options; until then, he can see what sort of life he wishes to live. Right now everything is up to Frau Detzer. Frau Detzer sits Gerwin down and has a talk. When he's at school, he needs to dress like a boy, act like a boy. When he's at home, though, he can play with her dresses, try on her makeup, see how he feels. She hesitates briefly before opening a package she bought in the city. Within is a new dress, a little girl's size, with ribbons and stockings and shoes. Gerwin's eyes light up and his mouth opens wide. He hurries off with the package, returns shortly after, bows and laces clumsily tied, stockings already falling down--"Mama! Look at me, I'm pretty now!"--and spins in circles. "Mama!--teach me to put on makeup?--bitte, Mama?" he pleads, and Frau Detzer manages a small crooked smile, nodding, blinking to try to keep the tears from her eyes. He's so happy, spinning in circles and laughing, and she's so worried for him, how she'll keep him happy this way. As time goes on it becomes painfully clear that Gerwin is pretty much decided on being a girl; he's quite unhappy having to dress and act as a boy in school, so Frau Detzer finally opts to have him tutored at home. He wears his dresses and makeup and grows his hair longer, and is happiest whenever he can be "pretty." He even develops small breasts, which embarrasses him at first, and concerns Frau Detzer, though the doctor explains that with Gerwin's particular intersex condition, gynecomastia is nothing to worry about. Gerwin starts wearing a brassiere, and his mood again improves. On followup visits to the clinic, they finally consult with the doctor about the best path forward. He outlines the options: Now that he's reached puberty, Gerwin will need a treatment for undescended testicles, to avoid future complications; and the doctor strongly recommends surgery to create a vaginal opening, as Gerwin possesses an enclosed vagina and partial uterus. As for his external genitalia, that's left up to him: Would he prefer it to be removed? Gerwin is nervous and undecided; "Mama...?" he says softly, "What should I do?" "It's up to you, Liebe," Frau Detzer murmurs, "whatever feels right." Gerwin ponders a moment, then asks, "If...if I keep it...I can still be pretty? I can still be a girl...?" "Of course," Frau Detzer reassures him, looking to the doctor; the doctor says he's had other patients who decided the same thing, and the process might be quicker this way, less invasive. It's recommended that Gerwin undergo the other procedure at age eighteen. This doesn't go as planned. Frau Detzer and Gerwin haven't paid much attention to the new political party that took control, terminating the Weimar Republic and ushering in the Third Reich. They're shocked when the news spreads of the clinic being ransacked, the books and papers burned, and many of the staff arrested. It soon after shuts down. While still stunned and trying to figure out what's happening, the Detzers receive a visitor--the doctor in charge of Gerwin's case. Frau Detzer is so relieved to see he's alive and free that she hugs him, then peppers him with questions. Their alarm only grows when he describes the laws being passed against places like the clinic and people like Gerwin; he strongly advises them to leave the country. "Leave--?" Frau Detzer exclaims, "Where?--we have nowhere else to go." They decide to stay, though the doctor says Gerwin will have to remain as a girl now, and let no one know his secret, for their own safety. "There's no time left anymore to wait," he says, "I'm not sure how much longer I'll be around, so I wanted to make sure I've done all I can. If you're still willing, Gerwin, I'll do the surgery now, and I'll try to sort out how to move forward from there." Gerwin looks numb with fear, but nods. The doctor names a time and place for them to show up, and leaves. They arrive at the location--an unassuming office in an easily missed building on a back street--and are getting ready to panic and bolt, when a nurse appears--they recognize her from the clinic--and ushers them toward the back. "I'm...I'm not so sure about this, Gerwin," Frau Detzer murmurs, when the nurse glances back and says with a small smile, "I couldn't help hearing. You're in excellent hands with the doctor. He helped me. Don't worry about these circumstances, he'll do the absolute best he can do for you." The Detzers fill out forms, sign their names, are asked once more if they're fully willing to go through with the procedure. Gerwin is prepped, placed on a wheeled bed, and after a quick hug for his mother, taken away. Frau Detzer watches the medical team, scrubbed and ready, heading in; the lead doctor nods at her before they disappear. "It'll be a while," the nurse says, "sit and try to rest a bit." Frau Detzer obeys, though she can hardly think, she's so racked with fear. Wishes that Gerwin could have just been born a normal boy so neither of them would have to go through such terror. Then mentally berates herself--of course her Gerwin is normal--it's his circumstances that aren't, and that's not his fault. It's already late; she eventually dozes off. Day is just breaking through the windows when she feels her shoulder being shaken slightly, and jars awake from uneasy dreams. The nurse is leaning over her: "The doctor wants to speak with you," and behind her, she sees the doctor standing in the doorway, still in his scrubs. Frau Detzer sits up immediately, her insides in knots, and gets up to go to him. "Gerwin," she blurts out. "Is he--is he all right--?" The doctor's expression tells her the answer, but--"She's fine," he says anyway, "come, come and talk to her," and he gestures for her to follow. Frau Detzer is let into Gerwin's room; he--she--is lying in the bed, blinking groggily. "Mama...?" she murmurs, and Frau Detzer places her hands on her cheeks, smooths her hair, kisses her forehead and coos. "My Gerwin," she says, trying not to cry, giving up and doing so anyway. "You're sure he's--she's--all right? It's all done?" "There'll need to be some followup," the doctor says, "which will be tricky, considering, and not ideal; but we'll work it out." He says normally Gerwin would stay for at least a few days for supervision, yet it's too risky now; they'll give her a few more hours of rest before carefully moving her back to her home, where Frau Detzer can look after her, with a nurse stopping by to make sure all is progressing well. He briefly describes what sort of maintenance treatment may be required, if they can manage to work around the Reich's new policies--which have made this sort of treatment illegal--and then comes a question Frau Detzer hadn't expected: "By the way, you may wish to have a talk with your daughter, about what name she'd prefer to be called now. Obviously, 'Gerwin' will no longer suffice. Have you given it any thought...?" "Nein," Frau Detzer says, blinking, "I...I never even thought about that. He--she's just always been Gerwin to me." The doctor leaves to give them some time together, though Gerwin has no idea what name she'd like, either. The nurse appears and hands Frau Detzer a small book--"Here, I thought you might need this"--and Frau Detzer notices that it's a baby names book. The two of them sit for a time browsing the names--Gerwin's head nodding and eyes drooping occasionally until she snaps awake--before finally she rubs her eyes and says, "None seem just right, how do I pick my name from a book...?" "Most names are never just right," Frau Detzer says, "people end up with unsuitable ones all the time." "Well...what were you going to name me?--if I'd been born a girl?" Gerwin asks, and Frau Detzer blinks, because it's the simplest answer she hadn't even considered. "Gertraud," she says; "we would have named you Gertraud." "Gertraud," Gerwin muses, then, "Trudi." She peers at the ceiling a moment, then at her mother, and smiles. Frau Detzer knows that smile, and smiles back even though her eyes blur. Gerwin--Gertraud--yawns, so Frau Detzer murmurs, "You'll need your rest so we can get you back home...try to get some sleep now. I'll be right here when you wake." She kisses Gertraud's forehead, smooths her hair, watches her doze off. And believes she's never loved her child more than she does at that moment. She informs the doctor of Gertraud's decision; "We'll need to write up some new records," he says to his team, and everyone sets to work; while the old file for Gerwin Detzer will still exist, they need a second record for Gertraud Detzer. The hurried process to create a daughter almost from scratch begins. Normally such a thing wouldn't be required, yet "Times have unfortunately changed, and we need to take precautions accordingly," the doctor advises. He promises the utmost discretion, but regretfully says he may not be able to see them again; he gives Frau Detzer all the information and resources he believes she'll need, the names of contacts and specialists who are still available and willing to help, tips for how to get the assistance she needs without alerting the authorities, and a heartfelt goodbye for Trudi--he clasps her hand between his own and wishes her luck--"You're a strong young lady, I fully believe you and your mother have everything you need to make this work," and he wishes them well, and retreats. After nightfall, the nurses help a wincing Trudi from her bed and into a wheelchair and then into a waiting car. The Detzers are driven home, and Trudi is helped back to her own bed. A medical assistant shakes Frau Detzer's hand--"Good luck, Frau Detzer, it's been our pleasure helping your daughter"--and once more, the two are left to navigate this uncertain new world on their own. You can read more of Trudi's story, what she deals with during the war--including her icky relationship of convenience with SS Captain Erich Arzt, and how she cleverly turns this into a job as a double agent for the resistance Diamond Network--here: Trudi Detzer; Erich Arzt; Arno Spiegel. Frau Detzer, of course, is aghast at learning what exactly Trudi ends up doing just to ensure their safety; even though Arzt keeps his promise to protect them from the rest of the SS and not reveal Trudi's secret, it's at a high price, and Frau Detzer can't help but feel guilty that she wasn't able to protect her better, herself. Trudi's insistence that she's made her own choice, and her mother has nothing to feel guilty about, doesn't do much to convince her, but there's little she can do. And then along comes Josef Diamant, who, in her eyes, isn't much better than Arzt: Both men want to utilize Trudi to achieve their own ends, even if for completely different reasons, and she resents this. The comparison isn't lost on Trudi, either; she comes right out and tells Gret Dannecker, who attempts to recruit her on Diamant's behalf, that she's being used as well, since this is just what men do. Gret agrees--like Trudi, she too dealt with sexual violence, from her stepfather--but she insists that, even if Diamant is merely using her, she chose to make herself useful. Trudi and Gret are on the same page; Trudi accepts the proposal to work for the Diamond Network, and along with Andreas Cranz serves as among their most successful civilian assets. Cranz saves Trudi's skin more than once; she grows especially fond of him, as he treats her like an equal, calling her his Schwesterchen. Unlike with the other Diamond Network operatives, she never has any need to tell him about her past and he never feels any need to ask; it's just something that doesn't matter between them. The two are so close that when they meet again after the war, Frau Detzer briefly wonders if there's a little bit more to it...? Trudi's made it clear she's only interested in women, so no, there isn't anything more to it; yet she and Cranz look so happy to meet each other again, that Frau Detzer's disappointment melts and she can't help but smile a little. She notices the same look on the face of Cranz's mother and knows she's thinking the same thing. Their children's happiness is what matters most. Cranz and Trudi head off arm in arm to catch up; after introducing themselves (and sighing wistfully over the dashed possibility of grandchildren), Frau Detzer and Frau Cranz do the same. Please see also Hermine Cranz's entry. [Claudia Detzer 2024 [Friday, July 5, 2024, 12:00:23 AM]] |